/jp/ - Otaku Culture

I don't care about your stupid crush.

Sounds like a pretty generic slut
How is this /jp/ again?

She's got a system when it comes to someone paying attention to her. First, she's got a central guy, guy 1, the most important guy that she considers her boyfriend. Then, she's got guy 2, backup guy. She'll milk G1 dry for money and attention, while building up a relationship with G2. When G1 catches drift of her bullshit, or she gets increases her amounts of asinine she emits, she stirs up so much drama that she gets sympathy from G2 and all of her friends. She then cuts herself, making suicide attempts, etc., keeping G1 interested by guilt tripping. Then she goes to G2, swapping places with them. G2 then gets milked, and then she causes more drama to get more attention from all angles possible. When another guy comes in, another guy leaves.

>>4941987
She's got a youtube account.
www.youtube.com/clrno
She considers herself one of the best singers and the most popular of the touhou community, that's where /jp/ comes in.

>>4941997
I'm not doing shit. Fuck you fake jones.

Her entire life revolves around the computer, when she's not at school, she's on the computer. Every little thing her mother does, she warps into some insane thing to make a conversation and get sympathy. Her mother raises her voice? Obviously she was screaming like a banshee and threatening to kill her.
Her phone number:
15093076956

we know that 3D womens are all pig disgusting op.
just bring this up to /b/ and they'll love this
also, go fudge yourself for faking jones

>Jones !esIlGE7Xog

>>4942000
I'm not asking you to. I'm just telling a story because I have nothing better to do.

She tells a story about how she was molested, but every time she tells it, it's entirely different. I'd share with you all the nudes I've got of her, but I'm scared of being v& or b&.

>OP
Pic related.

Wait there's another Jones?!
Oh..I wasn't impersonating anyone, don't get that idea. I just use the name Jones because I typed it in one day.

Most of all? I think this will enrage /jp/ more than any other things I've said.
She.
Hates.
Cats.

She would kill a cat if she had the chance. She hates everything that's a fad or that other people like a lot.

I suspect this thread won't last long

>>4942030
Nope, we dont care. We like birds around here, fag.

>>4942035
She hates birds too.

>>4942021
Anonymous Jones, one of the most well-known tripcode users on /jp/

Seems like you're not very accustomed to this board.

>>4942044
Well, that sucks. ;-;

>>4942040
Dont lie. No one can hate birds. Not japanese birds, at least.

>>4942056
Nope. Birds and cats should go away, birds suck because they can fly, and flying things scare her. And all birds fly, even birds that can't fly.

Ｔｈｉｓ　ｉｓ　ａ　ｖｅｒｙ　ｓｈｉｔｔｙ　ｔｈｒｅａｄ．

Big deal. So you got played by a manipulative 3D cunt. That's what they do.

>>4942069
Thanks. Point is, she shits all over your touhou community and uses it to draw in you fags.

>>4942079
The only Touhou community I'm involved in is /jp/.

>>4942073
I wasn't manipulated. I'm a sociopath, I analyze these things because they're interesting. If anything, I manipulated her.

>>4942079
Right, but at what point is she directly affecting my day? I never heard of her until now and probably won't lose any sleep over this whole ordeal. I'll continue to live not knowing her and not caring what she does.

>>4942079
>draw in you fags.
Not us fags. We are faithful to our waifus 'round these parts. I think you should get out.

>she shits all over your touhou community
Everyone shits on the touhou community, its shit to begin with.

>>4942079
>your touhou community
HA HA HA OH WOW

You actually think we care about the "touhou community" at large?

You should turn her into the police for selling naked pictures of her underage body.

>>4942107
I live in florida. She lives in washington. It's hard to do that.

>>4942115
You probably shouldn't anyway. If the police get involved, and your hard drive goes in, guess what.

>>4942088
And that's why you're begging for shitposting porn game connoisseurs to do EPIC RAIDZ on some generic camwhore. Right. Nobody here is quite as stupid as you think.

>>4942115
No it isn't. Email the FBI anonymously.

Oh hey, I've found the problem.

>14 year old girl

ALL young teenage girls are psychotic whack-jobs. It's just part of the territory, I don't see why you're surprised.

>>4942131
Man, you're right. I should totally apologize for that begging.

>>4942133
>email fbi anonymously
Mind explaining how I go about doing that?

Turns out there's some stuff of hers on /rs/!
search for keruri

>>4942150

>>4942168
>14 year old girl
>her "stuff" on /rs/

>>4942179
>hours of her camwhoring

>>4942185
>the point
.
.
.
.
.
.
>your head

>>4942185
Is she dressed up as a Touhou? This would significantly raise my interest, if nothing else, from nonexistent to morbid curiosity.

>>4941964
So "boof" post kiddie porn?

>>4942206
no, she's naked the whole time

>14 years
Too old.

>>4942214
>3d
>naked
ctrl+j, del, alt+c, ctrl+w

>>4942209
So "grammar" does hard?

>>4942223
It's a shame, really.

>>4942150
Uh, well, as a simple example:
1. Gain alternative internet access (e.g. unsecured wireless, public library, kinkos)
2. Create dummy gmail account.
3. Send damning evidence and complete identity info of the culprit to the Florida FBI office at <Miami@ic.fbi.gov>

>>4942282
I'm paranoid when it comes to this, and I'd never be dedicated enough to do that.

Can someone explain to me this boof stuff?

Oh oh, there's an image and post limit, so someone is trying to get to that before I post more, effectively killing my thread? Cool.

>>4942330
BOOF, one of the most universally-liked tripcode users on /jp/

He doesn't post CP btw

Nobody cares about your shitty thread, everyone knows you can just make a new one, they're just spamming it 'cause it's the worst one on the board right now.

>>4942297
Then let me enlighten you with some facts. If they find out about her on their own, they may decide to use her activity as a natural honey pot and subpoena the names of every IP address from the relevant ISPs. They could then bust you for having thumbnails of her tits in your cache, if they wished.

bump lol

>>4942676
Why would you bump this thread?

I kind of lol'd @ some of the crap on her youtube and forum account I found from googling the email on there. (She uses "eye" for I at all times, for example...) Still, expecting /jp/ to personal army for you is probably a bad idea.

>>4942833
I didn't expect.

You can't just mention naked photos of 14 year old girls and not post them. That's just wrong.

>>4943216
I linked to them.
I also don't want to be v&

Why are you still bumping this?
Warachia should have finished the job with text.

great thread fakejones

is she pretty?
maybe i can get to fuck her

i am megafucker

don't care, reported. But, there is one amazing thing to come out of this thread. A great picture of Suika

>>4942032
thanks man

>>4944607
goddommit I am not a fake jones
I am not impersonating jones
I am a different jones who had no knowledge of another jones

>>4944607
fakesuigin is a perfect match for fakejones

/jp/ - No mods, no janitors...

>>4944631
his point still stands

What the fuck is this thread

Yawn

>>4941964
> She'll take hundreds of naked photographs for you if you offer her money - show proof or not
> She regards her vagina as some sacred temple, refusing to show it to anyone but the ones she 'loves'.

What? About the IQ test, yes it doesn't matter, but how well you did in school does. If you didn't do well in school because you seriously weren't capable of learning what was being taught, you are most likely borderline retarded. If you didn't do well because you thought you were to smart for it, then you are a pretentious asshole who will not do well in life.

post the nudes (≖‿≖ )

>>4944630
Shut up fakejones

>>4944648
You didn't comprehend what I wrote? Do you want me to rewrite it?

>>4944651
>>>/rs/keruri
herp

>>4942079
draw in..us?
go to some site more involved with the so-called mainstream ''touhou community''. most guys probably dont care about much besides whats posted in here, pixiv and niconico. at least NOBODY here cares for some shitty WESTERN fangirl singer idiot.

>>4944648
>If you didn't do well in school because you seriously weren't capable of learning what was being taught, you are most likely borderline retarded. If you didn't do well because you thought you were to smart for it, then you are a pretentious asshole who will not do well in life.
..and if you didnt do (too) well because you were lazy, welcome to /jp/.

>>4944657
On the contrary.

oh, also OP
http://archive.easymodo.net/jprules.php
read this before you make another abortion of a thread

So, to be clear
I post this topic in /jp/
and this is your response
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4fGnfwOqio#t=1m14

Hey mods, what the fuck? Do your job.

:L

Did you see him hide, did you see him crawl
Haah, Haah, Haah
Does his life mean more than it did before
Haah, Haah, Haah

Over 10 hours without the meido around, interesting.

>>4944749
work and sleep takes some time i guess
should i dump some cp here? if you know what i mean

>>4944752
You can still go get the pics and vids of the girl.

>>4944755
not that kind of cp

>>4944756
you can't post any kind of cp because you are not an expert neet.

>>4944752
Please do.

Anyways, >>4944764, please listen to me. That it's really related to this thread.
I went to Yoshinoya a while ago; you know, Yoshinoya?
Well anyways there was an insane number of people there, and I couldn't get in.
Then, I looked at the banner hanging from the ceiling, and it had "150 yen off" written on it.
Oh, the stupidity. Those idiots.
You, don't come to Yoshinoya just because it's 150 yen off, fool.
It's only 150 yen, 1-5-0 YEN for crying out loud.
There're even entire families here. Family of 4, all out for some Yoshinoya, huh? How fucking nice.
"Alright, daddy's gonna order the extra-large." God I can't bear to watch.
You people, I'll give you 150 yen if you get out of those seats.
Yosinoya should be a bloody place.
That tense atmosphere, where two guys on opposite sides of the U-shaped table can start a fight at any time,
the stab-or-be-stabbed mentality, that's what's great about this place.

>>4941964
Okay, so I think I understand what's going on. You're curious that your "boyfriend" (read: fuck-of-the-week) spends a lot of time every day going F5 F5 F5 on 4chan's /b/, which is the only part of the fucking site he probably goes to. So you decided "Hey, I think I'll post a thread here and see what these CRAZY HILARIOUS INTERNET PEOPLE have to say!" I bet you like going to sites like Fark and collegehumor and Ebaumsworld when you're not posting glitter comments in people's myspaces and listening to the streaming mp3s they have linked on their profiles.

Also, you are a ridiculous waste of a human being with nothing better to do with your time than to sit here and say "Hey guys I'm a girl teehee I giggle and I'm soft and I get to wear cute clothes when I go out on Friday nights! Hey you know what'd be fun I have a good idea I'll sit here and press F5 F5 F5 on a thread I made and watch people from the internet talk to me!"

You're just trying to validate your vapid existence by proving your gender to you, yourself.

Femininity doesn't travel over Ethernet and DOCSIS, honey. When you're standing there at the bus stop in the morning on the way to your $8/hr part-time job, and people start talking to you, they're not "being nice people" - they're trying to find an opening to get a chance to fuck you. And you're so wrapped up in yourself that you don't even realize it, you just think that people are talking to you because you look cute and it brings a smile to their morning to see a pretty young thing like you.

But nobody would have known you were a girl if you hadn't fucking posted this abortion of a post. Therefore any and all conversation you're having here is completely initiated by you, for the sole purpose of garnering internal merit for yourself.

I had a strange dream the other day. I was riding the bus when all of a sudden this huge black snake head with retarded-looking eyes pops through the window and screams loudly "HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?" The bus had just stopped beside the library, and I ran inside as quickly as possible; the snake head was now chasing me around as I frantically searched for the legendary book among the shelves. I spotted the distinctive blue cover and ran toward it, the huge head inches from my ass. With great force I pulled the book from the shelf and instinctively directed it at the black head which by now was dripping with saliva at the mouth. It disappeared as it made contact with the book, disintegrating into a flurry of glowing parentheses.

I just sat there dazed for a few seconds, watching the feathery parehtneses slowly become smaller and fade away into nothingness. Slowly, I stood up, still clutching the purple book. I wondered about what I should do with it, then decided to put it back on the shelf. After doing so, I walked back out to the exit and boarded a bus, for where I did not know. The bus driver looked strangely familiar as I dropped the coins into the farebox;

"HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?" he suddenly yelled at me. Oh fuck, I thought to myself. Now I knew why he looked so familiar: He was The Sussman!

i have been hacking seince i was 7 (im 13 now) my parents supported it, and it has helped many people, i have helped add security to sites by testing security, and there is a whole group of hackers im a part of at hackthissite.org hackers arnt bad, those are "crakers" who are mindless morons, you sir are the idiot, you trust the media, you didnt research you are the bad one. i have hacked many things but, for good. are you saying a site about killing people becuse of there race and supports it should stay up?? is that better than hacking?? i have hacked a site like that and shut it down. think im bad? F*ck you!!
i have broken some laws but, for good reasons, the government makes you think hacking is bad because the govrnment fears us, but us hackers dont fear them, so the government uses people whot think there hackers and shows them on tv then, people think thats what a hacker is. hacker acually means "one who is experienced in computers and problem solving" i think i have done good, and that i dont hack like black hats who are morons (pretty much "crackers") i hope i will change your opinion.

>i
You have:
a Ron Penton Coin
a Coffee mug
some data structures
a copy of SICP
>e
You enter Ron Penton's Private Sexy Pleasures. There is a strong smell of smegma in the room.
>l
You are in Ron Penton's Private Sexy Pleasures. You see Ron Penton.
>put coin in Ron Penton
You put the coin in the Ron Penton. Ron Penton notices your data structures and starts peeing in your coffee mug.
>run
You cannot run. Ron Penton is filling the mug.
>PLUGH
You cannot PLUGH. Ron Penton has filled the mug and is staring at your asshole suggestively.
>throw data structures at Ron
You throw several STL structures at Ron Penton. Ron Penton is nonplussed.
>w
You try to go back but shitty collision detection prevents you from doing so. Ron Penton is approaching and licking his LIPS.
>read SICP
You start conjuring the spirits of the computer with your spells. Ron Penton twitches around.
>read SICP
Ron Penton's head has inflated by approximately 350%.
>read SICP
Ron Penton explodes. His guts are all over the wall.
>z
You rest.
>w
Now that the problem has been solved, you start heading back and take a sip from your mug on the way. OH SUSM-

IF U WERE FLAMED FOR USING LISP TOMORROW, I WOULDNT GO 2 UR SUICIDE CUZ ID B N DAT CUNTS HOUSE N SHOVE SICP DOWN HIS THROAT!
//`'''```,
o // LISP `.,
,....OOo. .c;.',,,.'``.,,.`
.' ____.,'.//
/ _____ \___/.'
| / || \\---\|
|| || \\ ||
co co co co
WE TRUE SMUG LISP WEENIES
WE READ SICP TOGETHER
WE COUNT PARENTHESES TOGETHER
send this SUAVE SPACE TOAD to every thread you care about including this one if you care. C how many times you get this, if you get 6001 your A TRUE SMUG LISP WEENIE

I could feel Asakura lifting her knife up. Where would she start? The throat arteries, heart? If I knew how I was going to die, I could at least be prepared. At least let me close my eyes...what's this!?

I suddenly felt the air shake. The knife began to fall upon me... At this moment, the ceiling gave out a loud cracking noise, followed by debris falling down. A loud booming hiss which seemed to sound like "Have you read your SICP today?" filled the air. I lifted my head and discovered... Standing in front, catching the blade with his crotch-snake, was the robed figure of The Sussman.

>>4942336
HAHAHAHAH!! No.

"You and your forced indentation." The Sussman said in his usual expressionless tone, "You think you can defy my power?"

"You want to get in my way?" Asakura sounded calm. "Once I kill this person, Suzumiya Haruhi is bound to have some sort of reaction. Only then can we obtain more cudders."
"You are supposed to be my backup." The Sussman said in a mantra-like tone, "This sort of insubordination is forbidden; you must obey my commands."

"What if I refuse?"
"Then I will send you to the land of Java."
"Would you like to try? I have the advantage here, since this classroom belongs to MIT."
The Sussman removed his wizard hat and set it on the floor before removing a wand from a pocket on his robe. He pointed it at the knife in her hand and murmured. Shortly after, it started glowing brightly. Then, like the sugar cube being placed into a cup of tea, it slowly crystallized and dissolved and fell towards the floor like powder.

Asakura released the knife and jumped five meters away. Opening up the distance in an instant, Asakura landed elegantly and continued smiling as usual. The Sussman raised his wand and pointed it directly at the ceiling, not taking his eyes off Asakura. The wand released a wave of glowing white parentheses and the space around The Sussman began to distort.

"It's time for some ENTERPRISE QUALITY!" Asakura cheerfully cried as she conjured the spirits of the JVM, producing a flood of boiling-hot coffee that rushed its way towards The Sussman, who stood motionless, parentheses continuing to issue from his wand like electromagnetic radiation.
"You think your turkey solutions can stop me?" The Sussman said calmly before lowering his wand, forming the pool of parentheses now gathered around him into a sharp pointed cone aimed at Asakura. Suddenly he shouted "LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISP!" and the parentheses shot forward into the waves of coffee, pushing the boiling hot liquid back towards where it came.

"Nooooooo....." her cries became weaker as she became engulfed in the dark brown liquid. Everything turned black and I felt as though I had fainted. I awoke to a familiar voice.

"...before we do that for the next couple of lectures we're gonna be talking about..."

I opened my eyes and raised my head to find myself seated in a lecture theater. I glanced at the clock and found that I had missed most of the lecture. "Damnit! I was looking forward to the first lecture of the last semester of 6.001!" I thought to myself.

Inuyasha sucks, it is not meaningful at all and is in all actuality a really bad anime. The manga is halfway decent, but still not nearly Rumiko Takahashi's best work. The main character is fucking RANMA with dog ears and white hair. I swear to god she copy pasta'd the character, and that was what made the series dumb. But then all these stupid fucking fangirls come in and are like omg inu<3 <3 <3 and fagged it up. You want to see OC? Go read Ranma 1/2, Inuyasha is copyright infringement on that.

So she goes down on me. She was always average at best in the head department but at least she tried. She pops my cock out of her mouth long enough to look up at me and say "tell me if you like this". Then I feel it.

She stuck her finger up my ass.

My brain hits the panic switch and every muscle in my entire body locks up tighter than a three year old virgin. But its too late.

I take a massive, PAINFUL, PAINFUL shit, all over her parents comforter.

No, you aren't understanding. I mean large. Huge. IMMENSE. Take your largest shit and multiple it by forty-two and you'll have an idea of what flew out of me.

And gents, when I say flew, I don't mean "I pooped." I mean "projectile". I mean "hurricane force winds hitting an umbrella stand". And due to my condition, it comes out as a large, dark brown, smelly harpoon.

I know it hit her. I didn't see it. She ran screaming "OH MY GOD OHMYGODOHMYGODEEEEEWWWWWWWW" but I always imagined that, due to her position, it hit her right in the chin. Or at least the tits.

The following is a tale depicting the events during which my life was completely changed in all aspects. I shall only be a few minutes, so if you will please, have a seat, and I will relate to you the story of how I became known as the "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air."

It was on the western edge of the town of Philidelphia, Pennsylvania where I spent my childhood and adolescence, raised by my mother. I spent my days relaxing and enjoying wonderful leisure activity, usually by partaking in games of basketball just outside the school which I attended. One day, a couple of gentlemen, acting very suspicious and resentful of my playfulness, began to start some conflict with me. It was only one trivial brawl which I suffered through, but my mother indeed became rather worried. She told me when I returned to my home that I would be moving with my aunt and uncle in the town of Bel-Air, California.

I signaled for a taxi cab to pick me up, and when one arrived at the airport which I had just landed at, despite my decision to omit that part of my story, I became aware that the liscense plate affixed to its rear bumper had the word "FRESH" printed on it, and that there were couple of fuzzy dice hanging from the mirror inside the cab. I thought to myself that this taxi sure was a rare breed, but shook these thoughts from my head to return to the task at hand. I told the driver of the taxi to take me to Bel-Air. At around seven or eight o'clock that evening, and I jokingly commented to the driver that I would probably have to smell the inside of his taxi again at a later time. I then took a good look at my newfound kingdom at which I had just arrived. Indeed, I was at last there and I was prepared to sit on my new throne, to be dubbed the Prince of Bel-Air.

in all seriousness.
all complete seriousness, as in: no more memes or witty comebacks.
all of that shit aside, completely serious right now.
if I had a gun with one bullet, and you were standing in front of me.
but next to you, was Hitler, alive again and ready to kill another 7 million or so Jews.
Honestly, I would shoot you. I really would. Why you're even on /b/ is something I really would like to know. I want to know how you managed to stumble into this place, and who told you about this secret place of the internet.

Honestly, you're the sole reason /b/ is full of fail nowadays. It would give me great pleasure to know that before I left, I could at least convince one idiot to leave this place for those with a positive IQ.

So please, in all seriousness, just leave this place and never return