/jp/ - Otaku Culture

masturbate

>>13809898
who is your touhou?

My favorite Touhou you mean?

>>13809909
yes

Kill myself, I don't want to be a girl, unless the Touhou I am doesn't have any reproductive organs, then maybe I could deal with it.

>>13809895

Shitpost and camwhore for money.

>>13809916

>I don't want to be a girl

What the HECK.

Mausturbate every day, but otherwise try to continue living my life the same way the Touhou did.

>>13809916
dafuq?

>>13809907
youmu

>>13809924
>>13809952
Like I said, If I'm just a girl nominally but don't have any reproductive organs, I would be fine with it.

>>13809983
why?

>>13809992
Because I don't want female reproductive organs.

>>13810000
Why? You won't be able to masturbate

>>13810009
I don't want to masturbate

>>13810012
Why would you want that?

>>13809895
Getting shitfaced with Suika!
Leveling mountains with Okuu!
Having erotic back-and-forth teasing with Parsee!
Masturbating!

>>13810236
According to OP you are in your bed, not Gensokyo.

>>13809954
You mean Yamuu ? ^^

>>13810258
Well damn. Good point.

Guess it's just masturbating, then. Or raising enough hell for Yukari to notice and whisk me away.

>>13810260
Okay first off that's Wham!/Whammu

Awooooo~I'm gonna sleep for another 2 hours.

Wonder how I'm going to get around with a fin instead of legs.

Then masturbate.

Because you say
>your bed
I suppose I'd be in the real world and not in Gensokyo.
I'd be Alice then because she's my favorite. But I would not be able to mantain my cuteness because I am unable to take care of my apperance.
So I would end up becoming a strange mix of Alice and Mokocchi, and stay at home using the internet, playing videogames, and DPing myself with 2 dildos at the same time until I'm christmas cake. At that point I would find a cute shy boy younger than me that can support my NEET lifestyle or become a turbodyke.
I would become addicted to otoge, gay porn and pretending I'm a cute princess locked in a tower. I would aim for the top of the fujoshi ladder.

>>13810368
You have your cool magical abilities though.

>>13810375
I didn't think about that. Considering Alice is an all-purpose witch, I would use my magic powers to do whatever I want. My project would be colonizing another planet in the solar system, make it inhabitable and become the supereme arcane ruler of this magical paradise create to my tastes.

Have an asthma attack and die.

>>13810423
Maybe my magic powers aren't so strong as to do it by myself, but I can hide in the shadows and manipulate humans to do my bidding, then start small like creating my kingdom in the moon. Being so close would create tension with the earthnoids, though...

>Yukarin
Go back to sleep.

>>13810026
Not him, but you are seriously underestimating what it's like to have a period. Though I suppose most men can never hope to understand.

I would get mocked for being a touhou cosplayer 24/7

Eat a lot.

>>13809895
Honk all day.

>>13810971

Touch myself.

>>13809895
Masturbate then eat until I can move for days on end.
I will be the softest.

I'd be a little sad that normal me is no more because the first thing I would want to do as a Touhou is fuck myself

>>13809895
masturbate
offer virginity to highest bidder on /jp/

Do buddhist stuff
hope my cloudman doesn't realize I'm suddenly a different person

Suck n' fuck every human I encounter

Basically, exactly what she did before

>>13811348

S-Sanae chan!?

>>13811377
he said 'human' so I assume no

>>13809895
1- Touch my perfect body.
2- Get cute clothes and go outside
3- Troll people using my gap hax.
4- Get a lot of money
5- Get a lot of shikigamis
6- Find and beat /jp/ers using my umbrella.

>>13809895
Caress my score.dat and re-arrange my .rpy's in alphabetical order. Then keep training to get out of 59.9fps.

Have fun with flying

>>13809895
Find Kaguya and set her on fire!

Put on normal clothes, go to bars and clubs, get lots of free alcohol and hot dickings.

Put on touhou clothes and go to anime conventions, get lots of compliments and flirt with other cosplayers (but don't have sex with them).

Find a cute boyfriend to settle down with once I'm bored of the bachelorette life.

Get in that old whirly-bird, find me an island some place, get juiced up and spend what time I got left soakin' up some sunshine!

go and tease Ran-shama

>>13809895

Get drunk on beer.

>>13812885
>fuck the beer-guzzling normalfags who just want to pump and dump you
>don't fuck the people who actually like you for yourself

So basically you'd be the average modern "liberated" woman?

>>13809895
It depends. If I'm in Gensokyo, be jewish as fuck. Maybe start a brothel.

If I'm in the real world? First I'd masturbate and then I'd proceed to become an internet celebrity.

>>13812932
Not him, but if I were a girl I'd be a pretty massive slut. Either that or I'd settle down with a guy in a full-time BDSM relationship

>>13812953
>Maybe start a brothel
Patchouli-anon here, can I work there?

>>13812932
Well yeah?

Whether you're a man or a woman, if you want to succeed in life you need to play by society's rules. If I were a touhou, I'd fuck jocks and tease nerds because that's what society says I should do. Don't hate the player, hate the game, etc.

>>13812963
Of course you can. No flat-chested bitches allowed, though.

>>13812991
Am I paid hourly, or per customer? And how much do I owe to the house?

>>13812998
Per customer, 20% goes to the house. Hourly would be unfair for the whores who actually perform well.

>>13813018
Mukyu... Guess I'd better get started, then.

Seduce Marisa.

I'd probably wonder how to explain to my family that overnight I turned into a Japanese Shrine Maiden.
I might try and use my powers a bit.

Patent my own nuclear fusion technology and make millions.

Panic.

>>13811489

Don't forget number 7- To get fucked by as many sinsacks as possible.

Starts cock hunting.

Probably end up getting seduced by >>13813103.

>>13810749
Women can just take birth control to stop their periods if it bothers them so much (even if most of them won't take that kind because they're afraid of ending up barren).
And I'm pretty sure most 2hus are either too old or not old enough (or not human enough) to have periods anyway.

>>13810749
Actually some feminist group invented a machine that was supposed to simulate what menstrual cramps feel like, via electrical stimulation of the abdominal muscles.

The guys they tested it on were like "wow it's fucking nothing"

Find Satori and receive lots of petting

>>13813796
Find me and you're gonna receive that and lots more!

>>13813285
eww, no

Maybe outside I look like a hot goddess , but my mind is still manly.

>>13813814
There's gotta be female sinsacks!

Wait a second! If I'm my Touhou, then what happened to her? Is she me now, or is she still in this body but I'm driving, or was she just erased?

>>13813805
How can I find you if I dont know who or where you are? Also If I want more all I have to do is go to Orin.

>>13813816
That would be fun to see!

And I would use them as food as well

>>13813830
I'll get into a nuclear shelter, you burn everything, and when I exit you can find no one BUT me!

>>13809895
Open a yakitori stand.
Burn any food inspector objecting to it.
Help test vaccines.

>>13813434
source? All I can find are articles about men being shocked for labor cramps, which they looked like they were in a large amount of pain.

Have an alarm specifically set to 2AM just to go on rampages every night

Enjoy immortality. Probably the first thing I'd do would jump off a skyscraper, etc.

Oh, and hide from this anon >>13812645

HA HA
TIME TO CONQUER EARTH

and then I would find Raymoo and annoy the shit out of her.

>>13813285
I'm not giving up this perfect body to anyone.

>>13817017

She's been giving it to everyone everyday for hundreds of years. I think you're a little too late.

be a slut

So I'm Yoshika now? I guess I fly off to Harvard and politely ask around for directions to where I would have to go to cash in all those prizes for evidence of the paranormal that are sitting around. Along the way there I try to get as much publicity as I possibly can out there on the internet, I don't want people to be able to try and murder me without it being a PR disaster.

I also see if I can find the entrance to gensokyo, I'd like to figure out what the hell happened and that seems like the best place to start. My best guess is that I’m Yoshika’s reincarnation and somehow backslid… Well, that or Yukari decided to troll me mercilessly…

Finally, I have fulfilled my dream of becoming a teacher. And the best part is that no effort whatsoever was required on my part to get to this point. I think my first act will be to masturbate. My second act will be to molest the children entrusted in my care.

>>13817291
Wow, don't say such vulgar things about Yukarin the Pure
Keep your obscene fantasies to yourself

>>13818324
Truly, you would make an excellent teacher.

>>13817291
>She's been giving it to everyone
The Sin Sack Corps is the best of the best, dude!

>>13809895
I kill myself.

Then I wake up again, because I'm immortal.

I wake up.

Ara~ no Ran anons yet?

Cuz the first thing I'd do is search a cute shikigami

>>13818532
Being Yukari's shikigami is pretty high on the list of things I do NOT want to do if I go to Gensokyo. Don't know if you're any better but I definitely wouldn't want to be Ran if I had to deal with the gap hag.

>>13818541
But you get to molest Chen.

>>13818662
Chen is a low tier Touhou and beast youkai.

I begin to fondle my own breasts for a minute before deciding to return the books I've stolen from Patchy, leading to a quasi-romantic scene based around reconciliation, getting close for a kiss before cutting it off and asking nicely to borrow a book or two.

I'm still Marisa. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Start the 5th Reich.

>>13809895
play with titties

Shapeshift to my old body and masturbate because I don't know how to use a vagina

I never asked for this

>>13819572
Look on the bright side, you're a loli goddess now.

ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗᕕ( ᐛ

>>13809895
If every anon is their own Touhou, it means that when there are natural pairings or groups such as the Yakumo's or Okuu and Orin, said anons will end up being together?

>>13818541
If you want to be a true Ran you must be Yukari's servant.

But dont worry as my servant you will be free to do your stuff while I sleep.

Make dolls and do stupid shit with them

I'd have a problem. I'd be leader of most Buddhists in Gensokyo, but I have rather Taoistic beliefs. It would be pretty weird to tell all these people I not only think Buddhism is wrong, but on top of it join Taoists.

I'd have to hide my fluffy tails and wear hats all the time.

>>13820585
How would you hide your fluffy tails?

>>13820608
Because people would want to touch them all the time. I guess I'd do that until I got used to them. Also serving yukari-sama might be rough sometimes..

>>13820630
They're too big to just hide in clothes. What would you do about it?

>>13820502
Congrats, you just described your rival Prince Miko's origin story.

>>13820650
Thinking about it, I really would be hard to do. I'd probably just have to end up leaving them out.

>>13820721
Would you let me touch them?

>>13820685
So, you basically say it's OK to tell everyone to fuck off and become hermit?

>>13820746
Of course not!
It'd feel weird, I bet.

>>13820752
Seeing as I'm a (philosophical, not religious) Taoist, absoloutely

But yeah Prince Miko spread Buddhism in the country when she was alive so the people would accept her rule as a religious hardship and complain less, while secretly practicing Taoism to attain immortality.

So a Taoist becoming Byakuren would be... Retro-Miko

>>13809895
1. Jerk off
2. After that, live life normally

Post my bare chest on imageboards

>>13820808
I will be gentle, I promise!

>>13820808
I'm gonna touch them.

>>13821366
See? This is why I'd try to hide them. People wouldn't resist being able to touch them.

>>13821529
I'll brush them after I'm done. All those tails require a lot of maintenance, I'm sure you'll appreciate the help. We both get what we want. Win-win situation. I'm gonna touch them.

>>13821213
don't you fuckin dare

>>13821577
You would really do all that, just to touch some tails?

>>13822000
Yes. It's part of the experience.

I like the Scarlets the best

Play with my cunny all day long.

>>13823052
need herp bb?

>>13822680
Maybe I could start a service where people could touch the tails for a certain amount per 10 minutes or something.

>>13823543
I don't want to touch a whore's tail.

>>13823644
Sorry

>>13823644
your favorite 2hu is a scat fetishist

>>13809895
Everyone deserves a beating with a stick!

First I would probably buy a fashionable umbrella.

Then I would masturbate.

>>13824624
Would you masturbate with the umbrella?

>>13824760
N-no!
[Spoiler]I should have said parasol but I had just woken up ;_;.

>>13824780
But think about it, you could shove the umbrella up your tight little cunny then open it. Oh, the fun you could have.

>>13824780
>[Spoiler]

>>13813796
>You will never have a gf, or hell, even a bf and you take turns patting each other on the head for hours.

Sex is overrated.

Keep training hard for the upcoming Lunarian attack.

Explore lesbian opportunities

>>13821011
An ambitious project since you are now a jap girl with fancy hair and no id.

Being the ruler of the world and no one of you fuckers would be able to stop me.

>>13818671
Ran is a mid tier and beast youkai, your point is?

>>13827245
I don't like Chen is my point.

˙ʇno dᴉlɟ p,I

take naughty selfies and upload them online

>>13809895
Spin.

Play with my pets and stuff
Satori lives the good life

>>13809895
You wake up in your bed one morning and Touhou is your mom. What do?

>>13830800
Impregnate

>>13830800
>Touhou is your mom.
My mom is an entire series of video games?

You wake up in your bed one morning and your Touhou is now in charge of the government in your country. What do?

>>13830800
Is Touhou mom in bed with me?

>>13830800
Enter into an incestuous femdom relationship with her, obviously.

>>13830876
Try to get a political internship
;)

>>13830876
th16: kebab removal

>>13830800
I don't think that Kaguya would like to have me as a son, but I'd try my best to be an amazing son.

>>13830800

>>13813410
I take birth control. This is not the case.
If you did that, bacterial infections would flourish and your libido goes out the window completely. It's a lose/lose situation really.

>>13813434
Bare in mind it was made by a feminist group (lol) and it was not used for the duration of a week continuously in addition to hormonal swings, including those that cause muscle contractions. Not quite as manual. Also, periods are different for each woman as are their genetics and diet. Some are nothing, others can cause you to become anemic and clots can vary in size. I once lost a clot larger than the average clothespin and had to remain at home for two days before subsequently being hospitalized.

masturbate

I'd be instantly busted by Satori and the fact that I'm not from this world and that I have been masturbating to her for years would be revealed.

>>13832723
That sounds harsh! Do your best anon-chan.

>>13830800
What do you think?

>>13838295
She might be too shy to bring it up.

>>13830800
Try to awaken my gap powers

>>13842999
Pantyhose are a miracle of the universe

>>13809895
I check my sweet quints.

>>13844447
fail...

>>13844444

>>13844412

>>13844551

>>13844559

>>13844562

>>13844571

>>13809954
Does Youmu half-masturbate while the other half watches or is there some co-operation going on?

>>13844573

I tried to scream out but it was too late,this was already a Yukari thread

>>13809895
>I am now a sexy loli vampiress.
FUCK YES!

Go fishing
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3e-ACu6DSU

manipulate people

>>13809895
Fucking stab people with a parasol.

>>13809898

This.

>>13809895
suck a fat, thich cock

Manipulate the boundaries of acceptable sexual behavior in Gensokyo and watch it degenerate into a massive orgy.

>>13809895
Learn to control my newfound powers, then devise a plan to bring magic back to the rest of the world.

Redirect hundreds of meteors into Lunaria to punish them for attempting to eradicate all life on Earth.

>>13820608
>>13820650
>>13820721
As a kitsune, shouldn't Ran be able to hide her tails with some kind of illusion magic?

>>13850763
I'm the one who was questioning what he would do, because I was expecting this answer from him.

>>13852422
You don't know people with fetishes well enough.
He was probably hoping to get proven wrong, so he'd have an opportunity to post about him walking around with the tails out in public.

>>13856245
If someday I see someone walking around with the tails out in public, I'd touch them. Repeatedly.

So, kitsune are another kind of youkai that could live in the modern world without disappearing, like tanuki?

Kill thousands of Yukari-copy shits

Go to balcony, take broom and fly off to borrow books from random people. Then come back home to take shrooms and after coming down, masturbate intensively.

>>13859134
Why are her eyes blue?

>>13863263
That's actually a good question. I have no idea, just picked up some random pic from google. Better check that shit next time.

>>13811326

>not wanting to be the cloudman.

Pleb.

I would love to slip into the outside world and give jaypees paizuri with my large breasts!

1. Fly.
2. Overthrow society.
3. Cheat against the impossible danmaku.

Celebrate being a girl by getting drunk

Cause trouble, pick up fights, earthquakes and eat a corndog I guess.

>>13867226
How large?

First I'll find an feminist team and join it, after that, one by one kidnap all of the members using my beautiful body as bait, then put cute clothes and lingerie on them, finally send them straight to my merciless army of virgin /jp/rs to rape them.

Guess what 2hu I am?

>>13809895
masturbate

>>13868036
HUGE

>>13876737
We must go even further beyond!

>>13809898
/thread

>>13809895
use my magic powers to take anything i want.
also masturbate