/jp/ - Otaku Culture

>>45078389 (5/5—p4)
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Her eyes grew confused and, even though the silences, this was the first time today Ms. Reimu was speechless. “When I asked him about y-you—” I stuttered, mind struggling and body begging for respite—this whole situation and the amount of stress makes me want to puke. “—and the things you did… He was sad and heartbroken—” her face bitterly contorted into anger and then heartbreak, all in the span of a second. “—but, when I asked if he missed you… He said he does! He does!” The unnamed rage of before returned, and my tiny palms clenched. “He misses when you were a good person—the very thing you're striving to become now—and you want to commit suicide?!”

Even though the words left me, I couldn't make the connection. I only know Mr. Anon will get sad if she dies.

“Chen…” She gulped something down, turning her eyes away from me, body physically reacting as if wounded before the words could leave her; “It won't last—”

“It doesn't need to!” I leave her arms, and they fall flat, her wide eyes following my motions. “Staying the same is impossible! If things remain the same… Then how can you stop someone when they're wrong?!” My mind flashed to Yukari's cold gaze. “Have you ever talked about those things with Mr. Anon? Asked his thoughts? Help? No! You just kept it all to yourself without seeking help—because that's what powerful people do! They move away from you, no matter how much you love them—they never share anything with you because they don't want to worry you, but you just worry so much more—and if Ms. Kogasa had never shown me things have to keep on changing, then I'd keep following Yukari; trying to mend my family and failing, and failing, and failing—egotistical, STUPID adults can never look down and see who they have by their side, who are there to love them and help—” My face hurt, the tears were so thick, and I was getting dizzy—

Strong arms caught me before I fell to the ground, and Ms. Reimu's face had this immense confusion, like trying to digest a million things at the same time…

Regaining my balance, I left her arms and stumbled to the parcel, the older woman following my movements and getting on her knees by the destroyed kotatsu. With no more tears to shed and a head full of cotton, I gently picked up the parcel and extended it to the dumbfounded miko. Ms. Reimu looked at me, then at the parcel and, carefully, opened it…

And, calmly, lifted the red and white scarf. The construction was, at best, a mess: It started smooth but then became all bumpy and heavy, with a general air of sadness to it, the threads getting even more troubled down the line until it suddenly stopped—embroidered at the very tip of the scarf, a pattern of circles with wavy lines crossing them, ending the knitted ware in lovely, warm note… It was a clashing design, and the colored threads didn't blend as well or expertly as Mr. Anon's knitting.

Her puzzled eyes seemed to grow in size, and whatever a million thoughts Ms. Reimu had faded into a single one—

“—it's beautiful…” She whispered, feeling the threads and bringing the scarf to her face, smelling it, frowning—then, tears—

Conscience heavy, I hugged her, tight to never let go, “… When you lose strength, Ms. Reimu, and are feeling weak—please… Come talk to me. To Mr. Anon. Let us know how you're feeling and how we can help you—you don't need to become the person you were before… You just need to become better.” I turned my face up and stared into her eyes with a burning passion… still, opened a wide, tired smile. “I'm already doing it, hahaha! You're smiling!” She reached her face, eyes widening even more as she traced the line of her trembling, beautiful smile.

She clutched the scarf, teeth bared, smile contorting as if trying to fade, but it just wouldn't go away, a closed hand on her face pressing there as if trying to use force to stop the gigantic, erratic smile; she failed.

Then she opened her eyes. “… Why? I don't deserve this…”

“I don't ask why—I just like to make friends.”

Ms. Reimu stared at me. I stared back… and I knew I was wrong:

These eyes of fear of death, of undying yet broken love, of regret so deep yet with an outlet that otherwise wasn't there, of tiredness and of relief…

These eyes are the truth.

I don't know if she still considers suicide…

… If so, I'll be there to help my friend.

Ms. Reimu hugged me back, holding the scarf as if the most precious thing, the warmth of her arms soothing my weary mind. It was like being protected by a big, comfy pillow, coupled with the laughs piercing the crying, and it was just the perfect atmosphere to snuggle…

Gravity changed, yet it was still comfortable, a gentle hand brushing the back of my head, my cheek resting on a strong shoulder as my arms clasped around her, her hold firm and true… I felt a sense of déjà vu, yet didn't pay much mind to it; it was just so, so comfortable—

“You've done enough, Kozo—thanks; rest now… And let this stupid adult deal with adult things.”