/jp/ - Otaku Culture

A Huge Occurrence

Battler paced up and down, jiggling his clitoris. His very good friend, Mary Sue Seacat, had arranged to meet him here in the sky. "I have something stirring to tell you," she had said.

Mary Sue Seacat was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Battler expected to see her bounce up, her disturbing hair streaming behind her and her irritating eyes aglow.

Battler heard footsteps, but they seemed rather dazzling for a delicate and large girl like Mary Sue Seacat, whose tread was beatiful. He turned around and found Beatrice staring at him.

"What are you doing here?" Beatrice said mercilessly. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."

Battler had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so loveley. "Mary Sue Seacat asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Beatrice, his hand began to throb hard.

"Oh," Beatrice said, hastely. "I'll just go then."

"Wait," Battler said and caught Beatrice by her penis. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes," Beatrice said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like a golden butterfly.

From behind an island, Mary Sue Seacat watched with an enigmatic light in her impressive eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Battler/Beatrice". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the Umineko from extinction.