/jp/ - Otaku Culture

Retelling the blissful days of a beautiful lie just to then elaborate on its implosion hurts like Marisa's Master Spark. My heart clenched throughout everything, and Kaguya didn't speak a word as I went on, dislodging the knife and letting the slurry of feelings leave me with potent pressure. It felt… good—yet, sober and telling that to a 'friend', I could feel each word growing this weird feeling inside of me, a feeling of great impotency, of imminent truth… which blossomed as the coldest of flowers when I reached the part where I left Keine, choosing to be deaf to her plea, blind to her haunted, pain-ridden eyes… I couldn't go past that point, rapidly cleaning the stray tears from my face—they were plentiful…

And why?

To my side, Kaguya had lost her smile. "I see…" She nodded slightly, floating from the top of the jizo statue to my side. Gently, she patted my back. "There's more to this." It's an easy affirmation, one that looms over my back: There's more to this. More I didn't see, so quick to anger, to point fingers…

"I was so hurt; still am, but…" Together with the looming shadow of pain come Kaguya's words about Keine being on Eientein—fear. "… I'm not the only one, right?" Kaguya simply nodded.

Realization dawned, and I was again standing on a pile of nothing, though I felt everything.

"… W-What should I do, Kaguya? She must hate me for being so blind—a-and all those rumors I've been hearing about her, she should already have someone else; I'd be a stranger, and—" my wild thoughts go on, sapping away the strength of my immortal brain. "I blamed her… said she killed my heart, accused her of something so stupid: 'playing a prank on the immortal'?! What was I thinking?!" The bamboo, Kaguya, and the Moon hear those painful words… none respond.

I babble on for some more time, the bleeding wound sensitive and jaded, limbs weak all over and mind filled with guilt, throat aching, mouth dry…

Yet one last sentence leaves me, and it encapsulates all my pain: "I just wanted us to be happy."

"… What is stopping you?" Kaguya said, and my eyes rushed to her, rage inside flowering; hadn't she heard a single word of what I said?! I laid my heart to her; let everything out! How can she be so insensitive— "Mokou." Her voice had… something to it: experience. "What will you be thinking of when, together, we watch the last star die?" The question is one of perplexing nature, a sad certainty that I have buried deep. It's quite a while until the heat death of the universe…

Still, I can’t help but think about the sudden question, the moonlight washing over us… I can only think of big, red eyes; platinum hair; and a strong yet stubborn personality. It makes my heart ache. Why not father? Why not my many battles? The sights I saw? The worlds I'll travel too… why her?

Kaguya giggles, a veiled sadness there. What the…? "I wish I could be the same; to think of love as the universe dies must be a poetical thing." I freeze, taken aback. Love…? "Though not all of us will be there when it happens. Everyone else will die naturally, maybe on their beds or on the battlefield, not too far in the future. Some will cry at that, some will laugh in delight… Most will remain silent—because life goes on, especially for us immortals." She pauses, turning her eyes to the Moon. "… Yet, to lose this cherished time mulling over quarrels before your precious short life ends; or to have many regrets as you stare at the collapse of entropy itself—both are sad ends." As she speaks and the words start to make sense, my heart bleeds and cries of necessity. "You drank the Hourai Elixir when you were little, but you have grown since then, Mokou. You're an adult. Go get answers, and though you might end up with just a broken heart, you'll be making sure you leave this existence without the bitterness of one more regret." She steps back, her smile… Indescribable.

I? I… couldn't speak. Did I understand everything correctly? The stream of tears said I did, as did the guttural fear growing in my gut. I laughed anyway, pained. "All that just to tell me to get off my ass and talk to her?" Kaguya kept smiling. "… Thanks, Kaguya."

She hummed. "I'll be seeing you tomorrow." She started to graciously float. "Be ready—I won't announce my presence before exploding you~" Without even awaiting an answer, she was already gone, probably still with that smug in her face.

I get up, stumbling a bit, dazed still, but firming myself. Looking up at the moon, I manage to clean any remaining strand of tear, filling my lungs with air…

The wound is still there, hurt and ugly.

Kaguya removed the knife, bandaged the wound… I can let things be as they are.

A bandage is good enough and, if it falls, just patch another one over it…

AS IF!

Grinning and blushing I explode to the skies, vaporizing clouds and staring at the full moon, arms up. “KEINEEEEE!” I yell, determined. “HEAR MY VOICE! GET READY—FUJIWARA NO MOKOU WILL BEG FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS!” I laugh.

… Love, huh?