/jp/ - Otaku Culture

I hate that everything I'm interested in is in the creative realm. Woodwork, photography, sewing, illustration, instruments, writing.... everything requires me to push myself, to be motivated and dedicate myself to improvement. Ironically, a drive to be productive is the one thing I lack. It was drilled into me as a kid to be a perfectionist, but because of that, everything outside of droning menial labour is an extremely stressful experience that eats away at me. I want to do something fullfilling, I have so many passions, but the very act of pursuing them exponetially diminishes my will to live.
I just want to be a neet. I want to lose myself in distractions so that I dont even notice the passage of time. Each day mirrors the previous ad Infinium.
But tomorrow I'll get up, telling myself today I'll practise something, get better at it. I don't need to be perfect, I just need to improve, hell, not even that, I just need to enjoy the process of creating. I hope that eventually I'll actually feel that way, and instead of feeling like I want to die when I create something that's not the best mankind has ever seen, hopefully I'll feel good about myself and look forward to the next project.