/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>38267622
Do you want a straight answer or a gay answer? The straight answer is, yes. The gay answer... I'm not anymore the same person as I was when I obsessed with Akane. Now my autism is only a shadow of its past form, because there's no time to be autistic and post all the time about an idol. Time is moving very fast. Much time has been spent on reflection over many topics, and one day I realised the primary reason I felt the instant feeling of attraction to Akane when I saw and heard her for the first time was because she reminded me of somebody I had tried very hard to forget ever existed. I don't know when this knowledge impacted me but, to this day, after first coming to this conclusion I haven't been able to fap to Akane. Now listening to 星歴13夜 is a different feeling. It's not a bad feeling, in some way there even is a new cherished dimension in listening but, in the core of the feeling, it makes it harder to listen. This neural connection to the girl I tried very hard to forget, it's reflected on the music of this group because subconsciously Akane always reminded me of her. There isn't much in common between the Venn diagram of their music and that girl, yet, clearly for me this was a factor in why I became obsessed with Akane and why I enjoyed the group's music so much more than any idol music I had ever in my life heard before.

Actually it's a stroke of luck that she left 星歴13夜 or I may never have realised this subconscious imprintation. Maybe this is a factor in the very essence of the concept of an "oshi", and it was something I never considered as realistic because I thought surely everybody would be aware when an idol reminds them of somebody they do not want to remember at such a profound level. This may not be true after all. Maybe we consciously do not make the connection because it would be too painful to imagine the ramifications.
>>38268081
Maybe she had them for a long time but I never paid attention before. Tamuco was always the one Toricago member I never focused on much because in those days when I obsessed with idols, the idea of becoming obsessed with an underage idol was a destiny I wanted to avoid. This isn't because I would be in denial about it, instead it's because I could not be in denial about it. As such, there only were a couple of times when I paid attention to Tamuco and this mostly was when she was posted in these threads, the pics I fapped to. I never looked closely at her arm, there was no reason to do so. Because now I'm no longer going to become obsessed with any idol ever again, it doesn't matter if I'm paying attention to Tamuco. But, I don't plan to pay much attention to any idols again so this wouldn't happen in any case.