/ic/ - Artwork/Critique

>>5031099
>NSFW artist
>study woman figures
>cool, looks like an adult
>study anatomy
>cool, looks like an adult
>use references
>cool, looks like an adult
>having fun and draw from imagination
>young looking girl appears under my pen strokes
>what?
>try again
>same result
>force myself to adjust everything so it looks like an adult
>it breaks my flow
>my drawing now looks dull and lacks of life
>mfw

I am broke and drawing is supposed to be my only way out. I tried to solve this for months but I fear the universe wants to send me a message. A very unpleasant one in our time. And being a loli artist is a no go since it's illegal where I live. I could go SFW but I have no idea if there is money to get in that field. I don't have much time to make a decision. Things were already a mess before, I didn't need that.

Hey anons, am I the only one who get things like this?
When I draw, for the first minutes I can think about what I am doing but quickly my mind goes away and I start to wander. It's always the same things. I think about how fucked up my childhood was, how bad it affects me today, how awkward I am with social interactions ,how difficult for me it is to get through life and also a lot of other stuff about what's happening in the world.
I try to control it, but I always fail. I keep drawing during the process but I know I am not fully using my capacity.
It's kinda like when you read a book and your mind is gone away into your imagination but your eyes and a part of your brain keeps reading what's written on paper.

I still learn some stuff though and sometimes I put my thinking on pause when I find a new interesting way to draw a muscle (or whatever I am drawing). But this is inconscious and I'd like to draw in a non automatic way.

Anyway, sorry if this is confusing, I don't really know how to write it down better and I myself am a bit confused at the moment.

>>2856779