/jp/ - Otaku Culture

"Er, I'm sure she knows that you were just trying to help her." Yamame finally said, hoping that she didn't sound insincere. "It must mean that you care."

"Thank you, Miss Kurodani. You're very kind." Kasen said, smiling lightly. "But, alas, my plans failed, and as the saying goes, when it rains, it pours. How could I have known that Reimu wanted a sibling? I'd already been beginning to struggle with certain...personal convictions. Reimu's new brother had offered me some advice in the past, you see, but I was beginning to feel that..." Then, Kasen shook her head. "No, it's not important. But I still believed that I was heading in the right direction."

Yamame impulsively reached across the table and patted Kasen's hand, then realised what she was doing and pulled her hand back. "I, um, struggled with some changes too." She blurted out, mentally kicking herself. How was that relevant?

"Changes?" Kasen looked up from where she'd been staring at her hands on the table. "Yes, that does seem to be what it all boils down to. I was wracked with guilt, you see. Guilt for sealing my arm. Guilt for what I'd done as an oni. And then, when Reimu and her brother came to try and convince me not to unseal the arm, Reimu slipped up. She told me that she considered him her brother. And she mentioned the tsuchigumo. You, Miss Kurodani."

"Yamame." Yamame absent-mindedly said. "Um, sorry. Just, ah, you can call me Yamame."

"Ah. Thank you, Yamame." Kasen said, politely. It was still getting to Yamame. She was still being polite to her, like she was still holding her at a distance. "Let's speed this up, shall we? I unsealed the arm, and it - she - rejected me. For betraying her. And it's still a sore subject, but it's not the point. The point, is that I came to care for him a great deal too, just as I do for Reimu. And so, I want to know you. I want to know that you aren't going to hurt him. Not only because it would hurt him, but because it would hurt Reimu."

Now that Yamame seemed to have a chance to talk, she paused. "I used to eat humans. When I was desperate. When they conveniently fell into my webs. When I was attacked." She forced the images away. It wasn't the way she was anymore. "And then, he fell into my webs, and I chipped my teeth trying to bite him." Kasen actually let out a slight chuckle at her words, and Yamame continued, feeling a little bit emboldened. "And he was so - so nice. Kind, to someone like me. I'd only been despised by humans before then." And he'd had the most unlikely story, too. Kogasa Tatara? Really? "And then he came back and asked for my help in reaching Satori Komeiji. A human, from the village no less, asking the help of a youkai." She'd been half-ill even then, overworking herself to try and repair the webs that he'd destroyed on his way down. And even though she should have told him to come back another time, she'd said yes. "And...his memories."

"I've heard enough of it, Yamame." Kasen told her gently. "If it's uncomfortable, you can move on."

"No, no. Um, the memories he had unlocked there..." She shivered. It had been awful, seeing him writhe around on the floor screaming, and Satori's explanation of what the memories had been hadn't helped in the slightest. "Well, um, I got the feeling that I wanted to help him. Somehow. In any way I could."

"That does seem to be an effect he has, doesn't it?" Kasen asked, the first light smile of the meeting on her face. "He just managed to make people want to help him. And in return, he makes them start improving themselves." She looked away. "And I thought that was my job."

"W-Well, er, yes. We got closer over time." Yamame felt a little embarrassed about this bit, but she was determined to get through. It was just as important to her as Reimu - and by extension, her human's - happiness was to Kasen. "But then his other memories were unlocked and suddenly, he was too afraid to even enter the caves." This part had been awful. She'd been worried for his safety, and even more worried at his lack of communication.

"And he started having panic attacks." Kasen filled in for her. "He had one at my senkai - His first night. He's gone through a lot of trauma that most people shouldn't have to deal with, Yamame. I need to know that you understand. He might be seriously tough on the outside, but the inside?"

"He convinced me to stop eating humans!" Yamame blurted out. "I - I almost lost him then. The, um, goddess from Moriya Shrine, Kanako Yasaka. She gave me some bad advice that nearly sent him away from me forever."

"Y-Yasaka? Kanako? Oh, my..." Kasen trailed off, but her mood seemed slightly better. "I'm sorry, Yamame. Please continue."

"He got me to promise that I'd try to give it up. Humans, I mean. And I changed. I Still am, I suppose. It's hard, and I think I'd have failed by now if it wasn't for...Well, for the way he looks at me. I don't want to lose that." She squared her shoulders, swallowing.