/ic/ - Artwork/Critique

Tl:Dr I’m a resentful bitch that isn’t getting gud because I’m too busy being jealous of my ex who’s more successful than I am.
I just want to be free of this horrible poison. I don’t like hating anybody. Ultimately I just want to make something that I can be proud of, that other people love.
But there’s a gross side of me that wants fame and success just so I can prove to my ex that they were wrong about everything about me. They said things to make me feel so worthless. When I finally accepted that there was nothing to hold on to, they wouldn’t let me move on. They wouldn’t leave me alone to heal, they’d just keep saying things to make me feel like a worthless piece of shit that they threw away because they were better than me. Telling me how hard I failed, who they were dating now, how good their life was.
I feel like I’ve left that attack on my soul unanswered, and because I’m not a successful artist I feel like absolute garbage, which just makes me even more of a resentful and damaged person.
I can’t become a good artist if I’m haunted by my own hatred for this person. It takes up too much space in my mind.

How do I overcome my own ego and humble myself to become a good artist? How do I keep my dreams and ambitions realistic?