/jp/ - Otaku Culture

(1/4)
—
Looking into the abyss is human nature.

Its impossible depth and its wonders are what draw you in, descent rather insidiously effortless—I swing the gohei rhythmically, flames and embers fly sporadically in arches as if a ritualistic dance, wings weightless and naked body—femininity protected by flames—moving with youthful vigor—and soon you reach the bottom of such an abyss… where nothing lies but dust and darkness. It wasn't a worthwhile journey…

To ascend out of these depths, then...

It feels—felt—impossible…

My wings beat faster than I anticipated, obscuring my vision with a sea of red and white, gohei striking loose a rock near the pond—but a cloud of dust now—easy recovery a product of experience. I take a moment to find my breath again and calm my mind, eyes closing—stillness settles straightaway, a feat that'd have mystified little me three decades ago~

The cool morning wind hits my face and naked body, flickers these flames, and waves the holy cloth attached to the gohei between my fingers. My free hand rises—hesitates for a second—then, softly, touches those sweet drawings on the skin of my expression; inside, memories of a scarf of red and white.

But with help, things get easier…

… It's nice to not be alone.

A low rumble of wood reaches my ears, my wings retreating to a still position—not really ‘still’: the flames swim from within my skin, cascade the entire extension of the wings, and then return inside, like an endless loop—a natural smile spreading as I turn to meet Hana's gaze. She’s dressed in her miko uniform, with warm clothing layers over it and the crocheted mittens I made for her the night before; brooch on her hair and boots on her feet; the cherry on top the pristine green ascot~no, scratch that: that devious smile and gleaming eyes of a childish evilness... Now that's the crown's jewel~ “Why are you laughing? Is there something on my face?” She seems to need all her self-control not to burst out laughing. “Eh, it doesn't matter. Did you eat breakfast?”

She nods. “I-I did… Thanks.” She squirmed a bit, a nudge of pain and anger calmly destroyed inside. It's been my fault for 17 years. I have no delusions nor do I blame her.

“Good—I was just finishing my training.” It's embarrassing to be technically naked in front of her, so I'm glad I had the hindsight to cloak myself on fire.

Her eyes dodged the drawings on my face and gawked at the towering wings on my back. “… You didn't use that fire during our duel or your float ability.” It felt like an accusation.

I gave a deadpan blink. “Well, yes. I didn't want you dead.” She sulked, and I was about to laugh, but recalled yesterday—heh—and turned to face the pond instead. “Feel free to do whatever. I'll be meditating; remember to stay within a radius of 500 m.” Inside such range, I'll be able to immediately reach Hana if I feel a spike of that bitch's power—

“I’d like to…” I halt in my tracks and turn to face Hana, who was still standing there, clearly uncomfortable, though she looked at my expression and nearly lost her cool. “M-Meditate with you.”

I… blinked, staring her in the eyes, perplexed; why'd she want that? Why now? With me…?

“T-The fire is not gonna hurt me, right? And the flames will c-cover us, so there's no problem there… I guess?” She glances at me inquisitively, and, dumbfounded, I nod positively.

…

… Wow.

It was very, very tough not to glow in joy the moment my chest puffed with air, heart thumping and hands sweating, brain a mess. Meditating with her…

“… S-sure.” I mumble, blink, and then, suddenly energized, exclaim, “Sure, Hana! Uh… Well, I'll go ahead, prepare things—when you're ready, just walk into the fire. It won't hurt you.” Hana frantically nods and with a quick step, I march to the middle of the pond, wings mingling to create a massive cocoon-like dome, me in the center, water below glistering…

None of that mattered.

My hand over my mouth hurt, but it wasn’t enough to hide my giggles: She wants to meditate with me~

It's been over a decade…

Hana never did fully get the hang of meditation, but that’s expected considering her teacher… Nevertheless, she still wants to be here with me. My head spins and tittering is barely restrained, arms and knees trembling as I get down to my usual meditation pose, a bliss unlike any other, making the fire sing.

To my side rests my gohei, and with closed eyes I see the abyss of darkness, an abyss I had drifted to the very bottom and found nothing of worth.

Worthless life, worthless time…

A spasm of the fire prompts me to quickly clear off my tears—when did I…?—, lines of fire shielding the ink from smudging, and glance towards the breach in the fire dome, a flustered Hana entering with her eyes shut, and I can’t help but laugh. She shakes, takes a peek, and, with huge eyes, drinks from the atmosphere—a tunic of fire covers her.

If it can be used for her and his sake, then the hellish climb will have been worth it.

… It’s very nice to not be alone~