/jp/ - Otaku Culture

I really hate how it has finally come to this but after years of studying I think I'm starting to reach the point of exhaustion. I'm ready to throw in the towel.
The kanji are just so fucking numerous... it's insane. Couple it with multiple readings and it just becomes an immense task. I've used anki so fucking much and yet I still have to stop and look up kanji I encounter in manga. It seems endless...

It's probably wholly on me, since my "study" sessions are very sporadic. I just don't have what it takes to keep myself to a consistent study schedule. Sometimes I'm really motivated for like a few weeks but then I abstain from doing anything for months. In those very months I start forgetting half of what I learned.
A self-sustaining cycle essentially.
Maybe I'm NGMI after all. I don't have a sliver of discipline. I slack off all the time and this is the result.

I'm not even sure there's a better methodology at this point. It doesn't help that i'm too awkward and shy to actually take the initiative to talk to real Japanese people aside from your occasional YouTube comment. I just hate the thought of humiliating myself with broken Japanese.

What should I do? I don't want to throw what knowledge I have away and yet I know beforehand that I'm prone to slacking off. I just wish I had motivation!