Yandere Touhou Thread

[Anonymous No.]

Post 2hus who would love you to the point of emotional manipulation and physical threats if you don't love them back

[Anonymous No.]

>>45401358
Who would or who I wish would?

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>45401363
Both

[Anonymous No.]

>>45401460
Cute grape maid

[Anonymous No.]

Your least favorite should be the yandere to make it a true dilemma.

[Anonymous No.]

I want Meiling to look at me like this

[Anonymous No.]

>>45402155
So Wriggle, Joon, Seiga, or Seija?
Honestly couldn't tell you who I liked least, though at Seiga has an aftercare plan

[Anonymous No.]

>>45402155
I hate Wriggle and my relationship with her in this scenario would not be unlike the one Billy had with Jeff in Grim Adventures.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45402341
>>45402387
Y do u hate Wriggle so much?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45402542
She's a literal bug who commands other bugs, her yan affections would be the worst with my fear of insects (roaches and spiders).
I would unironically consider suicide a better alternative than be swarmed by roaches carrying romantic letters to me from her. I would have to take shelter at the shrine at least, and actively figure out a way to kill her to protect myself.
With any luck her small brain will make her forget me, but short of that I'm going to have to find a way to kill her before such a fate happens to me.

Now that I think about, wriggle is hands down my least favorite hu. At least Joon is just a parasite, Seija is just a contratian edgelord, and Seiga is just an evil women who'd just turn me into a favored zombie.

Yeah, yan wriggle is a fate worse than death and I'd rather hop in the Sanzu and try swimming across then let wriggle's insect horde get to me

[Anonymous No.]

>>45402620
Okay you convinced me
I don't like her now
I HATE bugs

[Anonymous No.]

>>45401358
Yandere Medicine would be wild, she's already kinda yandere-ish if you consider that her hatred over humanity is because of an abandonment crisis she has.
Medicine could ransom your whole body by inflicting an extremely painful poison that doesn't kill, don't worry she will totally do worse with any girl that gets near you, imagine the Hill of the Nameless full of crucifices, gallows, Impalement stakes etc.
Eitherway Medicine sexo.
>>45402155
That's Momiji then, I think it would be interesting since she can basically see anything from far away and the fact I hate her with all of my forces would make everything even funnier.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45402155
Aunn komano
I think she looks stupid and annoying.
I guess I'll just never go to the Myoren temple or the Hakurei shrine, ever. Unless maybe I get Youkai wife to BTFO her, and establish that I'm taken, with nothing she could possibly do to change that.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45402155
>Reimu
Welp, so much for fleeing Gensokyo.

Honestly, if Reimu wants to marry you there is probably nothing you could actually do about it. At least she'll probably be really lazy about being a yandere.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45404819
Instead o her putting the effort into it she will ask for her friends to keep a eye on you.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45404819
It would be scary because it's the first time she ever put genuine effort into doing something. You get to experience what a Reimu who is at 100% looks like.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45402155
Seiga Kaku is the worst objectively

[Anonymous No.]

[Anonymous No.]

>>45405342
Due her power if she actually put effort into it then it will fail badly. She is at her best when she does not care at all so if she puts effort it might end with anon married to Marisa or something.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45402155
I'll use this opportunity to use Reimu to get rid of them permanently

[Anonymous No.]

>>45405152
>Literally every Youkai in Gensokyo is trying to make sure you can't escape from Reimu.
Somehow that is worse than them eating you.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45405559
Fuck it, 'mu can abuse me just like my mommy did
I can't escape this hell, but I can rob her of the joy found in the chasing.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45401358
Marisa serving me spiked cake!

[Anonymous No.]

>>45405574
She's a lazy fuck. You giving up is the ultimate victory.

[sage No.]

>>45401358
Very cute book.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45402620
>>45402726
I can take Wriggle if you nerds don't want her.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45406071
Bugs are scary. If i saw a spider in gensokyo i would ask my 2wife to smash it or something

[Anonymous No.]

>>45406179
>Wriggle sends the biggest and most beautiful butterflies to deliver her love letters to you
I don't see a problem

[Anonymous No.]

>>45406419
Wriggle wouldn't be in love with me if she knew how much i despise bugs

[Anonymous No.]

>>45406450
Good thing it's not you Wriggle is after all. Maybe it's someone else you should be worried of?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45402542
She's gross, I hate her, and if she came up in my face I would spray her in the eyes with a can of Raid! Get the FUCK up out my house! Next time I see you I'll be holding a lighter in front of that spray!

[Anonymous No.]

Which is the worst to be stalked by?
Humans, youkai, oni, spirits, ghosts, vampires, tengu, rabbits etc, you get the idea.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45406648
I'd say it's between oni, spirits/ghosts, and tengu. Oni and tengu have super strength and speed respectively and there's not much you can do to counter that as a regular old human. Spirits and ghosts might be more manageable if you have the right skill set but what are the chances that an average person knows how to perform an exorcism or anything like that?

Honorable mention to vampires who also have super strength and speed but they have too many well known weaknesses to be as big a threat as the aforementioned picks.

[Anonymous No.]

Havin Reimu as your yanhu must be terrifying

[Anonymous No.]

>>45408471
Youkai and humans alike finally start fearing her and giving her the respect she is owed after seeing her go all out for the first time on a random youkai who greeted you in a little too friendly of a tone.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45408485
And when the humans and youkai start shunning you she starts being even meaner to them because they're hurting you

[Anonymous No.]

>>45406648
Honorable mention for fairies, who are 100% immortal and do not need to eat or sleep. They cant hurt you but you cant get rid of them either.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45408517
She starts strong arming some of the young men in the village into being your friend. She stresses to them that if she even thinks they said or did anything to steer you away from her she will come back and crush them like insects. Of course Reimu herself is always there when you hang out with them.

Not the women though, she's not silly. The women she forbids from even being in the same room as you. If you walk in then they have to leave immediately or suffer Reimu's wrath.

[Anonymous No.]

>grab yanhu
>put in bed
>get in bed
>hug tight

There, yanhu tamed

[Anonymous No.]

>>45408528
If I learned anything from Peter Pan, it's that I can simply trap one. Once that is done, I can just place the container in a basement and forget about it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45405522
Reimu refuses, saying that lover's quarrels are not her business so you have to think of ways to lure the yanhu into causing an incident so Reimu is forced to come deal with her!

[Anonymous No.]

>>45402155
I hate this fox with all of my heart.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45408621
What would you do if she tried to kiss up on you?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45408621
>Yan tubefox
I never stood a chance

[Anonymous No.]

>>45408621
>>45408632
I am not well versed on 2hu lore, what makes this tubefox so powerful?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45406648
Fairies and mages would be the worst. The first ones are already annoying at basic level, imagine them wanting to spend time with you, every second, every minute, every hour, every day, and they just can keep coming back if you ever decide to defend yourself, and the second ones have all the tools the other youkai have all in one, making them the hardest to deal with

[Anonymous No.]

>>45409196
How many damage does a fairy have to take before she is forced to despawn and regenerate?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45408660
Sexy

[Anonymous No.]

>>45409196
Imagine if the yan fairies start seeing you as some sort of communal husband/lover
You wouldn't be able to ever escape the tidal wave of fairies chasing you

[Anonymous No.]

>>45409987
Fortunely fairies are territorial enough that its more likely that you'll be owned by a pack of fairies. A friend group like the three fairies of light is the most likely bet for communal husbanding.
Sadly fairies have short memories, and while friend group a will covet you forever there's a very good chance they'll lose you at some point and you'll get passed around an entire territories worth fairies.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45408660
She will almost certainly gaslight you into leaving your home, your family, your identity, your everything, and mold you into the sort of person she wants. The subtle kind of yan.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45409739
anything that would kill you, would kill a fairy just fine. anything else, and they will just heal it off
>>45409987
the fairies of light would totally share you, but I don't think the likes of cirno and clownpiece would want to share you with anybody else.
>fairy wars 2 plot:

[Anonymous No.]

>>45410943
Cirno would share you with her team 9 friends.
Clappy might share you with the three fairies, after Reimu kicks you and her out for wildly mating under her floor(clappy lured you down there with her torch and held you prisoner)

[Anonymous No.]

>>45410957
Cirno and Clappy have the same friends.
They don't hang out with dirty youkai, only other fairies.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45410957
sweet
>>45411027
>They don't hang out with dirty youkai
mystia, wriggle, and rumia differ
marisa and alice get along with the fairies as well, which may or may not include them in the package in the long run

[Anonymous No.]

>>45411194
Maybe only after they brag about their wild mating sessions with them, which get the witches interested in the idea. Though knowing those spergs they'll fumble the situation entirely

[Anonymous No.]

>>45410943
So if I deck a fairy with some brass knucks she won't despawn?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45410943
>Clownpiece
She would share you with Hecatia.

>Cirno
Probably not. She is the strongest and you belong to her.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45411463
no, her broken cheek and lost teeth will regenerate after a few seconds at the very least
>>45411478
just with hecatia? don't forget clownpiece's mom
>>45411220
>fumble the situation
they will at first, but their curiosity will end up getting the upper hand

[Anonymous No.]

>>45411709
Alright so with fairies you have to kill them in one shot or they'll regenerate? Like if I unloaded on one with some birdshot and she goes down with even a hint of a pulse she'll just get better in a matter of seconds?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45411779
pretty much

[Anonymous No.]

Maybe having a fairy wouldn't be so bad. It might be kind of cute having one following you around and getting up to fairy antics.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45411478
Hecatia is celibate.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45411779
Even if you kill them they will revive again as long nature exists.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45411887
anon does what zeus can't

[Anonymous No.]

>>45411840
Imagine them bringing you flowers and fruits they gathered around the forest a gift. And frozen frogs in Cirno's case.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45412327
Honestly fairy manga sold me on fairy gf. No idea how it'd work as a yan thing, shame that the fact I love it means it won't happen.

[Anonymous No.]

Imagine yan Suika. I'm pretty sure she'd get an artifact or some other way to make you able to keep up with her drinking so you don't die of alcohol poisoning or liver failure.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45409196
While fairies would be peak annoying, they're pretty harmless all things considered, at least if we're talking about generic ones. Cirno and Clappy are a serious threat to life if push comes to shove, the fairies of light could get pretty bad with some creative use of their powers (especially if it's all three), but other than that? The key here is not to use excessive force and just... tie them up or something. The biggest threat your average fairy poses is the ability to shoot danmaku, which admittedly can vary greatly in intensity, but at the end of the day their physical capabilities other than hardiness are lacking. This isn't Kasen we're talking about, say no and hold them an arm's length away.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45413116
I wouldn't mind that. Having a mortal liver would be my only reservation going into a relationship with an oni.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45406419
NTA but I'm "scared" of butterflies there's no insect that I don't hate

[Anonymous No.]

>>45406419
Then her nastiest roaches when you reject her.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45402155
Yandere Rumia would be pretty scary.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45413116
She's an oni,so getting you drunk, fucking you until she's pregnant, forcing you to marry her, and threatening to kill and eat you (not necessarily in that order) if you try to leave is on the cards.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45406179
Your yan wife is now Yamame. Hope you like eggs and lots of spider babies.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45414387
She's an incompetent retard who doesn't know how to use her own powers to her advantage, I'm sure most people would be able to handle her somehow.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45406179
spiders aren't bugs though...

[Anonymous No.]

>>45414439
She doesn't have to use her powers to eat people, she's getting by on the ambient fear of darkness and just talking about eating people. Compare her to Kogasa on this front, who basically had to get a job to sustain herself with human food.
Now imagine if someone who just floats around aimlessly all day suddenly found something she actually has to try to get. You. Even a lazy moron like her would get serious, that's the way yandere stories go.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45414713
Rumia doesn't sound too bad in theory. Even after applying herself she's probably still just a retard who wants to be love and be loved. The problem comes with what her definition of love might be. If she considers eating you and having you be a part of her forever to be love then you might be in trouble.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45414747
I had a stroke while typing that but yeah, a Rumia with an unorthodox definition of love would be spooky.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45414747
>>45414713
I think the scarier thing is she may well decide if she eats your friends, family, pets or other loved ones, you'll have to love her. Even if she doesn't harm you personally, she can still destroy you emotionally.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45414747
>>45414835
Just untie her ribbon so her retardness go away. She will get stronger and will never let you ago, but at least she will be smarter and will not eat your pets.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45414835
The joke is on her, I don't have any of those things for her to eat!

[Anonymous No.]

>>45414950
a significant gamble, since then she'll be acutely aware of how easily she could overpower you physically and emotionally
What would you bribe the grue with that she couldn't just take?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45415298
not crying and wetting myself when we have sex

[Anonymous No.]

>>45402155
I have phobia of frogs so i guess it would be Suwako. I dont even hate her specifically its just that frogs freak me out.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45416032
I get it. I wouldn't say they freak me out but I do not like the idea of one touching me.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45414950
>Untie her ribbon
>Thank you anon, I will now cover the world in darkness and bring about a age of suffering and pain for all eternity as proof of your love.
Good idea, anon.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45417613
You can fix her

[Anonymous No.]

tsukasa is no longer asking

[Anonymous No.]

>>45417621
but I won't

[Anonymous No.]

>>45402155
>cirno
nah, thats just not happening, i cant stand annoying children like that, especially not the impulsive adhd retard she would need to be to be "yandere"

[Anonymous No.]

>>45418912
she can try. i have enlisted the shrine maidens help to rid myself of this pest once and fo- OH MY FUCKING GOD, SHES DEAD!

[Anonymous No.]

>>45402155
>>45405351
Well, at least she's hot

[Anonymous No.]

>>45413704
Sure they are not going to split you in twi with their bare hands like some youkai can do, but fairies have some nasty pranks like making you geting lost at forest which could be fatal. Imagine getting home and discovering that the fairy set your home on fire as a prank. Or losing your direction and falling off a mountain.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45419014
She is not shaking in fear due her crime here, but in excitation as for now there is no one between her and (You).

[Anonymous No.]

Last time I saw these threads there was a roulette kind of deal with it. It was also Youkai only no humans allowed! which was cool but doesn't really matter
https://randomtouhougen.neocities.org/
Roll my soon to be (un)lucky compatriots

[Anonymous No.]

>>45420055
I got Hearn. No idea what she is capable of to be honest.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45418996
What if she freezes your feet to the ground and forces you to put up with her?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45420055
we've done this song and dance so many times that I'm not sure I've got anything new to say about it

[Anonymous No.]

>>45420055
The problem with generator is that all threads with it devolve into a casino where people ppst what they get and thats it. Sometimes writefags write some stuff for what people got but this time they are all busy with the HSE.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45420099
>>45420075
True

[Anonymous No.]

Second day in a row where I get a dream about yandere Youmu sitting on top of me and orgasming every couple minutes while licking my neck, pinning my arms down, laughing like a maniac or just talking about insane things.
I can't rest.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45420915
When you get pinned down by a dork who sexually assaults you while rambling about ancient aliens in the deep state and medieval found footage.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45420915
That sounds insanely hot and I’m not even a big Youmu fan yet I find myself envious.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45420934
More like about raising and training an army of our children, the detailed state of her eggs chasing my sperm and how she wants to hug me tight so that our hearts are so close together they can have sex too.
I don't know where this is coming from.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45420956
This is it anon, you are finally going to go to Gensokyo and with a guaranted safe place to stay.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45402155
Oh man that's tough because I don't have many characters I outright hate, so I'll have to go to characters I'm indifferent to.
Eh, I'll do fine, what's a drum gonna do? Destroy my ear drums? Drive me crazy with constant drumming? Job to the fact that nobody remembers her despite being an EX boss since Seija and the Inching princess stole the show?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45421113
She is going to play drums loudly while you are trying to sleep and get personally insulted if you ever listen to any other music beside what she makes.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45421113
the fact that you forgot who was really forgotten from DDC says so much

[Anonymous No.]

>>45421113
It would be like the movies where the protagonist tries to get the girl by playing loud music at her window at 3 am.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45417613
>"Sweet, can I join?
I don't want to fix her, I want to enable her

[Anonymous No.]

>>45417613
Thats the same thing Remillia did but with darkness instead od a red mist. Reimu will appear, slap her a bit then go home. Then you all will drink tea together at shrine.

[Anonymous No.]

Speaking of Remilia, I wonder what kind of YanHu she would be. A mid-twenties, early-thirties guy falls into Gensokyo, and because he still hasn't fully learned Japanese, English is his only lifeline. So he finds a flyer one day in the village that nobody seems to care too much about advertising for work and, holy shit it's in English! Posh mansion? Easy work? Room and board? AND a salary?! Sign me up! The view is gorgeous, the mansion is awesome, the food is great, and the others seem to be all really nice, if not slightly reserved. And the work is pretty easy-dust here, throw out trash there, and the conversations are a bit dated but that's okay because history was always a favorite subject. And you can appreciate artwork, even if the place is a bit over the top, and even know a few artists here and there. So you spend the time talking to the librarian about magic because you were sorta into the occult back home, and you can't keep up with much but the symbols look familiar. And you talk to the head maid about different recipes and such, and try to share some from old family that you think she may like. And you ended up watching those tai chi vhs tapes as a kid so you can recognize some of those moves the gatekeeper is doing. And the little sister likes that you can come up with some new board fans and tell stories, and she's not that scary as long as you don't rile her up like a cat that watches something fuzzy day across the floor! So one day, you're telling her stories after helping the others and the big sister walks in to hear. Stories change to family history and you tell them about how that one ancestor had ties to some famous king or queen or figure, because they may live long and get titles but you get lineage. And the mistress started smiling when you mentioned Eleanor of Aquitaine and then later on something about one of the King Louis guys. And the subject changes to the Renaissance because hey that was a favorite subject, and turns out that's when they were born! And now art.....okay, fake it to make it. The Mona Lisa-That's an easy one to remember! It was always such a beautiful picture, and now that you think about it, she kind of looks like a painting, being untouched by time and all. So, how to weasel out of this and get back to work so we don't blow this and lose our job?......and why is she looking at me like that?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423197
I like to think she would be sweet and innocent but Sakuya would make her look bad by misunderstanding her orders. For example: she wants (You) to come over for tea time, so Sakuya kidnaps you in time stop and forces you to play along on knife point.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423300
"Mistress, I'm afraid I can't quite enjoy your tea ti-nothefoodandteaandatmosphereislovely! Yes, I think you're the picture of beauty! But, forgive me....how do I say this eloquently now that Ms. Izayoi has stepped away? I'm allergic to blade maids; I tend to break out in a bad case of bleeding to death."

"Oh, you always know what to say to make me laugh!"

(Internal monologue: why is she laughing? Oh, fuck Sakuya heard)

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423300
I wonder what Remilia would do if you only ever interpreted her actions as being friendly and started asking about Sakuya?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423434
I think she sees Sakuya as family so she would get sad but let it happen anyway. Maybe try to impress you to change your mind. Same if you went for the other SMD girls.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423434
She'd vie for control by making Sakuya take breaks and do things that she doesn't normally do, while making the guy help her with the duties normally reserved for the lady in waiting. Which would lead to the guy worrying about Sakuya getting the boot, Remilia not liking the results of his actions, and worrying about Sakuya worrying about the Mistress and how she's being demeaned by having this lowly guy doing her job!

The real yan Remi issue is having to deal with her AND Sakuya, while dodging Patchouli's weird spells, dodging Koakuma's weird allegations, and dodging the little sister's rambunctious moments while juggling the fairy treat distribution and the hobgoblin venting group, and HOLY SHIT, MARISA JUST BROKE THE WALL!

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423548
At least Hong is a normal person compared to all the crazies there. Maybe she might get the man at end by just being nice to him.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423453
>>45423548
I could see Remilia snapping after finding out that the object of her affection chose the lowly help over her. Sakuya may be the head maid but that only makes her the highest ranked commoner on her grounds. It's not Sakuya's fault and Sakuya herself probably isn't even aware of this interest in her but Remilia interprets this as Sakuya attempting to outshine her and earns her ire.

The question is, how far would Remilia go with her punishment over this perceived sleight? Would she just force her to do the more demeaning asks typically assigned to lesser servants or physically torture her over it? Keep in mind that this is an unhinged yandere Remilia.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423633
She definitely wouldn't torture Sakuya. But she would make sure to keep her under absolute control, even to the detriment of solving the latest incident when the Resolvers are short-handed thanks to keeping Sakuya on a short leash. And the new guy will have to balance the whole minefield. He really likes Remilia, and even enjoys her company, but keeping from being homeless was priority number one. Priority two was trying to be just friendly enough that the maid didn't shank him. And now Remilia is being harsh to everyone for reasons he doesn't know, the librarian keeps trying to get him to do weird, unethical shit, the little devil keeps trying to play matchmaker between him and Remilia AND Sakuya, and the gate guard seems to want nothing to do with him romantically, but they have bonded friendship-wise over a good Lo-mein; just as long as nobody catches them "slacking". Which they did. And now Remilia demands taking her into the village for shopping as a punishment, all he while latched onto his arm.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423197
I always got the impression that Anons would really have to fight for their place in the mansion. Like, everyone has their schtick, Blade maid, gatekeeper, librarian, deamon book keepers, faeries who do jack shit, hobgoblins who do all the real work, ect.
So Remi would expect a new hire to find a niche quickly or risked getting terminated. And God forgive me if I ever get around to writing that story.
if You pass that hurdle, you'd be one of her precious possessions already. So it's only uphill from there.
What would be really hilarious is that she'd try to cover up her feelings to maintain her charisma like 'of course I had Sakuya tail you on your village trip! They're many dangerous youkai around after all', 'You should welcome the male guest only while Sakuya welcomes the female ones, it makes sense right?', and 'Ah, where did these cuts come from? You feel into the rose bushes? I'll have them incarnated right away then, have to look out for the work force'. Then again, these are all things Remi would probably just do anyway, which would add another layer of fear and paranoia. Is she just being herself or is she obsessed?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423726
Honestly, it's hard to see her as a true yan because she DOES care for those she keeps close/works under her. Sure, she makes a snide or rude comment about you being worthless since you failed to keep out that massive wall of firepower as a normal human, and everyone else keeps giving you the "light" work, but you know it's because they don't think you can hold your own/don't want you to get hurt, but you don't know that because they're all much older than you mentally and are all old-fashioned in a sense so they keep things internal. But it all gets to you because the comments keep piling up, the work keeps getting bigger, and no matter what you do you can't get it right, and they let you know it. So you finally decide to go back to the village, heartbroken that you're not able to fit in and that they all hate you-a stupid outsider human that's clearly getting up in age-so you'll just go to the shrine maiden and try to get sent back so you can't screw it up for anyone else.

Or you would, but shortly after you left you hear Remilia screaming your name (in worry) in anger because you snuck off in the middle of the night, and now the forest is burning in a direction and you're running. And now Flan decided to get on Remilia's nerves by mocking how she's gonna lose her toy, and now. Well shit, that's a bunch of eyes in the tree line. Angry (worried) vampire behind you, certain death in front. Now what?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423726
But where did these cuts come from?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423726
I thought about that too for a while and come up with these positions you could take:
An artist, specifically a portrait artist, someone from her period of time would love it. She also needs a musician, she would probably have access to violins and pianos so your best bet would be these two instruments.
While Sakuya does everything in general i think there is a chance a cook might get in too if you know exotic recipes from around the world that Sakuya does not know.
She also mentions she wants another personal human servant in IN but you would need to be a baddass magician at level of Sakuya so lets rule that out.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423817
>You need to be an artist, a musician or a high class chef
Yeah I'm not any of those

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423823
Its not too late to pick a violin and learn to play. Neither its too late to learn to cook. It is too late to be an artist though, you need to be born good at that shit.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423817
So what if I have an ancestor that I can trace back to a famous chef that cooked for royalty of both British and French bloodlines? And coincidentally also have musicians that mingled with the cream of the crop back in the day?

>Badass magician servant.
What if I have a great sense of humor and a can-do attitude, while also being a voracious reader and work out with Meiling? Hell, Sakuya stayed around long enough to not be considered human anymore, so maybe I can do the same thing? And there's always the route of picking up gadgets-just cause you can't cast a spell doesn't mean you can't cast the magical equivalent of a sawed off thanks to that neat thing you found at Kourindou's once!

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423834
I can learn to cook but a violin is in the same category of "you need to be born for this" as being an artist is

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423836
If you want to get Sakuya's postion then you would need to be a jack of all trades like her. Either being a magician or a hermit. Or become batman with magical gadgets but at this point might aswell pick a book and learn to cast spells.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423726
Whenever I imagine such a scenario for myself, I always imagine that I'm a guest turned unofficial jester. Not to toot my own horn but I can be a funny guy and that's most of what I have going for me. I imagine that combined with the novelty of being an English speaking outsider can get me something.

I don't imagine dating or marrying Remilia or really anyone in that household in this scenario though. The fantasy for me is more about getting to live in a fancy old world mansion on someone else's dime. Being friends with a vampire is an added but very welcome bonus.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423877
Remilia does not enjoy sarcastic remarks and self deprecating humour.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423856
Oh, I don't want Sakuya's position. But I'll shoot for the other open spot if it gets me near the SDM crew, as I'm very fond of them.

And Jack of all trades is my middle name( no, it is in fact, not). And what constitutes a magician or hermit, really? I've already died once so we can get that out of the way, and I can do some of the stuff needed but no weird shit like drinking mercury. Still, I DID read an entire library over a few years one time as a young kid, so there's that. And I can lean more towards artificer to cover the niche, since science and magic are the same thing (ask Patchy). And I've got a pedigree, can do artsy stuff to keep her entertained (it's called "abstract" Mistress, yes it's supposed to look like that.), pluck a few strings, and cook a mean weird supper, which is cool since Sakuya makes weird stuff with the tea. Took martial arts as a kid, to boot. And I can always bond with the hobs via alcohol, and the fairies via copious amounts of cookies in my pockets. Foolproof.

>>45423877
(I sure as hell do)

>>45423895
But she does appreciate witty banter and dry humor, and I've read a few Shakespears in my time-I can butter her up. "What, you egg?" (Sakuya stabs him)

[Anonymous No.]

I'm a chemical engineer. Maybe I can be an alchemist or something for the SDM household?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423910
What am i trying to say is that you would have to do *something*. If you are going to be her personal servant then being a magician or hermit is the easiest way to to do *something* at all. Otherwise you would need to get one of the regular jobs i mentioned earlier like her personal musician or something.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423919
Why not both?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423913
You might get Patchy's attention. If you learned magic then you could apply your knowlegde to be an alchemist.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423895
A good jester knows how to read his patron.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423923
Both the hermit and magician path requires a lot of time investment and effot. You could do both but it would take twice the time and effort. Though the reward of being a muscle wizard might be worth it. Being frail is the only weakness of the magicians after all.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423947
I meant more of the magician with a side of musician/artist/cook. After all, isn't cooking just the same as mixing a good potion? And music is the same as reciting spells. And art is the same as drawing sigils and stuff. But muscle wizard is cool. If I can get the Ibaraki box, I can learn to cast fist.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423913
I manage a factory, and given the kind of druggos, dropouts, and basket cases you get in this industry I think I'm fully qualified to manage the fairy maids.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423964
Same

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423817
Mansion needs someone to do repairs probably
So if your good with tools you should be good

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423817
All probably good options. Would be funny if all you did was make bad painting after bad painting, but that's all you do and Remi would be happy just to have the prestige of having a live-in artist.
>but you would need to be a baddass magician at level of Sakuya so lets rule that out.
There's a large load of 'radioactive spiders' in Touhou lore that would make that possible, but that's like playing Russian roulette with three chambers loaded so you're right to rule it out.
>>45423877
>that I'm a guest turned unofficial jester.
Court Jesters where highly educated iirc. So you'd better hit the books now and become well-versed in polite society manners.
>>45423773
>So you finally decide to go back to the village, heartbroken that you're not able to fit in and that they all hate you-a stupid outsider human that's clearly getting up in age-so you'll just go to the shrine maiden and try to get sent back so you can't screw it up for anyone else.
I feel like the runaway climax could work, but you gotta cut DEEP for it to feel real and put a lot of character into it. Otherwise it feels like projection, which it is, but it's enjoyable as long as it's not superficial.
>>45423964
>I manage a factory, and given the kind of druggos, dropouts, and basket cases you get in this industry I think I'm fully qualified to manage the fairy maids.
My draft is similar to this, where the character earns their place by being the first one to bother tard wrangling the other servants by playing to their incentives, managing schedules, and handling logistics.
If you've read "The Goal" by Eli Goldratt, it basically follows that stories structure and thinking, not sure how much the demonstrated principles of the book still apply to factory managment, but consider the actual lesson was 'to use critical thinking to solve problems dumbass' it'll probably still stick.
>>45424069
So we can add masonry, carpenter, and probably glass maker for good measure.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423919
The real question to ask is how you would go about contacting them for the job. If you've made it in to Gensokyo, just pick up a flyer and then figure out a way to get to the mansion safely to interview.

But hard mode is being in the Outside World and trying to get the resume over to the other side. Letter method a la succubus thread? Ambiguous magic ritual that may or may not draw attention of something you don't want? Physical trip to Japan followed by screaming into the woods near where they're supposed to be?

>>45424069
I've worked the trades for a number of years. They've canonically got electricity, so I'll get the AC installed and help Patchy so she doesn't have to supply the cool air via water elementals and can focus on Remilia's next conquest mission.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45424104
>They've canonically got electricity, so I'll get the AC installed and help Patchy
anon has the Patchouli route locked in and doesn't even know it

[Anonymous No.]

>>45424104
>But hard mode is being in the Outside World and trying to get the resume over to the other side.
Lol, I'm about to smoke you chief.
Botched suicide attempt leading to getting gapped, pleading for your life because like many suicides, your will to self terminate was fleeting, given a "generous" offer to fulfill a prestigious opening that nobody else wanted, which you readily accept. Kind of like the first Kaiji story now that I think about it.
Getting involved in Occult topics. Many esoteric fields like Graph Theory(beyond what CS typically touches, they're many unsolved problems that are ripe for the taking) and Graphics Programming are actually very easy to innovate in if you can get over the bar, so It's easy for me to imagine someone getting too into Seal of Solomon nonsense, combining it with modern theory a la SMT, and accidentally attract Remi's attention from across the veil.
In the past, your ancestor signed a contract in blood with Remi to offer them their great great great ... great grandchild for some devil contract, so you suddenly get teleported in out of nowhere and Remi has no idea what to do with you so she gives you a job.
>I've worked the trades for a number of years.
I bow to electricians and live in fear of you people.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45424148
>In the past, your ancestor signed a contract in blood with Remi to offer them their great great great ... great grandchild for some devil contract, so you suddenly get teleported in out of nowhere and Remi has no idea what to do with you so she gives you a job.
Wait, I can improve this.
Your ancestor TRICKED Remi into thinking she was going to get their firstborn, when in reality the fine print said something like 'in the event this was signed on a Tuesday, the grand^4-child shall be offered instead' and this story was passed down to your family as a fable so you know about it and she gives you a job in exchange for not spilling the beans on the time she got conned all those years ago.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45424148
>>45424172
>picrels
Give me a smile, baby.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45424114
Nah, Remi hates the heat and getting all sweaty since they can't do running water.

>>45424148
Botched suicide? Nah. I died when I was a teenager and came back after a botched medical treatment for (FUCKING) yellow jackets, and they stopped counting at the 250-300 mark. Was out for a few minutes. Even hallucinated a talking cat asking me if I was ready to go (Orin coming to get me so I can work for Remi, tying into the agreement of my ancestor weaseling out of said contract, so she's been gunning for me ever since. And boom-yanhu Remi who's wanting what she was promised but she takes a liking to the new guy. Hilarity ensues)

>"Accidentally get her attention
>implying
Brother, I'm aiming for it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45424148
>>45424172
>>45424186
I love this beautiful batlady so very much.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45424172
poor Remi
outplayed because she didn't read the contract

[Anonymous No.]

>>45424227
That's why she has Patchy take care of the legal work now.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45402155
>Mizuchi
Considered she's already a yandere for Reimu and has only managed to jump from person to person without doing anything of significant...How fucked am i really ?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45423726
>>45423775
Remilia could practically taste the sweet aroma of Anon's blood in the air when he came inside covered in little cuts. All she could think about when that scent reached her was tasting its source. Just one drop of her beloved Anon's blood would satisfy her more than an entire banquet ever could. Just one drop would ruin all other sources of blood for her. Remilia's mind continued to conjure up fantasy after fantasy of this blood's flavor until it was almost too much. He was only down the hall. She could reach him and turn those fantasies into a reality in an instant. Remilia wondered if she could really stop herself at a single drop. For a moment she did not care if she could or even should stop herself at such a meager amount. Though he may not have even been aware of it himself, in her mind he already belonged to her. Why shouldn't she enjoy what was already hers? Remilia heard Anon close the door behind him and she turned to face him, fully prepared to violently enforce her will upon him.

But no, Remilia got a grip on herself. Someone of her standing should not be seen behaving as blood crazed ghoul would, especially not if that someone was her beloved Anon. If she was going to do something like this then she wanted to be a proper lady about it. In a herculean feat of mental strength that would have impressed even her vaunted ancestor Vlad Tepes, she held herself together and presented a dignified face for Anon.

He immediately apologized. "Good evening, my lady. Apologies for my appearance. It was dark outside and I tripped on something. I landed right in the roses." He attempted to give his mistress a reassuring smile. "Not to worry, I will make sure to have them replaced as soon as possible." The vampire smirked at him. "You should take care when walking outside in the dark, especially on a cloudy night such as this. You may hurt yourself more severely next time." She did her best to maintain eye contact with him so as to not look at the cuts. Anon felt somewhat uncomfortable beneath the vampire's scarlet gaze. It made him feel as though he were prey. "I will. Thank you for your concern." He was just about to excuse himself to clean up when he felt his mistress' hand on his sleeve. She continued to maintain eye contact as she ran her hand along it, feeling the places where the thorns managed to get through and break the skin. "I suggest cleaning and repairing your shirt without bothering Sakuya. I am sure that such a request would greatly annoy her and her patience for you is limited enough as it is." Remilia could feel the ever so slight dots of moisture left behind by the blood seeping onto the fabric. Most would have had to inspect the shirt closely to even see them but to her, the shirt may as well have been drenched in blood. She took a step towards Anon, which to him closed the already uncomfortably small space between the two of them. She spoke to him with a soft whisper. "I could help you, if you would like." Remilia smiled at him, continuing to stare into his eyes as she did. This gesture sent a shiver down Anon's spine. Why was she smiling at him? What did she want from him? Was she angry? Those thoughts and many more raced through his mind but possible romantic intent was not among the possibilities he considered. He gave her the best smile that he could. "I would not trouble my esteemed lady with such a menial task. I will see to this myself. Now, if you will excuse me..." Anon attempted to leave but felt the hand on his sleeve tighten into a grip. "I insist." Remilia whispered out. He began panicking. Was she that angry that he ruined the roses? All Remilia could hear was the rapid pounding of Anon's heart. To her that was confirmation enough that the lady's approach was working.

It was then that Anon spotted Sakuya exiting a room further down the hall. "Ah, miss Sakuya!" He called out. Remilia's gaze darted towards the maid. Her desire for Anon quickly turned into a flash of anger towards her maid. "Thank you for your generous offer but you can leave the repairs to me." Anon gave his mistress a bow and quickly walked towards the maid. Remilia did not respond. She was too busy being outraged at the maid's audacity. How dare she ruin this tender moment between herself and her beloved Anon with her presence. Remilia could hear Anon asking Sakuya for various supplies and him being told off for being a clumsy oaf but this was all nothing but background noise to her simmering rage. After the two went elsewhere, Remilia went outside and tore each of those flattened roses out of ground and scattered them all over the garden.

Maybe next time, Remilia.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45424453
What was anon thinking walking up to a vampire while bleeding from multiple cuts?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45424542
He wasn't, just like when he tripped on his own shoelaces and fell into a bush of roses.

[Anonymous No.]

Imagine getting trapped underneath the fat asses of yandere rabbits making your chances of escape slim.

[Anonymous No.]

Who is the safest yanhu? The most dangerous?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45425056
Just shove those obese bunnies off. You’re not so weak that even chubby rabbits can beat you, right?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45425619
I got Kyouko on the roulette. Not sure what she can do that's even remotely dangerous.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45425619
Ran would be safest
She's high int and cha enough to manipulate you entirely verbally
Neither you nor anyone else would come to harm since you'd always just obey her without realizing you're doing so

Biggest danger would be the hag, since she has zero charisma and likes being edgy
Yuuka is a wildcard since she's canonically passive but once violent
She could be perfectly safe or maybe the Sleeping Terror will come back out until any threats to her hubby are atomized

Rumia is another wildcard, as mentioned >>45414713
Could be a harmless retard, or >>45414835

[Anonymous No.]

>>45425677
The smell that comes off of the lunarian rabbit’s butt is intoxicating to humans that leaves them in a dazed state. That there is no escape from the rabbits anon you’re finished you will marry and breed the moon bunnies in the end.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45426142
Noooo i dont want to caress and touch the moon bunnies' butts and tits every day and night that would be horrible!

[Anonymous No.]

What would happen if two of your most favorite 2hus were yanderes?
Would they fight? Work together? Sabotage each other? Would one of them realize the other is too powerful to oppose and give up?
I think this isn't explored to the fullest potential, especially since touhou is about girls fighting each other almost daily.

[Anonymous No.]

Would Remilia be interested in a bartender? I've been thinking about it but can't really decide

[Anonymous No.]

>>45424453
Good stuff, now imagine if it was Flan. Good luck living.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45426633
Fate says you've ALWAYS been the bartender at the SDM.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45426633
>>45426662
Wouldn't work. They all drink wine and that's specifically Sakuya's shtick, what with the time manipulation to age the fresh bottles to a point they don't taste bitter, and she can do that instantly. Nobody in the SDM likes sour or bitter stuff. Remilia enjoys super sweet food/drink, Patchouli may enjoy the occasional coffee with additives specifically for combating asthma, and Sakuya herself is deathly weak to spicy stuff. But Flan can apparently eat garlic and likes it because of the spicy taste.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45426780
A good bartender can work around their likes and dislikes and make perfect cocktails to suit their pallets. Anons biggest hurdle would be convincing the mistress that a women of her status should have him there as a way to entertain her 'many admiring guests'

[Anonymous No.]

>>45426780
I just thought Remilia would be enough of a snob to like having her personal bartender especially during her parties

[Anonymous No.]

>>45426799
Anon, we all know she dumps half the sugar container into her tea when she thinks no one is looking. And her taste in wine is it being aged so advanced that it has negative tannins. If anything, she'd probably be more agreeable to a good mead, what with her Norman French ancestry and wanting to tie in her showing off "Odin's" spear with a drink from its homeland.

>>45426806
Oh, no, she definitely would, but anything more bitter than blue curacao for her personally is getting spit across the room. For everyone else, like the fee local youkai guests and the occasional human villager that got drug there by Ayaso Akyuu can comment on how "times are changing" while Aya snaps pictures for blackma-news, yeah they'd appreciate a good mixed drink.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45426625
It could only end in violence.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45427547
No way Yuuka is that short. I refuse to believe it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45405410
We need to elaborate on it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45427556
Is not that Yuuka is short is that Yuugi is fucking massive

[Anonymous No.]

>>45427556
I like the image because they are both in it but yeah, I imagine Yuuka being around 5'8-5'10.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45426625
Every day is a Tom & Jerry episode

[Anonymous No.]

>>45427576
In my headcanon all the hags are at least is 6 foot tall or more. Just because it's more fun to charisma break a woman larger than you are.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45427648
They grow with age and power

[Anonymous No.]

>>45427648
Part of Yuuka's charm is that there is not one single thing that makes her scary, but even when she's being nice she's utterly terrifying to a normal human (Unless you're the owner of the flower shop).
She's an eccentric lady with funny hair, red eyes and an unusual dress sense, but everytime she looks at you you want to find a corner to hide in.
Her being 6' would destroy the contrast between her looks and her aura.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45427706
You nailed it. The charm of Yuugi is the inverse of that where she looks big and strong but doesn't seem so scary as a person. She probably doesn't even actively want to hurt you let alone fight you unless she thinks you'll put up a good fight. Doesn't mean she won't still smash your head into the ground if you pick the fight on your own accord but she likely won't be the aggressor with your average human.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45426639
Flan wouldn't play games or try to be a lady. She'd just take what she wants. Unfortunately that's also how she ends up breaking most of her things.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45426625
>What would happen if two of your most favorite 2hus were yanderes?
Strange. Seija is a natural fit for Yandere behavior and Miko is the farthest thing from it.
Miko would have the upper hand initially because of her extensive experience in backstabbing politics, but Seija is better at stooping to new lows so it might turn into a back and forth and Toyosatomimi would get corrupted over time.
I can sort of imagine Miko staying composed, but internally fuming and tightening her grip on the baton when Seija pulls you off somewhere by the arm. Sort of like a kettle coming to a boil that doesn't realize the heat is turning up until it's too late.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45427827
How did our prince went from a man who laid with thousand of virgins to a yandere?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45427792
They're actually pretty similar people when you think about it long enough. Obviously, they are much different people, but they have pretty similar traits. The difference between them could probably be best explained by comparing SA's stage 3 theme and Sleeping Terror.

https://youtu.be/M4T0Bg6AfTQ
https://youtu.be/CkrdoraWgFo

Both of them are playing around here, but while Yuugi is not really trying to seriously fight you so much as she is just showing off that she could, Yuuka is a little unhinged and is actually trying hurt you a little. Possibly because you just woke her up.
To put it another way, Yuugi won't hurt you on purpose unless you are silly enough to put yourself in the way due to Oni honesty, and would hold back in the interest of good sportsmanship, wheras Yuuka would 100% goad you into a fight or make up some reason as to why it's justified for her to fight you if she was bored, and would take great pleasure in overwhelming you while making it look as if she's barely exerting any effort to do so.

I don't think either of them would actually fight each other though, as much because they nearly perfectly match each other as because the battle would probably destroy a large portion of their homes with no clear winner. That and their paths would never meet, given one lives underground, and the other only really cares for gardening and relaxing, content with beating up the small number of people stupid enough to intrude on her.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45427899
It would be a slow process of feelings building up and Miko ignoring her own desires until it's too late.
My idea would be for someone like a Leonardo da Vinci-esqe figure to appear in the village who's analytical, creative, and excited about everything from using topography to help the Kappa plan for storm surges to current fashion trends in Gensokyo. But he'd be bad at most things and be known as a crackpot eccentric who just happens to be right once in a blue moon.
Miko would be interested in such a person and might start acting as a sort of patron because she finds their endeavors entertaining. Slowly she'd become jealous of the other big names he'd takes contracts for, believing at first it's just because she wants the political clout, but slowly becoming more possessive, dropping in at random times she'd know he'd be working on order to track his movements.
The victim would be blissfully unaware of the danger because they're too busy trying to discover a new way to mix concrete for the SDM or something, which would probably frustrate Miko more since she'd know exactly how little romantic desire he had.

From my experience, woman are attracted to men who have interests and pursue them earnestly.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45427965
If they're both yandere, then they would have a reason to leave their own cozy little spots. And are pretty likely to meet at one point or another.
That's the point of the thread...

[Anonymous No.]

>>45427899
Maybe the years of sex and acolytes would lead her to yearn for someone she can just talk to and doesn't treat her like royalty.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45428166
'bleh, forgot where I was.
I still can't see them risking a full-blown battle, neither of them is stupid enough to underestimate the other's strength and ability.
That leaves either talking it out (Boring and also futile) or underhanded methods, something Yuugi would refuse because of Oni honesty, but Yuuka would absolutely be open to. I'm sure she'd find a way to phrase it such that she doesn't quite admit she was playing dirty, but...

Scenario 1: Anon is captured by Yuuka first.
Yuugi is madly in love with him as well, so she goes to Yuuka to try and get her to hand him over.
This fails, because Yuuka cares nothing for a size difference, or more apparant muscles. She'd probably insult Yuugi in a cleverish way, like calling her a thick-skulled ogre, but neither of them are going to risk a fight that has the very real possibility of causing a major incident, and the loss of face, so Yuugi is caught in a bind where she wants to just grab him and go, but knows that'd go against Oni code and she'd probably be seen as the direct antagonist of the resulting Incident as the two of them blast each other, and therby forfeit the Anonbowl. The only thing she can do is try to provoke Yuuka into attacking HER, and ride the fallout until Reimu comes to beat the everloving shit out of both of them, and hope that Yuuka's reputation already being what it is gets bad enough that she's forced to give up Anon entirely.

Scenario 2: Anon is captured by Yuugi first.
Yuuka learns that her beloved Anon-kun is being held captive in Former Hell, obviously against his will, causing her to put on her fighting boots and float down to go get him back. I highly doubt anyone would try to stop her, and if they did they'd be masta supaaak'd into submission before she goes onward. Assuming Yuugi either leaves him locked in her house, or takes him with her when she's doing something, the 'ka either busts down the obstacle to her one and only, drags him back to the surface and switches to scenario #1, or she finds Yuugi manhandling her everything in the streets like the brutish oaf she is, and confronts her. A standoff ensues, again neither party wanting to be the direct aggressor for fear of being seen as the unhinged lunatics they are, possibly culminating in Anon having to choose who is the one that's going to try and kill him and the other. Bearing in mind both of them are unthinkably powerful, eldritch beasts, who will throw all caution to the wind if you reject their affections. Good luck getting out of that one, there is no right answer here.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45428320
Then Anon gets hit in the crossfire and dies.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45428352
Such is the reality of being fought over by people who can level mountains...

[Anonymous No.]

>>45427899
Miko is a woman now, a being that is spiritually weak, not reliant, and morally ambiguous.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45428462
It's fun to imagine that they briefly agree to an alliance to take on Reimu who had no choice but to step in with the damage their fight was causing to the land became a problem.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45428585
They still lose anyway. Then Reimu takes Anon away from them.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45428668
And beats him

[Anonymous No.]

>>45428668
And lectures him on seducing youkai instead of a nice shrine maiden.

[Anonymous No.]

I love wriggle...

[Anonymous No.]

>>45425677
For their asses to be so shapely and for them to not have flabby arms and faces without high amounts of fat and have flat tummies means thats MUSCLE. You cant get such a good round shape without underlying muscle to support the fat.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45429374
But does Wriggle love you?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45428502
Hard disagreement on all three.
Yandere is hardly completely morally ambiguous, no? Obsessive love is pure and focused.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45428352
What would happen then?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45432294
They storm the Sanzu River and stop Komachi's boat before it reaches the other side.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45432414
What if they're too late?
>inb4 Komachi or Eiki milk him

[Anonymous No.]

>>45424102
>Court Jesters where highly educated iirc. So you'd better hit the books now and become well-versed in polite society manners.
I'm not exactly book smart but I should be good as long as I don't have to do any math or science related things.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45432860
just read a shitload and you'll pick up shit eventually
Audiobooks are the gold standard for multitasking

[Anonymous No.]

>>45427965
Two sides of the same violence loving coin. Maybe if they were meeting under different circumstances they could have been friends.

[Anonymous No.]

Would a yanhu share some of her power with you? So in the fringe case where she wasn't able to protect you you could defend yourself from whores trying to steal you away from her?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45438947
Depends on the hu and your behavior.
Fairies, humans and certain youkai don't have anything to share.
If a girl thinks you're not as devoted to her as she is to you then no way. If she thinks you are, then maybe, but a yandere would want you to depend on her.
Gods might give you youkai exterminating blessings and some magic, as long as it cannot be used against them.
Either way, almost any of them would look for a way to extend your natural lifespan.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439091
Me consensually drinking a small amount of Remilia's blood so we can be together longer while keeping my humanity intact:

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439091
>Fairies, humans and certain youkai don't have anything to share
They could still help you to turn into a magician or hermit. Poor Patchy will have another thief walking in her library.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439131
Yeah but technically it's not her power and it's not sharing.
Though a weak yandere "forcibly" turning you into a magician so you can protect yourself and her does sound interesting.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439151
She isnt weak but i think this would be the first thing on Marisa's to do list with you.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439108
Man, that'd be cool

Also it's granted all the yanhus would try to lengthen your lifespan or tie your soul/lifeforce to theirs somehow

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439164
Yea but Marisa works hard and could likely teach you everything she knows herself. I was thinking about fairies and youkai like Mystia.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439185
Apparently, if a person inhales her mist form after she gets burned in the sun, it'll cause them to gain immortality of a sort, via one of Reimu's endings. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go huff the Mistress........if only Sakuya would quit doing it so I could.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439223
She would need toget burned to ashes to that happen.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439247
Please don't burn my wife to ash so you could snort her

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439261
Vampire coke.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439223
I think Reimu talked about a couple of extra years when Remi visited. So you'd need to snort quite a lot of her before you become ageless.

[Anonymous No.]

Just how dangerous would a yandere Satori be? Would there be any way to prevent her from reading your mind?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439515
Try a tinfoil hat.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439515
You could just try taking the Koishi special, but at that point you might as well just kill yourself.
I don't think there ever is a mention of a device that could thwart the mind reading and even if there was i doubt she would let you keep it, i guess you could resort to Byakuren teaching you how to keep your mind empty, that's about the best shot that you have, besides telling Satori on Reimu.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439515
you can't even prevent a normal satori from reading your mind
plus everyone always forgets that satori has strong hypnosis abilities which is how she draws out your memories for her to read, so yan satori could probably take that even further

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439247
Not all the way. Just enough to stick an arm out from under the parasol to get it to turn into vapor and then breathe in. >>45439344
And said it as a joke, I think. Pretty much any inhalation should render the person effectively "immortal", if not simply long lived. Sakuya doesn't count, as she has time fuckery going on.

>>45439261
Don't know who you think you are, but she's my wife. I'm the one that's posted the ring in one of the previous threads. Get styled on, we've been happily married for years and she's faithful.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439697
>RingAnon
I kneel

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439697
That ring is basically a symbol of authority that forces all other Remifags to defer to you.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439515
It will most definitely piss her off that you are even trying though.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439704
>>45439722
Anybody want to commit to the Charisma Fund as a donation? We've got a mansion to build.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439727
1. Find catchy ear worm and listen to it for a few hours.
2. Mentally play the chorus on repeat while in her vicinity to block the ability.
3.Get shanked by Koishi because she thought (lol) it would be funny.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439735
Yeah, i will donate these dubs.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439789
Anon, I.......

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439515
My mind is so disjointed and scattered that she won't even want to read it after a day.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439515
Have your internal monologue be on a different language. She will read it and have no idea what it means.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45439830
She can understand her pets so fat chance of that working

[Anonymous No.]

>>45426625
Sakuya and Kogasa
Fight, I think. Working together is pretty unlikely, and Kogasa can't really do much to sabotage anyone, let alone someone with time stop powers or with the entire SDM backing her up if needed. Even if Kogasa got to me first she can't hide from Sakuya for long.
Kogasa stands no chance either way, but in direct confrontation she would try to at least get a danmaku victory to get Reimu involved in handing me over to her, just in case she wins a pretty hopeless fight.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45440037
Maybe this will give Kogasa the motivation she needs to get her head in the game and finally become a full on slasher movie villain.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45440049
After a long training montage this shows up at the mansion's gates one night.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45440119
She gives Sakuya the ultimate jump scare by moving while time is stopped.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45440124
"Three seconds have pa-nani!?"

[Anonymous No.]

>>45440037
Imaine poor 'gasa proposing to share you with her but she just laughs at her face before stabbing her.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45440164
Maybe she'd have a chance if she applied to be Remilia's personal umbrella. Infiltrate the mansion in search of her love, work her way up the ranks.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45428320
Does the label of "strong" or "strongest" even mean anything to Yuuka? Unlike an oni who might take pride in such a title, I get the impression that Yuuka is someone who could not care less about it. She does what she wants, how she wants, for reasons that are her own. What anyone thinks of her actions means nothing to her, and I don't think she would keep that a secret or try to justify it to someone.

I think that's why she'd have an edge over Yuugi. She'd want to win that fight openly and honestly, relying only on her physical strength, to prove to everyone that Anon is hers by right and no one can take him away from her. Yuuka would use whatever underhanded trick she can if brute strength alone doesn't cut it. She'd throw sand in Yuugi's eyes if that's what it took to get a finishing blow on her. She's not here for a title or approval. She's here to take Anon back with her. Spectators can think she's a coward or a snake all they want. They can stand in her way too if they're so mad about it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45426625
So Reimu and Flan huh?
Oh they'd 100% fight, I have no earthly idea who'd win. Though seeing as its Reimu's and Flan's happiness on the line it would not be a 1v1 fight.
You'd have the entire SDM backing Flan up so she doesn't go berserk. On Reimu's side you'd at least have Yukari and co., Marisa, and maybe Kasen, they have direct interest in keeping Reimu happy and aloof.
The wildcard would be Okina, as she may just decide to throw egg in Yukari's face for the fun of it.
I will probably not survive and leaving Gensokyo is not an option.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45440354
Can Reimu solo the entirety of SDM at the same time?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45426625
Ran and Yuuma, I think, would end up hashing out a compromise. They'd fight, but touhous always fight for fun. They seem to like and respect each other enough that they'd end up working something out.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45440367
She could take down a good few and it'd be hard to get the drop on her or really hit her with her busted fucking 'i win' ability. Though maybe with a combo of Remi and Flan working together it'd be possible. That said if even Marisa were to join forces, or heaven forbid a sage it'd at least be an even match-up.
Though if they do spellcard rules Reimu would win hands down.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45440678
Without spellcard rules, would Remilia be able to manipulate fate to a degree where she can find a timeline where Reimu loses or would there simply be no such possibility in any reality?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45440754
Can she even manipulate fate at all? I assume its made up bullshit by her to make her look stronger than she is.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45426625
I imagine they'd work together because they're good friends. Some kinda good cop bad cop thing where the funny ghost pretends to have my interests in mind protecting me from the scary blonde lady. Either to further entrap me for themselves or demoralize me once I find out they're in cahoots and I never had the slightest chance of escape.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45440801
I don't know man, nothing ruins a friendship quite the way love does. Especially if it's the unhinged yandere type of love.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45424245
If she becomes a yandere for you then we're working under the assumption that her obsession with you trounces all else. And frankly, she'd be a terrifying yandere because you wouldn't be able to tell if someone's being possessed by her or not. A regular shopkeep, your friend, your lover, how can you tell who's actually who? Are they acting a bit strange because they're just having a rough day or because they're someone else? They forgot about something you discussed last time, did they really forget or was that not actually them that you were talking to then? Or maybe that time it was them, and this time it isn't. Are you just getting paranoid? A couple of girls in the village died recently from leaving at night. It's a shame, but these things do happen from time to time. But why did it only happen to girls you knew personally? They should know better, shouldn't they?
What if you settled down with a nice human girl and had a happy marriage, but one day you get home earlier than usual and find your wife in a locked room, and she's a sobbing mess and she doesn't know who you are or where she is? And then suddenly a look comes over her face and she's apologizing for that outburst and saying that she isn't feeling well and retreats back to your bedroom? What do you do when the person you married has been possessed from the moment you first met her?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45440901
Eh, depends. Yuyuko is Yukari's only real friend, I doubt she'd want to hurt her. Yuyu doesn't strike me as someone who would end a friendship either.
I think the real issue would be keeping up with one hag's sexual apetite and the other's need for affection. One yan is overbearing, two can keep squeezing you until it hurts. Anon's the real loser here.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45441105
Okay but can I get mizuchi herself pregnant

[Anonymous No.]

>>45440754
Honestly no clue, her power is extremely vague and its unknown if it can work just like that or needs. And that assumes that there's a fate she can loose against someone like Remillia, or if Remimi isn't just bullshitting...

[Anonymous No.]

>>45442008
Such are the perils of challenging the might of Gensokyo itself.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45442008
RingAnon here. My wife would not bullshit and lie! (Don't ask about the family tree and her relation to Vlad)

[Anonymous No.]

>>45405582
What is it spiked with?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45442312
Love potion.

[Anonymous No.]

Which yanhu is the most likely to impregnate you?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45447826
Any of the bugs 2hu

[Anonymous No.]

>>45447826
Rinnosuke

[Anonymous No.]

>>45447892
Likes men.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45447874
I SPIT upon Wriggle! Begone!

[Anonymous No.]

>>45447874
This image only has 3 bugs.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45449064
Ok, and? Who stated it is BUG ONLY image huh?

[Anonymous No.]

Anons, which one is more dangerous? A yanhu that is fully aware of how insane she is or a yanhu that has no idea how morally wrong her methods are of getting you?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45449131
OBVIOUSLY the one who thinks her behaviour is normal.
People who don't know they're insane are the real insane ones, the simple knowledge that what they're doing is unhealthy will retard their worst thoughts just a bit.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45449131
Is there any 2hu that would realise how insane they are? Every single one of them is a proud bitch.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45421113
She might be least favorite too, all I can foresee is her making my tinnitus worse. CAN it get worse? I'd rather not find out.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45447874
Why bugs?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45448900
Did i stutter? He'll knock you up.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45449802
That's gay

[Anonymous No.]

>>45449820
So it's right up your alley.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45449825
I don't care for male 2hus

[Anonymous No.]

>>45449833
They care for YOU nigga. Rinnosuke is gonna kiss up on you whether you like it or not!

[Anonymous No.]

>>45449833
But you want to be impregnated, so it fits. Better hope "it" fits too.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45449760
because they led eggs inside you.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45449841
Only if cute girl (male)
>>45449848
Futa 2hu

[Anonymous No.]

>>45449861
Sorry but yanderes don't always care about what you want. You're getting dicked by a manly man.
At least you are gay already.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45449131
I'd say fully aware because then she'd be aware enough to know that her behavior might be seen as acceptable and mask it until it's too late for you to back out.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45449855
So they eggnate you
I hope it's not one of those parasitic "the babies eat you from inside-out" kind of thing

[Anonymous No.]

>>45449915
guess it depend on how they feeling at that moment

[Anonymous No.]

>>45449932
I don't think a yandere would do that to you I think

[Anonymous No.]

>>45449977
maybe some yandere could in a twisting view of love, after all, making new life with your lover is romance in many eyes.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45449992
Yeah but they couldn't do it more because you're dead

[Anonymous No.]

>>45449932
What did Aya do to deserve this?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45450002
By still breathing.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45440801
being manipulated by two hags sounds fucking hot goddamn, imagine getting a gentle nursing handjob from Yuyuko after being rode hard by Yukari.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45426625
What can I expect from these two?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45450362
Punches, death glares, lady smugness and practical jokes.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45426625
I actually don't know what to expect from the captain or princess in this situation since I can't imagine either as yandere's let alone ones competing against each other

[Anonymous No.]

>>45450362
Doubt Yuuka would like to share. So she'd try to fight, but I guess yandere Yukari could just pull off her OP bullshit and drop Yuuka at the bottom of the ocean or gap in napalm over her garden or something. Or have Reimu exterminate her for real.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45450480
>enemy changes sex
None can stop Yuuka, and what Yuuka can't stop her cock will.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45450567
...So you want them to end up together?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45408660
She’s going to slink up your urethra and stink it up

[Anonymous No.]

>>45450578
Turns out they were actually yandere for each other, and anon got cucked.
Better luck in the next life!

[Anonymous No.]

>>45450630
Now the way is clear for Ran.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45450694
An inspiring tale of a girl having to cure a man of his gayness. It does sound like something a yandere would do.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45450362
Hnngh booby

[Anonymous No.]

>>45450567
can she even do that or is that some kind of headcannon bs?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45453206
What do you think?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45453229
the latter

[Anonymous No.]

>>45425619
I'd say any human, since you could still theoretically beat them up in the right circumstances.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45459315
You wouldn't hurt a Reimu who just loves you so much she doesn't want you to ever leave her shrine, wouldn't you?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45459364
Does Reimu count as a regular human for the sake of this scenario? She has divine protection and you presumably can't punch her through it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45459393
Nta but no way, Reimu may be a normal human girl biologically, but fact is she's been shown in the print works to have casually destroyed a mountain during practice with Marisa, dodge Youmus blade while sitting and sipping sake, and casually alter reality when she got wrapped up in a fairy prank that sought to dunk her in a river.
Thats before we get into the vaugly defined ability to channel the Hakurei God that seems to increase her physical attributes like how Marisa uses magic to strengthen herself

[Anonymous No.]

>>45459393
Yes, because her powers only work better the less she cares. As she's a yandere, she'll be caring too much to coast through it and probably get overpowered by a regular joe.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45459999
>dodge Youmus blade while sitting
That one wasn't a feat because Youmu was pretty much passing out. Others dodged it in the same scenario.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45460189
I disagree, it shows that thanks to their lifestyle and use of magic that they are beyond normal girls.
Youmu was not making slow slashes, and despite the bullying she is an accomplished swordsman. Mind you, in that scene they barely even glanced at Youmu and didn't even stop chatting and snacking

[Anonymous No.]

>>45460201
You can't tell how fast those slashes were because of the medium and she was on the verge of passing out. An accomplished swordsman would not miss a sitting target. And Reimu wasn't the only one attacked.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45460258
She was driven insane by clappies torch, which is an important point. Long and short is that she slashed at them and without getting up they literally jumped and dodged all the shots till she passed out from the confusion. No matter how you look at it its a feat in of itself, I base that off of the difficulty of say, you or me trying to dodge a drunk guy with a Machete while we sit around and crack open beers with some friends without looking much at our assailant.
Even if we debate how fast the slashes are that is still a feat no matter how we look at it

[Anonymous No.]

Anons, how do you plan to turn the table and dominate your yanhu ?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45460316
I don't know, how do the Flash's villains beat him?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45460316
I don't know, how do the Flash's villains beat him?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45460316
my length is well above average.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45460316
I'll put her off by obsessing over her harder than she could ever do to me.

[Anonymous No.]

I would accept a yanhu as my wiife
I'd be in Gensokyo and away from my regular life so things like worrying about friends and family wouldn't come between us

[Anonymous No.]

>>45463451
What if she's the one who's responsible for you appearing in Gensokyo in the first place? Won't your family miss you?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45463530
I'm sure my family would miss me, and I'd probably resent whoever took me from my normal life. Though, I'm not exactly satisfied with my regular life though.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45460500
He's very nice and doesn't just break their legs.
>>45460613
Thats step one. What about the skill to use it and the physicality to do so without her inevitably outlasting you and getting back on top of her now exhausted and humbled target?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45460316
Why would I want that?

[Anonymous No.]

>>45463451
I am not so close to anyone in my life that I wouldn't immediately cut them out of it for my own happiness. Such a willingness for someone to be with her and only her would throw her off.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45449802
No, he gets knocked up. He's a bottom.

[Anonymous No.]

>>45460500
Why did god make Tengu so godamn erotic...