/jp/ - Otaku Culture

[Anonymous No.]

You’re in the woods. Thinking about it, you realize you don’t really have a clue why you’d be here, but you have a vague recollection of furious swears being directed at you and the words “I have no son” keep appearing in your mind. You figure out that you probably don’t have a home, and, consequently, the Internet, to return to. While annoyed at the thought of having to do any sort of physical exercise, you remain mostly unfazed by this, as your ability to feel any sort of real emotion is but a distant, unclear remnant of your rather unhappy past. Initially thinking you’d die in a matter of hours due to your pathetically frail body and practically nonexistent immune system, you gather that, being used to living in conditions the average person would deem “revolting”, “unthinkable”, or “horrific”, your body ought to be able to handle at least a few days in the wilderness. You ponder trying to find a way out of the woods and seeking help from the authorities, but the prospect of actual human contact seems as uninviting as ever, so you decide to stay and let fate take its course. In fact, you rather enjoy the quiet and solitude untamed nature offers.

[Anonymous No.]

Wondering whether it’s likely you’ll be mauled to death by rabid animals, you conclude the most dangerous beast you could find lurking around is an untamed squirrel, so that doesn’t bother you in particular. Neither does death, you say to yourself. You’ve known this day would come eventually, and, along with the development of your sociopathic tendencies, you’ve grown to be more worried about leeching enough money for the newly-released Suika figure than the inevitability of your demise. Now that the latter seems imminent, your mind feels at peace. You’ve got nothing to worry about anymore – no more posts to report, no more self-loathing. “It’s all over,” you say with a smirk as you lay down some leaves to create a makeshift bed, “time to head off to Gensokyo.” You lie down, and within minutes, you are fast asleep.

[Anonymous No.]

[x] Jump in the lake

[Anonymous No.]

Look west.

[Anonymous No.]

A sound you are not immediately able to identify causes you to awaken. As you open your eyes, you notice you’re not where you remember falling asleep. This is not a forest at all. You are in a traditional Japanese house, or so it seems, and the sound you heard turns out to be the footsteps of a young girl. As much as your cynical nature would like to convince you what you’re looking at isn’t there, the creature sitting in front of you with a heart-wrenchingly cute smile on her face is in fact, Tei Inaba. “Not Tewi, you shitposting faggots, there is no “wi” in the Japanese alphabet,” you mutter to yourself while grinning. Puzzled by your behavior, Tei moves closer to you and asks, “What’s your name?” Narrowly escaping cardiac arrest just hearing her ridiculously cute voice gently caress your eardrums, you manage to answer her. “That’s a weird name,” she says laughingly as she stares into your eyes, “but I like you.” Barely cheating death by cuteness for the second time in the span of thirty seconds, you try to hide your immense, pulsating erection as you try to divert the topic for a while, at least.

[Anonymous No.]

Use rabbit.

[Anonymous No.]

ktkr

[Anonymous No.]

>>6449178
>erections within moments of beholding Touhou

Yeah, this is a /jp/ dweller alright.

[Anonymous No.]

. “W-wait, how did I get here? I never actually believed the nonsense about going to Gensokyo, surely there were better people to pick, I can’t even 1cc clear any EX boss, this is insane!” You keep spouting out random thoughts that come to mind until you’re interrupted by Tei. “I just found you outside, silly. This happens every once in a while. I’m used to just finding and taking care of drunkards and lost fairies, though. You look different from most of the people I’ve seen. You’re younger and more, well, innocent,” she says as she laughs softly. Although you’re aware she’s much older than she looks, her manner of speaking truly shows her experience. You’re partly awestruck, scared, and extremely aroused. You try to hold back your lewd desires by attempting to describe the reality you came from to Tei, who is enticed by your storytelling. Naturally, your “knowledge” is limited to things you’re interested in, but that seems like a surprisingly good topic for her. “Whoa, so you can make her sing whatever you write?... Beato-riiche? I wonder if Marisa knows her… So they hid in underground vaults? Reminds me of the Oni…” And so, without even realizing it or faltering for a minute, you talk for a good three hours. You’re having fun interacting with another being for the first time in many, many years. By the time you’re finished, it’s already dusk.

[Anonymous No.]

Tei invites you outside to show you the beautiful view of Gensokyo far below the mansion. You’re not sure what season it is, but it’s certainly not the annoyingly cold November day you found yourself in just a few hours ago. It seems like a warm, inviting summer day, with gentle winds blowing and making the bamboo trees around shake lightly. Tei is holding your hand and pointing at various points of interest down below while explaining what they are. “…And that’s Rinnosuke’s shop. You can find many cool things there, but he keeps all the really good stuff to himself! Hey, are you even listening?..” Without you realizing it, a small tear has rolled down your cheek. Tei, looking worried, pulls your sleeve lightly. “I-it’s not that bad, honest! I mean, Reimu is kind of mean sometimes, but Reisen and Kaguya are really nice, and it’s not all boring, I’m sure you’ll like it here, and I’m sure we’ll find a way to get you home-” You kneel down and hug Tei tightly. You can feel her heart beating quickly as she gasps, her warm breath tingling your ear. With all the confidence and courage you can muster, you declare: “I’m not going anywhere.”

[Anonymous No.]

c'mon OP i'm waiting for ya

[Anonymous No.]

More?

[Anonymous No.]

As you let go of Tei, she looks both surprised and sort of flustered. “I-it’s gonna be dark soon, so we better go back in,” she remarks. You agree and follow her back into the mansion. The tension of the past few minutes is all but gone after a few more hours of talking and a couple of rounds of Gensokyo-made sake. Tei, laughing and not really aware of what‘s going on anymore, gently drifts off into sleep. Not quite as inebriated, you decide to pick her up and carry her to bed. As you gently place her down, she opens her eyes, whispering, “won’t you sleep with me?” In the mere nanoseconds it takes for the neurons to carry this information to your brain, you get the most intense boner you’ve ever had. Your hands shaking, cold sweat running down your face, you cannot refuse. As you lie down, Tei grabs you and gently gets on top of you. You’re barely coherent at this point; all your senses are numb and you’re in ecstasy. Grinning, she leans closer to you and gently kisses you, first on the forehead, then the mouth. At this point, you’re unable to resist temptation and without thinking, push your tongue deeply into her oral cavity. Apparently enjoying this, she plays around with it for a while, a thin string of saliva coming down from her mouth. You go at this for a few minutes until you’re practically soaked with precum, and you notice a small wet spot on her underwear as well. “H-hey, let’s do it already,” she utters, “you’re making me crazy with lust.”

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

Breathing heavily, you grab Tei’s small, firm butt, and bring it to your face. “Hey, what are you..!” she panics, trying to resist, but it’s already too late. You bury your face into her cute hairless slit, and take in her sweet Inaba nectar. The taste is unlike any other, and it’s the sweetest thing in the world. You gently lick it up as Tei starts moaning heavily, pushing her butt further down on your face. Her cute whelps combined with the sensation of her smooth, soft skin rubbing against your naked body and her juice flowing into your mouth bring you indescribable pleasure. Your penis starts twitching, unable to hold in the excitement. As you keep licking, you notice a warm, pleasant feeling around your member. Tei is licking the head, trying to fit it in her small mouth. Her small, fragile body is now contorting violently, indicating that she’s unable to control herself anymore, being close to orgasm. She barely manages to fit half of your manhood in her, and the extremely tight sensation you feel while inside her combined with the pain of her teeth biting into your penis is enough to bring you over the edge. You begin ejaculating violently into her throat, huge globs of semen being hurled deep inside her as your body writhes in ecstasy. Your orgasm causes her to cum as well, with her pushing her vagina in your face violently and squirting out a great amount of juice right into your mouth. Once you’ve finished ejaculating, she violently spits out your penis and screams as she is unable to hold in her pee. Not realizing this, you keep licking her clitoris and feel a steam of warm liquid slide down your throat. Tei’s body keeps rubbing into you as she releases all her pee inside your mouth. Being literally insane with lust, combined with the fact you’re drinking a loli’s pee right from the source makes you instantly get hard again.

[Anonymous No.]

Suddenly, a huge black snake head with retarded-looking eyes materialized in front of me, and in a loud booming hiss, asked "Have you read your SICP today?" And everything turned black
When I woke up, I found myself sitting in a lecture hall at MIT, amonst several dozen other students. "Welcome to 6.001" was written on the board. Professor Gerald Jay Sussman walked into the room, wearing his robe and wizard hat.
"Is this a hack?" he asked as he glanced around and saw the strangely-dressed me, shocked and staring back at him.

"What...?" I managed to say, all of them confused and unable to understand what had just happened.

"Nevermind, let's start the lecture." The Sussman said softly.

"I'd like to welcome you to this course on computer science. ... Actually, it's a terrible way to start. Computer science is a terrible name for this business. First of all it's not a science." The Sussman lectured while the students sat and listened attentively.

"What's going on?" I asked myself.

[Anonymous No.]

"I have no idea. But this is getting interesting." Tei sitting next to me said.

"Or we'll actually see that computer... so-called science actually has a lot in common with magic." The Sussman continued.

"So procedures are the spells if you like that control these magical spirits that are the processes."

The Sussman produced a wand and waved it in the air, muttering to himself. A bright flash of light filled the room, and a stream of glowing parentheses shot out the end of the wand, dissappearing into the air. The students applauded loudly.

"But... how can he do that? He's only a human, right?" I whispered.

The Sussman, who up until now had paid no attention to me, turned and stared at me with an astonished expression.

"What did you just say?" he asked, pointing his wand at me.

"And... well I guess you know everyone needs a magical language and sorcerers, right, real sorcerers use ancient Arcadian, or Sumerian, or Babylonian or whatever. We're gonna control our spirits in a magical language called LISP, which is a language designed for talking about... for casting the spells that are procedures to direct the processes," the Sussman continued, moving his hands in a series of complex movements as he spoke.

"What a disappointment. I thought he was going to teach us magic," I muttered almost inaudibly.

Once again, the Sussman quickly turned and stared at me, retrieving his wand and pointing at me with it.

"Excuse me?" he asked, "What did you say again?"

[Anonymous No.]

"Nothing," I replied, trying to avoid attention.

"No, I'm pretty sure you said something. Please repeat it for us, so as not to miss a fine learning opportunity."

"He said, 'What a disappointment. I thought he was going to teach us magic," Tei casually responded. At the sound of those words the Sussman's face turned a bright red.

"HOW DARE YOU DOUBT ME!!" The Sussman shouted angrily. "By the power of the Y combinator I send thee to the land of Java!"

"Now perish!" The Sussman shouted, conjuring a huge pair of parentheses from his wand, which surrounded me and Tei and enveloped us in a closure.

"What do I do now?!?!" I thought
"I don't know!" I shouted angrily in reply as I hammered as hard as they could against the invisible, unyielding walls of the closure.

"I hope you learned your lesson, freak!" The Sussman exclaimed, as the closure rose up towards the ceiling with me trapped inside, exploding into a shower of white parentheses as it hit the top. The Sussman returned the wand to his pocket and continued lecturing.

...

[None !8FuIlcirno No.]

>>6449459
WHAT A TWIST

This has to be the best piece of fanfiction I've EVER READ. Notice, I'm not saging, I'm serious, seriously excite!

PLEASE, continue this madness!

[Anonymous No.]

The way this story is developing is a lot like my dreams progress.

[Anonymous No.]

wat

[Anonymous No.]

"Where... are we?" Tei whispered as she opened her eyes to find me lying next to her.

"I think that guy said something about the 'land of Java'" I said in a low voice as we both sat up to find ourselves in an empty office cubicle. The sound of mouse clicks and typing could be heard coming from around us.

We cautiously walked towards the opening of the cubicle, which lead to a long, brightly lit hallway that seemed to go on forever.

"Let's find a way out of this place," Tei said.

We walked into the cubicle beside the one we respawned in, but it wasn't empty; there was a desk, a computer, and an expressionless, bald man with startingly white skin sat there, staring into the monitor and pressing the keys frantically. We could see he was playing Perfect Cherry Blossom.

"Umm... excuse me? Could you ---" Tei began.

The man remained focused on the game.

"Hello?!?!" I screamed at him while waving my arms across his eyes. The man remained undisturbed, and continued to graze with astonishing accuracy. Even when I covered his eyes completely he did not miss at all.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" Tei exclaimed, kicking him and then the monitor; but nothing refused to move --- it was as if there was a barrier surrounding him.

Seeing that nothing in the cubicle would respond to our attempts at moving or destroying it, we gave up and walked out into the hallway.

"This place sure is weird," I commented sadly, "let's see what's in the other ones."

[Anonymous No.]

We visited several more cubicles, but the situation was the same; in each one was a man playing one of the Touhou series, and none of them could be disturbed by anything they did. After a while, it became apparent that almost every one of the cubicles was identical, and the hallway seemed to go on forever in either direction.

We continued to walk in silence, looking into the cubicles on either side for any sign of escape. One of them seemed to be empty except for a single purple book lying exactly in the middle, and aligned perfectly with the four walls.

"This one's different! But... what can we do?" Tei said as we entered it.

I reached for the book, and to our surprise it moved with my touch. I picked it up and turned it over.

On the cover was a picture of a wizard and the words "Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs".

"Structure and Inter--- wait, is this the SICP that snake mentioned before we ---" Tei exclaimed.

"I think I remember now!" I shouted excitedly. "It said something about reading SICP!" I opened it and turned to the first chapter.

We started reading the first chapter, and just as we finished the first section, the lights of the cubicle flickered and the two of us were once again immersed in darkness.

"What now?" Tei asked, "didn't we read it?"

A deep rumbling sound was heard, and the floor began to shake. We held onto each other as we felt ourselves falling through it, then fainting.

We woke up to find that they were back where we started, and the huge black snake head was still staring at us. Tei continued to hold the purple book tightly against her chest.

"You have read your SICP today", the head hissed before disappearing into the air.

-end-

[Anonymous No.]

>>6449459

[Anonymous No.]

This is what the afterlife is like.

[Anonymous No.]

>and an expressionless, bald man with startingly white skin sat there, staring into the monitor and pressing the keys frantically. We could see he was playing Perfect Cherry Blossom.

[Anonymous No.]

“I-I’m sorry!,” she says, breathing heavily, “I couldn’t hold it in…” Not even bothering to reply, you turn her around, placing her crotch next to your member and rubbing it softly against her lower lips. As she begins to moan again, it becomes clear she’s nowhere near satisfied, and neither are you. As you continue feverously rubbing into her, she utters, “I can’t take it anymore… Put it in, p-please…” This flips a switch deep in your brain and makes you mad. You thrust into her with all your might, making her produce a violent scream as blood starts leaking out of her slit. You grab her now rock-hard nipples and hold them tightly as you push deeper and deeper into her with every thrust. Tei’s eyes roll back and she is unable to close her mouth while moaning and screaming. Her sweat and saliva make her beautiful body glisten. The incredible warmth and tightness of her vagina are more than you can take. After what seems like a few brief moments, you are unable to hold back, and shoot your seed violently inside her. With one final scream, she falls on top of you, completely exhausted and covered with sweat. Your mind is completely numb, and you lose consciousness…
You awake in the same bed of leaves you made earlier. You begin to curse as you realize this was all a dream. However, you notice a small note next to you. Picking it up, you notice It has Tei’s scent. Your heart racing wildly, you read it. Written on it with a strange font is, “HAVE YOU WRITTEN YOUR SICP TODAY?” Confused, you look around and notice a humanlike figure next to a tree. Getting closer, you see a naked, sweaty Gerald Sussman making the “come on” motion with his finger. Everything finally makes sense. It’s going to be a wild night.

-end-

[Anonymous No.]

>>6449546
Fantastic!

[Anonymous No.]

>>6449546
Holy shit.

[None !8FuIlcirno No.]

>>6449546
Oh dear god, alternate ending! More twists! What next? This is close to Umineko in its might and glory!

Saved it all.