/jp/ - Otaku Culture

magic girl or wizard

Blacksmith

apply as a janitor or something in SDM.
cum on their laundry when nobody is looking.

a pet

lord of the night.

Build things and sell them to Rinnosuke at Kourindou

A God.

>>7535556
an awesome god or a evil god?

I'd take a dump in Reimu's donation box.

And then people will pay me.

Of course I can be a NEET. Fairies don't need food and get free houses just for existing.

>>7535573
They have to find places suitable for their houses, but they don't randomly get houses and still they need to get things like furniture or pottery.

why not? everyone there seems to be able to neet it out with no problem

I plan to take advantage of cheap fairy labor and open several tea plantations.

In Gensokyo, you gotta make the tea first. Then when you get the tea, you get the power. Then when you get the power, you get the Touhous.

Hunter, defender of mankind. I'm going to bring my rifle and use it to exterminate youkai.

>>7535560
That depends on you and your faith.

Engineer

>>7535573

Hell yeah, I'm with you. Fairy time, all the time. I can be silly as I want without working.

I'll be a corpse. I'll die before I become a contributing member of society.

>>7535627
bring a bandana with you...

>>7535627
i'm with you i'll bring my nugget and cans of ammunition

exclude Rumia, Mystia and Wriggle, they're cute and deserve to live

I would like to be a seamstress/seamster
Don't want to be human though

Professional touhou fucker

All the touhous are girls, think about it

Revolutionary who will rally the working fairies, introduce them to socialism and overthrow >>7535622, while giving them control of the means of production.

>>7535581
According to canon any flower or tree can act as a house for Fairies.
You can steal everything else from humans or Youkai anyway.

>>7535655
They'd all laugh at your inadequate penis.

>>7535661

So you're gonna overthrow the SDM? Good luck with that I guess. I'm gonna be in the forest having silly adventures and pranking people.

>>7535662
>flower

I somehow can't imagine fairy with size of at least one meter living inside of flower with 15 cm at best.

>>7535652
I'm fairly sure /jp/ is unusual enough to be considered youkai.

And I'd like to be a fairy. No expectations from society, no need to work and no sexual drive plus I get to be a cute immortal girl and have fun with other fairies for eternity. It doesn't get any better than that.

I shall spread the holy word of the God-Emperor!

I'll be a carpenter, or stonemason. Perhaps a farmer, get back in touch with nature, you know?

>>7535686
Well, being a simple youkai is enough for me. Not the animal type though.

I wonder if my cat could become a nekomata easily, because I wouldn't like to leave her behind.

>>7535686

/jp/ will probably end up as some small disgusting animal or some random confused spirit for their terrible karma.

ran's husbando

>>7535734
And what about those who try to be good at least on moral level and try to act normal?

>>7535547
Either this, or a librarian for Satori.

Well, that is what I'd strive for.
Failing either, I suppose I could try my hand at being a traveling merchant between the Underground and whatever human village is nearest. I'd probably die within a week, if even, to some random youkai, but that's fine.

>>7535682
Join us! Political struggle is an adventure too!

Lumber

>>7535740
I think the more twisted Anonymous would have a better shot, since many stories about turning into demons requires a level of obsession with an item or person. For example, around Mugenyama it is said that a woman coveted her family heirloom mirror so much that her soul was bound to it; and when she was forced to give it up for the construction of a new temple bell, so great was her connection with the mirror that it wouldn't melt no matter how much it was heated. When her obsession was revealed as the cause of the heirloom's mysterious heat resistance, she committed suicide out of shame and the mirror would finally melt, though her spirit ended up being bound to the resulting bell instead. Likewise, Raigo Anjari of Mii-dera requested an ordination platform to be built for his temple after successfully praying for Emperor Shirakawa to have a son, but when his request was denied (Shirakawa was worried that the rival temple of Enryaku would be offended by the unfair treatment) his rage was such that he turned into a swarm of demon rats and gnawed down everything he could find in Enryakuji.

Other examples include Ryougen, an auspicious monk said to have defied death and turned into an oni out of worry that his teachings would be forgotten and his temple would stray off the correct path after his death, and Kiyohime who, after being rejected by a traveling monk she fell head-over-heels in love with, shed her human skin and turned into a giant serpent by her sheer lust and anger. In a similar vein, it is said those who die with a single purpose in mind will become embodiments of that single desire and wander the living realm until that obsessive need can be quenched. Inugami are created in this manner and Taira no Masakado had such a desire for revenge that his head returned to life after his execution. Okiku might also be included in this category of ghosts.

>>7535740
I think the more twisted Anonymous would have a better shot, since many stories about turning into demons involve a level of obsession with an item or person. For example, around Mugenyama it is said that a woman coveted her family heirloom mirror so much that her soul was bound to it; and when she was forced to give it up for the construction of a new temple bell, so great was her connection with the mirror that it wouldn't melt no matter how much it was heated. When her obsession was revealed as the cause of the heirloom's mysterious heat resistance, she committed suicide out of shame and the mirror would finally melt, though her spirit ended up being bound to the resulting bell instead. Likewise, Raigo Anjari of Mii-dera requested an ordination platform to be built for his temple after successfully praying for Emperor Shirakawa to have a son, but when his request was denied (Shirakawa was worried that the rival temple of Enryaku would be offended by the unfair treatment) his rage was such that he turned into a swarm of demon rats and gnawed down everything he could find in Enryakuji.

Other examples include Ryougen, an auspicious monk said to have defied death and turned into an oni out of worry that his teachings would be forgotten and his temple would stray off the correct path after his death, and Kiyohime who, after being rejected by a traveling monk she fell head-over-heels in love with, shed her human skin and turned into a giant serpent by her sheer lust and anger. In a similar vein, it is said those who die with a single purpose in mind will become embodiments of that single desire and wander the living realm until that obsessive need can be quenched, Inugami are created in this manner and Taira no Masakado had such a desire for revenge that his head returned to life after his execution. Okiku might also be included in this category of ghosts.

Dress manosuke up in a frilly dress then pound his asspussy

Growing my own business to make my mother happy would be happy. I would also keep tradition and bring it to Gensokyo. I would also do youkai like things and be NEET.

Law enforcement.

>>7535661
Moriya Shrine won't take too kindly to that 'opiate of the masses' talk and Reimu has always been a firm proponent of the status quo.

Enjoy your swift and brutal suppression, comrade.

>>7535815
get in line

>>7535823
We will stand united with our red danmaku in our hands.

I would be a butler

I'll be a hat seller

With so many different occupation goals here, we could create our own small village. Though the human-youkai hate thing could be a problem, see >>7535627 as some want to be youkai and fairies

I'd like to open an Inn/Tavern sort of deal. I'd be a tiny bit out of the village, far enough that if it rains and people happen to be out, they'd flock to me for shelter. After I establish myself and my building, I will start to brew legendary brews. Soon, even the oni will come to my tavern to drink. Those too drunk to make it home can sleep on the second floor.

Or I become a Youkai with the power of being able to produce any type of beverage in any amount. Then I just open an exotic beverage shop/inn.

>>7535858
I may want to be a pet, but that's only because I want to be Satori's pet.

If Satori isn't in the village, I don't want to join.

>>7535867
>Or I become a Youkai with the power of being able to produce any type of beverage in any amount
And then being the target to the traditional Oni spiriting away, right?

King of Gensokyo

>>7535876
Doesn't sound too bad. Might even be the plot of a spin off game.

>>7535879
Enjoy getting horn-raped by your name's sister

>>7535807
I'll keep those things in mind. Could be helpful for some people who believe in occult

>>7535899

You obviously though I was him, right?
Also, nice 99.

>>7535627
>>7535627
>>7535627
You sir are a hero, and a hero needs his trusty side kick....do you need one?

Male prostitute.

>>7535867
>Youkai with the power of being able to produce any type of beverage in any amount.

Those actually are said to be rather common, they're container spirits called kameosa. Their sole limitation is that they can only produce the liquid they used to contain - a well-worn jar of pickles would have an endless supply of sour pickle brine, a bottle of wine emptied and refilled time after time would produce quality wine and nothing else. As a mundane container becomes a kameosa, cracks start to appear in its surface and eventually form a grotesque face, though the creature is purely beneficial.

I guess as a Touhou, her true body would be the jar (like Kogasa and the umbrella, both are object spirits after all) while she'd form a slimy, semi-transparent little girl body from the liquid she contains. Touhou needed a slimegirl anyhow, and it'd be great to stick my dick in her real body and "contaminate" her supply of beverage with my semen.

>>7535661
To counter this socialist-communist-leftwing-lolpolitics faggotry i will fund my own factory, hiring fairies as workers.

Gensokyo's Bourgeois

>>7535948

Man, you guys don't know how to take it easy. I will take it easy like a good fairy.

>>7535948
I bet you wouldn't even need to pay fairies with money. Bring some beads or something

>>7535958
I'll take it easy only if he doesn't keep the surplus value for himself and buy booze for the fairies instead.

>>7535948
Enjoy what may possibly be the worst workforce in the world.

"If you hold sabotage for a mere fiction, what, in your opinion, are the real causes of the unsatisfactory state of our industries?"

"Too low piece-work tariffs, slave-driving and barbaric disciplinary measures," said Rubashov. "I know of several cases in my Trust in which workers were shot as saboteurs because of some trifling negligence caused by over-tiredness. If a man is two minutes late at clocking-in, he is fired, and a stamp is put in his identity-papers which makes it impossible for him to find work elsewhere." Gletkin looked at Rubashov with his usual expressionless gaze, and asked him, in his usual expressionless voice:

"Were you given a watch as a boy?"

Rubashov looked at him in astonishment. The most conspicuous trait of the Neanderthal character was its absolute humourlessness or, more exactly, its lack of frivolity.

"Don't you want to answer my question?" asked Gletkin.

"Certainly," said Rubashov, more and more astonished.

"How old were you when the watch was given you?"

"I don't quite know," said Rubashov; "eight or nine probably."

>>7535948
>>7535661
To counter this dichotomy, I will introduce a new system that can only exist in Gensokyo: NEETdom. As one might hear, NEET can't be a good lifestyle because, if everyone in the world was a NEET, nothing would get done. No food would be made, no medicines.

But for fairies, that doesn't matter! There is no need for food, no need for medicines. Any work done will be done not for money or power, but for fun. And when the work stops being fun, the work will stop!

There is no need to toil on a farm for wheat and vegetables!
There is no need to whip beasts to turn the mill!
There is no need to ferment foods into alcohol!

Join me for new world order! And order of hedonism! Hedonism for all!

>>7535974
"I," said Gletkin in his usual correct voice, "was sixteen years old when I learnt that the hour was divided into minutes. In my village, when the peasants had to travel to town, they would go to the railway station at sunrise and lie down to sleep in the waiting-room until the train came, which was usually at about midday; sometimes it only came in the evening or next morning. These are the peasants who now work in our factories. For example, in my village is now the biggest steel-rail factory in the world. In the first year, the foremen would lie down to sleep between two emptyings of the blast furnace, until they were shot. In all other countries, the peasants had one or two hundred years to develop the habit of industrial precision and of the handling of machines. Here they only had ten years. If we didn't sack them and shoot them for every trifle, the whole country would come to a standstill, and the peasants would lie down to sleep in the factory yards until grass grew out of the chimneys and everything became as it was before. Last year a women's delegation came to us from Manchester in England. They were shown everything, and afterwards they wrote indignant articles, saying that the textile workers in Manchester would never stand such treatment. I have read that the cotton industry in Manchester is two hundred years old. I have also read, what the treatment of the workers there was like two hundred years ago, when it started. You, Comrade Rubashov, have just used the same arguments as this women's delegation from Manchester. You, of course, know better than these women. So one may wonder at your using the same arguments. But then, you have something in common with them: you were given a watch as a child."

Oh that's easy. I would work for the great Moriya Shrine in any way I could. I think I would try playing some music to attract more followers, and see if Sanae won't teach me some danmaku to help hunt youkai.

Oh /jp/
With so that much creativity you have together, why so you never create something good?
With the characters we have now we could as well create a whole competent side story. But it seems /jp/ likes being unproductive.

>>7535983
They're way ahead of you.

>finally get to gensokyo
>realize every one there is super bitchy

You guys think a place full of nothing but women will be a fun place to stay?

>>7535986
I think it's because we are unproductive we are in /jp/

Can we bring some of our shit along?

>>7535993

Yes. Is there a problem with that?

>>7535993
You obviously didn't play any of the games if it takes you to get to Gensokyo before realizing everyone is a bitch.

Delivering at finding items. In addition to a normal delivery service, for the right price I will also seek out whatever my employer wishes to obtain.

>>7535993
>Women who don't get their much needed dicklings regularly, if ever.
I'm male. Why is that a problem again?

I would freeze to death trying to hug Cirno.

>>7535961
Hell, you could probably just convince the little idiots that's some new kind of game.

"Whoever can stitch the most shoes in 18 hours is the winner! GO GO GO"

>>7536016
I'm wondering, how cold is Cirno actually?
Just below zero Celcius? -20? Or absolute zero?

>>7536024
She makes it cold around her, but her actual passive temperature isn't stated anywhere. The Three Faeries are able to touch her without issue, I think.

>>7536014
>implying they care about your dick if you aren't on their level

>>7536029
The three faeries are also able to not eat without issue, I think.

>>7536038
They do feel cold though, remember that winter chapter.

>>7536000
Lost&Found office?

That actually might be interesting - it might be something like Rinnosukes shop.

>>7536030
They aren't all super-powered. Also, without a dick in sight for hundreds of years one would think they'd get desperate.

>>7536048
No no. Most of them have already grown dicks. Don't you see the doujin?

>>7536048
It's like people forget the human village even exists.

The faceless male jobs seem popular.

>>7536058
...thanks for reminding me. I was starting to worry about food...

>>7536048
Don't get your hopes up, man. Maybe you can easily rape some lowly youkai or fairy, if they're not in a group that is. To get the chicks you have to at least give them a decent danmaku battle.

>>7536065
it's a thankless job, but someones got to do it

>>7536071
or bring a present to a youkai. a box full of human kidneys, for example.

>>7536074
If course you can, if you can kill that many humans without a certain hakutaku or shrine maiden getting involved.
You now have created the plot for a new touhou game.

...I wonder what's Ran's favourite human part.

>>7536085
I bet it's the fear before she kills them while chen watches

>>7536083
...well, implementing my human hunting techniques in a touhou game seems interesting.
...alas, I've not whatsover programming skill...

>>7536083
Just gather them off the dead like a proper jikininki or mouryou. Maybe you'll even turn into a youkai on the way and just after collecting 100 livers to woo Nitori you'll notice that you no longer have a penis and are now a little girl who finds human entrails really delicious.

But Youkai don't eat humans anymore. The whole spellcard system was introduced to prevent deaths.

Get out of here grimdark secondaries.

>>7536097
>>7536097
>your fetish detected

>>7536085
>>7536074

If you would kill other humans you would be seen traitor in some way. And they never get good treatment or trust. So better don't try it.

a witcher.

>>7536103
There are some youkai that eat humans after they've beaten them or break the whole rule in general.
Rumia for example.

>>7536102
>collecting 100 livers
damn, you mean, I have to just pick them up and don't eat? geez!

>>7536106
guilty

>>7536108
...but I'm not human

>>7536127
Then why aren't you in Gensokyo?

>>7536144
...because I don't look like a girl.

>>7536174
So what do you look like?

>>7536188
Probably a fat neckbeard

I'll most like make a gang of pillagers of both human and youkai and target anyone with goods.
The human village would be a good spot at times but hunt on the roads most often.

I'll then become the final boss of the new touhou game.

>>7536121
The hell is she eating?

>>7536823
A bad apple.

>>7536194
That would explain everything.

Is Stage 5 boss a job?

>>7536899
You'll need to find a Stage 6 boss to serve.

Note that this service does include lesbian sex so you'll be ruined for marriage.

>>7536914

I could be this person's stage 6 boss. I always wanted someone to be my stage 5 boss. I absolutely adore stage 5 bosses.

1) Living blood reservoir for refined vampire girls / butler.
2) Gynecologist
3) Dinner

Either is fine.

>>7536923
Alright, all you need is an incident now.

Fortunately, I have my incident table from forever ago saved! Now you can just roll 3d15 and won't have to worry about coming with some nonsensical crap to pull off in order to get Reimu to notice you and smash your face in.

>>7536940

That sounds great. Once I get to Gensokyo I'll prepare everything so that the other bosses can get ready so we can be a big happy family after a good old fashioned get beat up by Reimu ceremony to seal the deal.