/diy/ - Do It Yourself

if you're thinking about this, you might as well know about square. it's a free credit card reader for smart phones... which only requires an account to be linked with it.

so no. you still leave a paper trail however you do this.

Buy a bunch of equipment for cheap.

Transport overseas.

Resell.

Gold, platinum.

If it's a lot of money make several trips. You can take a loss on the several plane flights b/c that would be the price to pay for not having a paper trail. Just take a dollar or euro under the legal amount that you have to declare. I think its 10 grand in the USA.

how much dough are we talking?

>>20472
About 4mil yen. It's just over 50k usd. Don't ask me how, I don't need to disclose that info.

>>20498
wasn't gonna ask how. Imagining the scenario is always better anyway. Are you trying to get it back the US? When you leave Japan are you leaving alone? Do you have a place to stash part of it where you can bring it back in portions? Large or small denominations? These are all relevant questions

Maybe try one or two very rare postage stamps.

>>20498
You should give that money back to Olympus.

>>20518
We are returning directly to the mainland. There can't be any alternate flights.

I have one other person with me, a woman around my age, relationship unimportant. She does not know about the money.

We have to fly, this was not quite expected for me, the opportunity came up and I seized it, no real storage.

It's all in 1000 yen notes.

Do it like the radical islamists do..
Transfer money to lindens, and then transfer to your prefered currency.

>>20566
So you have 4,000 1000 yen notes.
You can take the equivalent of 10 grand back in your bag.
Which would be roughly 1000 of the notes.
Tell your girlfriend or sister about it convince her to bring 10 grand equivalent for a small cut.
You could always get a bunch of envelopes and mail them back to yourself, maybe 10-15 notes to
an envelope, drop them in several different mailboxes across the city so it won't raise a red flag. Just an idea, doesn't sound very safe though.

sounds like you need a CRIMINAL defense lawyer

>>20602
The girl can not know about it. She doesn't know anything about my lifestyle and it needs to stay that way. Loose lips sink ships.

I am interested in this lindens thing. Any more information on that? I will search for some more on my own for now.

You know, it is truly crazy how fast life can change. Mind blowing really.

>>20627
Why don't you just mail the money over to the united states in a certified package?
Weigh it down with books, or better yet, hollow out some books and stash the money in them, then mail the books. :D

>>20625
When I started out a year and a half ago, it was for spare change, money to work on my car.

I never saw it going this far, and my friend over here says he can get me even further in.

I am going to start considering the lawyer.

Worried about them being discovered in your luggage? Put them through a paper shredder. Reconstitute upon arrival. I'm fairly certain that even if money is torn in half, it's still legal if you repair it well. Sure, it'll be a pain, but it's worth the money, no?

If you want to make it easier on yourself, use invisible ink and mark each bill from 1-4000 so you can tell which pieces originally went together. Not sure if that would actually matter, though.

>>20635
That actually sounds like a solid idea.

>>20636
Can you at least fill us in on the vague nature of your sudden income? :D

>>20627
OP you fuck give us a little hint what this is all about.

>Drugs
>Mafia/Gang
>Terrorism
>Murder
>Black market
>Corporate crime
>Robbery

I know the most rational thing would be to not reveal a single unnecessary thing, but giving the vaguest one-word description of what's up couldn't hurt at all, there's no way that could be enough to trace anyone back to anything. Pretty please?

On the second question?

Don't. This might sound obvious, but, when dealing with large-ish amounts of illegal money, which I have before, it is simply better and easier to keep that money in a physical, secure form. You will never be found out by authorities, and, unlike a bank accout, police will not be allowed to search it without proper cause.

On the first, when I was dealing with large amounts of money, I simply put them in multiple bags, and in multiple suitcases, and had my friends carry them. Obviously for this to work you need a few accomplices though.

>>20640
A shredder would cut up your yen in 7 strips or 24 strips, depending on the orientation you threw them in.

That's fucking stupid.

>>20657
THIS

ITT: how to get arrested for tax evasion.

>>20651
Sounds like it's just shady gambling

>>20675
I love Tax Evasion! =D

>>20657
I didn't say it would be easy. Yeah, it'll take hours to reform the money, but a few hours work for $40,000? Sounds like a good deal to me.

If you think this is too hard, you can bag each bill's pieces separately, or bag them in groups of 10 or 50 or whatever you want. With a bag of 50, it wouldn't be all that hard to identify which pieces go together based on the number you wrote on it.

>>20675

hey if he stays there for 330 days full days he can claim it as foreign income and not be taxed because its less than $92,900

/diy/ - money laundering

>>20651
It started small, here in the states, word got around, and you know how the chains work.

I am a hired soldier. Assassin is too narrow a term. I just get the job done.

I am in japan on vacation, my phone rings, they need some work done and I am within an hour of it.

In this business, you never say "no" to an employer.

>>20696
Thread over, everyone go home.

I really just hoped there was an easier way to do it than all the old methods, but I think I am just going to have to buck up and make it happen.

>>20689
And then what? If you get caught with large amounts of light, airy and puffy luggage, don't you think this would warrant a quick inspection?
And then you find bags of shredded money.
Isn't destruction of currency a crime in Japan?

>>20696

That's a really great story, friend.

Why would it be less suspicious to have a bag filled with shredded currency, than a bag filled with intact currency? It's not like it's completely unrecognizable after you've shredded it.

get a credit card an wack it in the account in 10 small deposits

you could buy bitcoin, then just cash in when you get to the states

Take a direct flight to switzerland, that's how African dictators get away with it!

Depends on country, here in New Zealand any cash deposits over 10k attract suspision and have to be reported by tellers. career criminals circumvent this by multiple trips

>>20738
Bitcoin is worthless now.
Plus you have to work with a broker, which increases the papertrail exponentially.

The package idea feels too easy...

So get a box full of books or whatever, cut out holes and fill it with high denomination bills.

How easy is stuff like this scanned?

I mean it must be otherwise people will fedex drugs with much ease

I'm assuming you live near a border, so here's what i propose, buy large quantities of drugs in the home of the foreign currency, then take it back and sell it for local currency

>>20747
I would assume these things get sniffed down by dogs, and then they pass through xray machines if they're going on an international flight. :<

>>20696
>inb4 feds everywhere.

>not just filling out fincen form 105 and telling customs you have the money and they can go fuck themselves

the legal way brings about the least suspicion

>>20750
>japan
>border
lolwut

>>20756
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>>20756
Would this work, Hired Assassin-san?

Buy a big stuffed animal and give it to your female companion after carefully tearing off it's head and stuffing the inside with the bills.

>>20756
No, the taxes would be ungodly.

I am not Japanese, please don't refer to me as "-san"

>>20752
Yeah, dogs and x-ray machines can spot drugs, but how would they tell the difference between currency and books, which are both made of paper?

what is a vacuum sealer

Shred the money, buy tons of vacuum cleaners, suck the money up with them, and then freight the vacuum cleaners out to the US.

>>20777

then you can test your luck trying to get it back into the united states unclaimed, enjoy losing your money to customs criminal scum.

try becoming a citizen of a country that has no income tax if you plan on making money this way.

the bahamas are nice.

>>20726
>Why would it be less suspicious to have a bag filled with shredded currency, than a bag filled with intact currency?

Well I figured he must be worried about it being somehow seen in a scanner (trace amounts of metal in the ink? shrug) or else why is he even bothering to ask? Just stuff it in anything.

(and same answer to the person who asked about big light bags - obviously you wouldn't have separate money bags, you'd stuff it in something else)

>>20830
yeah, x-ray machines can detect large amounts of cash: http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview/id/548426.html

>claim to be a hired soldier
>don't even know how to transport money overseas

I doubt the postal service checks each and every package, so you could take the chance and mail it to yourself. The safest bet would be to simply pay the taxes. OP, do you know exactly how much cash you'd be losing?

Honestly? I am leaning towards the book thing. I gotta go back to bed. If the thread is alive in the morning, I will be using this trip to talk to you guys.

Please, is someone has a better idea than "books" hit me. I don't want to use digital currency.

Why don't you buy 4 million yen's worth of merchandise, and have it freighted to the US?

>>20902
Then you can resell it in the US and strike a profit.

>>20775
Kidnap a small child, kill him with no visible wound, cut him open (stomach or back) and degut him, fill his stomach with the drugs, then stitch him back up and put the clothes back on him, drive him across the border disguised as a sleeping child.

it's clear that your employers want to put you away, what would the purpose of putting you into such a predicament?

give it all to charity, disappear and enjoy your freedom

replying to troll thread

>>20916
Why not just kill a deer, have it taxidermied, stuff it with the cash, keep a starter pistol (or a rifle) in the same case, declare it at customs, they'll handcuff it to one of their agents, take custody of the case during the flight, (they have to, they can't have checked weapons going missing) and give it back at the point of destination.
Prevents lost luggage, and has your money under their noses. doublekickass

>>20928
Take the legal amount home, donate the rest and then flee.

How can I hire you to do a job, OP?

Why don't you just place it in bundles. Stuff inside your coat?

No security probably has to touch/feel you in different places right? And it's paper so it won't detect anything.

>>20928
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THANK YOU

>>20412
OP do this - take that money from Japan to Mexico. Then illegally cross the border into the US. Easy as fuck. Don't go through a checkpoint or anything. Instead, cross over some empty space.

If you really end up later on getting alot more money to move over, I should note that drug cartels increasingly like putting a small engine and propeller on a personal hang glider. The whole thing - and your outfit - is black.

That or you might just start thinking about investing in "real estate" and actually reporting said income as if legitimate return on legitimate investment.

roll up forty 10,000 yen notes. wrap them in condoms tied up. lube up (with condom safe lube). and get ready for an uncomfortable flight. i think one has a choice between full body scanner or a pat down right?

and when walking through the airport dont act like you got something shoved up the ass. they do do anal cavity searches if something seems suspicious. but its not like they search everyones ass or few would fly.

40 banknotes isnt even a lot, people take dicks and dildos bigger then that all the time

Buy Jewelery. Transport. Sell Jewelery.

You're all stupid, put a great deal of time and effort into packaging the money discretely so that it would appear to be documents by any outside examination, pack it in with paper and hold it together with various sorts of packing. Stealth it and then send it EMS to an address in your intended country, of course this requires having someone you trust there but if you're going to be bringing all that money you really do need a bro on the other side to help you out.

Seriously, I've sent some very bad things across border lines with care put into sending it. You need to scale everything to account for weight limits (money is heavy in bulk, send it in multiple parts so that none attract suspicion). The mail system is really under-appreciated for your smuggling needs.

you won the money playing pachinko, simple! Declare loose some on tax? still profit!
Buy designer bag, you americunts love that shit. Buy a crate of Japanese toilet seats, they would sell like hotcakes

>>20756

lulz

1. Buy a big ass book. Preferably hard-bound.

2. Place 10000 yen bills on different pages. (lessen it by placing some on your wallet duh.)

3. ???

4. PROFIT!!

-done by a friend who won a lot by playing pachinko.

Book idea is solid, scanning packages on international flights isn't super serious, just a pass through to look for drugs. Paper in paper shouldn't raise any suspicions.

Bitcoin is a great idea too, to the poster who siad they're worthless - they aren't worth much but he just wants to cash in then cash out. If he could get it into bitcoins that'd be safest.

Also no way is he a hired solider. Why wouldn't the employer give him the money back in america?

all of these ideas suck fucking dick; Books? You do know that they scan for different DENSITIES?! and OMFGPANCAKES money has a different density then normall paper, not to mention it is 1000bills!? And well.. cant even put it in words how retarted this idea is. This isnt a fucking mule run from mexico across a car border. Buying shit and having it send to US for resell is a fair way to go.. it is only 40k USD which for laundrey purposes is not ever worth the trouble really.

1)
Just declare it and say you won it through gambeling.. pay the fucking taxes and be done with it.
2) Alternatively purchase some rolex watches or more expensive watches.. you can easily buy a 40k USD watch anywhere. Just sell it in the states with certificates and everything. Sure you might lose 10% but fuck it you will have freshly laundered 35k+ USD.
3) Setup a Japanese bank account and deposit the 40K in there.
4) If you expect more "jobs" setup a int. trustfund which you fully control and just deposit the money there. Upon retirement just clear the whole fucking thing out and make sure to never visit the country where it was registered.
5) If you need more help email me at M8R-rwxqq9@mailinator.com

Ask your ancestors.

..I'm sure they're experienced.

>>21310
Also, why the fuck not just buy like 500 bucks worth of variable size trading cards? Put it in multiple boxes, spreading the money amongst it. Girlfriend asks, a friend asked you to pick up a shitton of foreign cards for selling in the US (as they sell for more). Otherwise, you're just a faggot who loves card games.

>>21106
not even joking but the "stick it up your ass" idea is probably the best idea itt

mail it in seperate, variable size boxes

and by mail it, I mean NOT to any address related to you in any way. Go for an abandoned house.

People do this with drugs all the time.

>>20412
Send out mass-emails asking for help transferring your money out of the country in return for a cut of the money. Make sure you write them in broken English.

>>21413

This is great. Make sure your cover story involves you being a prince or banker from a central African country, chicks love princes and bankers.

Prepaid visa.

>>21106
For real, this is probably your best bet.

>>21413
>>21415
god I lol'd so hard.

You ever heard of math and multiple trips?

>>20498

goddamn it, kaiji, what have you done now?

the fastest way to launder money is to take your dough and buy something legal, expensive and with a fast turnover. Most people use cars but you can buy what the hell ever. so long as it is legal to ship it to the US. Then you sell said item and spend all of your money on cocaine and hookers.

ITT: PEOPLE WHO HAVE ALL WATCHED TOO MANY MOVIES

>I CANT TELL YOU WHAT I DO. ITS TOO RISKY
Please?
>NO
Goo onn OP
>NO
Alright then...
>IM A HIRED ASSASSIN WHO ASKS FOR HELP ON 4CHAN. Erh PAPER TRAILS and eh... con.. CONSPIRACIES... uhm.

Are you people this fucking stupid? There goes all hope for /diy/

I could list why this is obviously fake, but i dont want to waste my time for faggot op to say LOL TrolLEd your'e ass!

go back to /b/