/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

Hey, /jp/

I see a lot of thread i want to say 'no' to, but i lost everything.
And this brings me to why i'm making this thread: post your "NO" pictures.

Picture unrelated - but only image macro i currently have.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

This day just keeps getting better and better.

[Anonymous No.]

sorry, no.

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>Post your favorite reaction image thread!

Get the fuck out.

[Anonymous No.]

HAHAHA NOW IF YOU WANT TO SAY NO, YOU CAN'T USE ANY OF YOUR GODDAMNED PICTURES
I'M BRILLIANT

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

I understand OP. I also see lots of shitty threads that I just want to deny. My response usually comes in the form of text, though. Give me a second and I'll show you.

[Anonymous No.]

It’s late at night. The enemy is out there, lying in wait. Only he’s well protected, impervious to your advances, hidden deep inside his fortified bunker. Your mission is clear: you need that thing torn up. But your missile lacks heft, girth and thrust. Your answer? The HARDBUT.

Meet the Hard and Deeply Buried Target Next Generation Multiple Warhead System, known as — yes — the HARDBUT. It’s designed to go deep where others can’t, penetrating the most secure command centers, hardened infrastructure and “underground facilities including caves,” according to its manufacturer. As you might have presumed, it’s European, designed by the Euro mega-missile giant MBDA, with research cash for testing it provided by the French and British defense ministries.

And it performs under pressure. MBDA announced today that the HARDBUT missile successfully smashed through a “massive concrete target” on September 14. The company boasted that the HARDBUT “penetrated through and exited the rear face of the target, demonstrating a penetration capability significantly in excess of any warhead currently produced by MBDA.” It sounds like it’s been raring to go, having not gotten any action since its first test in May.

Unfortunately, we’ve only got the company’s word to go on in assessing the power of the HARDBUT. MBDA didn’t reveal how thick the concrete target was, nor how big the multi-warheaded missile actually is. Here in the U.S., the Air Force is getting ready to unleash a 30,000-pound Massive Ordnance Penetrator by 2012, and the Defense Threat Reduction Agency is bolstering its own bunker-buster capability. That’s on top of the 5000-pound “Divine Thunderbolt” missile that the Air Force already has. Can HARDBUT top their performance?

The jury’s still out on whether Americans or Europeans make the more effective penetrators. Still, judging from MBDA, the HARDBUT is certainly nothing to laugh at.

[Anonymous No.]

I believe you shouldn't underestimate Aikido. Now I know you may be thinking, "Why take a weakling martial art like Aikido seriously when I am learning Kendo?" I can see why you would think that, how can a peaceful martial arts like Aikido beat a powerful one like Kendo?

Well, I have a story to share with you.

Years ago, I was a Kendoka, I thought I was the toughest kid in high school, I would pick fights, and kick ass. I was full of hate, until I picked a fight with the wrong dude. He was a Japanese exchange student, I still remember his name, Noboru Takeda.

I picked on him because of his hilarious and thick Japanese accent. I told him I was going to beat him so hard, he would go back to China(Yeah, I was a little racist prick.), he never said anything back, made me wanted to kick his ass even harder.

Well, here comes the fight. I threw men and do strikes, he dodged them like I was a mere white belt. I was tiring out and he knew, I saw the smirk on his face that made me raged hard. I put all my strength in one amazing tsuki, and he grabbed past it to my wrist and threw me over. My back smacked on the hard cement ground, and I was knocked out for who knows how long.

When I woke up I was in the school infirmary, I asked the nurse who brought me here, and you guessed it, Noboru Takeda. The next day, he wasn't at school, he was back in Japan, and I never got to thank him, for saving my life and showing me the light. I soon learned that he was an Aikidoka and have been practicing Aikido ever since to show my thanks to him.

[Anonymous No.]

Damn, a horny ten year old girl. Who would have imagined?

I pulled my finger from her mouth, anf used both of my hands to caregully, firmly push her back down to the bed. she whimpered.

"is something wrong jessi? do you want me to untie you?"

"No!" her body tensed, then relaxed completely. "why did you stop," she whined a little. I forced surprise into my voice. "Did you like that?"

"...ye...yeah," she said shakily. "Please...don't stop?

"I don't know," I said, drawing it out. "I don't know if it's really okay for me to touch you..."

"but we played this all the time when we were kids!"

"mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm," I returned my finger briefly to her mouth. "What do you want?"

She squirmed. "I want you to do what you were doing."

"What was that?"

"You were...you know!" She was so cute when she was flustered.

"I don't know," I said evenly.

"Tickling my...my...boobs."

"You want me to do exactly what I was doing? 'Tickling your boobs?' Just that?"

"N...no..."

"What else, jessi?"

"Keep going?"

[Anonymous No.]

Talk to her before and after each class. If she's just sitting in a chair, or standing somewhere, go up to her and talk about something interesting. But make sure she isn't already talking to someone else.
Ask her for her email address or her IM. Do this at least the fifth time you see her if you talk to her a lot, and if she asks why, you don't have to tell her it's because you like her, just turn it around and ask why not.
Don't make fun of her if she does sloppy push-ups, or a bad counter. You can do it once in a while, but not every time you go. Try not to be too patronizing, but it could give you the opportunity to show off and help her with her technique. However some girls might take offense to any form of criticism so be careful.
While sparring her, if you get to do so, don't go too hard on her, but don't go so easy that it's obvious. Remember, she IS learning the same techniques as you, and may well feel you are insulting her abilities by going easy on her.
Compliment her on her Aikido skills after class. Girls love it when they get compliments. If she's more advanced than you, ask her to help you with a technique. It'll give you the opportunity to talk to her while flattering her skill.
Saying Good bye. When you're leaving, or when she's leaving (which ever is first), say good bye to her. The best way to say it is see you later, so the girl knows that you actually want to see her later.
Make sure you don't have anything stuck in your teeth when you talk to her.
If there are any awkward silences in your conversations, quickly say something funny or interesting.
If you're talking to her, stare into her eyes and don't look around in different places in the room. It'll annoy her.
Check if your dojo has any rules about dating someone from the class. Some have rules like this to prevent both sexual harassment and interpersonal drama from cropping up in class.

[Anonymous No.]

I have defeated countless opponents using Aikido, and they always ask me, Why are you so strong?

I answer, I'm not strong, you are.

Aikido uses the strength of the attacker back at them but 10 times stronger(estimate). Using Aikido and I can probably kill a charging Rhino using it's force right back at it, of course, I'm not going to try it, way to dangerous for any sane person.

I recommend practicing Aikido for every /jp/edo, as you are all physically weak, and Aikido is specialized for the weak to defend against the strong.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDnYNroUmNs

A 50 year old man with cerebral palsy doing Aikido, very touching.

[Anonymous No.]

OP here:

Bump

[Anonymous No.]

Its lunch, I went to my favourite sandwich shop, got a delicious veal sandwich and was on my way back home. There was this thuggish "Nigga" style black dude, he was behind me, I stopped, because he was walking quite fast, and I didn't want to be in his way.
He comes up to me, and asked, “Do you have any money?”, I knew where he was going with this, so I said, “Yeah, but you’re not getting any of it.”, and I walked away. I suppose it’s in his blood, he was going to punch the back of my head but I quickly grabbed and threw him over my shoulder, he fell down and became unconscious. I checked if he had any drugs/money, found cocaine in his jacket and called the cops.
I guess it wasn’t really a fight since it lasted less than 10 seconds, it really shows how effective Aikido is in real life situations.
It feels good to help the police catch drug dealers/druggies.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962137
Hey, look!
He's pissed.

[Anonymous No.]

/jp/'s favorite activity for Valentine's: spamming pasta.jam ru

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962145
That wasn't me.

>>6962081
I don't want your favorite, just any macro which has no in it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962145
Maybe he can post a NO picture then, wwwwww


Japanese Martial Arts, is really an art isn't it?

Lets check out Aikido for moment. A style that doesn't even use any strikes to beat down your opponent, sound pretty cool right?

Here is a video of Aikido practitioners demonstrating various moves:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJ8VLPPTuH0

Note how graceful they are, it's like you are watching them dance and not fighting at all, a beautiful dance I might add.

What do you think? About Aikido and Japanese Martial Arts in general.

[Anonymous No.]

Bumping my own thread i'm op

[Anonymous No.]

My Aikido dojo is across from a Karate dojo. We usually get alot of rude remarks from them, such as Aikido being for weaklings.

Well, one of them challenged me, he was a white male in his 20's. I accepted of course, I never back down from a challenge.

He had really good form, but his Karate was no match for my Aikido. He delivered a great kick but it was nothing for me, I easily grabbed it and knocked him down with a kick. This went on for about 10 minutes until he got too tired.

He got frustrated and left, he was about to cross the street but I stopped him from getting hit by a speeding cyclist. He didn't say thanks but it still felt good to save someone.

[op No.]

saging mah thread i'm op

[Anonymous No.]

I don't know why everyone is so assangery, but i don't mind if you take your aggression out on me. I like the abuse.

[Anonymous No.]

Arguably the most powerful martial arts in Japan.

An Aikido practitioner is practically invincible, no one of any martial arts background can ever land a punch or kick on one.

Using the power of the attacker, the Aikido practitioner uses absolutely no energy to knock them down.

A fearsome martial arts it is.

[Anonymous No.]

Two days ago (sunday night) I cried myself to sleep. This girl (I will refer to her as Sarah) I have been obsessed with

since 3rd grade threw a birthday party on saturday, it was a pretty casual house party, so people brought friends along,

of course I was not invited (no girl would ever invite me to a party), but my friend asked me to come along, and of course

I jumped at the opportuinity.

Around an hour into the party, it happened that me and Sarah were alone in the kitchen while others danced and talked in

the living room. I was there to get a drink, and when I came in and saw her by the fridge, a deep shocking, sinking

feeling almost paralysed me with fear, as I just stood there staring at her for about 5 seconds (I am absolutely TERRIFIED

of females, especially Sarah, I had no idea she would be in there alone). When she looked at me I quickly glanced away in

shame. After about 10 awkward seconds of me staring at the floor and her standing there awkwardly, she finally spoke.

"Uh, hi, you're Nick, right?"
"No. Nicholas."
"Oh, but it's Nick for short, right?"
"No."
"Sorry, I must have you confused with someone else."

I couldn't think of anything to say.

"Want a drink?"
"Yeah. Thanks.

She handed me a beer.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962183
Go fuck yourself.

[Anonymous No.]

ATTENTION NEWGROUNDERS,

FACT: NEWGROUNDS WAS FUNNY WHEN WE WERE ALL 12 LIVING IN THE SUBURBS LISTENING TO LINKIN PARK WATCHING DRAGONBALL Z DRINKING PEPSI WHILE PLAYING HALO CO-OP ON THE EASIEST SETTING DURING WHICH WE CONSUMED DORITOS AND LOOKED AT PAINTBALL GUNS ON EBAY IN INTERNET EXPLORER CONNECTED THROUGH AOL ON A 56K MODEM BEFORE HOPPING INTO OUR BALDING FATHERS' LATEST MIDLIFE-CRISIS-IMPULSE-SPONSORED JAPANESE-BUILT SUV TO HEAD TO THE MALL AND GET MORE SKATEBOARDING SHOES AND THIRD-RATE IRREGULAR LEVIS AND MOUNTAIN BIKE PARTS BEFORE HEADING HOME, VOTING DEMOCRAT AND MASTURBATING TO THE LATEST SEARS CATALOG WHILE HUFFING PAINT IN YOUR GARAGE BEFORE TALKING TO PEDOPHILES ON AIM PRETENDING TO BE WHATEVER CAMWHORE THEY'RE RANTING ABOUT ON MYSPACE WITH A MATRIX QUOTE/ANIME CHARACTER NAME/TRIPLE SIX-ASTERISK-PARENTHESES-SURROUNDED SCREENNAME BEFORE HEADING TO YOUR SUPPOSED "GOOD SCHOOL" IN THE MORNING TO BUY MORE POT TO SMOKE DURING YOUR COUNTER-STRIKE LAN PARTY WITH JIMMY AND THE REST OF HIS FRIENDS TAKING RITALIN AND ADDERALL AND PROZAC EIGHT TIMES A DAY BEFORE TAKING A CASUAL PASS AT LOCAL, STATE OR NATIONAL GOVERNMENTIAL FIGURES, LEGISLATURE, OR STRUCTURE TO APPEAR EDGY AND INTELLIGENT IN FRONT OF YOUR BUDWEISER-SNEAKING, LIMP-WRISTED, NEAR-TO-COLUMBINE SOCIOPATHIC "DEEP" FRIENDS WHO PLAY THE VICTIM WHEN THEY START LOSING ARGUEMENTS SIX DAYS BEFORE THEIR BOTCHED SUICIDE ATTEMPT SIMPLY BECAUSE SCHOOL TRAMP NUMBER TWELVE WOULDN'T GO UNDER THE BLEACHERS WITH THEM TO LET THEM GET TO SECOND BASE BEFORE THEIR THIRTEENTH BIRTHDAY.

[Anonymous No.]

"I'M STRAIGHT EDGE!!"

I just tried to tell her I was straight edge (and therefore didn't drink), but I was so nervous when she approached me

physically that it came out in what sounded like a confontational shout which totally wasn't what I intended.

"Sorry, uh there's a diet pepsi if you like"
"I don't drink diet soft drinks, they are carginogens."
"Oh.."

I couldn't stand the fear of being near her any more, so I scurried away and (again in that nervous shout) blurted out

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY" and heard her say "thanks" as I walked back into the living room, up the stairs and into the bathroom

where I literally collapsed and started shivering on the floor with fear, tears came from my eyes. After about 5 minutes

of just lying there I composed myself and went downstairs again. For the rest of the party I pretty much avoided her and

talked with some people I knew.

When me and my friend got back home to my house and played a little PS2 for about half an hour, he left and I said bye. It

was at this point I realised he had left his cell phone. As I was about to call him to tell him, it suddenly struck me

that he probably had Sarah's number on his phone. I literally sat there for 45 minutes shivering with both anticipation

and fear as I saw the number across the screen, begging me to call.

Simple. I'd just call her up, apologise for the awkwardness and ask her if she wanted to get coffee some time. The only

problem was this was about the scariest thing imaginable. I felt my body ache with fear as I tried to press the "CALL"

button on the cell phone several times but was too scared. I got a disconnecting feeling as if none of this was actually

happening to me, like maybe it was all a dream. When I finally got the courage to call, my heart raced as I heard the dial

tone.

[Anonymous No.]

The short, bearded figure stood on the stage, gesturing furiously as he declaimed on the evils of the RIAA and occasionally pacing around a bit.

"Richard, you've changed," murmured the balding, nondescript-looking man in the audience to himself.

After the talk, the bearded man strolled up the stairs, unconcerned by the train of scruffy-looking undergraduates following after. He was headed for the cookie table. As he began to shovel handfuls of madeleines and pecan brownies into his mouth, the bald, mustachioed man approached.

"Eric," the bearded man gasped, nearly dropping a handful of shortbread cookies (but not quite.)

"Richard," the bald man said firmly.

"What brings you here?" asked the bearded man. The undergraduates merely stared wide-eyed, knowing something special was happening, but not knowing quite what. At least, the ones who weren't also going for the cookie table.

"Well, Richard, you'll remember how we knew each other, seven years before you started the GNU project," said Eric.

"Yes..." Richard began to say, when he was interrupted by a particularly young-looking undergraduate.

"In the biblical sense?" taunted the undergraduate, as she adjusted her baseball cap and pulled on her red hair.

There was silence.

"Yes, young ladies and gentlemen, in the biblical sense," said Eric.

"I think we need to go upstairs, to my office," said Richard.

[op No.]

i'm a big homo

[Anonymous No.]

Omg hai ^___^ I’m Ai-san and I absolutely luuuv @_____@ anime <3 and my fav is naurto!!! Okies so anyways, im going to

tell you about the BEST day of my life when I met my hot husband sasuke!! <333333333 OMFGZ HE WAS SOOOOO FREAKIN KAWAII IN

PERSON!!! Supa kawaii desu!!!!!!!! ^______________________________________^

When I walked onto Tokyo street =^____^=I looked up and saw…SASUKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333!!!!
“ KONNICHIWA OMGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ SUPA SUPAE SUPA KAWAII SASUKE-SAMA!!!!!” I yelled n____n then he turned chibi then un-

chibi!!
he looked at me [O.O;;;;;;;;;;;] and then he saw how hot I am *___* he grabbed my hand and winked ~_^ then pulled me

behind a pocky shop o_o and started to kiss me!!!!!! [OMG!!! HIS TOUNGE TASTED LIKE RAMEN!!! RLY!! >.> <.< >.< *(^O^)* *

(^O^)* *(^O^)*] then I saw some baka fat bitch watching us and I could tell she was undressing him with her eyes!!!!!!! [

-_____________-;;;;; OMG I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT EITHER!!! (o_o) (o_o) (o_o)] so I yelled “UH UH BAKA NEKO THAT’S MY MAN WHY

DON’T YOU GO HOOK UP WITH NARUTO CAUSE SASUKE-SAMA LOVES ME!!! (o_o)” then sasuke held me close =^____^= and said he would

only ever love me and kissed me again!!!!!!! ** (*O*)/ then we went to his apartment and banged all night long and made 42

babies and they all became ninjas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nyaaaaa!!! (^________<) ^_________________^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962200
Together, they headed for the elevator as the crowd of undergraduates, graduate students, and administrators who had gathered (no faculty members, since they wouldn't have wanted to be seen at a gathering where students would be present) gaped speechlessly. They got off at the seventh floor and Richard directed them towards a corner office.

"Don't worry, Professor mumble mumble won't be here for the rest of the afternoon," said Richard, who still had managed to make those fudge wafers last for four floors.

As they settled at opposite ends of the black leather couch that occupied a small portion of the office, Eric looked at Richard.

"You looked better with short hair," he said.

"Well, you looked better before you gained that 30 pounds," said Richard.

"It's all muscle," he said, and they both laughed. Then they were silent.

Eric broke the silence. "Open-source software, free software, why did we let such distinctions of terminology divide us so? Linux has been such a huge success and we've both contributed to that. We have more similarities than differences."

"That's GNU/Linux, Eric, and you ought to know why as well as anybody. Why, the Linux operating system would be completely nonfunctional without the many software utilities contributed by volunteers for the GNU project, including--"

"Richard, Richard. You're not talking to a journalist. You're talking to me. The only man you ever loved."

[Anonymous No.]

>mfw i'm op and haven't posted anything besides my request for 'no' pictures.

[Anonymous No.]

However, to narrow the scope to only danmaku shmups, I'm
feeling a bit dissatisfied with the direction that it's currently
headed. The main issues are the rapid inflation of difficulty,
games that have only a lot of bullets, effects that are fancy and
beautiful, but are not easy on the eyes; and games with new
systems that don't require dodging bullets. That is my opinion.
Many of them are usually fun to play as games, but even
though that might be fine as it is, in some instances it might
give the impression that "Dodging bullets is not fun; of course
there are going to be a lot of bullets in an shmup." If they don't
try to find dodging bullets fun, why don't they try to reconsider
why they would play a shmup if the enemies' shots were gone?

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962212
Eric's arm extended across the back of the couch. Richard inched ever so slightly closer.

"Well, you have no idea what it's like to live alone in Cambridge, Massachusetts, with only my four honorary doctorates to keep me company while you and your open-source friends get all the glory. It's just so hard, Eric."

Eric's eyes sparkled, "Just so hard, eh?"

Richard squirmed. "Well..."

"It's been so long."

"Well, yes, that is how I remembered it..."

"So, you said that Professor cough cough wasn't going to be back this afternoon, right? Because if you wanted to, we could go find a place to stay for the evening..." (The professor's name was once again obscured when Eric had a brief dryness in his throat.)

"No, let's just make good use of the place we have for now. It's free, after all."

"Free as in freedom?"

"No, free as in love."

They embraced. Richard's shirt came off, knocking loose the halo made from a disk platter that was still attached to his head. Before too long, the two men's back hair became an indistinguishable thatch of dark curls as Eric's cathedral entered Richard's bazaar.

"Sometimes being open to the point of promiscuity can have its advantages," breathed Richard.

[Anonymous No.]

Is /jp/ upset about something? Do you want to talk about it? You seem to lashing out for no reason.

[Anonymous No.]

That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Bastard Sword" bullshit that's going on in the d20 system right now. Katanas

deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine katana in Japan for 2,400,000 Yen (that's about

$20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana.

Japanese smiths spend years working on a single katana and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades

known to mankind.

Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut

through, a katana can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a

simple vertical slash.

Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Japan? That's right, they were too scared to fight the

disciplined Samurai and their katanas of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the

katanas first because their killing power was feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Katanas are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the

d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Katanas:

(One-Handed Exotic Weapon) 1d12 Damage 19-20 x4 Crit +2 to hit and damage Counts as Masterwork

(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon) 2d10 Damage 17-20 x4 Crit +5 to hit and damage Counts as Masterwork

Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of Katanas in real life, don't you think?

tl;dr = Katanas need to do more damage in d20, see my new stat block.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962223
"And you know I've always believed that there were some situations where tight control over the development process was necessary," sighed Eric.

Afterward, they lay together on the couch as the afternoon sun shone on them, stroking each other's beards. "You're even better now that you have a Jesus complex," said Eric.

"You certainly seemed to think that it wasn't just a complex!"

"That was five minutes ago, this is now."

"Oh." They cuddled some more. "I guess we'll always have the AI Lab."

"So, I have a date later on to play the recorder for some birds. Would you like to... come along?"

"Whenever I hear about you doing that kind of thing, I reach for my gun," said Eric.

"Ha ha!" they both laughed.

"Actually, I wasn't kidding."

[Anonymous No.]

I really don't understand why people are (In real life, and in fiction) scared of Yanderes.
Whenever I watch an anime/VN that involves Yanderes, the entire show treats him/her in the same way that horror movies

portray the main monster/villain, which is to say, utterly terrifying and nigh impossible to stop.

...

Beyond "To keep the plot going", why doesn't anybody just fucking kill them? Yanderes aren't as dangerous and menacing as

people (and characters) make them out to be - once you disarm them with whatever weapon they're holding, whether it be a

kitchen knife or pair of scissors, what are you left with? A menacing, dangerous...unarmed loli who's only worrying

characteristics are her disturbing homicidal tendencies.

And that's all it really is, a loli with a sharp object. Nothing more, nothing less. On another note, why are people so

god damn HELPLESS in Yandere animes? Do they ever think of picking up a gun or even a simple melee weapon and

shooting/bashing them in the head when they appear?

But no, they choose to run away screaming "OMGS SU SCAAARY". Do people in anime have absolutely ANY sense of self

preservation or self defense at all? Because from my observations, they don't.
I just don't get it.

[Anonymous No.]

/jp/ has been pretty great today. Thanks and goodnight.

[Anonymous No.]

I think one of the worst plagues to hit /jp/ is waifus. If /jp/ was once a place where only the Internet's finest would hang out and talk about VNs and idols, now all the waifu lovers who never had anything to do with /jp/ come here to post their "This is my waifu and I love her" waifu images. Just for the record, I have 2 waifus, and I take care of them very well, even though they're diametrically opposed which makes the task more difficult. It didn't bother me much when it only happened every so often, but when it happens daily and is constantly reposted is when it crosses the line. Take the maiwaifu.com site as an example. The retard who made it has nothing to do with /jp/, and neither do any of the fags who replied to him (f/a/ggots). /jp/ turned from the speakeasy club of the internet to a place where fags from G/a/ia and MySp/a/ce meet to talk about their waifu of the week. It gets worse when the waifu fags say stuff like this, and I quote:

>this thread will be up in both /a/ and /jp/ so play nice and have a fun Valentine's with your waifu.

/jp/ loaths anything to do with that shithole /a/ you idiots, get the fuck out.

Waifus are a reigning plague of faggotry that must be stopped.

[Anonymous No.]

OP HERE I'M A BOSS

[Anonymous No.]

I, like many of you, suffer from problems. My problems don't involve any of your implausible ones, but mine are worth voicing to you in hope of getting some advice.
Anyways, I began to play Final Fantasy 4 about a month ago, and as I dove deeper and deeper into the game, the more and more I fapped to hentai of it. I continued to do so until the last fight.
Then I played the game again...and again... and again... I found myself checking out Rydia every on-screen moment she had. I began to stop going to my regular sites just to look at hentai of one person: Rydia.
I eventually had 1000s of pictures and some doujins of Rydia. I began to spend what others called absurd amounts of money on merchandise, and my apartment is coated with Rydia everywhere.
I've shut myself off from family and friends and felt an urge to just snuggle with my Rydia dolls.. Rydia is all I need. She probably wouldn't like the way my family is or how my friends behave.
I'm in love with Rydia. I keep praying that she'll come to see me one day and decide to live with me. I have nothing left to live for but Rydia. I know she can hear me, so I always talk to her telling her to come and visit me so our union can take place.
So, this is where you guys come into the picture. You're an all-purpose advice board. You definitely must know a way to help Rydia break free from behind her glass prison.
Please help! She's my perfect girl, and she's longing for me as much as I long for her.

[Anonymous No.]

Anonymous does not really believe that 3D is Pig Disgusting. Rather, Anonymous is

the perfect tsundere. He has been jaded by painful experiences in the past, and

feigns indifference or disgust to protect himself from being hurt again. But peel

away the tsuntsun mask, and you'll see that there is a vulnerable deredere core

yearning to see the light of the day and receive acknowledgment and acceptance

from others.

Indeed, every time Anonymous sees a girl that is even slightly interesting, in his

own mind he has probably already planned their wedding and named their children

before his tsun side catches up to him a few seconds later and rationalizes a

hundred reasons why he shouldn't talk to her. For reasons of pride or shame or

somewhere in between, he has to reject her before she ever has the opportunity to

do so to him. That way he doesn't have to risk being hurt.

[Anonymous No.]

I hit my waifu today, /jp/.

We were having an argument and she went too far. She made a comment along the lines of "your loser father couldn't keep a relationship together and you can't either!". When I was around 11, my parents got divorced and fought for custody. My dad wanted me and my brother because he genuinely loved us. My mom wanted us just to spite my dad. She won, and my dad kinda lost it over the years.

This was too far for me. I had never, EVER hit a girl before, but it happened so fast I didn't even know I did it.

Basically, I cocked my fist back, and flew it straight into her nose. I thought it would be like the movies where she would get a little trickle of blood. It wasn't. Her nose EXPLODED. I think I must of broken a bunch of cartilege or something because blood shot out of both her nostrils, got all over me, got all over the floor. She staggered backwards, hit her head hard enough on the wall to leave a dent, and slumped down.

We were both stunned for about 10 seconds before she started crying hysterically and ran into my room and locked the door. I washed off my hand, browsed /jp/ for a bit, and took a dump. While I was in the bathroom I heard her run out of the house and take off in her car. That was about 5 hours ago so I guess she didn't go to the cops or anything.

I'm not too sure what to do next.

[Anonymous No.]

I still laugh at how 4chan doesn't understand what sage means.

If only I knew moon so I wouldn't have to spend time on a board that imports foreign concepts and then DOES IT WRONG all

the time.

Using sage as a way to "insult" someone's post or thread is just completely wrong and a retarded misuse of a good feature

that is so popular in sites like 2ch and Futaba. Fuck, iichan and 4-ch do it right. It's just 4chan and 4chan's lame

knockoffs that fail at using sage.

The true meaning of sage means that YOUR POST isn't worthy enough to bump the thread. It's ironic, because you think that

you're insulting others while you're just, in fact, insulting yourself. Yes, sage can be used when posting a derogatory

comment in a thread that you don't want to bump, but posting with just the word "sage" accomplishes nothing but contribute

to spamming the board. The trend of replying with the name of a tripfag and sage is even worse, as it accomplishes nothing

and only serves to increase the e-penis of whoever you're "attacking".

The sage feature was never meant to serve as an implied insult or general disagreement! Why people started using it that

way is beyond me. There are plenty of reasons why one would choose not to bump a thread with his reply. For example,

bumping threads with stupid one liner replies should be discouraged and those people should be coerced into using sage

instead.

I want to use sage, yet I almost never do it on 4chan because people will jump on me thinking I'm insulting their post or

something.

[Anonymous No.]

After a long walk between the bookcases, she stops. And she starts searching for that book.
"May I help you?" you say already seeing the book, and that Koakuma searches at the wrong place. You get the book down from the bookcase.
"Oh, you've found it!" she says smiling. But why is she blushing so heavily? She steps closer to you. She hugs you, you try to push her away, because your first thoughts was Sakuya and her silver knives...
But, her pretty hands won't let go of you.
"Oh? What's wrong?" you ask her surprised.
"...you smell good." She stares you with dreamy eyes. "Awww...your scent makes me dizzy..."
"Whaaaat!?"
"Umm...milk...I want milk..."
"Are you alright, Koakuma?" Koakuma looks at you vacantly and puts her hands on your pants.
What the...wait a minute!!"

ZIIIIIIP...

[Anonymous No.]

HEY KISAMAS,

WATASHI NO NAMAE WA ANANIMASU OFFU KAKUSU TO WATASHI WA KIRAI EVERY SINGLE ONE OF ANATA. ALL OF ANATA ARE FAT, BAKA BAKA

NO-LIFES WHO SPEND EVERY SECOND OF MAINICHI MITEIRUING AT BAKA PICTURES. ANATA WA SUBETE THAT IS WARUI IN THE SEKAI. HONTO

NI, HAVE ANY OF ANATA EVER GOTTEN ANY NEKO? I MEAN, WATASHI GUESS IT'S TANOSHI MAKING FUN OF HITOS BECAUSE OF YOUR OWN

UNKAWAIINESS, BUT MINNA TAKE IT TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL. KORE WA WORSE THAN ONANI-ING TO PICTURES ON HESUBUUKU.


SHIRANAI HITO JA NAI DESHO? JUST HIT WATASHI AND BE SURE TO GANBARIMASU. WATASHI WA PRETTY MUCH PAAFEKUTO. WATASHI WAS

AMERIKAN FUTBORU NO CAPTAIN, TO WATASHI WAS HAJIMASHTATER ON WATASHI NO BASUKETOBOORU TEAM. DONNA SUPOTSU DO ANATA

ASANBOU, OTHER THAN "ONANI TO NAKED DRAWN NIPPONJIN"? WATASHI MO GET HOMO JA NAI A'S, TO WATASHI HAS A BANGING KAWAII

SHOJO (KANOJO WA BLOWJOB WO SHIMASHITA; KUSO WA HONTO NI CASH.) ANATA WA ALL KISAMAS DARE SHOULD JUST KOROSU THEMSELVES.

DOMO ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU FOR LISTENING.

[Anonymous No.]

bump

[Anonymous No.]

I noticed the majority of Otakus tend to have Lolita complex, (I also have it to..., which sometimes scares me to death)
collecting Anime images of characters that look to be the ages between 8 and 14 year old children, can be both a joy and a

horror at the same time, especially if you do not want the label a pedophile (aka: short eyes in any prison.)
And the way things are going, it looks like where the majority of us poor lonely fat Otakus will end up, especially when

you're dealing with the laws of whatever country you may be from....
and the worst thing that can happen is ending up in prison and getting beaten up (or killed!) By your fellow inmates,

worse yet been raped by them every night, believe me, if you managed to survive, you're just plain totally lucky....
a big suggestion, to all of you out there, is to get rid of all the live pictures of Lolita's and such,
if you haven't been paying attention to the news, especially of what's going on in the Japanese anime business, with all

these laws being passed against anybody drawing illustration of young girls, very soon will be here, an any artists or any

actual producers of Anime
will be arrested for producing these type of images, (which the majority of tend to be forced rape,)
these things have been on my mind for quite a while, I deftly don't ever want to end up in a prison because I had a

collection of animated Loli pornography,
mind you, this is happening in Japan right now, but later it will hit the USA, as for the rest of the world?
so don't be surprised, when they knock on your door, and arrest you for your weird fetish,
no wonder I keep a gun next to my bed, when that day happens, I'm probably going to blow my brains out, enough said....

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

In AD 2008... bird was beggining
Anonymous-What happen?
Anonymous2-somebody set up us the bird
Anonymous3-we get spaghetti
Anonymous-what?
Anonymous3-main oven turn on
Anonymous-its penne
BIRDS-how are you Anonymous?
BIRDS-all your pasta are belong to us
BIRDS-you are on the way to coction
Anonymous-what you say!?
BIRDS-you have no chance to survive make your trenne
BIRDS-HA HA HA!

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962343
All went according to plan.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962264
Patchouli looks at the two of you and drops the book from her hands.
"Koakuma...what the hell are you two doing?!" Patchouli asks shocked and she blushes and covers her face in her hands.
You bitterly smile as you look down at Koakuma sucking your shaft.
"Umm...mmm...CHAP-CHAP... his cock is getting bigger...it doesn't fit in my mouth...ummm...SLURP-SLURP." The enchanted Koakuma massages your abs and sucks on you like a kitten does to its mother's titty.
"She said something about my smell, and this happened..."
"Then...why don't you hurry up and cum?" Patchouli reddens and yells at you.
"Y...yeah, but...it's not that easy..." you say, but your shaft is only half erect because of the shock.
"...the milk won't come out...ohh, I'm thirsty..." Koakuma says. "SLURP-SLURP...MUMPH-MUMPH...I want milk now..."
Koakuma flails her legs. Then Patchouli walks up to her.
"Koakuma, you have to do more to have him make milk."
"Is that so?" she says.
"Uh-huh. You have to tickle the tip like this or lick the sack up...massage his balls and the shaft if necessary." Patchouli kindly advises Koakuma.
"I understand. Let me try now!"
Koakuma flattens her devilish ears and wiggles her tongue on your shaft.
"Umm...CHAP-CHAP-CHAP...ohh..."

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962357
"Ohh!! This is super..." The electrifying sensation further raises in your shaft upward. "Your advice is working, Patchouli...you're sure experienced." You bear the pleasure and tell Patchouli.
"What do you mean I'm experienced? I just read that in a book. I've never actually done it, myself..." Patchouli timidly tells you this and quiets down.
"Sorry, I didn't know you hadn't..."
"Hey, don't make me say something like this!" Patchouli looks away, but she doesn't stop peeking at our act.
"Ummm...SLURP-SLURP-SLURP...you taste thicker than before...ohh...I want to drink it...please...ummm..." Koakuma erotically twists her hips and clumsily keeps stimulating you and you see that her tail elegantly sways as she moves.
"Ohh...I feel good, Koakuma..."
"I'll serve you good, so...give me a lot of milk...MUMPH-MUMPH." Koakuma buries her face in my crotch and serves your dick. You see her ears are still fluttering.
"CHAP-CHAP...the extract is coming out...ohhh, it makes me feel dizzy...umm..." Her warm tongue entangles around your shaft. The softness quickly takes you up high.
"Ahhh...I feel like I'm floating in the air...ummmm..." Koakuma sweetly pats and touches herself.
CHAP-CHAP-CHAP...
You hear wet sounds.
"Ah, my tummy feels numb....ummm...!"
BRRRR. She trembles as her body flushes pink. She continues to massage your dick.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962364
You are quickly reaching the edge:
"K...Koakuma, I'm...cumming...ohh..."
"Please...cum...cum a lot..SLURP-SLURP...ummm...." she strokes your dick with her hand and taps the tip with her tongue.
I feel a burning sensation inside me. The heat gathers at my crotch. Every time she moves her tongue, a hot pleasurable sensation seethes up.
"Ummm...ummm...CHAP-CHAP...cum, please cum now...MUMPH-MUMPH..."
She passionately pants and strokes you harder.
"...I can't hold on any longer!!"you say and after a moment later "I'm cumming!!"
Your groin tenses up and your concentrated extract rushes through your gun barrel and shoots out into Koakuma's mouth.

SPLAT-SPLAT-SPLAT!!
"Ahhh...umm...your milk...your thick milk is filling me up...GULP-GULP..."

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962369
"I will go and tell this to Miss Sakuya!" Patchouli says with a wide smile on her face.But probably because she sees your and Koakuma's shocked she changes her mind "Ah, alright alright. Then I won't tell her this. But I have one condition."
"What would it be?" you ask her, ready to make anything that she wishes.
"Then you promise me, that you will return to my libary!" her face reddens again as she continues. "you know.. to make me experienced, at those things..."
"Because you can't learn everything from a book." you say, helping her through to the end her sentence. "I think I can promise this."
"Okay, right... Koakuma please guide him out." she says and she disappears behind a bookshelf.

Koakuma looks at you blushed, and tired. She gives you a warm smile, then she speaks:
"I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist, your smell..." she turns away "I-I just... well where do you want to go?"
"I think..."

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962364
>>6962357
>>6962346
>>6962280
>>6962271
>>6962264
>>6962259
>>6962257
>>6962250
>>6962248
>>6962238
>>6962233
>>6962230
>>6962227
>>6962223
>>6962219
>>6962212
>>6962210
>>6962200
>>6962199
>>6962194
>>6962183
>>6962182
>>6962167
>>6962154
>>6962143
>>6962133
>>6962130
>>6962127
>>6962122
>>6962117
Is it because i didn't say please? Well, i do apologies.

Please, /jp/.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962377
You ask for a hamburger, I give you a hamburger. You raise it to your lips and take a bite. Your eye twitches

involuntarily. Across the street a father of three falls down the stairs. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in

your hands. I give you a hamburger. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. You cannot swallow. There

are children at the top of the stairs. A pickle shifts uneasily under the bun. I give you a hamburger. You look at my

face, and I am pleading with you. The children are crying now. You raise the hamburger to your lips, tears stream down

your face as you take a bite. I give you a hamburger. You are on your knees. You plead with me to go across the street. I

hear only children’s laughter. I give you a hamburger. You are screaming as you fall down the stairs. I am your child. You

cannot see anything. You take a bite of the hamburger. The concrete rushes up to meet you. You awake with a start in your

own bed. Your eye twitches involuntarily. I give you a hamburger. As you kill me, I do not make a sound. I give you a

hamburger.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962376
Suddenly, a huge black snake head with retarded-looking eyes materialized in front of them and stared menacingly. In a loud booming voice, it asked "HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?" and everything turned black.

When they woke up, they found themselves sitting in a lecture hall at MIT, amonst several dozen other students. "Welcome to 6.001" was written on the board. Professor Gerald Jay Sussman walked into the room, wearing his robe and wizard hat.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962377
I don't think you've ever have a full erection before.

I bet you've never experienced how truely hard and thick one's own penis can become. The head absolutely full and firm to

the touch. Taking one's shaft with both hands and imagining yourself pounding deep into a prepubescent girl. The feeling

of releasing on facial emotions or just the right formation of lines and shapes that truly bring a guy to the height of

ecstasy. Then feeling you must not only find your own pleasure but continue to violate this image. To be turned on by the

pleasure of what you focus your sexual desires on being mortified by you. The feeling that they must both suffer and take

you in as a whole. To take this image, and make yourself whole within it. Then you continue, again and again. Now you find

but nothing comes out but near clear fluids.
You feast. Protein, carbohydrates. Whatever you can get you devour. You must build up your stamina and nutrients to waste

them yet again.
20 times a day not enough? You clearly are not a man of science nor a man of poetry.

Just because you don't know how to do it, doesn't mean it can't be done. It just means you lack something very fundamental

to continue.

You are easy to please. Just a few moments of bliss a day enough for you? You'll never understand what it feels like to

continue to deepen your own pleasures.
Then again you could just simply lack vitality and sexual drive.

I'm going to take a stab in the dark, but people that masturbate 10+ times a day subconsciously drink quite a bit of

fluids.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962385
"Is this a hack?" he asked as he glanced around and saw the strangely-dressed group, shocked and staring back at him.

"What...?" Patchouli managed to say, all of them confused and unable to understand what had just happened.

"Nevermind, let's start the lecture." The Sussman said softly.

"I'd like to welcome you to this course on computer science. ... Actually, it's a terrible way to start. Computer science is a terrible name for this business. First of all it's not a science." The Sussman lectured while the students sat and listened attentively.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962392
"What's going on?" Koakuma whispered to Patchouli.

"I have no idea. But this is getting interesting."

"Or we'll actually see that computer... so-called science actually has a lot in common with magic." The Sussman continued.

"So procedures are the spells if you like that control these magical spirits that are the processes."

The Sussman produced a wand and waved it in the air, muttering to himself. A bright flash of light filled the room, and a stream of glowing parentheses shot out the end of the wand, dissappearing into the air. The students applauded loudly.

"But... how can he do that? He's only a human, right?" Koakuma whispered.

The Sussman, who up until now had paid no attention to the group, turned and stared at her with an astonished expression.

"What did you just say?" he asked, pointing his wand at her.

[Anonymous No.]

You guys are punishing OP and he probably has no idea why like a dog who gets beaten with a newspaper after crapping on the rug but you didn't rub his nose in it so he has no idea why he is being hit with some news paper that probably was the game if you're still reading this it means you're a homosexual and should begin to please yourself anally and if you're still reading you are potato.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962401


Imagine you are having terrible nightmare. It's terrible, but it's terrible only to you and no other. It's a horror custom

made for you by your own mind. The content is not important, but the fear is. When you wake, you wake in a room on a bed.

It is your bed, but it is not your bed. It is your room, but it is not your room. With effort, you realize you have not

awoken at all, but are still asleep and have dreamed of an awakening. The question remains if you are to wake and be

greeted with reality, should you get out of bed or go back to sleep. You decide to do both, and you fall backward through

the bed as the sheets envelop your body. It's dark, but it's not dark. You're awake, but you're not awake. You are dead

and being cremated. As flames disintegrate your flesh, a scream echos through your mind but not does not escape your lips

which, even if you could speak, have been glued shut. You black out once more, and awaken at dawn. As the mingled ashes of

bone and oak are scattered on a beach by the one you've left behind, you finally understand:

You are not the ashes of the man, you are the ashes of coffin. You were not a man dreaming of life, but a tree dreaming

you were a man.

This awakening, this epiphany... this is tanasinn.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962399
"And... well I guess you know everyone needs a magical language and sorcerers, right, real sorcerers use ancient Arcadian, or Sumerian, or Babylonian or whatever. We're gonna control our spirits in a magical language called LISP, which is a language designed for talking about... for casting the spells that are procedures to direct the processes," the Sussman continued, moving his hands in a series of complex movements as he spoke.

"What a disappointment. I thought he was going to teach us magic," Patchouli muttered almost inaudibly.

Once again, the Sussman quickly turned and stared at her, retrieving his wand and pointing at her with it.

"Excuse me?" he asked, "What did you say again?"

"Nothing," she replied, trying to avoid attention.

"No, I'm pretty sure you said something. Please repeat it for us, so as not to miss a fine learning opportunity."

"She said, 'What a disappointment. I thought he was going to teach us magic'," Koakuma exclaimed. At the sound of those words the Sussman's face turned a bright red.

"HOW DARE YOU DOUBT ME!!" The Sussman shouted angrily. "By the power of the Y combinator I send thee to the land of Java!"

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962405
"Now perish!" The Sussman shouted, conjuring a huge pair of parentheses from his wand, which surrounded the group and enveloped them in a closure.

"What do we do now?!?!" Koakuma screamed at Patchouli.
"I don't know!" she shouted angrily in reply as the both of them hammered as hard as they could against the invisible, unyielding walls of the closure.

"I hope you learned your lesson, freaks!" The Sussman exclaimed, as the closure rose up towards the ceiling with the two trapped inside, exploding into a shower of white parentheses as it hit the top. The Sussman returned the wand to his pocket and continued lecturing.

...

"Where... are we?" Koakuma whispered as she opened her eyes to find Patchouli lying next to her.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962412
"I think that guy said something about the 'land of Java'" Patchouli said in a low voice as they both sat up to find themselves in an empty office cubicle. The sound of mouse clicks and typing could be heard coming from around them.

They cautiously walked towards the opening of the cubicle, which lead to a long, brightly lit hallway that seemed to go on forever.

"Let's find a way out of this place," Koakuma said.

They walked into the cubicle beside the one they respawned in, but it wasn't empty; there was a desk, a computer, and an expressionless, bald man with startingly white skin sat there, staring into the monitor and pressing the keys frantically. They could see he was playing Perfect Cherry Blossom.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962425
"Umm... excuse me? Could you ---" Koakuma began.

The man remained focused on the game.

"Hello?!?!" Patchouli screamed at him while waving her arms across his eyes. The man remained undisturbed, and continued to graze with astonishing accuracy. Even when she covered her eyes completely he did not miss at all.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" she exclaimed, kicking him and then the monitor; but nothing refused to move --- it was as if there was a barrier surrounding him.

Seeing that nothing in the cubicle would respond to their attempts at moving or destroying it, they gave up and walked out into the hallway.

"This place sure is wierd," Patchouli commented sadly, "let's see what's in the other ones."

They visited several more cubicles, but the situation was the same; in each one was a man playing one of the Touhou series, and none of them could be disturbed by anything they did. After a while, it became apparent that almost every one of the cubicles was identical, and the hallway seemed to go on forever in either direction.

They continued to walk in silence, looking into the cubicles on either side for any sign of escape. One of them seemed to be empty except for a single purple book lying exactly in the middle, and aligned perfectly with the four walls.

"This one's different! But... what can we do?" Koakuma said as they entered it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962431
Patchouli reached for the book, and to their surprise it moved with her touch. She picked it up and turned it over.

On the cover was a picture of a wizard and the words "Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs".

"Structure and Inter--- wait, is this the SICP that snake mentioned before we ---" Koakuma exclaimed.

"I think I remember now!" Patchouli shouted excitedly. "It said something about reading SICP!" She opened it and turned to the first chapter.

[Anonymous No.]

>>6962435
They started reading the first chapter, and just as they finished the first section, the lights of the cubicle flickered and the two of them were once again immersed in darkness.

"What now?" Koakuma asked, "didn't we read it?"

A deep rumbling sound was heard, and the floor began to shake. They held onto each other as they felt themselves falling through it, then fainting.

They woke up to find that they were back where they started, and the huge black snake head was still staring at them. Patchouli continued to hold the purple book tightly against her chest.

"You have read your SICP today", the head hissed before disappearing into the air.

[Anonymous No.]

.