/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[None !!hRI5ORLVCNU No.]

Well, I don't know what to say. Which is something that only rarely
happened in the years I spent on here.
What I would like to say is, I'm going to give living a "normal" life
one final try.

Getting a job, acquire some normal hobbies, spent time outside and
maybe even make friends. Those might not sound like big things to
accomplish, but to me it will be hell. I know some on here can relate.
It might seem paradoxical that I would want to go back to the life
that made me end up like this in the first place, but it's the only
alternative I have to killing myself. I see no hope, no way how this
could work. But I lived this live for too long and it's taking it's
toll.

Since alienating myself from society, I spent way too many days
dwelling on memories of days long past.
Nowadays it isn't that bad; I can avoid thinking about it most of the
time. It's just at certain times of the year that I can't avoid it.
The end of January is particularly bad. Once it comes around, it's
certain that melancholy will set in. It still gets me pretty badly.
You would think that it would hurt less today, well over 10 years
later, but somehow it just doesn't.

I have this box with photographs and movie tickets etc., that I open
at these times, despite knowing I should not. I can't get myself to
throw the thing away, I always end up thinking the remorse of losing
it would be worse than having it around. It's not the missed
opportunities that hurt (I sure had a fair share of those), but the
genuinely happy days I had in my life.

I know very well that things weren't particularly good back then
either, in some aspects it was very similar to what my life is like
now, but living didn't have this sharp edge about it. I still had hope
back then. Not the twisted kind of hope that is only painful and keeps
me from ending it right here, but real and honest hope. Hope that
things would be ok and that I just needed to find my place.

[None !!hRI5ORLVCNU No.]

>>8486511
It's out of this melancholy that I will try to do my best to make it.
Maybe there's a little piece of happiness out there that I can grab.
And if not, well, there's always the emergency exit.
I know that I don't actually want to kill myself. What I want is for
all the bad things to go away and be replaced by fun and happiness.
But I wouldn't shed a tear
for myself or this life if it actually came down to it.

What's left to be said is that I need to leave all this escapism stuff
behind. I know that if I would stick with it, it would only result in
me going down the same path once things get rough.

I know that this post, if read by anyone, will be followed by "See you
tomorrow, OP" or "I give you a week" posts. It's only to be expected,
I made a few of those myself.
I also know that this post if of course pointless, but think of it as
a burial speech; it's not meant to accomplish anything but to give
closure. Closure for myself, as I'll lose you guys forever.

You were all I had during the last years, really. You'll always be a
little girl to me anon. It's what's on the inside that counts.
Goodbye.

[Anonymous No.]

Who gives a shit?
Reported

[Anonymous No.]

If you try that's all that matters

[Anonymous No.]

Do you really think I'm gonna read "All This Shit" by You?

[Anonymous No.]

It's because of people like you that /jp/ is becoming shitty. Why the hell aren't you happy, faggot? Don't you have Gensokyo? Don't you have the internet? Don't you have us? It was your fucking choice to be here. Well, I can understand that maybe it wasn't. If that's the case, why aren't you dead? If you ended up here out of mistakes and you regret it, drop dead right now. Kill yourself.

Why? Seriously, why would you want to become a normalfag? Were you always a closeted normalfag who kept crying over not having friends and being an active part of society?

[Anonymous No.]

Afraid of killing yourself? Poor chap.

[Anonymous No.]

Goodbye and good luck. Don't be afraid.

[Anonymous No.]

I'm sorry to hear things are going so bad for you OP. I hope you have a better time in your next life.
If not, we'll always be here for you.

Have you considered trying to live with yourself without depending on the outside world? Try to be productive and improving yourself, while remaining a shut in.

Anyways, here's a good blog I go to for inspiration, maybe it will help inspire you in your quest to start living the life you want. http://tsloapl.blogspot.com/

[Anonymous No.]

>>8486560
So edgy.

[Anonymous No.]

>>8486560
I can understand him. It's not about being a normal or not, if he ended up here then chances are that he'll never be normal.
It's all about coping with our pathetic existences, one way or another.
Hell, I'm tired of this life too. But I don't have the grit or determination to end it. Wether its getting a job or gensokyo, I just can't.

Good luck.

[Anonymous No.]

Okay wait.

So you want to be happy and to accomplish that you want to do things that you absolutely hate in order to change your life into something that you already experienced and hated?

Well feel free to act like a blind moron and completely ruin your live and then drown in depression before suiciding just because you don't really know what the fuck you actually want.

[naitoknaito No.]

Good luck anon.
If you can cut off a part of yourself, especially if it makes you unhappy, to become another person you should feel fortunate, I tried for years but this kind of nature roots in myself to the core.

[Anonymous No.]

>>8486609
Some normals are happy and OP remembers being happy. A desperate attempt, sure. But I still envy him for the courage to try.

[Anonymous No.]

You should be prepared to end your life when you get bored of escapism. Becoming a normalfag is just a coward attitude, and it won't make you happy.

[Anonymous No.]

I wonder if anyone ever escaped this place.
Itsnottoolatetochangeyourhikkikomoriways.jpg

[Anonymous No.]

>>8486676
>yourhikkikomoriways
Why would I want to escape?
I come here to pretend to be one.

[Anonymous No.]

if you can "become" a normalfag then you were one to begin with

[Anonymous No.]

>>8486734
That may not be true if we assume normal people to be products of being easily led along by appearances and imaginary societal norms. If they are like that, then a person with a lot of anxiety might give in to stupidity eventually.

[Anonymous No.]

>>8486734
You know, there are many, many people out there that hate their lifes and think about ending it. People who are by all definitions normalfags.
Things aren't black and white.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>8486879
shut up slut

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>acquire some normal hobbies
How the FUCK does that even work.
How does one go about "acquiring" hobbies?
And why the flying fuck would you get out of your way to get "normal" hobbies?

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

I don't know what you expect to find. Those happy days you're talking about are likely from your childhood or adolescence.
They are gone for good. Adult life is shit.

But we'll be here for you when you realize that it doesn't work like you expected.

[Anonymous No.]

*Silent ringing in your ears, and a faint throbbing behind your eyes pierces your attention*

You have entered the realm of Death.

I have partaken of your soul.


Of yourself you have an inquiry to take note.
Where do you envision yourself after you die?

In a better place?

...

For what better place do you have than where you recline this very moment?

All of life is yours to grasp, for you are the only conscious being in existence, after all.

[Anonymous No.]

>OP

Now I've justified this to myself in all sorts of ways. It wasn't a big deal, just a minor betrayal. Or we'd outgrown each other, you know, that sort of thing. But let's face it, I ripped them off - my so called mates. But Begbie, I couldn't give a shit about him. And Sick Boy, well he'd done the same to me, if he'd only thought of it first. And Spud, well okay, I felt sorry for Spud - he never hurt anybody. So why did I do it? I could offer a million answers - all false. The truth is that I'm a bad person. But, that's gonna change - I'm going to change. This is the last of that sort of thing. Now I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm gonna be just like you. The job, the family, the fucking big television. The washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electric tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisure wear, luggage, three piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing gutters, getting by, looking ahead, the day you die.