/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>45130317 (4/-)
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Tears stream down, and through empathy, Suzu's eyes demand an explanation; "I'm not pregnant," I emphasize again, a pathetic attempt at gathering myself punctuated by a loud sniff. "I-I… A student—" I didn't say 'your daughter'. "—asked me if I was pregnant, then others heard it, thinking it was true—it escalated so quickly, I-I couldn't do anything—then Mokou came, and she was so happy… I tried again and again to tell her the truth, but something would always get in the way—yet I had a chance this morning! A chance to clean this—and I ignored it! I gave in to the lie! Because my best friend is so happy about this lie… this lie she'll never feel, not with her immortal body… She wants to see it, to feel it through me—b-but it's still a lie, and in two, three weeks it'll become apparent—I don't know what to do, I don't, I'm afraid, a-and—"

Arms around me. My tears are big and unstoppable; my head spins; I'm hyperventilating; my voice rising; my nails sinking into my scalp; trying to distract the insurmountable pressure on my shoulders with anything, even pain. But Suzu's arms quickly cut off the destructive behavior, stagnated air finally found its way to my lungs in the silence… Calmness befalls me.

I was having a panic attack, wasn't I? "Yes." She answers softly. I hadn't noticed I said that out loud. So pathetic. A panic attack on a school's bathroom… I giggle, feeling dissociative. "Keine… I understand not wanting to let down a friend." Her hand runs through my hair. It offers some comfort. "But lies are meant to be uncovered—you still have time to decide how yours are going to be discovered: let time pass, the truth will come out slowly and painfully; or walk to your best friend and come clean—if she's really your best friend, she'll understand."

… All undeniable truth. One of those two things will happen. I can't eat this history; it has already reached people my powers are unable to affect—the worst offender, Mokou herself—though, create this history, my pregnancy? Do I want my children—it must be twins—to be a result of guilt and fear? Would they come out normally? I've never created humans before… I close my eyes in the silence, hating myself for trying to concoct excuses and shortcuts that'd only lead to even more pain born out of an innocent question.

Suzu's warm embrace is like a life jacket.

"It'll hurt her so much…"

"The alternative will hurt even more."

I nod slowly, heart sinking, remembering Mokou's ear on my belly, smile so warm and welcoming, believing she's hearing the symphony of forming life… Knowing she desires that so much but is limited by a choice made a millennium ago hurts…

… And it’s here, in Suzu's arms, kneeling on the bathroom floor, that the third option pops into my mind, "I could… get pregnant normally." Suzu sighed, moving away from the hug with frowning brows and disappointed eyes. "I've never seen Mokou this happy before—to think I can give her happiness that may last even after my skeleton turns to dust… We could go through it—the good, the bad, the terrible—together."

Suzu cuts in, "But it's not only her happiness that matters, Keine. Children are responsibilities; you know that" 'You're a teacher' was left in the air. “They won't go away if it gets unbearable, and every day will be their day, not yours—for years! There's happiness, there's joy, but it will take a monumental effort to get there—”

"Mokou won't miss a day of their lives," I answer, tiredness and numbness giving way to a rising determination that, though laced with unfathomable fear, was also backed by the almost necessity of making a friend happy. "We'll take care of them and… I think I can be happy if it makes her happy too—"

"Keine… Will they have a present father?"

"… Huh?"

"A present father. I'll understand if you and Mokou have love between you and decide to raise the children together; but if not, will your children have a father figure?" My silence is enough of an answer, and Suzu sighs again. "You have a week at maximum to get pregnant, so the lie won't crumble. That's not enough to build a significant relationship—would you bring a man you don't know into your household? Have children with him?" The silence goes on, Suzu's eyes warming, but with clear pain there. "If you are going to get pregnant, I can't stop you—but think: your children won't have a father figure; Mokou has her things to attend to, as do you. You'd have to juggle your time between them and your work… That may change in the future; you may find someone—but if you do not, know that your children will notice. They'll notice something is missing in their household—that their mother doesn't give them enough attention—and they won't be happy with that… And the only person they'll have to blame is you."

Her arms release me, but I stay on the ground. Suzu looks at me with pity as she turns to leave the bathroom.

“Think well about your choices, Keine—children don’t go away when it gets unbearable.”