/jp/ - Otaku Culture

Does anyone else know this feel - being crazy in love with a girl that no one else seems to care about at all?

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzDVaKRApcg

Hello.

At 17,402 words (13,409 of which is taken up by the sex scene), this is my longest - and greatest - piece of erotic fiction I have ever written.

I humbly hope that when you read this, you'll enjoy every mite and mote of love I put into it.

Thank you.

Fun in the shower, rimming, and prone bone anal with a scylla wife: https://pastebin.com/V0CDdJtB

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But, though I'm proud of it, I still have some misgivings.

I feel like part of the reason my dialogue feels weak is that I put too much emphasis on the surrounding characters actions. Having the speech bogged down by expressions and actions - it might make the dialogue itself feel less 'punchy.' What do you think? Maybe it's just a matter of taste and style?

Other than that, I want to know if the shower tease is something not really suited for the medium of text. I've been told again and again that the most important aspect of smut is the emotion behind the actions, so it may seem like a lost cause to try and make something sexy and fun to read when 90% of it is description. What say you?