/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>21720234
BOING!

ass twice

>>21720327
This is the only one that comes to mind.

>>21720234
The ones about Alice

>>21720234
I'm tempted to tell you to go away

>>21721798
Care to share? I haven't seen anything for her.

"Please... please let me go ze~"

The black-white pleaded to the rainbow magician; while battling the forceful urge within her, Marisa begged again. With tears in her eyes, her actions were simply ignored by an apathetic Alice; sitting not even five feet away and reading a book, peering out the corner of her eye at the witch's struggle. Her many dolls completely restricting Marisa's movement in her time of desperation.

"You must..." the witch whined, "please, release your dolls! I can't take it much more..."

Alice remained idle and flipped a page in her book. The pressure within the Marisa grew greater with every passing second, a force that she could never prevent merely with knowledge and wit.

"I... beg of you... please..." a mixture of tears and sweat streamed from the witch's face and made its way to the magician's wooden floor.

"I... I..." with her last shred of willpower, Marisa fell to the floor. With her face down, in a shameless admit of defeat, a puddle formed from under her; the liquid passing through the thin fabric and drenched her dress within mere seconds. A smirk appeared on Alice's face as the liquid expanded on her floor and made it's way up Marisa's body; the magician placed her book down and walked passed the witch, stepping in the shallow puddle of Marisa's urine.

"I hate you... you damn bitch." With her head still facing the floor, tears multiplied in the witch's eyes and diffused with liquid she exerted moments ago. Whelps and sobs came from Marisa's mouth along with mumbles of "damn Alice..." and "I'll never forgive you."

The magician walked back into the room and tapped the witch on the shoulder; looking up, she saw Alice's hand reaching out. Knowing she couldn't continue to wallow in her piss, she picked herself up and hung her head as Alice lead her to another room.

In Alice's bedroom with the door shut behind them, the magician began to remove the soiled dress of the witch; however, she was met with a forceful hand.

"What are you doing ze~? I don't need your help," muddled Marisa with the slightest hint of red in her cheek. "I can do this myself. Also, what are those things..." she pointed to her bed. Alice picked up one of the white objects; "those can't be..." the magician nodded.

Marisa signed with a hint of disgust, "You get weirder everyday, doll freak..." A thought occurred. "Hey, wait, why do you even have those things?" Hesitant, Alice lifted her skirt and revealed that she herself was wearing a diaper. Despite the humility that bestowed onto Marisa minutes ago, a smile came to her face. "So it is true, you do lea..."

Alice forcefully grunted and a trio of dolls surrounded the witch. One quickly flew behind Marisa and untied her apron and the other two grabbed the straps of her dress and lifted it over her head; the dolls then flew off with the garments. Before the black-white had a chance to fight it, she stood in Alice's bedroom with nothing but her shirt and soaked bloomers.

Alice, face redden, placed her hand on the witch's shoulders and led her to her bed. Marisa, unsure of what she should do, was forcefully seated on the edge and pushed back by the doll otaku.

Alice excitingly placed her fingers on the witch's waist; as she was about to pull down her bloomers, the magician was met with Marisa's grasp.

"No, ze~. Don't you dare do that." Just then, a group of dolls flew onto Marisa and restrained her arms and legs once again. "Dammit, ze~; let me go!" Alice ignored the demand and pulled down the wet bloomers. Staring at what was now exposed, trickles of blood dripped from the magician's nose.

"You sad, lonely freak." Marisa remarked as it was all she could do. Wiping the drippings of passion from her face, she slid the diaper under Marisa. Sprinkling a blot of powder onto the area, she quickly taped the garment into position before she fainted from blood loss.

Regaining her composure, Alice witnessed what she had accomplished and let out a delightful smile. Flushed with redness, she placed her face next to Marisa's and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Then with a soft giggle, she slowly walked toward the door.

"I'll make some tea and cakes." The dollmaster opened the door and exited the room; her minions release their grasp on the witch and followed.

Marisa sat up, hearing the unfamiliar crinkle as Alice's success, and pondered what the magician really meant to her.

>>21723447
someone please post the one where shanghai vomits when she see's Alice's rear.
I just remembered that one.

Something about Marisa grabbing anon and saying something like there's better or something like that.

The Shinki one.

>>21723447
Suddenly, a huge black snake head with retarded-looking eyes materialized in front of them, and in a loud booming hiss, asked "Have you read your SICP today?"

The surroundings faded into blackness and within a few moments the group found themselves seated in a lecture hall at MIT, amongst several dozen other students. "Welcome to 6.001" was written on the blackboard, and Professor Gerald Jay Sussman walked into the room, dressed in his robe and wizard hat.

"Is this a hack?" he asked as he glanced around and saw the witch, the magician, Alice, and Marisa.

"What...?" Marisa managed to say, all of the confused by what had just happened.

"Nevermind, let's start the lecture." The Sussman said softly.

"I'd like to welcome you to this course on computer science. ... Actually, it's a terrible way to start. Computer science is a terrible name for this business. First of all it's not a science." The Sussman lectured while the students sat and listened attentively.

"What's going on?" Alice whispered to Marisa.

"I have no idea. But this is getting interesting."

"Or we'll actually see that computer... so-called science actually has a lot in common with magic." The Sussman continued.

"So procedures are the spells if you like that control these magical spirits that are the processes."

The Sussman produced a wand and waved it in the air, muttering to himself. A bright flash of light filled the room, and a stream of glowing parentheses shot out the end of the wand, dissappearing into the air. The students applauded loudly.

"But... how can he do that? He's only a human, right?" the witch whispered.

The Sussman, who up until now had paid no attention to the group, turned and stared at the witch with an astonished expression.

"What did you just say?" he asked, pointing his wand at the witch.

All of the other students turned in the direction of the group.

"Nothing," she answered quietly.

"I hope so," The Sussman said in stern tone, ending his pointing with the wand.

"And... well I guess you know everyone needs a magical language and sorcerers, right, real sorcerers use ancient Arcadian, or Sumerian, or Babylonian or whatever. We're gonna control our spirits in a magical language called LISP, which is a language designed for talking about... for casting the spells that are procedures to direct the processes," the Sussman continued, waving his wand around as he spoke.

"What a disappointment. I thought he was going to teach us magic," Marisa muttered almost inaudibly.

Once again, the Sussman quickly turned and stared at her, pointing with his wand.

"Excuse me?" he asked, "What did you say again?"

"Nothing," she replied, trying to avoid attention.

"No, I'm pretty sure you said something. Please repeat it for us, so as not to miss a fine learning opportunity."

"She said, 'What a disappointment. I thought he was going to teach us magic'," the witch exclaimed. At the sound of those words the Sussman's face turned a bright red.

"HOW DARE YOU DOUBT ME!!" The Sussman shouted angrily. "By the power of the Y combinator I send thee to the land of Java!"

The Sussman raised his wand and a pointed it at the group, sending from its blunt point a stream of red parentheses. Almost immediately Alice sent forth her dolls, which collided with the parentheses at 61.8034% of their way toward her, creating a blindingly bright blue ball of plasma. The other students watched in amazement as the parentheses slowly ate their way through the doll-storm towards Alice.

i like the one about washing your cock but it's only in polish iirc

>>21725251
Pole here, mind posting it?

im fond of Lunarian Mortars

REMOVE LUNARIAN remove lunarian
you are worst lunarian. you are the lunarian idiot you are the lunarian smell. return to gensokyo. to our gensokyo cousins you may come our contry. you may live in the zoo….ahahahaha ,gu we will never forgeve you. rabbit rascal FUck but fuck asshole lunarian stink moon rabbit ribbit..lunarian genocide best day of my life. take a bath of dead lunarian..ahahahahahGU WE WILL GET YOU!! do not forget apollo 13 .moon we kill the king , gu return to your precious gensokyo….hahahahaha idiot lunarian and rabbit smell so bad..wow i can smell it. REMOVE LUNARIAN FROM THE PREMISES. you will get caught. russia+usa+gensokyo+china=kill moon…you will apollo 11/ neil armstrong alive in USA, armstrong making shuttle of USA . fast space travel USA. we are rich and have gold now hahahaha ha because of neil armstrong… you are ppoor stink lunarian… you live in a shack hahahaha, you live in a pagoda
neil armstrong alive numbr one #1 in USA….fuck gensokyo,..FUCKk ashol lunarians no good i spit in the mouth eye of ur flag and contry. armstrong aliv and real strong wizard kill all the lunar farm aminal with space magic now we the america rule .ape of the zoo presidant lord tsukuyomi fukc the great satan and lay egg this egg hatch and lunar civilization wa;s born. stupid baby form the eggn give bak our moon we will crush u lik a skull of pig. USA greattst countrey

The year was 1969. We were on recon in a steaming Lunar Sea. An overheated private removed her flack jacket, revealing a T-shirt with an ironed-on sporting the HECATIA slogan "Up with Mini-skirts!". Well, we all had a good laugh, even though I didn't quite understand it. But our momentary lapse of concentration allowed "Yankie" to get the drop on us... I spent the next three years in a POW camp, forced to subsist on a meager meal of beef, lettuce, tomatoes, bread, cheese, and four kinds of condiments. I came close to madness trying to find it here in Japan, but they just can't get the fries right!

>>21725251
I'm a Polack, i'll translate it to the best of my ability if you post it.

>>21720234
Mine

The one about how clean/dirty each Touhou's anus is.

>>21720234
Holy shit it is 2AM, we got to get the fuck onto /jp/ right the fuck now!
The best time of the day is Flanally here!

Consider this: A pack of wild Touhous.

Elegant, flying Youkais nearing your human home. Trampling your human lawn. Having a tea party with your human daughter.

And you can't do shit since they're youkais. Reimu grabs your wife and fucks her with her miko stick.

The Touhous finally dominate your household. They watch graceful spellcard fights in the sky and you are forced to be their sex slave.

Such is the downfall of Human.

>>21720341
This is it. Sanae's Ten Desires is okay, but "ass twice" is gold.

>>21720234
Втілення Червоної дияволиці. Невідома версія.

Дія перша

Місце дії — маєток Ремілії, одна з багатьох кімнат. У центрі кімнати стоїть стіл, за столом сидять: Ремілія, її сестра Фландра, Коакума, Сакуя, Мейлін і нечастий гість — Пачуля з ноутбуком. На столі стоїть пляшка з червоною рідиною, також нарізаний хліб, сало, сметана, і сім тарілок із борщем. Сакуя посміхається посмішкою щасливої матусі, Пачулі щось доводить комусь у блозі, Коакума їсть, Мейлін їсть, Фландра грається з їжею, Ремілія підозріло нюхає борща.

Ремілія. Сакуя.
Сакуя. Так пані, що трапилось?

Ремілія боязко віддаляється від тарілки та вказує на неї своїм тендітним пальцем.

Ремілія. Сакуя, це що?
Сакуя. Борщ, пані.
Ремілія. Від нього пахне часником...
Сакуя. Так пані, усе по рецепту.
Ремілія(повільно відштовхуючи від себе тарілку) Сакуя, ти що, забула? Я вампір. Я не можу це їсти!
Сакуя. Я тобі зараз дам, вампір. Їж давай.

Її посмішка робиться більш холодною.

Ремілія(очманіло) Ти що, сказилась, Сакуя!?
Сакуя. А НУ ЖРИ ЩО ДАЮТЬ, ПАДЛО. ПЕРЕБИРАЄ МЕНІ ХАРЧАМИ ТУТ.

Ремілія впадає в повну прострацію, втім, починає їсти.

Сакуя(знову посміхається) Ну чи не гарнюня?
Пачуля. Угу...
Фландра. Тітко Сакуя, а можна я потім пограю з Коакумою у хованки?
Сакуя(з радістю) Авжеж сонечко, пограєш.

Коакума бліднішає, та роняє ложку.

Мейлін(сама до себе) пронесло...
Ремілія(сама до себе) І коли все пішло не так?
Сакуя(звертаючись до Пачулі) Пачуля, починай їсти.

Пачулі не треба повторювати двічі, вона прибирає під стіл ноутбук і наливає собі червоної рідини в стакан.

Пачуля.(пригубив рідину) Гммм. Клюква.

Сакуя киває в її сторону, та звертається до Мейлін.

Сакуя. Гей, чурка! Ану налий мені горілки!

Мейлін встає, та наливає Сакуї гранчак горілки.

Сакуя. Ну, будьмо!

У маєтку Скарлет, сьогодні, сімейна вечеря.

>>21735620
cyka blyat
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y90yaLFoYoA

what's this giant thing

>>21735620
>>21725251
i'm tempted to see them in english

>>21725251
please post this, in polish

>>21735620
Доволі непогано

>>21720234
The one about raping Rumia and it ending in her killing you.

>>21749229
what?

>>21735620
Дія друга

Бібліотека Ремілії. В бібліотеці сидять Пачуля та, власне, Ремілія. Вони щось читають і п'ют смачний чай.
Раптово двері з грюкотом відчиняються, скрізь дверний проріз влітає непритомна і дуже сильно побита Коакума, в слід за нею – Мейлін у тому ж стані.
В бібліотеку входять Рейму та Маріса – обидві з кровожерливим виразом обличчя.

Рейму. Так, ти давай хапай книжки, а потім підемо до кухні.
Маріса. Я сумніваюся що в них є срібні ложки, віделки, тощо. Це ж вампірський маєток.
Ремілія.(понуро) Власне, з нещодавно в нас і срібло є...
Маріса. От буржуї кляті! А що це в нас таке…

Маріса знімає золоті канделябри та рішуче кладе їх у мішок.

Пачуля.(робить спробу пред’явити претензії) Щ-щ-що ви собі дозволяєте!? Це приватні володіння!
Рейму.(з байдужістю) А то ми не знаємо…
Маріса. До речі, а як ми все це людям пояснимо?
Рейму.(смикає плечима) А чорт його зна... Скажемо, що ось ця лярва (вказує на приголомшену Ремілію) тумана напустила чи щось на кшталт. А це (трясе мішком з краденим майном) компенсація.
Маріса. А вони повірять?
Рейму. Ну в те що Юка, нібито, співпрацювала з німцями, повірили ж?

Рейму підходить до заляканої Пачулі та замахується своєю палкою. Пачуля одразу ж падає в крісло.

Рейму.(гидко сміється) Сиди Мальвіно, як назад підемо, так встанеш.

Рейму і Маріса забирають все що хотіли та виходять із бібліотеки.

>>21725424
>no więc? czy go wyczyściłeś?
wyczyściłem co?
>no jego. czy go wyczyściłeś?
Cirno, nie mam pojęcia o co ci cho-
>TWOJEGO SIUSIACZKA ANON
co?!
>wow! nie wyczyściłeś go! twój siusiaczek dalej naprawdę śmierdzi, anon!
ok, zwolnij trochę mała wróżko. to nie twoja praca, żeby pilnować mojej higieny osobistej. myję go wystarczająco często
>oczywiście, że nie, on naprawdę śmierdzi!
TO DLACZEGO JESTEŚ TAK BLISKO MNIE SKORO TAK ŚMIERDZI? przestrzeń prywatna, mówi ci to coś? kurwa...
>hmph! to nie tak, że mam wybór, mam tylko 91 centymetrów! twój siusiaczek jest dosłownie przed moją twarzą gdy do ciebie mówię
PRZESTAŃ MÓWIĆ SIUSIACZEK
>nie wydaje ci się to urocze
NIE! SIUSIACZK-, em to znaczy KUTASY NIE SĄ UROCZE! ONE SĄ MĘSKIE
>wygląda na to, że są też śmierdzące...
ZAMKNIJ SIĘ

it's not quite as funny as I remember, but still got a chuckle out me

iichan.hk pls go

>>21750000
I definitely remember reading this in English.

>>21750067
oh, actually found it

>so? did you wash it?
wash what?
>it! did you wash it?
Cirno, I don't get what you're talking abo-
>YOUR PEEPEE ANON
what?!
>wow! you really didn't wash it! your peepee still really stinks, anon!
hold your horses, little fairy. it's not your job to watch over my hygene. I wash it frequently enough
>of course you don't, it really stinks!
WELL THEN, WHY ARE YOU STANDING SO CLOSE TO ME IF IT STINKS SO MUCH!? have you ever heard of private space? sheesh..
>hmph! it's not like I have a choice, I'm only 3 feet tall! your peepee is literally right in front of my face when I'm talking with you
STOP SAYING PEEPEE
>don't you find it cute?
NO! PEEPEE-, um, I mean DICKS AREN'T CUTE! THEY'RE MANLY
>and very stinky
SHUT UP

At the end of Endgame, Thanos agrees to undo everything he's done if anyone can beat him in a penis measuring contest, but none of the avengers even come close. Even the Hulk is shorter than Thanos by a noticeable amount, and their girth isn't even comparable. That's when, at the last moment, a strange portal appeared and Reimu came from it, Reimu pulls down her pants and unleashes the phattest hawg the universe has ever seen. Shamed by her immense size, Thanos undoes all that he has done, and then commits Japanese ritual suicide. He is buried in an unmarked grave in Area 51.

>>21750164
let me guess, it's from reddit

>>21750164
Get out of /jp/

>>21721798
example?

You guys ever notice how big Komachi's boobs are? There's some delicious buoyancy to them, I am sure if you were to place Komachi in water they would act like floaties if she needed them to be. Hell, she could probably sink them into the water and just use them as weights. Shiki could attach Komachi to her fishing line and toss her out, and have a nice weighted line for catching catfish. I feel like Komachi's boobs would be really warm. Like, if you were to place me inbetween Komachi's boobies, I would immediately begin to feel the warm sensation of being a bit hot. Hot, but not too hot. So about warm. Warm and Loveingly caressed in her big, beautiful white breasts. Speaking of Komachi's whiteness, do you think Komachi would be considered a white? Now before you say, "hurr well she's a jap, not white" hear me out. Adolf Hitler considered the Japanese to be honorary aryans, and therefore white in some sense. Plus, look at this cutie, how can you say she's not white? Japanese women, I hate to break it to you, but not many of you have boobies THAT big. Komachi's boobs are so big. How did she even get them that big? I'm sure it wasn't her choice, but wow. Her boobs just grew above and beyond, so to say. I know why Shiki would be jealous, if I were her I'd be a tad annoyed that I'd have to compete with that big boobied bombshell. I love Komachi, I love her hair, too. I've always loved redheads. Komachi is a literally perfect redhead. Apparantly redheads are mostly only native to some parts of europe, mainly Ireland and this area of Russia called "Udmurtia." Udmurtia itself actually has the highest concentration (not the highest population, that would be crazy!) of redheads on the planet. Komachi is a really sexy Udmurt, in that case! If she were one and not Japanese. I bet Komachi's nipples are really pretty and pink. Not the really weird inverted kind, I mean the kind that poke out slightly but not too badly where they're unslightly. I wish I could lay in Komachi's boobs.

>>21757493
I saw Alice at a grocery store in the village yesterday. She told me how cool it was to meet a real 3D human, but she didn’t want to be a douche and bother me and ask me to come over for tea or anything.
I said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
She was taken aback, and all she could say was “H-Huh?” and she kept confusedly blurting out “huh? huh? huh?” while I was closing my hand shut in front of her face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard her start sniffling as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw her trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen tampons and a case of diapers in her hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Ma'am, you need to pay for those first.” At first she was too busy crying and going over the events in her head to hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the tampons and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any magical infetterence,” and then turned around to look for me, before quickly turning back around and casting her eyes to the floor once our eyes met. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each tampon and the diaper case and put them in a bag and started to say the price, she kept accidentally interrupting her by failing to contain her really loud sniffles and crying noises.

how do i make one??

Eh? You've never seen a pair of breasts before? And you're HOW old?! J-Jeez! Ahahahah! W-Well, we'd better fix that, then! Just close your eyes for a sec, aaaaaaand...
HERE! BOING!
AHAHAHAHA! You should have seen the look on your face! J-Jeez, anon! Th-Th-They're just sacks of fat on my chest, ya know! Do they really excite you THAT much?! G-Get a look at this, then! See how they bounce up and down! Jiggle jiggle! I-I bet you want to squeeze them too, don't you, Mr. Perverted Virginboy Anon?! G-Go right ahead! Honk these honkin' honkers as much as you want! Take your time! Heck, s-suck on 'em too! I know you really want to~! Just be careful; my nipples are super hard right now! C-Can't imagine whyyyy...~! I-I-I-I-I-I bet you wanna see my vagina too! You pervert! W-W-Well, we're already this far! Might as well! I'm not wearing p-panties anyway!
S-S-S-So, what do you think? ...Well, I guess that ragin' 'rection in your pants answers THAT question! HAHAHAHA! Y-Y-You're such a pathetic pervert, anon! I-I-I-I bet it's the first one you've seen since you slid out of your mother's! L-L-Look how wet it is, too! Jeezums fucking Crikes, it's so fucking wet! I-I've never seen it this wet before! Look what you're doing to me, you freaking pervert! Y-You sure know how to make a girl all hot and bothered! Oh, my! Christ-on-a-stick! You'd better take some responsibility for this! A-After all, when it's this wet, it's much easier to cram something up there! And Im leaking like a freaking sieve here! You'd better p-p-plug it up RIGHT NOW!!

>>21758007
Is this one original?

I saw Marisa at a grocery store in the human village yesterday. I told her how cool it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother her and ask her for photos or anything.

She said, “It's fine! I don't mind at all!”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but she cut me off and laughed and motioned for me to come in for a selfie. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard her laugh and wave at me as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw htrying to wall through the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in her hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Mam, you need to pay for those first.” She turned around and said "I'm so sorry! I'm so scatterbrained, I didn't mean to!"

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, Marisa realized she had forgotten her credit card in a food cart the night before. I offered to pay for the Milky Ways and she said "Wow, you're the man!" and gave me a wink and hand shake.

Touhous need to be raped. It is the only language they understand. Touhous enjoy rape. Don't let them tell you otherwise, because they are notorious liars and don't know their own minds. They all want to be held down and fucked hard. They want to be made to cry and scream. Touhous have a biological imperative to be raped. Did you know that Touhous who are raped are twice as likely to conceive as Touhous who have unprotected consensual sex? It is a fact. Touhous who are raped often have orgasms as well - some have never had an orgasm in their lives save for a rape. The desire to be sexually dominated is deeply programed into them. This is a fact of evolution that cannot be denied without Gensokyoland becoming unbalanced. That's why they act out so much and are so belligerent. Whether they know it or not, subconsciously they want to piss off the villagers and get them to make them submit. They want to be slapped in the face, told to shut the fuck up, and then raped until they can't stand up. This is what the Touhous really want. I say we give it to them.

Touhous need to be loved. Love is the only language they understand. Touhous enjoy love. Don't let them tell you otherwise, because they are notorious liars and don't know their own minds. They all want to be held close and hugged. They want to be confessed to with well written love letters. Touhous have a biological imperative to be loved. Did you know that Touhous who are loved are twice as likely to conceive as Touhous who have unprotected emotionless sex? It is a fact. Touhous who are loved often have orgasms as well - some have never had an orgasm in their lives becaise they are not loved enough. The desire to cuddle is deeply programed into them. This is a fact of evolution that cannot be denied without Gensokyoland becoming unbalanced. That's why they act out so much and are so belligerent. Whether they know it or not, subconsciously they want to get the attention of the villagers and get them to ask them out on dates. They want to have doors held open for them, given cake & tea and kissed passionately. This is what the Touhous really want. I say we give it to them.

Fixed

>>21751370
What gave it away?

>>21750000
Czy to dziwne że widziałem z odorem komfortowych paru siedzeń dalej, podobną sytuacje? w miejskim autobusie pomiędzy rodzeństwem w mniej więcej równym wieku toczyła się rozmowa coś na tym poziomie, Zaczynając od siostry zwracającej uwagę na brak higieny swojego rodzinnego trolla,
mój wyraz twarzy gdy
to widziałem.

>>21720234
noodle game mod

>>21720327
Hi Kenny!

WHATA FUCK MAN XD

>>21760880
I had no idea this was 2hu in origin

>>21720234
Spooky

What if I told you the craters on the moon weren't created by 14 Billion year-old space debris, but rather the Lunarian Mortars?
The Lunarian Capital is known far and wide for being superior to Earth in almost every way, though being a few hundred thousand miles/kilometers away and led by two retards.
Despite the ancient age of the Earth and Moon, surely one would think they would be untouched in an almost orderly Solar System, but no. Not only has the Moon been defiled, but it has been a grave yard for nearly the entire Lunarian Army.
At this point, people will ask "how?" or "why?" and expect to get a full run down of the thing from the natives themselves, but no. They won't. Not only are the common "Cute Little Lunarian Bunny" citizens so uninformed to the point of retardation, but they are also lazy despite their constant slave-working by the Watatsuki sisters.
The only one who could have told the story is currently in Gensokyo and goes by the name "Reisen Udongein Inaba".
There is no way you'll ever get an answer from her, let alone find and acquire her assistance since leaving her allies to die when she escaped in the middle of the massacre. To this day, she still suffers from PTSD.
Starting from the beginning, there was once a time when all native Earthlings lived on Earth and all was fine. All until certain events took place, and a "not so small" group of people decided the Earth was becoming too "impure", so they came together to devise a plan to go elsewhere, and as we know, they went to the moon, and dubbed themselves Lunarians.
Nobody knows what happened between that time and now, but we do know of the recent events that have taken place. Like a certain "invasion" as they call it, that happened from 1969 - 1972, which marked the beginning of 6 "invasions" which took place. All we know is that two humans, yes, two /humans/, decided to go and plant a flag on the moon. A flag with 50 stars, and 13 stripes held up on a pole in the vast emptiness that is the surface of the moon and dark empty sky that is space. One could see this as claiming unmarked and unowned territory, and they would be right, however, they were met with unfriendly forces upon their arrival.
The unfriendly denizens of the moon looked more like humanized rabbits, and at a glance, would be seen as small, cute and harmless- until you saw they were carrying weapons. And charging. Right at you and the flag like a bunch of savages. For rather cute creatures, they were rather barbaric.
After planting the flag on the moon, the humans appeared to be dancing, and riding in some kind of contraption with four wheel-like structures attached to it whilst going back to the same location every now and then. Probably taking pictures or something.
After seeing something like that, surely the head Lunarians would think twice before attacking a possibly more advanced and possibly unknown species, but no. They went on and attacked like a bunch of fucking retards. And with that, is how it all began.
We know not what the "invasion" was like, but the Royal Cocksucking Sisters call it "The War", leading us to our topic, the first "Lunarian War"- in which they lost horrobly. Spoiler Alert.
The losses were grim.
For them of course.
The Lunarians lost such a large chunk of their army that "...there aren't many left..." -Yorihime Watatsuki. And that isn't the half of it. The two /humans/ who invaded left with nothing but small blemishes that'll go away in a week or two, as the Lunar Army lost <Thousands> of their soldiers. Yes you heard me right, <THOUSANDS>. The ENTIRE LUNARIAN ARMY against two friendly humans. TWO humans and they LOST! You're telling me that an entire force of the moon, over six arrivals by the same two humans in four (4) years and multiple flags, resulted the DEATHS of the MAJORITY of the LUNARIAN ARMY, much so to a point where their forces are cripped to a point to where they can take on Gensokyo, just barely, when four Gensokian denizens put a stop to a GODDESS OF HELL, a PURE incarnation of HATRED and a HELL FAIRY who managed to fucking terrorize them to a point of having to INVADE GENSOKYO, as well as TOTAL EVACUATION of the Moon, into ANOTHER realm which they didn't even know they had entered on their own will as a trap- and they couldn't even manage to so much as give two friendly, non hostile HUMANS a hard fight? Not to mention it took them fucking decades- DECADES to get rid of an UNGUARDED flag? WHAT! You afraid the Youkai in the shadows are gonna snatch your ankles if you get within 50 feet of the flag? You scared you'll turn to dust if you touch it? Go blind if you so much as glance at it? Grow the FUCK up.

What are Sanae's ten desires?

>>21788010
1. Cock
2. Dick
3. Weewee
4. Peepee
5. Weiner
6. Dong
7. Schlong
8. Phallus
9. Manmeat
10. Penis

>>21788010
forced

To understand the relationship between Cirno and the Fishe, you first have to understand the nature of Gensokyo and Touhou in general. Looking at a strictly canon perspective, there is no confirmed situation where the Fishe and Cirno ever met, and certainly not through introduction by Sakuya as the OP image would imply. Cirno meeting the Fishe is merely an inferred situation: a possibility not set in stone through the word of ZUN, yet neither ruled out as something that couldn't occur through some sort of contrived circumstance. This is likewise why certain works depict the Fishe as an angry god demanding sacrifice, a benevolent figure from which to channel Cirno's hopes and desires, or a simple snack food to be swiftly consumed. Until deemed true or untrue, any of these outcomes could possibly occur in the hypothetical case that Cirno and the Fishe were to meet. It is something that is under no constraint, much like Momiji's personality and Reimu's family.

Primaries might scold you for stepping outside of canon constraints and attempting to fabricate a situation they deem contrary to character - "sakuya giving the cirno the fishe" would imply a certain sense of altruism on the former's part that has yet to show in canon, leading to the argument of character derailment, but many popular doujin works interpret the exact characterizations of characters differently from strict canon and are not always lesser for it. After all, the canon fighting games take artistic liberties in the depictions of individual characters, yet remain supported by ZUN regardless if they depict his characters in the way he originally envisioned them.

Ultimately, the Cirno and the Fishe's relationship is dependent on the context of the work you are consuming. In one story, they can be bitter foes, a damsel in distress trying to outrun a blood-thirsty monster in vain. In another, happily married. To understand this is to have a basic understanding of Touhou as a doujin scene.

>>21794706

>>21788010
1. Cum in her armpits
2. Cum in her ass
3. Cum in her pussy
4. Cum on her face
5. Cum on her tits
6. Cum on her ass
7. Cum in her hair
8. Cum in her eyes
9. Cum in her ears
10. Cum in her nose

>>21794725
>not me

:'(

EoSD Sakuya in unironically one of ZUN's best artworks, as evidenced by the fact that people celebrate and cherish it more than any other portrait from that game. Everything about that portrait is amazing. Look at her nonchalant attitude, the casual way she holds those knives, and the knowing smirk she has at the corner of her lips. You can tell immediately by her demeanor that she's large and in-charge around the SDM, as expected of the Chief Maid. Her larger right eye is often pointed out as a flaw of course, but that's just idiots who can't understand artistic license. The eyes are said to be the window to the soul, and that larger eye is helps to give off the unsettling 'serial killer' vibe, which is one of her themes after all. Then to top it all off you have the phrase 'red magic' written on her sleeve. A perfect hook by ZUN to create speculation about what this means for the relationship being her and her mistress, given the latter has a spellcard named 'Red Magic' as well. Overall, EoSD Sakuya portrait is a masterpiece and should never be sullied by your shitty Facebook memes.

>>21725846
"Ah my old footlocker. Huh, back on the Moon I could command respect."
"Sarge, let's make a break for it while the guards are partying with Yukari."
"Nope, too dangerous. We're all gonna sit tight and reminisce about mochi."
"Uh well uh, one time, I'm eating a mochi at the beach and Watatsuki No Yorihime starts taking off her bathing suit."
"Get back to the mochi."
"Ah to hell with this, I'm getting out of here."
"No, you fool!"
"That American ate my entire platoon."

There was one where some anon posted a two-post essay on why Tenshi Eating a Corndog was so cute, but now I can't find it.

Tenshi Eating a Corndog
is a much discussed concept on /jp/. The significance of it is disputed, so I will focus on one core concept: the symbolism behind it. But first we must identify and explore the key components of it.
Hinanawi Tenshi is a human child that has ascended to become a celestial being. In Hinduism, she would be called a Siddha or a Deva. In Chinese, it would be refered to as a Tian Xian, or heavenly immortal. In Japanese, it would be using the same kanji characters as in Chinese, being called a Tennin. She is also refered to as an angel, although the role of a heavenly messenger is better suited to her companion Nagae Iku. Regardless of which Oriental cosmology she claims the greatest influence from, Hinanawi Tenshi in Touhou: Scarlet Weather Rhapsody is presented as a roving celestial being that decides to cause mayhem out of childish boredom.
A corndog on the other hand is simply a sausage coated in a thick layer of cornmeal batter on a stick. It is considered a quintessential part of the American diet, being a cheap combination between convenience and an arguably delicious meal of protein and carbohydrates. It is not a new concept by any means, but it is something that is also unmistakably modern and mundane.
Thus this is why �Tenshi Eating a Corndog� is so intriguing. Why exactly is a celestial being consuming a corndog, despite having access to the Jade Wine Waterfalls and Immortal Peach Orchards of Heaven? The earthly and celestial is contrasted in an oustanding way.
Take a look at the blue sky in the background and the color of her hair. In the Swami Vivekananda, the concept of infinity is considered blue. Take the air and water, for within the space of our hands, it is colorless, but in a vast quantity it is blue. Tenshi is shown to represent infinity, as she to is of the sky. As to the corndog to her, the Route 66 sign is to the sky. What of the tiny stretch of road to the vastness of the heavens? But without that land, the heavens would not be.
So as it is, you see the Heavenly consume the Earthly. Not out of pleasure, as we can see from her expression, but of necessity to understand the realm she observes from up high. But we see it as something of joy, for we too know that the divine are as of us. This is perhaps a commentary of the immaturity of Tenshi Hinanwi, who still has a physical body unlike truly enlightened beings. But it could also be a commentary of the unwilligness of humans to see gods (at least the important ones) as anything but in their image and why the gods so often take human form. This is represented even in the game afterwards, Hisoutensoku (Unpercieving of Natural Law). Unlike its predecessor, Gakutensoku (Learning of Natural Law), Hisoutensoku is considered blind to it, as it from a land without logic. In the utter contrast of �Tenshi Eating a Corndog�, we see through the eyes of Hisoutensoku.

Eh? You still play with dolls? And you're HOW old?! Jeez! Ahahahah! Well, we'd better fix that, then! Just give them to me for a sec, aaaaaaand...


HERE! RIP!


AHAHAHAHA! You should have seen the look on your face! Jeez, Alice! They're just soulless automatons without sentience, ya know! Do they really excite you THAT much?! Get a look at this, then! See how the soft filling spills from their guts when I squeeze them! Fuwa fuwa! I bet you want to squeeze them too, don't you, Ms. Pathetic Wets Her Bed Alice?! Go right ahead! Hug the viscera of your former friends and hold their bodies close to you! It's too late now! Heck, you're gonna cry too! I know you really want to~! Just be careful: I'm in a super sadistic mood right now! Can't imagine whyyyy...~!


I bet you wanna see me tear apart Shanghai too! You loser! Well, we're already this far! Might as well! I'm not wearing panties anyway!


So, what do you think? ...Well, I guess those streaming tears on your face answer THAT question! HAHAHAHAHA! You're such a pathetic loser, Alice! I bet you had that doll since the day you slid out of your mother's vagina! Remember how I raped her, too? Meduka fucking Meguca, I'm so fucking wet! I've never been this wet before! Look at what you're doing to me, you friendless loser! You sure know how to make a girl all hot and bothered! Oh, kami-sama! Hijiri-on-a-stick! You'd better take some responsibility for this! After all, when I'm this wet, it's much easier to commit casual genocide! And I'm headed to Makai next! You'd better spread your legs RIGHT NOW!

Hi my name is Hecatia Lapis Lazuli and I have long ruby red hair (that’s how I got my name its ironic!!!) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my shoulders and blood red eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Yumemi (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Shinki but I wish I was because she’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a goddess but my fairies are immortal and american. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic land called Gensokyo in Japan where I’m in the first year (I’m seventeen hunderd thousand years old). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black shirt with "welcome hell " on it and a rainbow miniskirt, a hat with planets and chains and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking in the Dream World. It was dreamy and impure so there was no lunarians, which I was very happy about. A miko and a magician and a prep and a rabbit stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

>>21749799
>>21735620
>Рейму.(гидко сміється) Сиди Мальвіно, як назад підемо, так встанеш.
lol

>>21799206
wayq

i can somewhat shamefully say that chen has taken over my entire consciousness and life

everyday i constantly think of myself lovingly interacting with a romanticized version of her, hugs sleepycuddles happy picnic in the park etc etc etc, i almost always feel overwhelmingly disgusted with my impurity in comparison to her, i self flaggelate to make me better but it will never be enough. the one time i felt sexually attracted to her i ended up masturbating to her, after realizing what i had done i ended up vomiting all over myself and holding a knife to my penis.

i can't stand to look at bkub related things anymore because it reminds me of all people that defile her by association, and yet i also seek out the most depraved sick filth i can find that features her, as a sort of self punishment i guess.

i have no source of income, so last christmas i subtly asked my family for an overpriced 80$~ chen plush doll, christmas day unfortunately involved showing my family what i got, they all laughed and mocked me for how weird and creepy it was, as soon as it was over i took off my awkward artificial visage and ran to my room and sobbed for hours

im probably going to kill myself to be with chen within the next 2 years

>>21800248

As another footnote, consider the parable of the Buddha involving the two monks who approached him. Both had not earned a single scrap of food from begging the whole day. When the Buddha offered his food, one of the monks took it gladly and left. The other, left as well, but he expressed his dissapointment that he could not have stayed for a lesson from the enlightened one. The moral of this parable is of much dispute, but "Tenshi Eating a Corndog" turns this on its head.
In it, we see the ancient Eastern concept of enlightenment, complete with the divine rainment of the Heavenly Courts eating a corndog, the concept of post-industrial American capitalism through easily prepared and eaten food. Once more, we see the Infinite and Finite within a hand's breadth.

>>21800350
>My Immortal
Old but gold

>>21800140
Useless

>>21723565
someone post this one
I havent read it yet

>ZE
MARISA DOES NOT SAY ZE. SHE DOESN'T FUCKING SAY ZE.

...and I forgot the rest of the copypasta.

>>21810847
MARISA DOES NOT SAY DA ZE
SHE SPEAKS IN A ROUGH MANNER, LIKE
"GOD DAMN FUCKING YOUKAI, GO DIE"
NOT DA ZE AFTER EVERY SENTENCE

SHE DOESN'T SAY IT
SHE DOESN'T SAY IT
SHE DOESN'T FUCKING SAY IT

>>21787994

man's got a point

>>21787994
this isn't even the full thing, i'm fairly sure there's like 7 more posts that go with this, the full thing is absolutely wonderful.

>>21760880
What? Have you ever seen a pair of breasts before? And how old are you? ! J Jesus! Ahahahah! C-Well, let's fix it better! Close your eyes and aaaaaa ...
FROM HERE! BOING!
Ahahahah! You should see your face! J-Jeez, Anon! Th-Th-It's just a fat bag on my chest, you know! Are they really enthusiastic? ! See G-Then! Watch it bounce up and down! Jiggle jiggle! I'm sure you squeeze them, Mr. kinky virgin boy Anon? ! G-Go now! Celebrate as many as you want! Take your time! Damn them, suck them too! I really want it! Be careful. My nipples are very hard now! I can't imagine why C-I ... ~! I-I-I-I-I-I-I You must also see my vagina! You're a pervert! C-c-well, we are far away! Perhaps! No panties!
S-S-S- So what do you think? ... Oh, I think the rules for your pants will answer that question! HAHAHAHA! T-T-You're such a pathetic perv! I must have seen it for the first time escaped from my mother! L-L-Look is wet! Jeezums, whore, Crikes, it's so wet! I've never seen it so wet! Look what you're doing to me. I know how to make T-girls hot and worried! Oh! Christ on! You should be responsible for that! A-Finally, when it's very wet, it's a lot easier to push something into it! And I'm leaking out here like a weird sieve! Connect this law p-p now!

>>21720234
The fart one with marisa's unreal butt

Look at it this way.

On most browsers, you can bring up your browsing history by pressing Control-H. (No, this is not going to become a discussion of werecows.) On Firefox, this brings up a sidebar that shows up on the left side of the window. If you put your mouse over the edge of the sidebar, the cursor will turn into a different kind of arrow. By clicking and dragging it, you can move the edge of the sidebar back and forth. You are, to put it another way, manipulating the border between the normal window and the history window. By moving the mouse, you can increase the portion of the window devoted to either part. In a more extreme view of this situation, you're increasing or decreasing the amount of existence the sidebar has.

Now, let's apply this idea to something more abstract. Look out your window. If you don't live in a highly urbanized area, you should be able to see the horizon. Think of this as the border between the land and the sky. The land and sky are obviously distinguishable thanks to this boundary. Now, if you were to "drag" the sash between the sky and the land, or to manipulate the border between land and sky, you would end up causing the sky to become larger and the land to become smaller, or vice versa. An effect of this might be to cause something that was just on the ground to suddenly be hundreds of feet in the air. Truly a frightening situation to be in. So, look at it this way - manipulating the border between two physical things shifts whatever balance there is in the interaction between those things. Alternatively, by manipulating the border between two things, you can change the manner in which they exist.

Still, this isn't *that* abstract, since it's still dealing with real things in the real world. Many believe that in this world, there are those things that are true, and those that obviously aren't. This divides reality into two extremes: truth and falsehood. But, since we have two extremes, logically one can imagine a boundary between those two extremes - the border between truth and lies. If one were to manipulate this border, suddenly things that were pure fantasy (flying pigs, for the sake of argument) have become reality - or things from reality have ceased to exist. This is how Yukari is said to have invaded the moon - by manipulating the border between truth and lies, as applied to the reflection of the moon on a pond, she was able to make the reflection of the moon into a manifestation of the actual moon, and so send her youkai army onto it. This is what's truly amazing about Yukari's power - the ability to manipulate the border between completely abstract concepts allows her to fundamentally change reality as we know it (at least in terms of two abstract concepts).

>>21776650
Interestingly, if you try to post the full thing, you'll be blocked by the spam detector. Here it is:

WHATA FUCK MAN xD i just fall of my chair cuz i couldnt and i CANT stop laugh xDXDXDXDXDDDDDDDDDDDDXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD OMGOSH DDDDDXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD DDDDDD LOOOOOOOOOLLLLL THIS IS A SHIT XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDXDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD A BIG ONE XDDDDDDDD A GRAT ONE XXXXXXDDDD CONGRATS MAN XD

only the ``cuz'' is ``kuz'' in the original. Changing it allows you to get past the filter. Polite sage, because this isn't really touhou related.

>>21723447
>>21724890
nice.

>>21800006
>"That American ate my entire platoon."
I'm not even sure what that's supposed to mean but this line gave me a hearty chuckle.

>>21829601
Cringe bongi

>>21836208
kill yourself

>>21818503
low-quality

>>21838088
ya seethe

>>21767299
No clue, it was probably the penis measuring contest

>>21720234
Don’t you rember happy day?

>>21794664
consensual, actually

Hi! My name is Sakuya and I want to tell you a story!

I joined Alice, Reimu and Marisa on their adventure to Japan! We all wanted to see what a dick looked like because we had never seen one. We heard they were very hard, so we had some pads to protect us.

We all got into a small, poorly made, Japanese vehicle and started to drive downtown. We saw a weird midget and a really big faggot! It almost yelled at us, but Reimu made the car move faster. Whew, that was close! We passed by a bar full of gay men. It was very FABULOUS!

After we made it to Akihabara , Reimu spotted a penis. It was very big and hard, just like our friends said. Good thing we had lots of condoms with us! The penis swarmed right at us and he penetrated our vaginas! I was sure we were done for, but then Marisa said she would go talk to the dick.

"Hi there Mr. Dick. You penetrated our vaginas! Why would you do such a thing?"

The prick didn't want to talk to Marisa. He raped her, and it looked like he was going to cum in her! But never fear, because Alice, Reimu and I went out to save her! We brought some condoms with us. They threw the condoms at the penis, and it started to throb. It let go of Marisa, and we all got back into the car. When I told my friends at Scarlet Devil Mansion what happened, they didn't believe me.

"You're lying, Sakuya! There is no dick big enough to do that! I'll go down and see it for myself!"

But that's ANOTHER story! The end.

You put your arm around Aya's waist as she kicks off her shoes and sits in your lap. She says nothing as she leans in and kisses you. She tosses her camera off to the side and wraps her arms around you.

Your run your other hand up her leg, under her skirt, and rest it on her upper thigh. She breaks off the kiss and blushes. "W-What are you doing?" she asks. Straining to keep her from noticing your rapidly growing erection, you blurt out something stupid and immediately cringe in embarrassment.

Unfazed, she kisses you again, your tongues locking in a deep embrace. Out of nowhere, you feel Aya's chest heave ever so slightly. She lets out a noise that sounds vaguely like gagging, and then a warm, thick fluid trickles into your mouth. Surprised at first, you try to break away from her kiss, but she holds the back of your head and continues to let the fluid flow into your mouth. Sickened and expecting it to taste like vomit, you are pleasantly surprised when it tastes like melted chocolate. You tentatively swallow some of it, and Aya pushes even more of it into your mouth with her tongue. Continuing to kiss her, you swallow more and more of the chocolate, and Aya moans with growing excitement.

After you've consumed all of it, she pulls away and giggles. "No human has ever let me feed them like that before..." She reaches down into your pants and tugs on your erect dick. "I suppose I should finish what I've started here, hmm?"

There was that one where Momiji is given some chocolate and then has anal sex with anon only to have her intestines fall out with the dick while puking out blood and dying, it ended with anon crying
Never could find it again sadly

>>21852161
look for something with a title like Momizi Pop on THP
God I remember this from like 2009-2010 and i don't know why

>>21845089
This is almost on the same level as cloacaposting yet I never knew I needed Aya bird-like mouthfeeding in my life.

>>21852161
boner why