/jp/ - Otaku Culture

You look like shit.

What's with that horn?
Get rid of it.

Do it now.

Sure, but first we're gonna have to see a doctor about removing that penis growing out of your forehead.

No horns in church!

>>2190780
>>2190781

People who can't appreciate the horn don't deserve Yuugi.

How drunk did she have to get before she agreed to marry me?

>>2190787
You heard the priest.

>>2190793

Overruled.

>>2190791
lets put it this way:

she passed out before she was drunk enough.

Touhou brides?

>>2190815

Fuck yes, I'm marrying Shanghai?!

Dear lord I have 840 pictures of girls in wedding dresses. It's hard browsing them all to separate the Touhous

>>2190819
I wanna marry Shanghai.
She's adorable and would fit right in your pocket

>>2190885

Suika could fit in your pocket, too. Or you could fit in her pocket, whatever works.

>>2190892
For a second, I thought she was wearing a neck brace.

>>2190892
Yes, but her drinking problem would lead to serious problems, and she'd probably beat me eventually...

>>2190892
The more the merrier.

>>2190901

It should be worth it for the angry drunk sex afterwards.

Oh Marisa~~

>>2190901
The first rays of the sun peaks in through the window. You sigh. Morning already? What the hell is she thinking? You bring the glass to your lips again, letting your tongue revel in the red, bitter liquid, though your mind takes no note of the taste. It stopped paying attention to it the moment you understood what you would be doing all night. The drinking process seemed to serve no other purpose than to reassure you that time wasn’t standing still. It was then you heard a faint noise from outside. Somebody ...singing? You could make out some words.
..the roughest, toughest ….…but Minnie ……….. big as a whale..
Suddenly the door slammed open.
“Hi-di hi-di hi-di *hic*”
You get up from your chair slowly, before exclaiming loudly; “Where the hell have you been, Suika?!”
She stops, looking at you confused for a second before replying “what’s it to you?”
“I’m your husband, goddamnit; I have the right to know what you were up to while I was sitting home all night waiting for you!”

“Well, for your information, I was ju- Hey! Why aren’t you making breakfast right now?! The sun is up, which means that my fucking bacon should already screaming for mercy in the frying pan!” she said, forcefully shifting the course of the conversation.
“W-what?! You haven’t even slept yet!” you answer defensively.
“You’re such a lousy husband” she says while picking up a bottle from the kitchen-counter.
“And you call yourself a lady, drinking whiskey for breakfast?”
She doesn’t reply, but walks slowly towards you, raising the bottle. The bottle flies through the air, and you acknowledge in your last conscious moment that you were wrong to assume she was going to drink that.

>>2190971
Should I continue? y/n

>>2190977
VERY Y

>>2190901
The ole ball and chain's gotta keep ya in line somehow. Otherwise next thing she knows you'll be off flirting with fairies or whatnot.

>>2190983

She wouldn't have much trouble finding you if you tried to run off, either.

>>2190774
I will love. Then you'd probably live for another couple thousand years and I'll die after only a couple decades. Our son/daughter would be a halfcaste, not completely on, not completely human. Is this really happiness love? Is that really okay with you love?

>>2191002
>>2190983
I never realized what an abusive waifu Suika would be...
I'll go with Shanghai

>>2190989
You slowly become aware of the fact that something is licking your forehead. You smile to yourself, knowing that it’s just your dog’s way of showing his love for you. But then you suddenly realize something. You don’t have a dog. You slowly open your eyes to meet the sight of your wife’s bosom and her arms at both sides of you. What the hell could she be doing? You move your arms to push her off, only to realize something is holding them together behind your back, by your wrists. You struggle against it for a second, before realizing your wife was looking at you, having noticed from your jerking motions that you were awake.
“W-what the hell are you doing?!” you say.
“I couldn’t let the whiskey go to waste” she answered innocently.
“No, I mean, what did you do to my arms?”
“Oh, that. Well, if you’re not going to use those arms to make me breakfast, then you won’t need to be able to use them.”
“B-but..” you start, but pause, knowing even in your dazed state of mind that your wife was impossible to argue with when drunk.
“In fact, you have a little lesson to learn” she said, while moving down and starting to unbuckle his belt and taking his pants off.

>>2191028
You smile to yourself, until you get pushed unto your stomach, and you realize your wife wasn’t really interested in your cock which was now pressing against the cold, wooden floor. A moment of inactivity gives you a chance to acknowledge how exposed your buttocks now are. But the awkward silence didn’t last long, as it was soon interrupted by the sound of a smack and a surprised yelp. Your belt had left a mark over your own ass. You are left with little time to brace for the next strike, as your wife wasn’t the kind to stop to savor the moment while drunk. For some reason, you imagined it would be more bearable if you counted, so you did. *smack* Two. *smack* Three. *smack* Four. But the stinging pain from each smack made it hard to concentrate on a simple task like counting. *smack* Five. *smack* Six. As the strikes continue, your will to count doesn’t. The last number you counted was eight, as the strikes continue to rain down uncounted. You were just barely aware of the tears escaping your eyes, as all your attention was focused on the unbearable pain of your ass. Your perception of time was lost, so you had no way of knowing how long the torment had gone on when you notice she had stopped, and only the resulting soreness remained. She pushes you over on your back again, and you yelp as your sore bottom touches the floor.
“See? That’s what happens when you don’t act like a good husband,” she says to you angrily, but with an expression to suggest she’s also pleased.
“B-but you didn’t even ask m-“ you start, but decide against it as you see her raise the belt again.
Satisfied with your silence, she decides to move on by lifting her dress and removing her underwear.
“What? You want to do that, here, in this position?” you say, despite knowing how straightforward she is when drunk.

>>2191049
Go on...

>>2191049
>You are left with little time to brace for the next strike, as your wife wasn’t the kind to stop to savor the moment while drunk.
>are
>wasn't

Pick a tense and stick with it.

>>2191049
“Shut up!” she answers, while bending down and holding your nose, forcing you to open your mouth to breathe, and then stuffing her underwear in your mouth. “You should know it’s your responsibility as my husband.”
She moves down to your crotch, and gets down on her knees, looking in disappointment at your flaccid cock. She wraps her hand around it and tries stroking it, but finds that it’s too soft. After a few seconds, her face brightens up. She puts a finger in her mouth, coating it in her spit, and places her hand below your ball sack, causing you to gasp nervously. Her finger finds its way through your butt-cheeks and quickly locates your anus, letting her finger slip in, without hesitation. She completely ignores your muffled squeal, and finds her way to your prostate and rubs it gently. She looks at your member with joy as it slowly rises to its full glory.
“That’s more like it” she says, as she gets up again, only to straddle you, leading your cock into her pussy. Quite too fast, you enter her. Quite too fast, she continues riding you. While she seems to have some enjoyment, you don’t. It just doesn’t feel good at all. Not anything like the idealized mollusk sex. Much too quick, no passion, no excitement. You find yourself just waiting for her to finish, but you’re also starting to build up to an orgasm yourself, without really finding much pleasure in it. Suika finally starts showing signs of approaching orgasm. She’s quite the inelegant sight as she greedily tries to stimulate herself more with your cock, and as you focus on getting your own orgasm, you see her body stiffen up for a few seconds, and feel the contractions of her vagina around your cock. And after that, all consciousness escapes her.

>>2191083
“Mmhf?!” you try calling out to her, but you get no answer but the sound of her soft breathing. You sigh in immense frustration, realizing that reaching your own orgasm would depend on either one of you being able to move, which wasn’t going to happen for a while. But for a moment you are filled with hope as you hear her voice, though quietly.
“..really need to pee..” is all you can make out. She doesn’t move or say anything else.
“Was she talking in her sleep?” you think to yourself. “Oh, yes! She usually waits really long before she bothers going to the bathroom, and tonight she has been drinking a lot. She’ll realize she needs to go to the bathroom pretty soon, and that should make her wake up and finally get off me”.
You wait for her to wake up, but you don’t see her move at all. While pondering how long it should take her to realize that her bladder is full, you feel your stomach getting hot. The sensation quickly spreads and you notice that it also feels wet.
“..goddamnit.”

Spanking, spouse rape, bondage and water sports. God that's hot.

>>2191028
>she said, while moving down and starting to unbuckle his belt and taking his pants off.
>his
wat

I like boobies better than little girl so I'll take hornhead over handlebars.

>>2190774
Yo, chick. Don't look at me with those words, the grooms over there.
I only fuck the wives not get married to them.

>>2191244
You get a little knocked out of first person after getting that bottle to your head.

>>2191259
>Ability: Ability to manipulate density

>>2191028
>>2191049
>>2191083
YES

>>2191103
AW HELLS NAW

>>2191103
>>2191083
>>2191049
>>2191028

Not to disturb the copypasta here, but when the suggestion of sexuality in Touhou is brought up most Anons get batshit insane about it and call it tripfag trolling(i.e."lawl remilia thred and ass saeg).

I notice that there is a distinct lack of rage here.

Hear that?

It's the sound of a thread grinding to a halt.

>>2191374
I think the brakes kicked in around the time watersports got involved. Just took a bit for things to taper off.

Well, at least the thread didn't just devolve into horny bride puns.

>>2191471
>around the time watersports got involved
But that was my favorite part!

I love Suika. But not that fake Suika in >>2190971 's story. I refuse to believe her personality would change into something like that.