/jp/ - Otaku Culture

A rendition of “not wanting to live” and how it correlates with Idol or How Idol leads us to death: The continuation of the Whirlwind and one step closer to the Tomb of Eternity

-Anonymous

Idol.

Ever since then your existence is cracking within you from too much intensity; like an eternal oscillation between moments of extreme joy and grief. There is no middle ground nor serenity. Your feet are no longer planted firmly on the ground. It is like an explosion which cannot be contained, which blows you onto the edge of life though Idol is at the center of the vortex.

At the edge of life you feel that have no control over existence any longer, that subjectivity is an illusion, and that uncontrollable forces are seething inside you, evolving with no relation to a personal center or a definite, individual rhythm. At the edge of life everything is an occasion for death. Your oshimen is the symbol of everything. You partake in the essence of everything. You die because of all there is and all there is not. Every experience is in this case a leap into nothingness. When Idol has pushed you to the edge transcending everything life has offered, you have reached the stage at which you can no longer experience anything, because there is nothing left.
Everything life offers now is like a trash can filled with the rubble of eternity. Even if you have not experienced all things life offers you Idol is so far past anything in this existence that it is enough to have lived the principal ones to their limit. And when you feel that you are dying of grief, joy, or love, all that you have not experienced joins in this endlessly sorrowful procession within The Tomb of Eternity.

The feeling that you cannot survive such whirlwinds also comes from the false satisfaction which idol brings to the inner plane. Those who live on an external plane are saved from the outburst: but do they have anything to save when they are not aware of any danger? The paroxysm of interior experience leads you to regions where danger is absolute, because life which self-consciously actualizes its roots in experience can only negate itself. Life is too limited and too fragmentary to endure great tensions.

Did not all the mystics feel that they could not live after their great ecstasies?