/jp/ - Otaku Culture

STOPU

BARREL ROLL

OOOOO HSHIT

CANT TOP THIS SHIT

Already reported.

>>1348767
>>1348766
FUCK YOU PREPARE FOR HUGENESS

HUGE

ITT: dump all sorts of unrelated shit on this thread.

Is dat
sum mad duck
from da earfbownd vidya

FOOL YOU WISH TO BE CRUSHED BY MY MUSCLE

>>1348778
Bring it, Myon with upside down hamburger.

>>1348766

The only funny thing ITT.

>>1348773

I LOEV
DA EARFBOWND VIDYA

You can't cut shit. YOU SUCK!

Hi /jp/ I upgraded your CHEEEEEN

Reported.

“Shanghai, come help me clean up. Marisa is coming over soon!”

Master is very excited today. Her good friend Marisa-san is coming to visit today. They haven’t seen each other since Master got married.

“Shanghai, clean up those beer cans!” Master calls from the kitchen.

I obediently bag up the cans of Suweiser. Master’s husband is such a slob.

“Master, wouldn’t it be nice if Anonymous-san would clean up after himself every once in a while?”

“Shanghai, don’t talk about my husband like that. It’s a wife’s duty to keep a house clean, you know?” she says, while wiping the grime off the coffee table.

“Marisa said she has an important announcement to make. I wonder if she finally found a nice guy to marry, like me?” Master mused.

A knock on the door caught Master off-guard.

“Hello, Shanghai. Can I come in?” she says with a beaming smile.

“Of course! Please, have a seat. Master will be out in a second.”

Marisa hangs her witch hat on the coat rack, and then sits with her hands in her lap as I begin to pour some tea. It’s really cheap tea, so I make sure to put out lots of honey and sugar. She deliberately leans forward, so she won’t get her hair dirty on the greasy back of the couch.

“Marisa! Long time no see!”

Master finally emerges from the bathroom in a clean dress. I didn’t think she even had any clean clothes anymore… The two girls hug each other like sisters. Master does her best to hide a look of pain when Marisa squeezes her. I know she complained of a bruised rib the other day…

“So what’s your big announcement, Marisa? I’ve been waiting all day to hear it! Oh, but we’ll have to be quick. My husband will get upset if he comes home and sees your broomstick in the driveway again.”

Marisa-san said nothing, but simply raised her hand. On her finger was a modest, but beautiful ring. “Oh my gosh, you really are getting married! I’m so happy for you? So, who’s the lucky guy?”

“Ah, about that…” said Marisa, looking away.

Master was speechless, her mouth agape.

“Sweetie, by now I thought you would’ve grown out of your girl-crushes,” she finally blurts out. Surprisingly, Marisa-san doesn’t look offended.

“But we love each other, Alice,” Marisa-san says with a warm smile. “We’re going to live in the shrine together. We’ve already discussed adopting a child-“

“Oh? And how do you think you’ll pay for all the expenses? You’re a two-bit magician who plays kids shows and she’s a miko with no weekly paycheck. Do you think her donations will put your child through college? Sweetheart, let me find you a nice guy, like my husband.”

“Like that husband who beats you?” Marisa-san said, while wiping the makeup off Master’s face, revealing the bruises underneath. Master smacked Marisa-san’s hand away roughly.

“I told you, I tripped on my dress! And I’m pregnant now, so he wouldn’t hit me!” Master says, lifting her dress to show Marisa-san her stomach with its steadily growing bump.

“Honey, I had no idea… Well, if he ever hits you again, I want you to call me, OK?”

By now, Master was visibly upset.

>>1348805
>>1348800
Oh fuck no. ;_;

“Alice, I’m worried that one day he’ll be more than angry. I know what he did at the Scarlet Devil Mansion. He’s capable of killing, you know…”

“What the hell are you talking about? He promised me he’d never go back there after I caught him fooling around with the gate guard.”

“You know those books he got you as a wedding present? He stole them from Patch’s library, may she rest in peace. I was there when the mansion burned down. After Anon stole the books, he let Flandre out of her room. He pricked his finger and shoved it in her mouth and said his blood was delicious candy. Being a vampire, she wanted more and flew into a furor. He said that she can get more candy from Sakuya. Flandre found Sakuya and began ripping her to shreds. She barely had time to yell for help before Flandre decapitated her and began to drink her blood. Meiling heard Sakuya’s screams, but because of all the abuse she suffered at Sakuya’s hands, she took off into the woods instead of saving her boss. No one has heard from Meiling since. By the time Remilia was roused from her slumber, Flandre had already made it into the library and had impaled a straw into Patchouli’s half-dead body and was drinking her dry. Remilia confronted her sister, and after a fierce battle that wrecked the mansion and set it on fire, Flandre was finally killed. Remilia, vowing to never return to Gensokyo, gathered up Sakuya’s head and flew off into the night. I confronted Anonymous about why he set this chain of events into motion. He said, ‘I did it for the lulz’. Don’t you see, Alice? He’ll hurt you without even blinking!”

Master’s face was bright red at this point. She’d heard enough, even if it was all true.

“You’re lying! How would you know all this, anyway? There’s a restraining order against you from going near the mansion ever since you assaulted Patchouli when she didn’t have a book that you wanted to steal!”

“I… I snuck back in to steal some more books. I didn’t want to report Anonymous to the police, since I knew he would be unstable if he thought he would be caught, and I was worried about you. I thought you would come to your senses about him and leave him by now…”

A cracking sound split the tension in the room like a peal of thunder. Master’s anger had finally reached its boiling point, and she slapped her best friend. Marisa-san, stunned at this outburst, gingerly felt the large red mark on her cheek.

“How dare you come into my house and insult my husband like this? Get the fuck out, right now!”

“Alice, please! You’re a victim, we can get you help-“ Marisa-san tried to plead with Master. Her golden eyes were full of worry.

Master would have none of it. She yanked Marisa-san up by her arm and shoved her towards the door.

“Shanghai, get the door!” Master ordered curtly. Not wanted to disobey, I swung the door open. Master pushed Marisa-san out. She landed roughly on the porch. Master grabbed Marisa-san’s hat and threw it in her face.

miscarriage

“I… I’m better off without her, anyway. I’m fine as long as I have Anon…”

Master trailed off as she noticed the black and white doll on the shelf. It was a perfect likeness of Marisa-san, and making it was a real labor of love. I remember how proud Master was when she completed it. She planned to give it to Marisa-san as a wedding gift. Picking up the doll, Master began to sob.

“Oh god… What have I done…”

She fell to the floor as she clutched the doll to her chest. Master began weeping loudly, tears streaming down her cheeks. All I could so was stroke her hair until she cried herself to sleep. I snuggled up next to her neck and fell asleep, too.

The sound of the door slamming woke me up. Oh no, Anonymous-san was home from work, and Master hadn’t cooked dinner yet.

“Honey, I’m home,” he said with a belch. He must’ve stopped at the smoked eel stand for a few bottles of sake before he came home… again.

“Where the fuck is dinner? Bitch, what the fuck are you doing?” he said, noticing Master sprawled out on the floor. She was just beginning to wake up when Anonymous-san snatched the doll from her hands.

“You’re still playing with dolls? How pathetic,” he said, before throwing the black and white doll to the floor and grinding it to dust under his work boots.

“No! Why did you do that? That was my favorite doll!” Master protested. That was a bad idea.

“For the lulz. Now I’ll teach you what happens when you don’t make dinner on time!”

Anonymous-san delivered a fierce backhand to Master’s face. Her nose exploded in a cloud of blood. She was on her back now, whimpering. Anonymous-san began stomping down on Master’s stomach, hard. She screamed in pain, digging her nails into the carpet in agony. I was powerless to do anything. I knew that if I tried to attack Anonymous-san, he’ll just blame Alice and make her suffer even more. I covered my ears until the commotion died down. Anonymous-san retreated to his bedroom. I looked over towards Master, who was coughing up fierce amounts of blood. I was worried for her life, until she rolled over on her side and passed out. It was all I could do to wipe up the blood around her mouth. Her breathing was ragged and irregular. I resolved to stay up all night if I had to, to protect my Master.

Sunlight streaming in through the blinds woke me up. Oh no, I fell asleep! Is Master alright? I can’t see her anywhere.

“Oh, Shanghai, you’re awake. Anon felt so bad about what he did that he must’ve gotten a new doll for me! I don’t know why it was covered in blood, but that’s alright. It’s the perfect size, too. I’ll start knitting some clothes for it right away! I’m so excited!”

Master walked in from the kitchen and placed the doll next to me. It was made of some weird pink material, like rubber.

Oh, god…

>>1348820
Why'd you post the whole thing? ;_;

And then Marisa Harvest Spark'd the house because Alice called her a dyke.

Fuck you.


Fuck. You.

Yawn. These 'Anon in Gensokyo' stories are all the same boring shit. Sage.

Perverse Love 「Easy Harvest Master Spark」 I say!

>>1348828
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Oh God, lemme breathe.

Gimme a sec.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I want a Utopian Future Gensokyo story :(

Or at least a Dystopian Future story where The Last Sane (wo)Man goes on a killing spree for once.

You are a man whose perversions are better left to the imaginations of Nasu Kinoko. I mean, mollusks weren't enough for you, flowers bored you, nooses barely got your soldier up, and for no good reason, you weren't interested in any of the females (or males, for that matter).

Bored and sexually frustrated, you make the trek to the Youkai Mountain. Along the way, you passed up sweet potatoes, leaves, strange sex toys made by an obviously 'innocent' kappa, swords, shields, cameras, and you briefly considered doing a chess set. Chess, while not really your cup of tea, was really more of a crazy option should you have lost your mind before you made it to the Youkai Mountain.

So you finally make it to the Youkai Mountain. You could stop here and rest, or continue up to the shrine you have heard so much about.

Choice: Rest here

You're tired, really horny, and extremely impatient. That bare patch of earth looks rather еrotic in your opinion. You drop your pants and for reasons that are obviously not of pure thoughts, you engage in freaky mountain sex.

The Kappa and the tengus you passed by are wondering what the heck are you doing. Curiosity getting the better of them, they looked. They screamed. They didn't make it further than 5 feet before dying of spontaneous heart attacks. The white one landed on you, breaking your back just as you climaxed.

Sikieiki almost had a massive heart attack from hearing your story. And then she was unable to work for the next 500 years because of what she saw in the mirror. Komachi needed therapy for weeks. All the yamas decided that you should be fed to the river spirits of the Sanzu no Kawa, but even the river spirits refused to eat you.

Geez, seriously, screwing the mountain? What was your major malfunction you numbnut?

>>1348844

Continue on. Hiking up mountains is oddly enjoyable.

Thinking better of resting here (your mind filled with the horrors of what would have happened if you did), you walk up the stairs to reached the famed shrine that the red-white was fuming about (you actually had the decency to NOT grab her sleeve, or do her box, or rape her sarashi). The green-haired shrine maiden treated you cordially, even inviting you over for dinner seeing as you were a pilgrim and all. Of course, your focus was on the pretty shrine maiden, but her hair accessories.

After a rather tasteful repast, the shrine maiden excused herself, to prepare the bath. Long story short you had the nicest bath you ever had. You came out fresh, and ready to do your evil, perverted deed.

Waiting for her to undress and enter the bath, you riffle through her clothes and found her hair accessories. You take one of them and begin to express years of pent-up sexual frustration.

Choice: The frog accessory

Freaky hair accessory sex happens.

Just as you were about to climax, you hear a cute voice. Shit, it must be the shrine maiden. But you were so close...

No wait, it's one of the goddesses. It's the loli frog goddess. She accidently walks into your horrendous act, and then it happens.

You climaxed. The semen flew an incredible 500 feet and became danmaku. You didn't know sperm was danmaku. It flew into her face, strangely enough not killing her. What happens after that, though, let's just say the last thing you saw was the goddess' hat flying at you at terminal velocity with rape in it's eyes...

>>1348849
Choice: The snake accessory

You thought you made a good call when you filched her snake hair accessory. It fitted you penis rather well. Freaky hair accessory sex happens.

The accessory turned into a snake. Yukari pops out of nowhere, calls you a yiffer, and poofs out. Oh, and you just violated a male snake, and the shrine maiden was watching with horror, together with the shrine's patron goddess.

The last thing you heard was the Monty Python's Flying Circus theme song being played while the shrine maiden and her patron goddess proceeded to blast you to bits.

Somewhere in Britain, John Cleese had a terrible nightmare about being violated by a pervert being blasted to bits by a hair accessory.

>>1348820

>>1348849
Choice: Wander the grounds

Having no urge to peep at the beautiful shrine maiden bathing (or her clothes and hair accessories), you walk around the shrine grounds.

Halfway through your walk, you discover a giant length of rope lying in the middle of nowhere. Rape burned in your eyes. The rope was harmless if a but big. You dropped your pants, and coiled the rope to your penis.

Unfortunately for you, the owner of the rope was not too far off. She noticed you even before you dropped your pants but for reasons only known to her, she let you coil her rope on your reproductive organ before appearing.

"Hi there, big boy. I see you are in need of help. Aren't you sexually frustrated, being forced to hump a length of rope?" The words stunned you, but you didn't care. The rope must be deflowered, husky voluptious babe in front of you or not!

"Sanae! Suwako! We have a patron for the special treatment!" Oh shit. That was the last thing you needed. More females.

You had a wild night of foursome sex. To most people, getting banged by two goddesses and a shrine maiden would be the carnal equivalent of bliss. But to you, it was a nightmare come true. And for what? Getting your sick kicks off a giant piece of rope. For that alone, you paid the ultimate price: Permanent psychological scarring.

>>1348860
Horrible, horrible end.

I would cut myself if that happened to me.

>>1348855
I'm fapping to a Sanae doujin now.

I'm afraid of putting anything that isn't copypasta. If a thread even smells of RP, it gets deleted.

So have some randum touhou instead.

Is it time for random touhou image dump yet?

We haven't had a Chen thread for far too long.

>>1348876
For some reason that picture brought River City Ransom to mind.
- GENSOKYO -
THE TOUHOU'S TURF
MARISA: THAT GUY'S MEANER THAN A ZOMBIE
REIMU: BARF

>>1348856

ONE OF THESE DAYS, ALICE...

BANG, ZOOM, STRAIGHT TO THE MOON

>>1348800
I like these stories.

>>1348860
Fucking hilarious. "The rope must be deflowered!" I spewed drink everywhere. Good job.

>>1348887
lol

>>1348800
>>1348805
>>1348809
>>1348812
>>1348816
>>1348819
>>1348820

You just fucked up my day. Thanks Anon.

why does the duck have boobs?

>>1348887
I just remembered this existed
http://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm2882973

>>1348933
Reproduction.

>>1348933
Because it is a female duck.

lol so randum xD

Survey time:

What kind of female does Anon prefer?
1. 12 and below
2. Teens
3. Early 20's
4. Mature
5. Old
6. Dead

>>1348985
1. X
2. O
3. O
4. O
5. X
6. X

>>1348985
1. O
2. O
3. O
4. X
5. X
6. ... depends on age

I CAN BE SMALL AS WELL.

>>1348985
18 - late 20s

>>1348800
>>1348844
- the only content in this thread

>>1349016
Add more then.

OR PIXELED BY HAND, YES BY HAND DEAR ANON

>>1348985
Anything after 25 is useless. If you get to them before that, they can be good for the rest of their lives.

>>1349023

Give it up, pal. There is only one duck worthy of any notice.

>>1349035
I don't know who you are.

>>1349053
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

>>1349020
Nah, too lazy

>>1349073
I know how you feel.

>67 posts and 38 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view.

>>1349090
I like ducks what can I say?

hi... sure is /b/ around here.

>>1349090
Absolute proof mods and janitors don't give a shit.

Worst is the fact I was banned earlier today on /jp/ for posting a perfectly worksafe picture, so it's like they don't know how to do their job.