/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>1268318
DAHHHWWWWWWWWWW

BFF

Everyone loves Alice.

>>1268387
>>Everyone loves Marisa.
fixed

>>1268501

Your reparation of our most sacred documents has been noted and you shall receive a just reward immediately.

But she didn't get up.

She couldn't get up.

The long years of trying, all the work she had done, had taken from her youth, vitality, and, at long last, finally life. Nothing remained but dust and bones. The little doll fell back, her little heart nearly broken under the sorrow. The dollmaker couldn't hug her, or talk with her, or sing to her. But she was a well made doll, and could do still do one thing for her maker.

So she cried.

Once upon a time...

In a magical forest, in a far-off land, there lived a dollmaker. The dolls she made were beyond compare- a look would reveal no seam or joint, and a touch would bring the soft feeling of skin. They would move as she willed them, walking, jumping, even dancing around in merriment if she so felt like it. So skilled was she with the puppetry that naught a finger on her own hand need be lifted to care for her cottage.

However, this wasn't enough for her. She so desperately wanted her dolls to move on their own, to think, and feel, and have dreams of their own. Her studies were tireless, her works inspired and grand- but still her dolls stayed just dolls.

Over the years, her wish and her dream sank into the walls, the floor, even the very air of the forest beyond, but it all remained unanswered. Then, one day, all that work, hope, and love came together just so...

A doll that had sat on a shelf, looking over a grassy field beyond the window, was the first to move. It blinked once, then twice, then got up and stretched its little arms high. It took a step, then another, then laughed most merrily. It could move! It could sing, and dance, and skip across the floor as well as any child could! Soon, more dolls got up, some confused, some scared, but the first was joyous and knowing, and did comfort and help her new sisters.

Soon, all the dolls were up and about, some getting started on the much needed cleaning, others heading out to deal with the thick weeds that tangled about the cottage, and a few simply standing still to take in the feeling of being alive. The first doll worked open the door to the maker's bedroom, and bounced onto the sheets to give her the good news.

Alice was alone. Marisa had just recently died after a youkai attack, one that didn't obey the spellcard rules.

She cried, and the tears wouldn't stop. "Shanghai! Shanghai! Marisa... isn't coming back, is she...?" Alice said, the tears coating her dress like rain in April.

Shanghai just stared back, her eyes looking hollow, a reflection of Alice's soul.

/Alice-sama, there's one way.../ she whispered to Alice.

/How? How do I make this pain stop?/

/The knife you keep, that you made me with with. Please, use it, Alice-sama.../

/I guess...I want to see her... I WANT TO SEE HER!/

She took the knife, and...

>>1268667
ALICE DIES
*cries*

good riddance to Arisu

"Please... please let me go ze~"

The black-white pleaded to the rainbow magician; while battling the forceful urge within her, Marisa begged again. With tears in her eyes, her actions were simply ignored by an apathetic Alice; sitting not even five feet away and reading a book, peering out the corner of her eye at the witch's struggle. Her many dolls completely restricting Marisa's movement in her time of desperation.

"You must..." the witch whined, "please, release your dolls! I can't take it much more..."

Alice remained idle and flipped a page in her book. The pressure within the Marisa grew greater with every passing second, a force that she could never prevent merely with knowledge and wit.

"I... beg of you... please..." a mixture of tears and sweat streamed from the witch's face and made its way to the magician's wooden floor.

"I... I..." with her last shred of willpower, Marisa fell to the floor. With her face down, in a shameless admit of defeat, a puddle formed from under her; the liquid passing through the thin fabric and drenched her dress within mere seconds. A smirk appeared on Alice's face as the liquid expanded on her floor and made it's way up Marisa's body; the magician placed her book down and walked passed the witch, stepping in the shallow puddle of Marisa's urine.

"I hate you... you damn bitch." With her head still facing the floor, tears multiplied in the witch's eyes and diffused with liquid she exerted moments ago. Whelps and sobs came from Marisa's mouth along with mumbles of "damn Alice..." and "I'll never forgive you."

The magician walked back into the room and tapped the witch on the shoulder; looking up, she saw Alice's hand reaching out. Knowing she couldn't continue to wallow in her piss, she picked herself up and hung her head as Alice lead her to another room.

In Alice's bedroom with the door shut behind them, the magician began to remove the soiled dress of the witch; however, she was met with a forceful hand.

"What are you doing ze~? I don't need your help," muddled Marisa with the slightest hint of red in her cheek. "I can do this myself. Also, what are those things..." she pointed to her bed. Alice picked up one of the white objects; "those can't be..." the magician nodded.

Marisa signed with a hint of disgust, "You get weirder everyday, doll freak..." A thought occurred. "Hey, wait, why do you even have those things?" Hesitant, Alice lifted her skirt and revealed that she herself was wearing a diaper. Despite the humility that bestowed onto Marisa minutes ago, a smile came to her face. "So it is true, you do lea..."

Alice forcefully grunted and a trio of dolls surrounded the witch. One quickly flew behind Marisa and untied her apron and the other two grabbed the straps of her dress and lifted it over her head; the dolls then flew off with the garments. Before the black-white had a chance to fight it, she stood in Alice's bedroom with nothing but her shirt and soaked bloomers.

Alice, face redden, placed her hand on the witch's shoulders and led her to her bed. Marisa, unsure of what she should do, was forcefully seated on the edge and pushed back by the doll otaku.

Alice excitingly placed her fingers on the witch's waist; as she was about to pull down her bloomers, the magician was met with Marisa's grasp.

"No, ze~. Don't you dare do that." Just then, a group of dolls flew onto Marisa and restrained her arms and legs once again. "Dammit, ze~; let me go!" Alice ignored the demand and pulled down the wet bloomers. Staring at what was now exposed, trickles of blood dripped from the magician's nose.

"You sad, lonely freak." Marisa remarked as it was all she could do. Wiping the drippings of passion from her face, she slid the diaper under Marisa. Sprinkling a blot of powder onto the area, she quickly taped the garment into position before she fainted from blood loss.

Regaining her composure, Alice witnessed what she had accomplished and let out a delightful smile. Flushed with redness, she placed her face next to Marisa's and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Then with a soft giggle, she slowly walked toward the door.

"I'll make some tea and cakes." The dollmaster opened the door and exited the room; her minions release their grasp on the witch and followed.

Marisa sat up, hearing the unfamiliar crinkle as Alice's success, and pondered what the magician really meant to her.

Suddenly, a huge black snake head with retarded-looking eyes materialized in front of them, and in a loud booming hiss, asked "Have you read your SICP today?"

The surroundings faded into blackness and within a few moments the group found themselves seated in a lecture hall at MIT, amongst several dozen other students. "Welcome to 6.001" was written on the blackboard, and Professor Gerald Jay Sussman walked into the room, dressed in his robe and wizard hat.

"Is this a hack?" he asked as he glanced around and saw the witch, the magician, Alice, and Marisa.

"What...?" Marisa managed to say, all of the confused by what had just happened.

What's going on?" Alice whispered to Marisa.

"I have no idea. But this is getting interesting."

"Or we'll actually see that computer... so-called science actually has a lot in common with magic." The Sussman continued.

"So procedures are the spells if you like that control these magical spirits that are the processes."

The Sussman produced a wand and waved it in the air, muttering to himself. A bright flash of light filled the room, and a stream of glowing parentheses shot out the end of the wand, dissappearing into the air. The students applauded loudly.

"But... how can he do that? He's only a human, right?" the witch whispered.

The Sussman, who up until now had paid no attention to the group, turned and stared at the witch with an astonished expression.

"What did you just say?" he asked, pointing his wand at the witch.

"And... well I guess you know everyone needs a magical language and sorcerers, right, real sorcerers use ancient Arcadian, or Sumerian, or Babylonian or whatever. We're gonna control our spirits in a magical language called LISP, which is a language designed for talking about... for casting the spells that are procedures to direct the processes," the Sussman continued, waving his wand around as he spoke.

"What a disappointment. I thought he was going to teach us magic," Marisa muttered almost inaudibly.

Once again, the Sussman quickly turned and stared at her, pointing with his wand.

"Excuse me?" he asked, "What did you say again?"

"Nothing," she replied, trying to avoid attention.

"No, I'm pretty sure you said something. Please repeat it for us, so as not to miss a fine learning opportunity."

"She said, 'What a disappointment. I thought he was going to teach us magic'," the witch exclaimed. At the sound of those words the Sussman's face turned a bright red.

"HOW DARE YOU DOUBT ME!!" The Sussman shouted angrily. "By the power of the Y combinator I send thee to the land of Java!"

>>1268747
>>1268751
>>1268752
Fuck yes! You are the best story ever!

>>1268752
>>1268754
>>1268755
Fuck no! You are the worst story ever!

>>1268773

>>1268747
>>1268751
>>1268752
Fuck no! You are the worst story ever!

>>1268752
>>1268754
>>1268755
Fuck yes! You are the best story ever!

fix'd
nothing is more epic than Sussman battling Touhous.

ITT fanfiction.net

>>1268784

EX boss: John McCarthy, breaks through the back wall and attack with deadly trays of punched cards. PAPERCUTS!

There are four engineers traveling in a car -- a mechanical engineer,
a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a computer engineer. The car breaks down.

"Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip
down the engine before we can get the car working again", says the
mechanical engineer.

"Well", says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel
might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system."

"I thought it might be an grounding problem", says the electrical
engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead."

They all turn to the computer scientist, who up to then had said
nothing, and asked "Well, what do you think?"

>>1268784
>nothing is more epic than Sussman.

fix'd for you

I lol'd

>>1268937

Computer engineer != computer scientist.

It's electrical engineering with a very small amount of programming. They use Fortran, FFS.

>>1268754
>>1268755

No, THIS is the best Tohou fanfiction ever.

>>1268937
>car is a cdr

I feel like killing myself for understanding and laughing uncontrollably at this...

>>1269045

old joke is old