/jp/ - Otaku Culture

mania-for-a-month /jp/female here
bipolar ii (middling depression, severe mania), ptsd (severe) and adhd (severe)
currently in therapy to address mostly ptsd bullshit, on lithium and ritalin

>feel confident and cute as walking to work
>walk past cute boy
>smile at him
>he gives me a "what the fuck are you doing" look
>for some reason this irritates me more than anything in my entire life
>spend entire day in a confrontational, angry mania

reminding myself that its not even that big of a deal and that typically my feelings are not hurt by these things just made me angrier

2008-2010 hardcore neet
2010-2012 broke out of my neet life style
started to make new friends , be social etc...
last few months I began to miss my old life style so I thought what could go wrong if i go neet for a couple days .... big mistake, I'm back to my old neet state. am i doomed??
is there is a way to break free for ever from this afwul life style

mfw

>>9883400

I was also reticent towards the use of medicine when my depression started to spiral. I value my chemical balance, everything that makes me who I am.
But when your brain is not even behaving like you want it to, there's little one can do. It's just another disease, something that can't be willed away.

I've been on Lithium Carbonate, Escitalopram, Citalopram, Lamotrigine. The thing with these sort of medication, specially SSRI, is that there is no panacea. Basically they start trying and see what dosage you react to better, side effects presented, and if it's even working.

The worst was the shakes caused by the Lithium. It's pathetic, to try to eat some soup and have all of it fall because you can't control your hands.

If you're seriously depressed, the sort of where all enjoyment is sapped away, seek help. Talk to someone about it, share your feelings, seek a professional that is willing to hear you and all of your problems and progression to work with.

Personally, I've been going through so many of them this past year that it all starts to blur together. I still have issues at times, and present some really annoying side effects, like lack of appetite (most food gives me nausea now, which is like a really bad joke because I love eating), lack of libido, some insomnia/hypersomnia. Overall, I prefer the drugged out me that still has a chance to get over things than the depressive me that closes himself until everything is beyond solution. But the worst thing I could have ever done is of course to think "hey, I'm feeling better" and stop taking the meds. SSRI have that, can't drop them cold turkey, or the depression caused will make you laugh at the original.

Oh, also Zoplicone for when I have serious insomnia. These pills are the ones that really freak me out. Take it, knocked out for 8-10 hours. Plus they can be addictive, which scares the shit out of me. They're the last resort.

That Sunday morning feel when I actually tried to eat in a restaurant the other day. It was called "Subway", and the man kept asking me questions. At first they were transactional questions, stuff about what food I wanted, and I could deal with those. Then he put my sandwich in a microwave and asked, "So, how are you? Good day at work?"
I'm really terrible at lying but it was a Sunday, so I told him it was my day off. Then he started saying scary words about his job and asked me questions about mine, and I just wanted my sandwich. In the end I took my sandwich out of the shop instead of eating it on one of the chairs, and I sat on a bench in the cold outdoors right opposite the shop. I ate it there and he could see me. It was awful.

That feel when I think my medicine made me go crazy or bipolar.

During the day I get so happy that I begin to behave in peculiar ways. I emerged from my room a few days ago and did a poor attempt at copying one of the dances from Saturday Night Fever while I listened to disco music in my headphones and I didn't even care that there were a bunch of people in the living room that saw me. Normally I don't even leave my bedroom if I'm not home alone, but I needed to dance so much that I didn't care.

In the evenings though I become crazy and paranoid. Random inanimate objects in my room can terrify me so I have to hide them in the closet and I become convinced that the world is ending and I panic.

That feel when peanut butter sandwiches (I don't like jelly unfortunately) have been a staple in my diet ever since I was a wee lad. I hear it's fattening but I'm underweight like every other NEET. I guess the bread choice is important, I eat whole grain stuff with seeds in it.

For a long time I just had jif stuff, because my mother hated natural peanut butter. She said it "was for poor people". I recently started getting it, though, and I love it. I have to keep it secret from her, though, so I sometimes still eat jif.

It adds excitement to my dull life. If she finds out I'm eating this peanut butter she'll probably kick me out.