/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>45219951 (6/-)
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Saying to Mokou that I had something important to do in the village, I left my house with an Atlas ball weighing my shoulders, watching as she snuggled on the couch with a big smile. Gulping down a nauseating feeling, I march forward. I know what I have to do—it's already night, but that place shouldn't be closed yet…

Entering an alley, I dress in a dark cloak I got before leaving home, concealing my identity.

On the horizon, THAT building reared its ugly head.

I glance at my surroundings, the market with the HSE in the center growing like a tumor each day—porn magazines; trinkets and clothing; foods, and… What the hell is that? A 'Cosplay saloon'? They dye and make hairdos, rent contact lenses and accessories like horns and wings… Amazing. Simply amazing—, but pay no further attention, stopping by the HSE’s doors, the feeling in my stomach screaming of terror and uncertainty.

This is the father of one of my former students! Sweet Hana…

Yet that looming expectation over my shoulders, breathing on my neck like a hound, propels me to hold my belly—only my blood circulation…—Mokou's arms around me again, her ear listening and—

The world around me buzzed as if my head was stuck in a bee hive, tears welling behind my eyes, and I had to take deep breaths to recompose myself—eye bulging, reality distant—tightening my grip. Suzu's words echoed, a battle against Mokou's smile, and I cowered inside my own mind—

Someone bumps my shoulder; shorter than me, horns, wearing white—wait, is that Seija?! What the hell is she doing in the Human—She gives me a disgusted side glance and, before entering the HSE, snorts, "Freak." And I freeze. What the…

… That monster called me…

My fists clench, anger boils my blood—yet I don't move, legs shaking and feet planted… What does she know?! I want to make a friend happy! Give her a gift she'll never have! Yes, that's sudden; yes, Suzu's words may be the truth—b-but I'm certain Mokou will be there to help me raise them, she even wants me to name one of them after her father…

What is so wrong with wanting to make her happy…?

Furiously whipping my face from tears, I walk inside, the lights blinding me momentarily, but I don't care.

There's no line to the counter, and very few people wait their turns—all dressed in the much-discussed miko outfit—; The kitsune behind the counter staring me with an ounce of pity in her eyes before replacing it with positive stoicism. "Good evening, dear customer. What—"

"T-the shortest, please," I utter, something cold threatening to overflow my throat. The kitsune nods, then a ticket—I ignore all; the world around me is a blur… Suzu's words yell, Mokou's words yell, and there's no space in my head for any of my own thoughts—I just want to puke. I want to puke—

"—number 04-04-18!" An angered voice calls me, two kappas—oh, no, that's a green uniform; so a kappa and a yamawaro—standing before me. "Can't you hear, lady? That's your number!" Says the angry one, the other looking incredibly tired.

It’s my turn already…

… How long have I waited? Not thinking properly, I follow them as they guide me further inside. The world still blurs as I take a bath with many aromatized oils and essences—if I wasn't on the verge of a breakdown, I suppose I would have greatly enjoyed all this luxury…—dressing in my miko outfit, a perfect fit; then there's a door in front of me; and then I'm standing beneath a Torii gate, and it's just so cold…

Oh. This is the fake shrine.

… If anything, it seems like a perfect recreation, though the many autumn flowers at the height of their blossoming literally everywhere and the small, adorned grave on the side were not there that I remember. But it's been years… I again gulp something horribly tasting—every time getting harder—and with wobbling legs march forward, mind rushing though exhausted, limbs trembling, sins crawling on my back—

"Dear? Are you okay?" A man—Anon—is in front of me, his eyes worried—his right-hand pulls me inside the shrine by the wrist. Under a better light, I get a good look at him and his thin clothing and toned body… I feel hollow. The better lighting also helps him: "… Keine?! God, it's you, Keine—it's been so long! We haven't talked properly since Hana was nine!" Though there's joy in his eyes, it soon dies out, be it a bad memory or this situation.

I ignore it, my mind filled with two blaring voices.

He guides me to the kotatsu and prepares tea and a light snack—a floating doll helps him, and they play together as they finish setting things.

I ignore it.

He sits across me, and the doll sits on a hand-made mini chair by him, looking like it was made recently.

I ignore it.

He talks, trying to get my attention; asking what happened to me and if I'm feeling okay—through the buzz, I heard 'Eirin'.

I ignore it.

I disassociate, hand on my belly…

… Mokou's voice echoes louder, and I want to puke.

I ignore it, and as if a casual topic, say, "… I need to get pregnant, Anon."