/jp/ - Otaku Culture

Touhou incident talk time!
If you were a boss in a touhou game, how would you introduce yourself/goad the player character into a fight? (Alternatively, if you're not feeling creative, just post in your favorite bits of game dialogue, as if we haven't all read it a thousand times apiece.)

Me: Where are you going in such a hurry?
Heroine: Woah, there's a guy here.
Heroine: And I thought men didn't play danmaku.
Me: Do you know what I am?
Heroine: In my way?
Me: Some people thought we were gods when we flew over them.
Heroine: Okay.
Me: The Africans thought we were going to eat them when we dragged them from their homes.
Heroine: Haha, that's-
Me: The Japanese thought we were going to eat them when we broke their country and remade it in our image.
Heroine: Wait, what? When was this?
Me: Collectively, we wear a country as a hat.
Heroine: Huh? No, go back to that last part!
Me: I'm an American, and I'm here to ruin your day.
Heroine: Could I just come back tomorrow, then?
Me: I'll ruin that day, too.

*Fight begins, cue curbstomping by the heroine*