What’s the most /fa/ way to cover a swollen eye at work?

[Puffy No.17719758]

My dog headbutted me when jumping into bed this morning and now I have swelling the size of a tennis ball covering my eye before an earnings meeting this afternoon with the CEO? Are there any good options?

[Anonymous No.17719773]

>>17719758
Just wear something obnoxious and ugly to distract from your ugly eye

[Puffy No.17719776]

>>17719773
I don’t think the ugliest tie in the world could distract from this

[Anonymous No.17719777]

>>17719758
Start crying and say your boyfriend beat you, but you need to stay with him in order to pay the rent.

[Puffy No.17719779]

>>17719777
I’m going to keep looking for suggestions, but that is a good backup

[Anonymous No.17719840]

>>17719776
Well, if nothing else, make sure your tie has a splash of purple to patch your eye

[Anonymous No.17719844]

>>17719758
If he can cover up a coke hangover you can cover up the black eye your boyfriend gave you, you sub faggot.

[Puffy No.17719846]

>>17719844
No boyfriend or girlfriend. Just me and the dog. Also, the sunglasses were for a coke hangover? I thought he just wore those to look cool

[Anonymous No.17719860]

>>17719840
Just a splash of purple? The way anon’s eye is looking he’s gonna need an ocean of purple to match

[Anonymous No.17719861]

>>17719846
>I thought he just wore those to look cool
I genuinely thought so, too, until I read the book. He consistently has nosebleeds and the day he wore the wayfarers (multiple times) he tells Jean that he went to a yoga class. It's a mix of alcohol, cocaine and four hours of sleep. As he puts it in the book, "I don't feel great, but I look great, and that's all that matters". I wasn't kidding about the wayfarers.

[Anonymous No.17719863]

>>17719861
>he tells Jean that he went to a yoga class
brain fart. He said that to explain why he came in late

[Anonymous No.17719865]

>>17719758
>>17719776
>swelling the size of a tennis ball
Damn anon, you weren’t kidding lol

[Anonymous No.17719883]

let me guess, an asscrack head concrete skull pitbull?

[Puffy No.17719886]

>>17719865
Unfortunately not

[Puffy No.17719887]

>>17719883
Close, a 90 lb German Shepherd

[Anonymous No.17719889]

>>17719887
oh okay you're off the hook.

[Puffy No.17719907]

>>17719889
Glad you think so

[Anonymous No.17719912]

>>17719886
Anon, you should really get that looked at.

[Puffy No.17719915]

>>17719912
I don’t know if I’ll have time today. I’ll be slammed at work all day

[Anonymous No.17720405]

>>17719844
Agreed. I don’t know if the wayfarers would completely hide anon’s black eye, but they’d be a hell of a lot better than him being seen like that in public

[Puffy No.17720437]

>>17720405
You’re not kidding. Although I’m definitely thinking my eye looks better than it did earlier today

[Anonymous No.17720855]

schizo OP

[Anonymous No.17720882]

>>17720855
what the fuck. I don’t understand what would bring someone to do this

[Anonymous No.17721634]

>>17719758
how did you end up covering it?

[Anonymous No.17721870]

That dog fucked you up damn

[Anonymous No.17721889]

>>17720855
How does this keep happening? Why is there no sign of damage? Is this a kink? Is schizOp just mind boggling retarded?

[Anonymous No.17721919]

>>17719758
I feel bad for laughing at the imagine of your dog headbuitting you juimping into bed lol. Yoiu shioyuld just rock it and say "you should see the other guy"

[Anonymous No.17722348]

>>17719758
>>17720855
KYS you freak

[Anonymous No.17722736]

>>17721870
I hope your dog eats you retard

[Anonymous No.17725087]

>>17720437
Update? Did you get odd looks or did someone say something? Next time just match the other eye with eyeshadow and come out as trans. I hear it's the new hip thing to do.

[Anonymous No.17727390]

>>17720855
lol wtf