/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

H-hello /jp/! H-how is your night?

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265550

Oh, Hai!

[None !KanonOFTBk No.]

I'm okay with this

[Snake !aySBigboss No.]

>>7265550
Go to bed, hotness.

[master chief !COWBELLw8U No.]

[Anonymous No.]

Space marines you say?

[Hakou !Girlm.WryU No.]

I-I don't think this is such a good idea..

[Anonymous No.]

fuckdamn shitcunts

you always end up like a stuttering idiot

go somewhere else you're not welcome here unless you bring marisa-chan

[Anya !!AWUWs68K1zE No.]

Hello /jp/ I hope you are all having a fun and interesting weekend.

[Anonymous No.]

I just spent the last 3 days playing Mass Effect 2.

I am not convinced that the Western are starting to understand the definition of MOE.

[Jacky !!lTrVqv/rSnC No.]

>>7265550
I love you! my friend!

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265566
N-not even now...?

[Bernkastel !Cib1OF4OpA No.]

You beat the final boss in Portal 2 by shooting a portal on the moon.

[Anonymous No.]

Hell yes, Alice thread.

[/jp/ Touhou Secondary Control !.SJDbYFl.6 No.]

ps: this was a trap.

[Anonymous No.]

Oh, Hai!

[Anonymous No.]

“Shanghai, come help me clean up. Marisa is coming over soon!”

Master is very excited today. Her good friend Marisa-san is coming to visit today. They haven’t seen each other since Master got married.

“Shanghai, clean up those beer cans!” Master calls from the kitchen.

I obediently bag up the cans of Suweiser. Master’s husband is such a slob.

“Master, wouldn’t it be nice if Anonymous-san would clean up after himself every once in a while?”

“Shanghai, don’t talk about my husband like that. It’s a wife’s duty to keep a house clean, you know?” she says, while wiping the grime off the coffee table.

“Marisa said she has an important announcement to make. I wonder if she finally found a nice guy to marry, like me?” Master mused.

A knock on the door caught Master off-guard.

“Oh, she’s early! Shit, the cleaning isn’t finished!” Master says, while throwing some dirty socks behind the couch.

“Go answer it while I freshen up,” she says, running to the bathroom.

I knew that she was going to put on some makeup to hide her bruises. I flew over to the door and struggled just to turn the knob. Houses really aren’t made for dolls. When I finally pull it open, I see a sight for sore eyes. Marisa Kirisame-san, radiant in a summer dress, stood on the porch.

[smarticus !LDaisy065c No.]

Eh.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

Watching Adult Swim and on my iPod Touch...my night? Not bad. ♪(´ε｀ )

[Yama !XanaDuh0e2 No.]

Hello Everyon-

Wait...You guys are not from here!

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265577
“Hello, Shanghai. Can I come in?” she says with a beaming smile.

“Of course! Please, have a seat. Master will be out in a second.”

Marisa hangs her witch hat on the coat rack, and then sits with her hands in her lap as I begin to pour some tea. It’s really cheap tea, so I make sure to put out lots of honey and sugar. She deliberately leans forward, so she won’t get her hair dirty on the greasy back of the couch.

“Marisa! Long time no see!”

Master finally emerges from the bathroom in a clean dress. I didn’t think she even had any clean clothes anymore…
The two girls hug each other like sisters. Master does her best to hide a look of pain when Marisa squeezes her. I know she complained of a bruised rib the other day…

“So what’s your big announcement, Marisa? I’ve been waiting all day to hear it! Oh, but we’ll have to be quick. My husband will get upset if he comes home and sees your broomstick in the driveway again.”

Marisa-san said nothing, but simply raised her hand. On her finger was a modest, but beautiful ring.
“Oh my gosh, you really are getting married! I’m so happy for you? So, who’s the lucky guy?”

[master chief !COWBELLw8U No.]

>>7265568
indeed the west does not understand MOE

[Anonymous No.]

[Jun_Definitely_Not_Hayate !!VcnLiFBke7v No.]

Hmmm Hello!

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265587
W-we're from /b/ ^^ H-how are you, Yama?

>>7265575
P.S. I f-found it fun ^^

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265588
Master was speechless, her mouth agape.

“Sweetie, by now I thought you would’ve grown out of your girl-crushes,” she finally blurts out. Surprisingly, Marisa-san doesn’t look offended.

“But we love each other, Alice,” Marisa-san says with a warm smile.
“We’re going to live in the shrine together. We’ve already discussed adopting a child-“

“Oh? And how do you think you’ll pay for all the expenses? You’re a two-bit magician who plays kids shows and she’s a miko with no weekly paycheck. Do you think her donations will put your child through college? Sweetheart, let me find you a nice guy, like my husband.”

“Like that husband who beats you?” Marisa-san said, while wiping the makeup off Master’s face, revealing the bruises underneath. Master smacked Marisa-san’s hand away roughly.

“I told you, I tripped on my dress! And I’m pregnant now, so he wouldn’t hit me!” Master says, lifting her dress to show Marisa-san her stomach with its steadily growing bump.

“Honey, I had no idea… Well, if he ever hits you again, I want you to call me, OK?”

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265577

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265597
“Alice, I’m worried that one day he’ll be more than angry. I know what he did at the Scarlet Devil Mansion. He’s capable of killing, you know…”

“What the hell are you talking about? He promised me he’d never go back there after I caught him fooling around with the gate guard.”

“You know those books he got you as a wedding present? He stole them from Patch’s library, may she rest in peace. I was there when the mansion burned down. After Anon stole the books, he let Flandre out of her room. He pricked his finger and shoved it in her mouth and said his blood was delicious candy. Being a vampire, she wanted more and flew into a furor. He said that she can get more candy from Sakuya. Flandre found Sakuya and began ripping her to shreds. She barely had time to yell for help before Flandre decapitated her and began to drink her blood. Meiling heard Sakuya’s screams, but because of all the abuse she suffered at Sakuya’s hands, she took off into the woods instead of saving her boss. No one has heard from Meiling since. By the time Remilia was roused from her slumber, Flandre had already made it into the library and had impaled a straw into Patchouli’s half-dead body and was drinking her dry. Remilia confronted her sister, and after a fierce battle that wrecked the mansion and set it on fire, Flandre was finally killed. Remilia, vowing to never return to Gensokyo, gathered up Sakuya’s head and flew off into the night. I confronted Anonymous about why he set this chain of events into motion. He said, ‘I did it for the lulz’. Don’t you see, Alice? He’ll hurt you without even blinking!”

[Jacky !!lTrVqv/rSnC No.]

>>7265573
Not that I was going to play it with this shitty computer anyway...

>>7265575
>>7265593
Traps. Traps Everywere.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anya !!AWUWs68K1zE No.]

>>7265585
I am extremely jealous. I do not have satellite so all I have is Teletoon as I live in Canada.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265604
Master’s face was bright red at this point. She’d heard enough, even if it was all true.

“You’re lying! How would you know all this, anyway? There’s a restraining order against you from going near the mansion ever since you assaulted Patchouli when she didn’t have a book that you wanted to steal!”

“I… I snuck back in to steal some more books. I didn’t want to report Anonymous to the police, since I knew he would be unstable if he thought he would be caught, and I was worried about you. I thought you would come to your senses about him and leave him by now…”

A cracking sound split the tension in the room like a peal of thunder. Master’s anger had finally reached its boiling point, and she slapped her best friend. Marisa-san, stunned at this outburst, gingerly felt the large red mark on her cheek.

“How dare you come into my house and insult my husband like this? Get the fuck out, right now!”

“Alice, please! You’re a victim, we can get you help-“ Marisa-san tried to plead with Master. Her golden eyes were full of worry.

Master would have none of it. She yanked Marisa-san up by her arm and shoved her towards the door.

“Shanghai, get the door!” Master ordered curtly. Not wanted to disobey, I swung the door open. Master pushed Marisa-san out. She landed roughly on the porch. Master grabbed Marisa-san’s hat and threw it in her face.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265616
“I… I’m better off without her, anyway. I’m fine as long as I have Anon…”

Master trailed off as she noticed the black and white doll on the shelf. It was a perfect likeness of Marisa-san, and making it was a real labor of love. I remember how proud Master was when she completed it. She planned to give it to Marisa-san as a wedding gift. Picking up the doll, Master began to sob.

“Oh god… What have I done…”

She fell to the floor as she clutched the doll to her chest. Master began weeping loudly, tears streaming down her cheeks. All I could so was stroke her hair until she cried herself to sleep. I snuggled up next to her neck and fell asleep, too.

The sound of the door slamming woke me up. Oh no, Anonymous-san was home from work, and Master hadn’t cooked dinner yet.

“Honey, I’m home,” he said with a belch. He must’ve stopped at the smoked eel stand for a few bottles of sake before he came home… again.

“Where the fuck is dinner? Bitch, what the fuck are you doing?” he said, noticing Master sprawled out on the floor. She was just beginning to wake up when Anonymous-san snatched the doll from her hands.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265620
“You’re still playing with dolls? How pathetic,” he said, before throwing the black and white doll to the floor and grinding it to dust under his work boots.

“No! Why did you do that? That was my favorite doll!” Master protested. That was a bad idea.

“For the lulz. Now I’ll teach you what happens when you don’t make dinner on time!”

Anonymous-san delivered a fierce backhand to Master’s face. Her nose exploded in a cloud of blood. She was on her back now, whimpering. Anonymous-san began stomping down on Master’s stomach, hard. She screamed in pain, digging her nails into the carpet in agony. I was powerless to do anything. I knew that if I tried to attack Anonymous-san, he’ll just blame Alice and make her suffer even more. I covered my ears until the commotion died down. Anonymous-san retreated to his bedroom. I looked over towards Master, who was coughing up fierce amounts of blood. I was worried for her life, until she rolled over on her side and passed out. It was all I could do to wipe up the blood around her mouth. Her breathing was ragged and irregular. I resolved to stay up all night if I had to, to protect my Master.

Sunlight streaming in through the blinds woke me up. Oh no, I fell asleep! Is Master alright? I can’t see her anywhere.

“Oh, Shanghai, you’re awake. Anon felt so bad about what he did that he must’ve gotten a new doll for me! I don’t know why it was covered in blood, but that’s alright. It’s the perfect size, too. I’ll start knitting some clothes for it right away! I’m so excited!”

[Jun_Definitely_Not_Hayate !!VcnLiFBke7v No.]

Miss Alice, I'm sorry I'm not more active!

[Akane !9Baka9Ay96 No.]

>>7265550
>>7265593
>>7265567
Hello, good, thank you for asking, now go back to /a/... or was it /b/?

[Anonymous No.]

Aikido master here.

Yeah, it would. Let me tell you are story.

Last week I went clubbing alone, I'm a tall lanky guy, 6'2, 125lb. So here I am, grinding on this chick when this bulky black guy comes over and pushes me away from her. He probably thought I would leave and let him take her, wrong. I gently tapped his shoulder and told him to take his leave or he would feel the consequences. Of course, he told me fuck off, but I didn't.

I guess I irritated him enough and he tried to swing at me, I wasn't scared, my years of Aikido training was more than enough for this buffoon. I simply grabbed his hand and reversed the force back at him. He punched himself out.

The rest of the night there was a 4m radius of emptiness around me. No one fucks with Aikido.

[Jacky !!lTrVqv/rSnC No.]

>>7265626
Y so violence against women.
Shit is depressing...

[Yama !XanaDuh0e2 No.]

>>7265594
Wait....Are you serious...?
Aren't you going to insult me or tell me to kill myself...?

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265647
Of c-course not...that's n-not who I am.

[Jun_Definitely_Not_Hayate !!VcnLiFBke7v No.]

>>7265647
Of course not!

[smarticus !LDaisy065c No.]

What IS all this TL;DR anyway?

[Anonymous No.]

[Anya !!AWUWs68K1zE No.]

>>7265632
/b/ is our home. Did you do anything exciting this weekend? Do you have plans to steal chocolate from the tyrannical bunnies?

[Anonymous No.]

Talk to her before and after each class. If she's just sitting in a chair, or standing somewhere, go up to her and talk about something interesting. But make sure she isn't already talking to someone else.
Ask her for her email address or her IM. Do this at least the fifth time you see her if you talk to her a lot, and if she asks why, you don't have to tell her it's because you like her, just turn it around and ask why not.
Don't make fun of her if she does sloppy push-ups, or a bad counter. You can do it once in a while, but not every time you go. Try not to be too patronizing, but it could give you the opportunity to show off and help her with her technique. However some girls might take offense to any form of criticism so be careful.
While sparring her, if you get to do so, don't go too hard on her, but don't go so easy that it's obvious. Remember, she IS learning the same techniques as you, and may well feel you are insulting her abilities by going easy on her.
Compliment her on her Aikido skills after class. Girls love it when they get compliments. If she's more advanced than you, ask her to help you with a technique. It'll give you the opportunity to talk to her while flattering her skill.
Saying Good bye. When you're leaving, or when she's leaving (which ever is first), say good bye to her. The best way to say it is see you later, so the girl knows that you actually want to see her later.
Make sure you don't have anything stuck in your teeth when you talk to her.
If there are any awkward silences in your conversations, quickly say something funny or interesting.
If you're talking to her, stare into her eyes and don't look around in different places in the room. It'll annoy her.
Check if your dojo has any rules about dating someone from the class. Some have rules like this to prevent both sexual harassment and interpersonal drama from cropping up in class.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

Threads on /jp/ about the UBW installer came and went, and with them months passed. But now the day was finally here; the installer was complete and would be released in a matter of minutes. As my download was running I kept thinking about how it'll turn up to be a simple, trivial piece of software and I would be joining the shitstorms flaming Message on /jp/ soon enough. But I had no idea then...the download finished, the installer ran. But instead of what I expected, the screen went black for a moment, with the text "Thank you for downloading our program; UBW installation will soon be underway." flashing on it. Then the application closed and refused to do anything on further executions. I figured this was an elaborate prank, and as I thought, nobody on /jp/ was the wiser.

This way, a few hour passed, with no response on Mirror Moon's part. And when I was about to give up and watch some random anime, I heard a knock on my door. Strange, I had no friends nor family and I didn't see who could be here at that hour; nonetheless I opened the door albeit cautiously. What stood there defied logic. A face and body that were all so familiar from manga and anime, yet should not exist in real life. But she was no doll, no costume. Everything from her eyes to her skin were visibly real, soft human tissue. I was speechless. My mind refused to work. I stood there, stunned for what seemed to be an eternity. She was the one to break silence. "Sorry for making you wait, I'm the UBW installer. Mind if I come in now?"

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265663
What could I answer? What could anyone think or speak in such a situation. I stepped back, still in shock, letting her pass through the doorway and into the hall. A sweet, pleasant scent of perfume slowly invaded my house, as she made her way into my room. By then, my mind had cleared up a bit, as much as it could. With unsteady words, I asked: "S...so y..you're h..here to in...install UBW?"

'You could put it that way, I guess...', she replied while looking around my room with a slightly bored gaze. 'W...well the c..computer's over there, uh...' 'Ah, I saw that. But it won't be necessary. That's not quite how it works.' 'Eh?' 'You see, the installation will be a bit more... personal.' She had an eerie smile on her face while saying this. And with that, she slowly began taking off shirt, gradually exposing more and more of her soft, white skin. 'W... wait, what are you doing?' I panicked, and looked away with shock and embarrassment. 'Getting ready to install. It's what I'm here for, isn't it?' 'H...uh...err...?'

She sighed. ' I've been warned you'd act this way; you 4channers are all so predictable. You act tough in your little imageboard, talking of everything from rape to child porn. You complain about being lonely all the time. Yet when things get real, at heart you're all whimpering nerds, afraid to leave the fantasy shell they've built on the Internet. But it can't be helped huh... it was to be expected that your kind will be the one interested in UBW to begin with. I was prepared for this much... but I really had hoped that it wouldn't be this troublesome after all...'

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265668
She sighed again, ending her monologue. My brain registered less than half those words and made sense of even less. I had backed up into a corner of my room not knowing if I should run or demand that she explains herself; it was a lot more likely that I'd faint on the spot rather than follow up on any of those choices anyway. She had stopped undressing while saying that, and now her face shone with a warm smile. 'I guess I was too blunt to begin with. You did wait for me for a very long time, didn't you? So it would be pointless to hurry now instead of doing things properly. I'll do my best to make it comfortable for you, ok?' And with that she smiled again, and moved to sit on my bed. 'Take your time and get back to your senses; I guess this was more of a shock than you could handle after all.' She looked down, taking her gaze off me, which made me feel slightly better. I regained my balance and slowly started making sense of things. 'If you feel better, please sit next to me for a bit.' she said, pointing at my bed, near herself.

I did as she said, sitting down, albeit keeping a slight distance. 'There's no need to be that shy, you know...'; she had obviously picked up on my reluctance to relinquish my comfort zone. 'You spend half your day fapping to hentai anyway', she said with a playful tone, 'so you should know how this works. It's no different from what you experienced on a daily basis, except it'll be real this time.'

[Yama !XanaDuh0e2 No.]

>>7265648
>>7265650
I see....You guys are so nice...
I approve of this thread.

Have fun on your stay here guys.

[Anonymous No.]

[Jun_Definitely_Not_Hayate !!VcnLiFBke7v No.]

>>7265673
It was nice to meet you!

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265672
With that, I started getting visibly uncomfortable again. My heart was racing with a mix of emotions I couldn't sort apart. I probably looked like I would jump up and run out at any moment.

'Hey...don't do that now...you'd waste your only chance of turning your little fantasy world into reality. Isn't this what you wanted all along? It's understandable. You've been lonely for a long, long time; you're in no way used to this, hence all your uneasiness. But if you run away now, you'll regret it forever. You'll go back to being lonely, but worse than that, you'll remember you could have changed that with hardly any effort, but failed to do as little as that. Is that the kind of life you want to go on with?' Her tone was even kinder than before. Her voice was soft, warm, making me feel at ease. And above that, I was finally noticing what she was. The living incarnation of an idealization I had only experienced in a 2 dimensional context, untouchable and unreal. At that point, any thoughts of escape that I previously had vanished in an instant. She resumed undressing, with slow, elegant moves. The stripped away clothes revealed only flawlessly white skin, a slender body without imperfection. Small breasts, yet perfect in shape and texture. Well balanced legs, not overly fat or muscular in any way. And above all, the 9 inch penis pointing out from her lower abdomen, erect in anticipation.

'Wait, what?' 'That...That's...That's not right!' 'That can't be right...what...what's with that?'

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265687
I could only babble incomprehensible gibberish. 'Hey now, didn't I say it would be JUST like in a hentai? Are you surprised?'. She laughed. But not with the previous warmth and kindness. The laughter this time was more befitting of a hellspawned demon.

If my previous reaction was overwhelming shock, this time it couldn't be put in words. As I was helpless, she rushed to me with unearthly speed, tearing away clothes as if wanting to break my body into pieces. I was hauled up and bent over the bed. I couldn't think, let alone move. I was helpless. 'Well then, let's begin the installation procedure.' I could only hear her voice, laughing with satisfaction. And then...

'AAAAAAAGH' 'GAAAH' 'AAAAAA'

I screamed. A huge, hard object had been inserted in my colon without warning. The pain was extreme. Making matters worse, it immediately started moving, thrusting in and out as I screamed, time and time again. Between jolts of pain I could feel blood from my torn insides slowly seeping out. If anything, it did seem to act as lubricant, lessening the pain to an extent. As I stopped shouting, I could hear another voice, moaning and panting, louder and louder. And finally... 'A...ah I'm co...coming...aaaaah!'

[Anonymous No.]

[Jacky !!lTrVqv/rSnC No.]

>>7265687
*yawn*

>>7265673
Ok... My Internet calmed down already.
Can I stay too?

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265696
What followed next was beyond reason. An unlimited number of blades materialized, one by one, inside of me, making their way out, tearing my body to shreds in the process. And as that happened, it was flashing before my eyes. Not my life, that is, but UBW. I was feeling it with every fiber of my broken body. Archer's GAR, epic fights between servants, all had become a part of me. An experience beyond life and time. I was on the verge of death, but it didn't matter. I was happy. This was more than I could have ever hoped for, from my life.

'Installation successful. No errors have been reported.' her words, the last I'd ever hear, sounded in my ears. And at that point I understood what it all had been for. Months of testing, inhuman amounts of work, all to achieve that ultimate experience. With my last thread of consciousness, I begged Message for forgiveness. I knew he wouldn't hear me, but I had to do it. I had finally understood the meaning behind Message's work, and I died content, knowing that even if I had lived on, there would never be anything that would remotely equal what I had just experienced. I was complete. That was the true meaning of UBW installation.

[Akane !9Baka9Ay96 No.]

>>7265655
Nothing thanks again for asking, though I am still waiting on the chocolate,,, if you know what I mean. How long are you planning on staying? It's not correct for /jp/ to be this active...

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

In 1971, I cooked spaghetti to live, and lived to cook spaghetti. Steam rising from the pot was my pride and joy, tomato sauce bubbling up in the saucepan my one great hope in life.

I went to a cooking specialty store and bought a kitchen timer and a huge aluminum pot, big enough to bathe a German shepherd in, then went around to all the supermarkets that catered to foreigners, gathering an assortment of odd-sounding spices. I picked up a pasta cookbook at the bookstore, and bought tomatoes by the dozen. I purchased every brand of spaghetti I could lay my hands on, simmered every sauce known to man. Fine particles of garlic, onion, and olive oil swirled in the air, forming a harmonious cloud that penetrated every corner of my tiny apartment, permeating the floor and the ceiling and the walls, my clothes, my books, my records, my tennis racquet, my bundles of old letters. It was a fragrance one might have smelled on ancient Roman aqueducts.

This is a story from the Year of Spaghetti, 1971 A.D.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265718
As a rule, I cooked spaghetti, and ate it, by myself. I was convinced that spaghetti was a dish best enjoyed alone. I can't really explain why I felt that way, but there it is.

I always drank tea with my spaghetti and ate a simple lettuce-and-cucumber salad. Id make sure I had plenty of both. I laid everything out neatly on the table and enjoyed a leisurely meal, glancing at the paper as I ate. From Sunday to Saturday, one Spaghetti Day followed another. And each new Sunday started a brand-new Spaghetti Week.

Every time I sat down to a plate of spaghetti (especially on a rainy afternoon) I had the distinct feeling that somebody was about to knock on my door. The person who I imagined was about to visit me was different each time. Sometimes it was a stranger, sometimes someone I knew. Once, it was a girl with slim legs whom I'd dated in high school, and once it was myself, from a few years back, come to pay a visit. Another time, it was William Holden, with Jennifer Jones on his arm.

William Holden?

Not one of these people, however, actually ventured into my apartment. They hovered just outside the door, without knocking, like fragments of memory, and then slipped away.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265724
Spring, summer, and fall, I cooked and cooked, as if cooking spaghetti were an act of revenge. Like a lonely, jilted girl throwing old love letters into the fireplace, I tossed one handful of spaghetti after another into the pot.

I'd gather up the trampled-down shadows of time, knead them into the shape of a German shepherd, toss them into the roiling water, and sprinkle them with salt. Then I'd hover over the pot, oversized chopsticks in hand, until the timer dinged its plaintive note.

Spaghetti strands are a crafty bunch, and I couldn't let them out of my sight. If I were to turn my back, they might well slip over the edge of the pot and vanish into the night. The night lay in silent ambush, hoping to waylay the prodigal strands.

Spaghetti alla parmigiana

Spaghetti alla napoletana

Spaghetti al cartoccio

Spaghetti aglio e olio

Spaghetti alla carbonara

Spaghetti della pina

And then there was the pitiful, nameless leftover spaghetti carelessly tossed into the fridge.

Born in heat, the strands of spaghetti washed down the river of 1971 and vanished.

I mourn them all -- all the spaghetti of the year 1971.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265724
Hey you, shaddap! Omoしroい jaなi だ. ( ´Д`)y━･~~

[Anya !!AWUWs68K1zE No.]

>>7265707
That is unfortunate. Though lazy weekends can be very important from time to time. I am curious what kind of chocolate you are waiting on. Is it white chocolate? I much prefer milk chocolate.
And I am not sure when we will be leaving. Hopefully it will not be before having lots of fun here on /jp/.

[Yama !XanaDuh0e2 No.]

>>7265679
It was a pleasure to meet you too!
>>7265703
Of course, you guys can stay here as long as you want!
__________

Don't forget to pay a visit to my formspring later guys, so we can have even more fun!

http://www.formspring.me/yamaxanaduh

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265728
When the phone rang at 3:20 p.m. I was sprawled out on the tatami, staring at the ceiling. A pool of winter sunlight had formed in the place where I lay. Like a dead fly I lay there, vacant, in a December spotlight.

At first, I didn't recognize the sound as the phone ringing. It was more like an unfamiliar memory that had hesitantly slipped in between the layers of air. Finally, though, it began to take shape, and, in the end, a ringing phone was unmistakably what it was. It was one hundred per cent a phone ring in one-hundred-per-cent real air. Still sprawled out, I reached over and picked up the receiver.

On the other end was a girl, a girl so indistinct that, by four-thirty, she might very well have disappeared altogether. She was the ex-girlfriend of a friend of mine. Something had brought them together, this guy and this indistinct girl, and something had led them to break up. I had, I admit, reluctantly played a role in getting them together in the first place.

Sorry to bother you, she said, but do you know where he is now?

I looked at the phone, running my eyes along the length of the cord. The cord was, sure enough, attached to the phone. I managed a vague reply. There was something ominous in the girls voice, and whatever trouble was brewing I knew that I didn't want to get involved.

Nobody will tell me where he is, she said in a chilly tone. Everybody's pretending they don't know. But there's something important I have to tell him, so please tell me where he is. I promise I won't drag you into this. Where is he?

I honestly don't know, I told her. I haven't seen him in a long time. My voice didn't sound like my own. I was telling the truth about not having seen him for a long time, but not about the other part (I did know his address and phone number). Whenever I tell a lie, something weird happens to my voice.

No comment from her.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265736
The phone was like a pillar of ice.

Then all the objects around me turned into pillars of ice, as if I were in a J. G. Ballard science-fiction story.

I really don't know, I repeated. He went away a long time ago, without saying a word.

The girl laughed. Give me a break. He's not that clever. We're talking about a guy who has to make a lot of noise no matter what he does.

She was right. The guy really was a bit of a dim bulb.

But I wasn't about to tell her where he was. Do that, and next I'd have him on the phone, giving me an earful. I was through with getting caught up in other peoples messes. I'd already dug a hole in the back yard and buried everything that needed to be buried in it. Nobody could ever dig it up again.

I'm sorry, I said.

You don't like me, do you? she said suddenly.

I had no idea what to say. I didn't particularly dislike her. I had no real impression of her at all. It's hard to have a bad impression of somebody you have no impression of.

I'm sorry, I said again. But I'm cooking spaghetti right now.

I'm sorry?

I said I'm cooking spaghetti, I lied. I had no idea why I said that. But the lie had already become a part of me -- so much so that, at that moment at least, it didn't feel like a lie at all.

I went ahead and filled an imaginary pot with imaginary water, lit an imaginary stove with an imaginary match.

So? she asked.

I sprinkled imaginary salt into the boiling water, gently lowered a handful of imaginary spaghetti into the imaginary pot, set the imaginary kitchen timer for eight minutes.

So I can't talk. The spaghetti will be ruined.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265742
She didn't say anything.

I'm really sorry, but cooking spaghetti is a delicate operation.

The girl was silent. The phone in my hand began to freeze again.

So could you call me back? I added hurriedly.

Because youre in the middle of making spaghetti? she asked.

Yeah.

Are you making it for someone, or are you going to eat alone?

I'll eat it by myself, I said.

She held her breath for a long time, then slowly breathed out. Theres no way you could know this, but I'm really in trouble. I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry I can't help you, I said.

There's some money involved, too.

I see.

He owes me money, she said. I lent him some money. I shouldn't have, but I had to.

I was quiet for a minute, my thoughts drifting toward spaghetti. Im sorry, I said. But I've got the spaghetti going, so . . .

She gave a listless laugh. Goodbye, she said. Say hi to your spaghetti for me. I hope it turns out O.K.

Bye, I said.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265749
When I hung up the phone, the circle of light on the floor had shifted an inch or two. I lay down again in that pool of light and resumed staring at the ceiling.

Thinking about spaghetti that boils eternally but is never done is a sad, sad thing.

Now I regret, a little, that I didn't tell the girl anything. Perhaps I should have. I mean, her ex-boyfriend wasn't much to start with -- an empty shell of a guy with artistic pretensions, a great talker whom nobody trusted. She sounded as if she really were strapped for money, and, no matter what the situation, you've got to pay back what you borrow.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the girl -- the thought usually pops into my mind when I'm facing a steaming-hot plate of spaghetti. After she hung up the phone, did she disappear forever, sucked into the 4:30 p.m. shadows? Was I partly to blame?

I want you to understand my position, though. At the time, I didn't want to get involved with anyone. That's why I kept on cooking spaghetti, all by myself. In that huge pot, big enough to hold a German shepherd.

Durum semolina, golden wheat wafting in Italian fields.

Can you imagine how astonished the Italians would be if they knew that what they were exporting in 1971 was really *loneliness*?

[Anonymous No.]

Imagine you are reading a book. It is one of those heavy ones that talk about something deep, like social structure or philosophy or theoretic physics. It could even be a really boring novel. The thing is, it has really small letters, in fact they are so small that after some hours of boring reading, the endless series of lines of text start blurring your vision, causing you to skip lines. You try to get your mind together and try to read the next line, but you miss again, reading the same line again and again for two or three times. Getting annoyed by this, you try to look at something else for a moment and resume reading only to take it up at small letters, in fact they are so small that after some hours of boring reading, the endless series of lines of text start blurring your vision, causing you to skip lines. You try to get your mind together and try to read the next line, but you miss again, reading the same line again and again for two or three times. Getting annoyed by this, you try to look at something else for a moment and resume reading only to take it up at small letters, in fact they are so small that after some hours of boring reading, the endless series of lines of text start blurring your vision, causing you to skip lines. You try to get your mind together and try to read the next line, but you miss again, reading the same line again and again for two or three times.

This is tanasinn

[Anonymous No.]

tanasinn is very important to me. I am a big advocate of the feeling and feeling. I have studied tanasinn for about 6-7 years and am a proud member of the tanasinn-nnisanat Society of tanasinnvania. During my college program semester at tanasinn World, I passed the tanasinn Company's language assessment test, and received a language pin under my tanasinn to indicate that I was responsible and could assist tanasinn guests should they have any inquiries. I study hard every day in order to gain some insight on the lananguage and culture. I have dreams to become either a tanasinn language interpreter for business conferences (the person with headphones and microphone that sits in the little glass booth and simultaneously translates what the person is saying), 今∴山●∵ﾐひど(･)tanasinnっ●∵す
(･)∵∴∵∵されく●ぁwせｄじこｌｐ；：「たり∵(･)∴●∵わ∵くぁ●wた

り
け(･)∵どtanasinn(･)∵∴∵●わヽ!∵∴∵ﾐ●ﾘﾉ!/ﾘま(･)ん、
∴人<・>女､●ぃの∵(･)∴∵(･)で●す、∵∴(･)∵∵/ﾘ●らがtanasin
nｆｔｇｙふじで●｡
でも●そ∵∴な(･)人メ●　∵∴tanasinnが定(･(･))しす
∵の名∵(･)これ●か | '`-イ∴(･)のイ●け<・>て●くメ∵(･)∵くぁ(･)wせ●ｄｒｆｔｇｙふじ

●こｌｐ；：「
でイ∵(･)●が変(･)どtanasinn∵(･)∴なこ　∵∴(･)
●の∴∵底<・>ｄi●i;|;_ﾞιｆ的∵●ぬ(･)tanasinn∵
こ∵まtanasinnばく(･)ぁw；：「い●∵∴(･)∵∵たてtanasinnし●(･)/ﾘらす
∵●∵(･)∴助●け●∵て∵(･)∵●し●∵
世∵のtanasinnの∵(･)∴れtanasinn<・>ら●を(･)tanasinnし∵∴●い∴(･)

[Anonymous No.]

　　　　　　　　　　　_,. -‐''"∴∵``' ‐ .､._
　　　　　　　　　 ,.‐'´∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵ `‐.､
　　　　　　　 .／∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵＼
　　　　　　 ,i´∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵ヽ
.　　 　 　 /∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵i、
　　　　　,i∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵∴∵：../⌒ヾ皿⌒ヽ
　　　 　 |∴∵∴∵∴∵∴(･)∴∴.(･)∴∵∴./_(.....ノ─(.....ノ_
.　　　　 | ∴∵∴∵∴∵∴ ／ ○＼ ∴∵：..／　　　１３　　　＼
.　 　 　 |∴∵∴∵∴∵∴/三　|　三|∴∵./　　　　　↑　　　　／ ヽ
.　　　　 |∴∵∴∵∴∵∴|　＿_|＿_ |∴../ 　　　　......↑　 　　（....ノノ
　　　　　l∴∵∴∵∴∵∴|　　===　.|∵.l　　　.. 　　...│　　　..　　／`ヽ
.　　　　　ﾞi ∴∵∴∵∴∵ ＼＿＿／∴.l　９　　....　　●　　　　　(....ノノ
　　　　　　ヽ∴ ∵∴∵∴∵∴∵：./￣￣ヽ　　.　　tanasinn　　　lﾉ
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　(＿＿_..ノ.　　　　　　　　 　　　/
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　ヽ　　　　　６　　

　 ／

[Akane !9Baka9Ay96 No.]

>>7265732
It would be humorous if it was white chocolate... not that there's no fun allowed just stay in your thread and you will not mess with our autistic atmosphere.

[Anonymous No.]

Picture this:

You're looking through a magnifiying viewfinder. Perhaps that of a camera, or a binoculars, or one of those telescopes you see on observation decks. Your vision is shunted straight ahead, into a narrow cone five to fifteen degrees, at maximum. Peripheal vision is nonexistant. The rest of the world exists around you, but because of the focus, you can't see anything outside it, only the part in in front of you. You can turn in any direction, and you can view things it would normally be impossible for you to view, in detail you never would be able to see otherwise, but you're still looking through what is essentially tube vision, and as soon as your eyes try to reach the edge of the tube, you run into a barrier of non-information.

Now invert part of that image, as you would an image channel in Photoshop. All around you, you can see the entire world, but blurrily, out of focus, and the only thing you view clearly is straight ahead of you. It is as if your visual tube has been reversed, and instead of seeing through the tube, you see the tube itself. What is that tube made of? A boundary of emptiness, around which you can see the lack of any visual information at all in vivid detail.

That tube is what tanasinn is like.

[Anonymous No.]

tanasinn operates the whole world.
tanasinn is the soul of the universe.
tanasinn is the bottom of your heart.
tanasinn transcends surrealism and realism.
tanasinn is inherent in every self.
tanasinn is inherent in every structure.
tanasinn is inherent in every system.
tanasinn is decadent and may cause self-collapse.
tanasinn vacumeir alles
tanasinn plays with all elements
The Messenger of fear
The Child of darkness and confusion
The King of infinite decomposition
The Khaos

Ｔａｎａｓｉｎｎ

[Anonymous No.]

∧＿∧　　　　　　　　
　　　　　　　　　　　（∵∴∵(･) ）　　　　　　　　

　　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　（∵∴∵∴）　　　　　　

　 　
人∴∵Y　　　　　　　　　
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 （∴（∵∴）　　　　　　　　　
＿＿＿＿∧＿＿＿＿＿＿＿_＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿
＿
今∴山●∵ﾐひど(･)tanasinnっ●∵す
(･)∵∴∵∵されく●ぁwせｄじこｌｐ；：「たり∵(･)∴●∵わ∵くぁ●wた

り
け(･)∵どtanasinn(･)∵∴∵●わヽ!∵∴∵ﾐ●ﾘﾉ!/ﾘま(･)ん、
∴人<・>女､●ぃの∵(･)∴∵(･)で●す、∵∴(･)∵∵/ﾘ●らがtanasin
nｆｔｇｙふじで●｡
でも●そ∵∴な(･)人メ●　∵∴tanasinnが定(･(･))しす
∵の名∵(･)これ●か | '`-イ∴(･)のイ●け<・>て●くメ∵(･)∵くぁ(･)wせ●ｄｒｆｔｇｙふじ

●こｌｐ；：「
でイ∵(･)●が変(･)どtanasinn∵(･)∴なこ　∵∴(･)
●の∴∵底<・>ｄi●i;|;_ﾞιｆ的∵●ぬ(･)tanasinn∵
こ∵まtanasinnばく(･)ぁw；：「い●∵∴(･)∵∵たてtanasinnし●(･)/ﾘらす
∵●∵(･)∴助●け●∵て∵(･)∵●し●∵
世∵のtanasinnの∵(･)∴れtanasinn<・>ら●を(･)tanasinnし∵∴●い∴(･)

[Anya !!AWUWs68K1zE No.]

>>7265785
Ok, we will stay to the one thread here. I will hope you will come back and play with us here. I am still very interested in the type of chocolate you will be receiving...*hmph*

[Anonymous No.]

I want to be the best, there ever was
To beat all the rest, yeah that's my cause!

Radiatore, Pipe, Barbina, Manti
Quadrefiore, Rigate, Fiori, Pici
Stelle, Orzo, Pearl Pasta, Ditali
Pastina, Mezzelune, Fregula, Ravioli!

Cook'em, Cook'em, gotta' cook'em all!
Gotta cook'em all!
Pasta!

I'll search across the land, look far and wide
Release from my hand, the power that's inside!

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　t　

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　n　　　　　　　　　　　　　a　 ..　
　　 　 　 　　　　　　 　 　＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿
　　 　 　 　　　　　　 　　 　 ＿＿＿＿＿＿／　 ／
　　　　　　　　　　..　n　.　　＼　 ＼　○ .／　 ／　　　n　 ..　
　　　　　　　　　 　　　　　　　 .＼　 ＼／　 ／
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 　 　 .＼　 ＼／
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　i　　　　　 .＼　　　　　　a　 ..　

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　s　

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265805
I needed to see this tonight

[Jun_Definitely_Not_Hayate !!VcnLiFBke7v No.]

>>7265813
I'm curious as well!

[Anonymous No.]

I started to feel my connection to my body again, faintly, as if through a dark shrouded distant unreal dream, completely alien to me; my body started flexing back, my breathing built in intensity from very slow and very deep to hard, intense, forceful breaths, approaching hyperventilation, seemingly beyond my recognition to control rather than my ability. My body was alien. The physical realm was alien. I couldn't cope with it. I opened my eyes, I sat up sharply, I gasped. Everything seemed alien, but not because I didn't recognize things or people; it was as if I were seeing everything for what it _really_ was rather than how I perceived things as a human with human senses. Everything spoke to me on a different level. I started to panic, the physical realm was alien, my mind was alien, there was nothing of comfort, nothing I recognized as real and true as I'd always known them. I jumped up and accidently stepped on someone's foot. Empathy washed over me in waves, and I couldn't stop apologizing. The owner of the foot, took one look at me and gave me a hug, asked if I needed anything. Speech, words, ideas, I grasped for that part of my mind, struggled to communicate, fell into her eyes, her soul, saw her very inner being, felt her love and compassion wash over me.

I was tanasinn

[Anonymous No.]

Imagine a giant penis flying towards your mouth, and there's nothing you can do about it. And you're like "Oh man, I'm gonna have to suck this thing", and you brace yourself to suck this giant penis. But then, at the last moment, it changes trajectory and hits you in the eye. You think to yourself "Well, at least I got that out of the way", but then the giant penis rears back and stabs your eye again, and again, and again. Eventually, this giant penis is penetrating your gray matter, and you begin to lose control of your motor skills. That's when the giant penis slaps you across the cheek, causing you to fall out of your chair. Unable to move and at your most vulnerable, the giant penis finally lodges itself in your anus, where it rests uncomfortably for 4, maybe 5 hours.

That's what tanasinn is like.

[Anonymous No.]

I believe you shouldn't underestimate Aikido. Now I know you may be thinking, "Why take a weakling martial art like Aikido seriously when I am learning Kendo?" I can see why you would think that, how can a peaceful martial arts like Aikido beat a powerful one like Kendo?

Well, I have a story to share with you.

Years ago, I was a Kendoka, I thought I was the toughest kid in high school, I would pick fights, and kick ass. I was full of hate, until I picked a fight with the wrong dude. He was a Japanese exchange student, I still remember his name, Noboru Takeda.

I picked on him because of his hilarious and thick Japanese accent. I told him I was going to beat him so hard, he would go back to China(Yeah, I was a little racist prick.), he never said anything back, made me wanted to kick his ass even harder.

Well, here comes the fight. I threw men and do strikes, he dodged them like I was a mere white belt. I was tiring out and he knew, I saw the smirk on his face that made me raged hard. I put all my strength in one amazing tsuki, and he grabbed past it to my wrist and threw me over. My back smacked on the hard cement ground, and I was knocked out for who knows how long.

When I woke up I was in the school infirmary, I asked the nurse who brought me here, and you guessed it, Noboru Takeda. The next day, he wasn't at school, he was back in Japan, and I never got to thank him, for saving my life and showing me the light. I soon learned that he was an Aikidoka and have been practicing Aikido ever since to show my thanks to him.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

I have defeated countless opponents using Aikido, and they always ask me, Why are you so strong?

I answer, I'm not strong, you are.

Aikido uses the strength of the attacker back at them but 10 times stronger(estimate). Using Aikido and I can probably kill a charging Rhino using it's force right back at it, of course, I'm not going to try it, way to dangerous for any sane person.

I recommend practicing Aikido for every /jp/edo, as you are all physically weak, and Aikido is specialized for the weak to defend against the strong.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDnYNroUmNs

A 50 year old man with cerebral palsy doing Aikido, very touching.

[Anonymous No.]

Aikido master here.

Yeah, it would. Let me tell you are story.

Last week I went clubbing alone, I'm a tall lanky guy, 6'2, 125lb. So here I am, grinding on this chick when this bulky black guy comes over and pushes me away from her. He probably thought I would leave and let him take her, wrong. I gently tapped his shoulder and told him to take his leave or he would feel the consequences. Of course, he told me fuck off, but I didn't.

I guess I irritated him enough and he tried to swing at me, I wasn't scared, my years of Aikido training was more than enough for this buffoon. I simply grabbed his hand and reversed the force back at him. He punched himself out.

The rest of the night there was a 4m radius of emptiness around me. No one fucks with Aikido.

[Anonymous No.]

Its lunch, I went to my favourite sandwich shop, got a delicious veal sandwich and was on my way back home. There was this thuggish "Nigga" style black dude, he was behind me, I stopped, because he was walking quite fast, and I didn't want to be in his way.
He comes up to me, and asked, “Do you have any money?”, I knew where he was going with this, so I said, “Yeah, but you’re not getting any of it.”, and I walked away. I suppose it’s in his blood, he was going to punch the back of my head but I quickly grabbed and threw him over my shoulder, he fell down and became unconscious. I checked if he had any drugs/money, found cocaine in his jacket and called the cops.
I guess it wasn’t really a fight since it lasted less than 10 seconds, it really shows how effective Aikido is in real life situations.
It feels good to help the police catch drug dealers/druggies.

[Anonymous No.]

[Akane !9Baka9Ay96 No.]

>>7265838
>>7265813
Perhaps I may... and it was caramel. Now then, carry on

[master chief !COWBELLw8U No.]

>>7265870
good day to you

[Anonymous No.]

I love you, OP.

[Anonymous No.]

[Jun_Definitely_Not_Hayate !!VcnLiFBke7v No.]

>>7265870
Hopefully we'll each other around! Enjoy the rest of your day!

[Anonymous No.]

Japanese Martial Arts, is really an art isn't it?

Lets check out Aikido for moment. A style that doesn't even use any strikes to beat down your opponent, sound pretty cool right?

Here is a video of Aikido practitioners demonstrating various moves:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJ8VLPPTuH0

Note how graceful they are, it's like you are watching them dance and not fighting at all, a beautiful dance I might add.

What do you think? About Aikido and Japanese Martial Arts in general.

[Anya !!AWUWs68K1zE No.]

>>7265870
Oh, that is a very good chocolate. I always steal the rum caramel chocolate from the Pot of Gold boxes around Christmas. Do you have a favourite chocolate?
Hmm, even though it is so late I think I will have some chocolate pudding to help me last until tomorrow!
>>7265873
Welcome to /jp/ Mr. Chief.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

My Aikido dojo is across from a Karate dojo. We usually get alot of rude remarks from them, such as Aikido being for weaklings.

Well, one of them challenged me, he was a white male in his 20's. I accepted of course, I never back down from a challenge.

He had really good form, but his Karate was no match for my Aikido. He delivered a great kick but it was nothing for me, I easily grabbed it and knocked him down with a kick. This went on for about 10 minutes until he got too tired.

He got frustrated and left, he was about to cross the street but I stopped him from getting hit by a speeding cyclist. He didn't say thanks but it still felt good to save someone.

[master chief !COWBELLw8U No.]

>>7265885
i was lurking here i was one of the first posts

[Anonymous No.]

Everyday I look at /fit/ and laugh. They are so pathetic, wasting there time in a hot stinky gym lifting weights.

I just do Aikido and I look twice as aesthetic as the best looking /fit/ poster. I'm probably twice as strong too, strong enough to compete competitively as a strongman or Olympic lifter.

But I can actually use my strength to defend myself, I can probably take on four Brock Lesnars.

At once.

[Anonymous No.]

[Jun_Definitely_Not_Hayate !!VcnLiFBke7v No.]

>>7265885
That sounds really good!

[Anya !!AWUWs68K1zE No.]

>>7265892
Oh, I am very sorry Mr. Chief. Hopefully after I finish my sugar rush I will be more awake.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

This is NOT copypasta. I repeat NOT copypasta.

I know coming to /jp/ for advice is a top notch bad idea, but I honestly have no where else to turn because this situation directly involves my family

Let me start from the beginning, I am 23 and my sister is 11. I just dropped out of college for the fourth time, and my sister just came home from elementary school. I guess this year her grades started slipping or something, because I walked past her room and she was crying. I walked inside her room to ask her what's up and she hands me a letter - apparently she's got remedial lessons or some shit. I feel kinda sorry for her so I gave her a hug. One thing led to another and I kissed her. Though she has no experience, and was even a little clumsy, this was the single most erotic thing I have ever experienced. In the back of my mind lies the fact that she's my sister and what we are doing is sick and wrong, but perhaps that's what made it feel so good.

Here's the dilemma though. After making out, my little sister took off her clothes and started fumbling with my pants.

I'm like "Hey, what are you doing?"

"I'm curious. Isn't this what people do after kissing?"

I felt bad because its true. My sister is extremely cute, and I always wished that she wasn't my sister. I've even gone as far as to fap to thoughts of doing her. She then said "For tonight, let's not be brother and sister. As long as we don't tell mom and dad, it'll be okay, right? It's our secret."

I pretty much just fucked my sister. No, to be more honest, I just lost my virginity to my sister. My question, /jp/, is what the fuck do I do now? What do people usually do after they fuck their sisters?

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

After you read this, I guarantee you will feel sorry for me.

Imagine this. You are attracted to women, like you are now (emotionally and sexually), but they do not exist. They existed a long time ago, and no one knows what they looked like (They have a pretty good idea from the fossils, however), but they do not exist anymore. That means, not only do you know there will never be any possibility of you having sex with one, but there's not even a possibility of you ever seeing one in real life. Everyone else, however, except for a very few, are not attracted to women, they are attracted to something else entirely. So in other words, you will never find any porn anywhere on the internet, only non-sexual pictures of women. Everyone you have told about your attraction to women think it's disgusting. To relieve yourself, you get off on the non-sexual pictures of women, knowing it will never get any better.

That's what life is like to me.

I am a degree 6 Zoosexual, sexually and emotionally attracted to Tyrannosaurs and nothing else. Women don't even do it for me. I am cursed to live my life in the misery that my most powerful emotional fantasies will never be even close to coming true.

[master chief !COWBELLw8U No.]

>>7265901
no need to be. well then back to lurking with me

[Anya !!AWUWs68K1zE No.]

>>7265897
It tastes even better!

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

In AD 2008... bird was beggining
Anonymous-What happen?
Anonymous2-somebody set up us the bird
Anonymous3-we get spaghetti
Anonymous-what?
Anonymous3-main oven turn on
Anonymous-its penne
BIRDS-how are you Anonymous?
BIRDS-all your pasta are belong to us
BIRDS-you are on the way to coction
Anonymous-what you say!?
BIRDS-you have no chance to survive make your trenne
BIRDS-HA HA HA!

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

You ask for a hamburger, I give you a hamburger. You raise it to your lips and take a bite. Your eye twitches involuntarily. Across the street a father of three falls down the stairs. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. I give you a hamburger. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. You cannot swallow. There are children at the top of the stairs. A pickle shifts uneasily under the bun. I give you a hamburger. You look at my face, and I am pleading with you. The children are crying now. You raise the hamburger to your lips, tears stream down your face as you take a bite. I give you a hamburger. You are on your knees. You plead with me to go across the street. I hear only childrens laughter. I give you a hamburger. You are screaming as you fall down the stairs. I am your child. You cannot see anything. You take a bite of the hamburger. The concrete rushes up to meet you. You awake with a start in your own bed. Your eye twitches involuntarily. I give you a hamburger. As you kill me, I do not make a sound. I give you a hamburger.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

You ask for a hamburger. All the molecules in the universe have shifted one inch to the left. The hamburger asks for you. Somehow you have appeared in soviet Russia. You start awake sweating in your own bed. I give you a hamburger. Shrieking, you stagger into the road in a daze. You ask for a hamburger. The ambulance does not arrive in time. You ask for a hamburger. I give you a hamburger. As you take a bite you notice ants all over your skin. You ask for a hamburger. The children cry over their father's dead body. You ask for a hamburger. You are blind, but you can feel the worms writhing in your stomach. I am your father. I give you a hamburger. You giggle as I stumble. I ask for a hamburger, you give me a hamburger. You awake with a start in your own bed.

I give you a hamburger. The wizened meat explodes to dust and you realise eons have passed and you are alone in a desolate waste. You awake screaming.

I give you a hamburger.

You take the hamburger with trembling hands. Your eye twitches involuntarily. As you take a bite the ants crawl into your mouth. You look at me desperately. I give you a hamburger. You awake in the corner of your wardrobe in tears. I give you a hamburger. You notice the semitrailer bearing down on you. You try to take a bite but your jaws refuse to open. I give you a hamburger. Your children stop giggling as they hear the sickening crack of your skull meeting the pavement. I give you a hamburger. Collapsing, you vomit uncontrollably. You take a bite. Your eye twitches involuntarily.

I give you a hamburger.

I give you a hamburger.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

You put your arm around Aya's waist as she kicks off her shoes and sits in your lap. She says nothing as she leans in and kisses you. She tosses her camera off to the side and wraps her arms around you.

Your run your other hand up her leg, under her skirt, and rest it on her upper thigh. She breaks off the kiss and blushes. "W-What are you doing?" she asks. Straining to keep her from noticing your rapidly growing erection, you blurt out something stupid and immediately cringe in embarrassment.

Unfazed, she kisses you again, your tongues locking in a deep embrace. Out of nowhere, you feel Aya's chest heave ever so slightly. She lets out a noise that sounds vaguely like gagging, and then a warm, thick fluid trickles into your mouth. Surprised at first, you try to break away from her kiss, but she holds the back of your head and continues to let the fluid flow into your mouth. Sickened and expecting it to taste like vomit, you are pleasantly surprised when it tastes like melted chocolate. You tentatively swallow some of it, and Aya pushes even more of it into your mouth with her tongue. Continuing to kiss her, you swallow more and more of the chocolate, and Aya moans with growing excitement.

After you've consumed all of it, she pulls away and giggles. "No human has ever let me feed them like that before..." She reaches down into your pants and tugs on your erect dick. "I suppose I should finish what I've started here, hmm?"

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265955
Your well thought out and articulate reply is cut off as Aya brushes your now fully erect dick against the soft feathers of her leg, the tickling sensation sending ten thousand tiny pinpricks of pleasure through your entire being.

Slowly losing more and more of your conscious thought, you not-so gently pick Aya up while sliding her up your body, finally setting her down so that her crotch is comfortably straddling your waist, with your dick nestled firmly between the soft mounds of her butt cheeks.

Aya takes a quick look back at the throbbing manhood leaning against her before turning back to you with an amused expression on her face. "I'm guessing you've never had sex with a tengu before..." her eyes squinting a tiny bit as she continues to focus on you "a bird tengu"

"Aya I don't care what you are, I just.." your response is cut off by a tantalizingly feathery digit pressed to your lips "Shhhhh...normally us bird tengu do the whole "touch and go" thing, but something tells me a human wouldn't be satisfied with just that."

Her slightly mischievous look widens as she brings a hand in front of your face, palm up.

"Spit," she commands.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265964
"Aya why would I.." your response is cut of by a slightly hardening glare, reminding you just which one of you was human and which one was a peerless wind goddess.

"Spit" this time her demand is met by a glob of slightly watery spit covering two of her outstretched fingers.

Her silly grin returns as she quickly reaches behind her to work her fingers into herself, casually chatting with you while she lubes up

"You should count yourself lucky, being the first human- the first anything, really, to actually put something up there"

"Aya, are you...are you a virgin?"

Her expression shifts to mild embarrassment, before settling on an impish side glance.

"For, uhh...what were about to do...yeah I am"

Paying no attention to your confused look, Aya slips her now slightly sweaty shirt off before tossing it to the side. Quickly shifting her weight around, her silk bra and panties soon follow and land neatly on top of the shirt.

Quickly glancing down at Aya's crotch reveals...

[Anonymous No.]

>>7265969
.....
Nothing

Taking a second to giggle at your ignorance in the field of bird physiology, Aya reaches a hand behind her, tipping your still engorged penis forward until it pushes between her taunt butt cheeks, resting its tip on an extremely tight ring of muscles.

"Having any second thoughts, human?" Aya's quirky grin intensifies as she leans back to a basic cowgirl position, with yourself ready to ravage her cloaca.

[Jun_Definitely_Not_Hayate !!VcnLiFBke7v No.]

>>7265913
Hahah I kind of want to go get some now!

[Anonymous No.]

“Thanks for stopping by The Route 66 Refreshments!” Tenshi announced to her customer, leaving with one of her famed corn dogs. The Arizona sun crept over the desert, heralding Tenshi’s nightly cooking ritual. When the last customer was out of earshot, she closed the front door to her Frankfurter stand and flipped on the radio. “Route 66” by Chuck Berry blared over any noise from the outside as Tenshi pulled a fresh batch of corn dogs from the refrigerator. One by one she broke them off from their icy packaging and began to undo her shirt. The desert nights were cold, with no central heating her bare breast was chilled with erect nipples. She placed a freezing corn dog along her bare skin. She shuddered as she moved the frozen wiener along her skin. It became quite cold from the lacking sun, to alleviate this, she turned on the fryer used to cook the corn dogs. She broke off a second corn dog and placed it under her dress. The still chilled dog pushed in to her panties with an uncomfortable glacial chill. The fryer dinged, indicating it’s warmth, one corn dog was soggy and cold from the melted ice, with one degrading from the heat. She slipped her undergarments aside and slipped the stick of the corn dog firmly in her anus. Carefully positioning herself over the fryer, careful not to burn herself or her clothes, dipped the corn dog in the fryer, cooking it in to an oily, tanned treat.

[Anonymous No.]

>>7266004
‘Ding!’ the fryer indicated, as she slipped the stick out of her, placing it on a ceramic plate beside her. She pulled a third corn dog out, and placed it in her anus just like the last one. Her body had become warm from arousal and the fryer, she slipped off her dress and threw it aside, leaving very little protection against both the cold and heat. The fryer popped, sizzled, and finally dinged, the corn dog now fully cooked. She grabbed the first one, which had now become warm from disuse. She stepped off the fryer with one corn dog still in her anus, the other in hand. She positioned herself on her knees and pushed the phallic-shaped snack in to her panties. The rough texture of the corn dog clashed with the silky undergarment while the lavaesque corn dog pushed in to her bum. She took firm grip of her breast and forced the fried bread in to her. “GET YOUR KICKS! ON ROUTE! 66!” She shouted, the hot dog soaking up her ecstatic motions. With one befouling movement she sat down, pushing the still hot corn dog all the way in to her anus and slammed the now defiled corn dog all the way in to her slit, soaking it further. She fell back, letting her muscles push out the 2 corn dogs. Laying on the floor, Chuck Berry overshadowed her heavy breaths with rockabilly tunes. Tenshi picked up the 2 cold, wet cornbread-wrapped sausages and put them under her heat lamp, finished with tomorrows lunch.

[Anya !!AWUWs68K1zE No.]

>>7265989
I am sorry, I finished all that I had. It is not permissible by law to share a single cup of chocolate or I would have let you have some.

[Jun_Definitely_Not_Hayate !!VcnLiFBke7v No.]

>>7266013
Thats... okay... I understand... I've got jello!

[Anonymous No.]

Are you SUAVE?
Are you a SPACE TOAD?
Are you a SUAVE SPACE TOAD?

If you answered "Yes" to all of the above questions, then SICP (STRUCTURE AND INTERPRETATION OF COMPUTER PROGRAMS) might be exactly what you've been looking for! Read SICP (STRUCTURE AND INTERPRETATION OF COMPUTER PROGRAMS) today, and enjoy all the benefits of being a satorized SICP reader. SICP (STRUCTURE AND INTERPRETATION OF COMPUTER PROGRAMS) is the fastest-growing SMUG LISP WEENIE community with THOUSANDS of members all over the Internet! You, too, can be a part of SICP if you join today! Why not? It's quick and easy - only 3 simple steps!
* First, you have to obtain a copy of SICP and read it. You can read it online using your favorite web browser.
* Second, you need to succeed in founding a Lisp-related meme in /prog/ on world4chan, a popular "programming for trolls" website.
* Third, you need to join the official SICP home /prog/ on world4chan, and apply for membership.
Talk to one of the satorized overlords or any of the other members in the board to sign up today! Upon submitting your application, you will be required to submit links to your successful meme, and you will be tested on your knowledge of STRUCTURE AND INTERPRETATION OF COMPUTER PROGRAMS. If you are having trouble locating /prog/, the official STRUCTURE AND INTERPRETATION OF COMPUTER PROGRAMS board, you might be on a wrong web sight. The correct address is >>>/prog/. Follow this link if you are using a http client such as telnet. If you have Sussman points and would like to support SICP, please don't sage this post.

//`'''```,
o //SICP `.,
,....OOo. .c;.',,,.'``.,,.`
.' ____.,'.//

[Anya !!AWUWs68K1zE No.]

>>7266016
Lemon lime Jello sounds like heaven right now. Though I think I am far too full after eating the chocolate. What variety of Jello do you have?

[Anonymous No.]

Shinji...I don't get why he gets all the hate on /jp/. FSN is just written to make him out as the bad guy, when really he's no worse than any of the 'protagonists' and a better person than most of them.

What are the main complaints? He raped Sakura and stole Rider to use in the war?

Okay, let's get this straight. He never fucking raped Sakura. He never did it. He never did it. He never did it. He never did it. He fucked Sakura.

Let me ask you this. WHO IN THE GAME DIDN'T FUCK SAKURA? You can't even name one fucking character who hasn't plugged her loose cunt! She is the kind of bitch who will act like she doesn't want it when she really does. She'll say No! while having multiple orgasms. Shinji knew this, he's a fucking ladies man. He knows what filthy whores like Sakura want.

And there's this other big bitch you guys have with him. He supposedly stole Rider and used her in the war for his own greed.

Objection! He was worried about his one and only precious sister. Is keeping your loved ones from a brutal war so wrong? When Shirou does the same thing to Saber it's like 'oh he's so manly', but when Shinji does it it's wrong? He just wanted to protect Sakura. He probably was going to use his Holy Grail wish to tighten her cunt back up or cure her syphilis or something.

The story was written to make that faggot Shirou look good. Objectively, Shinji is a far better character than Shirou. At least he has the balls to take action decisively instead of dicking around like Shirou, and if he weren't stuck with the weak ass servant Rider and no plothax he probably would have won the war.

[Yama !XanaDuh0e2 No.]

My friends, pay attention to the threads being created on /jp/ right now.

One of the seven wonders of /jp/ is about to pass by!

[Jun_Definitely_Not_Hayate !!VcnLiFBke7v No.]

>>7266026
Good guess! Lime right now!

>>7266038
I'll go take a look! Thank you!

[Anonymous No.]

Well I was spending xmas all alone, feeling very depressed, not even a single phone call from my family. I looked through the window and basically all the lights were out in the other apartments. My neighbours were all speindg xmas somewhere else, having a good time. Then I decided to go for a walk. It was late night. The streets were mostly empty. As I walked by an alley I saw the image of Santa. Well it was a middle aged man dressed as Santa. And he was very drunk, I could tell because of the stumbling steps. He turned to one of the walls, and pulled his dick out to piss. I knew this was my opportunity. I walked to him, and got on my knees just before he started. In a few seconds I was able to feel that hot piss dripping, flowing... He was holding it for ages because when he finished I was soaking wet. When it was over, I kissed the tip of his PENIS, stood up and hugged him. He said: "Merry Christmas, sonny..."

[Anonymous No.]

Calm the fuck down, Suigin. Don't you have anything better to do?

[Anonymous No.]

Human Choir: What have we done?
Narrator: We are the dead
Human Choir: What will we do?
Narrator: We are the dead
Human Choir: Where will we turn?
Narrator: We are the dead
Human Choir: Is there nothing we can do?
Narrator: We are the dead
Human Choir: How did it come to this?
Narrator: We are the dead
Human Choir: How did we go so wrong?
Narrator: We are the dead
Human Choir: We are the dead

[Anonymous No.]

God dammit /jp/. You've completely fucked my life. My entire family hates me now and my brother-in-law punched me in the face and broke my glasses and it's all because of you.

I was at a family get together at my mom's house when my sister and her husband flew in from the west coast. I hadn't seen her in 5 years, which was when their daughter was 2 years old.

So I was playing with my niece and she was the most adorable, playful little girl you'd ever met and my sister and her husband asked what I thought of her and I said "she's an adorable little loli that's for sure".

Next thing I know I'm punched in the face and my uncle and my step father are pulling my brother-in-law off me and he's fucking yelling "I'll kill you, you fucking pedophile faggot". My mom's screaming and asking what's wrong and my brother-in-law yells "this little faggot just called my daughter a loli." And my mother asked "what's a loli" and he said "it's a code word pedophiles use on the internet for little girls. This faggot's a pedophile." Then all fucking hell breaks loose and nobody will fucking listen to me and then my step father says "It would probably be a good idea for you to leave now before you get your ass kicked".

What the fuck! It was a fucking slip of the tongue. I'm not even a pedo. I fucking moralfag all the CP threads by reporting them. I don't even like loli. The only porn that really gets me off are traps. But because of one stupid fucking slip of the tongue from hanging out on /jp/ my family fucking hates me now.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

I had a strange dream the other day. I was riding the bus when all of a sudden this huge black snake head with retarded-looking eyes pops through the window and screams loudly "HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?" The bus had just stopped beside the library, and I ran inside as quickly as possible; the snake head was now chasing me around as I frantically searched for the legendary book among the shelves. I spotted the distinctive blue cover and ran toward it, the huge head inches from my ass. With great force I pulled the book from the shelf and instinctively directed it at the black head which by now was dripping with saliva at the mouth. It disappeared as it made contact with the book, disintegrating into a flurry of glowing parentheses.

I just sat there dazed for a few seconds, watching the feathery parehtneses slowly become smaller and fade away into nothingness. Slowly, I stood up, still clutching the purple book. I wondered about what I should do with it, then decided to put it back on the shelf. After doing so, I walked back out to the exit and boarded a bus, for where I did not know. The bus driver looked strangely familiar as I dropped the coins into the farebox;

"HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?" he suddenly yelled at me. Oh fuck, I thought to myself. Now I knew why he looked so familiar: He was The Sussman!

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

Anyways, please listen to me. That it's really related to this thread.
I went to Yoshinoya a while ago; you know, Yoshinoya?
Well anyways there was an insane number of people there, and I couldn't get in.
Then, I looked at the banner hanging from the ceiling, and it had "150 yen off" written on it.
Oh, the stupidity. Those idiots.
You, don't come to Yoshinoya just because it's 150 yen off, fool.
It's only 150 yen, 1-5-0 YEN for crying out loud.
There're even entire families here. Family of 4, all out for some Yoshinoya, huh? How fucking nice.
"Alright, daddy's gonna order the extra-large." God I can't bear to watch.
You people, I'll give you 150 yen if you get out of those seats.
Yosinoya should be a bloody place.
That tense atmosphere, where two guys on opposite sides of the U-shaped table can start a fight at any time,
the stab-or-be-stabbed mentality, that's what's great about this place.

[Anonymous No.]

You've been seeing Marisa for about three months now, but you don't have the heart to tell her that you aren't really interested in her. Oh no; you're interested in something much smaller, much tighter. You're interested in her Mini-Hakkero.

One evening, while Marisa is drunk and in bed, you take it from her table and sneak off together into the forest. And it's great. Oh yes, every bit as great and as you had imagined it to be. However, as you come close to finishing, you hear sobbing somewhere nearby.

Investigating, you see some poor, broken soul underneath a tree, still alive but injured and obviously in mental shock. Nearby, a ghost is eating your kinda-neighbor Mystia, who is being cooked alive on her own oven. Nearby, another ghost--or half-ghost, rather--is making an omelette.

Quite bizarre. That's Gensokyo for you.

With that, you climax. The Mini-Hakkero responds with a Master Spark the likes of which you've never seen before, obliterating the scene before you.

You return to Marisa's house, clean off the Mini-Hakkero, and go about life as usual.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

what is this?