/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>choke turtle and get a tax deduction
Brilliant!

"If I took that leaf off, would you die?"
"It would be extremely unprofitable."
"You're a rich girl!"
"For you."
"Well you got yourself loved, what's the next step in your master plan?"
"To marry you fast, with many children!"

>>37228091
Rate nuki mofu

>Go to downtown MGC at night
>Find tanuki whore for cheap
>Says it's a celebration for her since I'm her first customer
>Has this stupid consent form I have to fill out before we fuck
>Best sex of my life
>Amazon position to mating press
>Pile driver to full nelson
>Didn't even ask me to wear a condom
>Came inside her so many time she's still leaking sperm in the morning
>She pulls out a calculator, pen and paper
>She starts writing down prices with each position we did
>And every time I creampied her
>Read consent form to see it stipulated that each sex act is a full separate cost as I was just originally paying for her time
>And there's a fucking 25% interest for every hour I spent with her beyond the first to the final cost
>Easily hundreds of thousands dollars in debt
>Try to just run but mofucuza are waiting outside my door
>Tanuki says we can work something out
>Turns out she was the daughter of the head of the mofucuza
>And now I have to take responsibility and marry her

>>35996057
Well that's too bad because you're getting a thin tall one with child bearing hips

>>33980213
The difference with danukis though is that while they handle your cash you can just manhandle them into a mating press them at any time you want

>>32715965
>Need funds to stay at home and cook
>Nuki shows up and does the usual roundabout 'get in debt so you have to marry her' spiel
>Princess carry her to your room and mating press her
>Have nuki wife
Wonder what percentage of monsters have stories about meeting and marrying their husband that are just 'and then he fucked me' or 'and then I fucked him'

So tanukis are mostly merchants, loan sharks, traders, etc. what stops me from say finding a lone tanuki shop keeper out in the woods, pulling a roshan and pants-ing her so I can take all her stuff?

If you meet a Tanuki with low enough int you can convince her to pay you for sex

>>23871437
Those hands... there's something familiar about this...

>Twin brother takes loan from danuki
>Couldn't possibly pay back his loan so he skips town
>Danuki is calling me demanding to tell her where my brother went
>Doesn't take "I don't know" for an answer
>Sends jinko and oni debt collectors to scare me and break some stuff
>Luckily they only broke "priceless" family heirlooms that I bought from a garage sale
>Eventually realizes that I really don't know where my brother went and lets me go
>Mentally thank my real twin brother for eloping with that ushi all those years ago and not telling anyone besides me
>Have done this trick a dozen times over

>>22459806
>control the entire media and monetary system but still can't find a bf

>>21763183
Lucky for you, boyim, Tanukadism is inherited matrilineally. Prove yourself a useful enough ger toshav to the Chosen People and you just might be worthy of sireing some

>>21064464
But I already gave all my shekels to that nice danuki earlier

>>20726919
That's even better. Just say you need to borrow money and are willing to pay an absurdly high interest rate

>>19136982
The tanuki warned her there could be bad side effects if she took too much of that energy boosting supplement!

The more innocent a tanuki looks, the more likely they are to bankrupt you so they can get you to eat them out.

Never trust one, not even once.