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/jp/ - Otaku Culture

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2632521 No.2632521 [Reply] [Original]

As you wake up, you feel some sort of a weight on your chest. As you open your eyes, you see this on top of you, sitting there cross legged and starring at you. What do you do?

>> No.2632523

go out.

Death.

>> No.2632525

Scare her off with my rancid garlic breath.

>> No.2632527

scream bloody murder

>> No.2632530

OH GOD HOW DID THIS GET HERE I AM NOT GOOD WITH COMPUTER

>> No.2632534

>>2632521

Ask her if she would prefer tea... or me. <3

>> No.2632549

>>2632534
And then she tears into your jugular vei-
No, not really. She'll have Sakuya drain the fluids from your body and chill them for later consumption. She is civilized after all.

>> No.2632557

I wake up again

>> No.2632559

IDK rape i guess I'd ask her if it was ok first though which would be i guess counterproductive

>> No.2632560

Unzip, and tell her she can have as much blood as she wants. >:3

>> No.2632561

Ask it politely to go away and leave me alone while doing my best to not show on my face the amount of hatred I have for her.

>> No.2632562

>>2632549
>No, not really. She'll have Sakuya drain the fluids from your body and chill them for later consumption. She is civilized after all.

Damn. I was looking forward to having her cute canines pierce my neck and her petite mouth sucking (and tasting) my blood.

>> No.2632568

Well how did I get here, now?

>> No.2632574

>>2632549

You don't want to feel her body against yours? Her warm breath upon your neck? The sight of a small dribble of your blood running down her chin as she says with a smile, "Thank you onii-chan, you're delicious!"

>> No.2632581

What is this I don't even

>> No.2632582

>>2632521
[X] You're the scariest!

>> No.2632596

>>2632582
wrong touhou right thar

>> No.2632597

>>2632596
Fine, fine.

[X] Cook her an omelet.

>> No.2632602

ponos, vagooo, etc

>> No.2632603
File: 897 KB, 928x1104, 1238282684554.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2632603

Why so grown up Remilia?

>> No.2632606

I always wanted a little vampire of my own

fear me my enemies

>> No.2632609
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2632609

>> No.2632618

"What in the-- ...Hah?"
Then I'd analyze whether I was delusional. But since she obviously weighs something, I'd conclude that this was somehow real. Then I'd probably say something lame like: "...so, what's up?"

>> No.2632630

>>2632574
Dearest Anonymous.

Fuck you for that lovely mental image. Now I have to fap.

>> No.2632642
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2632642

I would tell her to bite me.

>> No.2632645

"Wanna see MY Gungir?"

>> No.2632702
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2632702

Just killed her and she'll become my familiar..

>> No.2632717

Please dear god tell me the maid is not with you, I prefer to not have a knife stuck up my anus

>> No.2632881
File: 8 KB, 73x84, remiliacowergif.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
2632881

>>2632521
Smack her on the head. Seems to be her weak spot. Then love her tenderly.

>> No.2632898

>>2632642
dat navel

>> No.2632915

Go put my contacts in first and act civilized. If she's anything like the way she is in SDM vs.Wiggle I'm not going to be a dick and get killed.

>> No.2634054

Danmaku duel, but when I lose, tea and then friendship. Then she and all her maid keep coming over and drinking my delicious tea. I am sad.

>> No.2634440

"....please God don't let your sister be here too."

>> No.2634443

>kill remilia
>trigger has died todo get all from corpse

>> No.2634463

I'd rejoice, for I would have finally lost my mind and could enjoy my fantasies for the rest of my life.

>> No.2634470
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2634470

Ask her if she can bring Flandre.

>> No.2634485
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2634485

Find another Touhoumon trainer and exchange for a Patchy.

>> No.2634495

Ask to become her personal bodyguard and servant.

>> No.2634498

"I'll let you have it any way you want with my virginity and manhood, please don't bite me, I'm too young to be a vampire or your servant?" ;_; (fake)

>> No.2634517

Has it not occurred to anon to become head butler? She has a head maid, and with the lack of males in Gensokyo you could become one of the few, the proud, the SDM employees. And if you're lucky enough, they may teach you how to compete in honorable danmaku, as to not disgrace the mansion.

>> No.2634524
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2634524

>>2634485
This. I will become the Liberians helpers helper.

>> No.2634540

The first thing I do is reach for my bed-post and break off a nice bit of it. It's solid wood. The end I broke off would be nice, sharp, and splintery, like a wooden stake.
I then sink it right through the Lady Remilia's breast, giving it a firm twist once I've reached her heart, so that the wood splinters a bit more inside of her chest.
Once she's dead, I send the corpse off to the Burial Agency's headquarters for examination

>> No.2634556

>>2634540
Orin will steal the body before you get there.

>> No.2634558
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2634558

>>2634556

Hm! This is true. I'd turn my back and in that moment she'd scoop off the cold, decaying corpse, and scamper back to Hell.

Perhaps the other Scarlet sister will be stupid enough to sit on the chest of an Executioner.

>> No.2634578
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2634578

I'd much rather like to find her sister on top of me.

>> No.2634622

>>2632521
I have a katana near my bed for such cases.

>> No.2635697

>>2634622

Hahahaha, most "katana" aren't worth anything. Assuming you have the average weeaboo katana, a machete would serve the purpose much better.

>> No.2635727

Swap Remilia with Sakuya, then I'll start to care.

>> No.2635740

>>2632521
"Ey, could you get off for a minute, I gotta piss...."

>> No.2635742

Be polite. I have no means to defend myself. Perhaps I can make an offer that might just spare my life.

"Hello miss. How can I help you?"

>> No.2635748
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2635748

I play having some kind of heart attack, while she distracted for a while, I'll quietly pull out my trusty nickel plated S&W500,shouting "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!! YIPPEE KI-YAY, MOTHERFUCKER!!!" and quickly shoot this stunned vampire.

>> No.2635755

>>2635748
>I got a gun im so kewl XD

At least get a gun that isn't a piece of shit if you're going to try and make anyone care. ಠ_ಠ

>> No.2635795

grab hold of the vampire and roll over and go to sleep.

>> No.2635797

Move my body about two feet down so she's sitting on my face.

>> No.2635801

>>2635755
I suppose you would suggest a semi-auto of some kind.

Although realistically, a stub nose .357 would be more appropriate here.

>> No.2635802

>ಠ_ಠ
ಠ_ಠ

>> No.2635807

>>2635801
>stub nose
>stub
You sound like an expert on those matters, I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

>> No.2635813

[x] Genuflect

>> No.2635818

>>2635801

Or a gold tigerstriped deagle with extended clip.

>> No.2635822

>>2635818
And we all know the deagle shoots anti-materiel rifle bullets, so its gotta kill everything !

>> No.2635835
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2635835

Yell at the top of my lungs OBJECTION!

>> No.2635842

>>2635822
Well one could just use a sonicator, it's a piece of scientific equipment that's absolutely positively guaranteed to destroy the cell walls(in other words kill) of any organism or your money back.

>> No.2635845

>>2635797
I'd do this.

>> No.2635851

Ive slept with a wooden stake under my pillow since 1cc'ing EoSD on Hard.

>>
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