/jp/ - Otaku Culture

I don't know if Lanternon reads through these threads or whatever, but I just read his epilogue, and I have something to say.

You can't be introducing new information in a conclusion, and you DEFINITELY can't bring up new shit in an epilogue.

Who is Oathbreaker? Is it Val? Who would refer to him as such?

What trail is he sending his rescues on? There isn't enough context here to even tell if it's a physical or metaphorical trail. I've followed your story pretty well, and I'm still flummoxed by these sections.

Also, it's generally a good thing to not skip around in time so much unless an explicit frame of reference is provided (Germany, 1948) or the sections are longer (Catch 22) so you can piece together the timeline by the greater level of detail presented. Short, disconnected snippets are just confusing. Particularly since you use the same formatting trick of a --- linebreak to separate small, linear gaps of time earlier in the story.

9/11 It's horseshit.