/jp/ - Otaku Culture

I have strong preferences regarding aesthetics, species, personality types, behaviour, etc, but I can't seem to be able to imagine my preferred partner as an actual person that I have daily interactions with, or the relationship itself in general. I guess that's a given, since I've never been in a relationship. I am able to visualize some small day to day non verbal interactions, but I don't know what kind of person would she be or what would we even talk about. I barely have anything even resembling personality and have nothing to say to anyone. I have some characters I circulate between depending what content I've been (re)consuming last but none of these provide me with a stand alone solution.

I feel like the masturbatory fantasies don't really do it for me anymore and sex itsef isn't as much of an allure as cuddling and other assorted pair bonding activities. But I have nothing to offer and there's nothing that would make me even remotely attractive to whatever I'm fantasizing about anyway, so even that seems to by too self gratuitous. I would just like to embrace the fluff and be embraced by the fluff, but the two way attraction seems impossible given how of a nothing I am. All the meat space human contact I've had so far was taxing enough to make me despise the meat bags and anything other than complete and utter solitude. Why do I yearn for love, something I only have a second hand experience obtained via various forms of escapist media? How could I ever build a loving romantic relationship? How would I keep it from falling apart like everything else I've ever touched in my life? Am I just being tricked by my meat vehicle's biological imperative to reproduce? How could that be if I don't even find humans attractive?

Having rambled enough, now I have a question for anons with wife(s), especially those that are referring to their(s) by name. How did you create / decide on a specific individual(s)? How do you keep her/them consistent? Is it just oc doughnut steele that tickles your pickle? Do you actively "create" your wife in your imagination like a tulpa? Did you "summon" her into your mind and she manifests in it out of her own accord like a succubus, especially given that canonically all mamono are partly succubus?

If the portals ever actually opened, would you take a plunge into the unknown and leave this world behind? Would you embrace something you wanted but never had, regardless its real nature?

This blog post TED talk was sponsored by "mental illness" and /x/! "Penetrate" the rabbit hole today!