/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>45414498 (21/-)
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The worst thing about being stabbed in the back when you are an immortal is that you can't die. You have to live with the constant pain… Can’t get properly drunk either, just tipsy, which is a major annoyance—you're drunk AND can't forget her smile; the feeling of her belly against your fingertips; the warmth of her words; her disheveled hair in the mornings…—yet, it’s all you have. So here I am! Mighty Immortal, Fujiwara no Mokou, hands inside my pockets, emotionally drained and looking at the sky…

It's full moon; Keine shouldn't leave tonight…

At first, the anger was nuclear. Being lied to, cheated out of a beautiful thing after putting in so much effort, hoping for a change for the better after millennia of stagnancy… Then all comes crashing down on you, and it hurts—it hurts like crazy—attacking everything and everyone feels okay; acting senseless feels good—like reassurance: as if you have control over your life…

Then you find yourself standing on a pile of nothing, feeling nothing. Man… it's bad. It's really bad. All you have is a 'why?' you don't want an answer to.

I kick an empty sake bottle as I walk down the street; nightlife much more active than regular. Big, weird builds are erected all around, with people flocking to them for whatever motives, dressed weirdly and selling weird shit. The HSE towers close as the epicenter of change, a branding iron called 'jealously' on my mind: apparently Keine goes there to get freaky with the miko's ex-husband… Or so say the rumors. Rumors about her are so confusing; what’s with getting an abortion? Sleeping with Akyuu's father? Have these people lost their goddamn minds? Nothing makes sense!

I feel like I should look into it, but… Just thinking about dealing with Keine again or anything related to her raises the acid in my stomach and I feel sick. The knife is still there, the anger has bled out, and only the numbness of the wound remains.

… I wonder if my words are also a knife for her. Unlike me, a knife would kill her, wouldn't it? I come to a halt, eyes drooping, and the full moon above feels judgmental… Frowning and suddenly filled with rage, I kick the glass bottle into the stratosphere. So what if it hurt her?! If she was on the ground, crying and begging for me to let her explain her crimes—so what?! She also hurt me! Toyed with my feelings and…

Angrily, I clean the tears; the rotted feeling inside of me going through another of many loops since that night.

Growing overwhelmed by the cacophony of the Human Village—happy couples everywhere…—, I take flight and leave for the Bamboo Forest, seeking anything to calm the relentlessly haunting thoughts. Though bamboo, as I've come to learn, doesn't talk, and all I found is more loneliness… Should be getting used to it already.

Solitary with my thoughts in the middle of the shifting stalks and greenery, I sit down on a small rock by four jizo statues—two big, two small—sadly sober under the strangely heavy moonlight, and sink my face onto my hands…

Another night of regrets, of confusion, of rage, of pride too bloated—heart too hurt—to do anything about it.

This is torture. It's torture…

"You seem rather sad." Kaguya softly speaks, probably dramatically descending from the heavy moonlight.

I sigh. It had to get worse.

"Just kill me, Kaguya; rip my head off—I don't want to think tonight anymore." I ask, not in the mood to hear the princess talking. Rather, Kaguya simply hums, landing on top of one of the Jizo statues, the one that looks fierce to protect the other three.

"Don't wanna. Whatcha doing?" I growl and remain quiet, face on my hands, just expecting the rain of Danmaku to finally quench my thoughts. "Hm… You know: that schoolteacher you talk so often about was at Eientei recently." My gaze whipped to her, surprised. What the—what were Keine doing at Eientei…? Kaguya's slight smile and calm eyes don't give a clue, turning them towards the massive moon embroidering the skies.

She wants me to ask. Ugh… "Why was she there?"

"I dunno. The rabbits were concerned about her health, though—said she looked like she got out of a slaughterhouse." W-What the?! Keine got hurt…? B-But how?! She's a great fighter; almost defeated me once when I went all-out! There's no way she'd… What the hell happened?! My insides feel like a glacier as I weirdly get up, my eyes unfocused; hers, however, sharpened as if reached a conclusion. "So she's the catalyst of your bad humor… What happened between the two of you?"

"I…" I gulp down something, hands sweating, eyes wide and wild. "S-She lied about everything, played with my feelings… Did the rabbits say anything else?" Kaguya kept her eyes on me; something imperceptible shone in there, and she denied it with her head. I wanted to move, see for myself, ask what happened—hold her in my arms—, yet…

I felt cold, my trembling feet rooted in the ground. Why won’t I move…?

"Wanna tell me?" She asked.

I paused. Then, feeling desolate, nodded.