/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>5276854

You ain't kidding. Any other suggestions before i run to the store? Hate to play 1234567 like a tard.

>>5276810

What numbers do i play? Quickly!

> also my lunch

>>5276810

What numbers do i play? Quickly!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHSHHH HOOO HEEEEE HUGUENOT HAH HO etc.

>>5275760
Holy shit, you called it.

>>5275763
Also the underside of this one looks like freddie. Will post two more eggs in th morning.

>>5275748

Nope. None of the others were double either, just got lucky I guess.

>>5275727
Which one?

>>5275717
No joke, I'm too scared to cracked another. Great Day Farmers Marke brand jumbo eggs from Walmart... I think they're super gmo'ed and steroided up.

N-n-no... can I eat these without dying?

Oop, it is illegal to shine in the U.K. Never mind. Would you consider relocating, say to New Zealand?

>>4145376

I didn't say you'd need to BUY a still...

http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-make-a-still/

Pressure cooker, copper pipe, plastic bucket.

You'll need sugar, water, and grain. You oughta check your local laws/regulations about distillation, it's illegal in the U.S. for tax reasons, but the England might be different.

Did I mention this'll contain 10 times as much alcohol by volume, and it'll taste better too?

>>4145327

> methanol impurities
> mfw

It's not the 1920's anymore, m8, we no longer distill in old radiators. Make sure your still's functional and sanitary, and always throw out the first couple ounces. Shit's pretty safe.

>>4145314

'twas directed at >>4145283, sorry m8.

>>4145292

FlavoUr is kind of a bother, m8. I don't want a fellow co/ck/ to drink a half gallon of donkey piss in an attempt to get a buzz. If you just wanna get fucked up on the cheap, and you don't care about flavuur, look into moonshining. Distilling will be infinitely cheaper than brewing.

No fuck way, dude! I just started my first batch of cider (actually apple wine) last night! Gonna make dat Applejack.

Between my local brew shop and Lowe's, I got a basic brew kit for 40 bucks, with enough equipment to ferment two batches at a time. I really recommend doing this, instead of making shitty ghetto apple drank.

I heard of one guy on a brew forum doing exactly what you're planning on, he just added baking yeast to the bottle. Dude said it got him tipsy, but tasted like absolute ass. And at 5% ish ABV, that's not something I'd want to suffer through; he only did it 'cuz he was in the middle east.

But yeah, if you've a brew shop nearby, ask them for help setting up a cheap setup. Don't buy your buckets there, though; they're larger (6.5gal), but they'll run you 15 bucks a pop. Here's what I had to buy, but you could do it cheaper by only buying 2 buckets and 1 lid/airlock, you'll be able to run one batch at a time:

3 food grade 5 gal buckets: 15
2 lids w/ airtight gaskets, food grade: 8
2 airlocks: 3
Racking cane: 2
Siphon tubing: 2
Iodine based sanitizer (no rinse): 4
hydrometer: 6

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total: 40 dollars American

I'm doing a four gallon batch, in a few days it'll move to a secondary fermentor. Here's the recipe I'm using, the extra chemicals cost me 13 dollars, and will last probably 10 batches. Assuming 6USD/gallon of cider at Walmart, the wine'll cost me about 7.50 a gallon in ingredients.

http://www.eckraus.com/wine-making-apple/

> Apparently hard cider's a similar method, it ferments less or something.

Fuck yea, Opie! This is something I've been trying to start for a while.

A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality
from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in
the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let
out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you, I'm gay."
His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about
to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from
the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay -- doesn't that
mean you put other men's penises in your mouth?"
The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right."
His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled
around, whacked him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don't
you EVER complain about my cooking again!!"

Also, I lel'ed at this:
http://j-walk.com/puns/spicepuns.htm

Two confirmed bachelors were talking when the conversation
eventually drifted from politics to cooking.
The first guy said, "I got a cookbook once but I could never
do anything with it."
"Too much fancy stuff in it, eh?", asked the other.
"You said it", the first guy replied. "Every one of the
recipes began the same way, 'take a clean dish'..."

>>4047818

Yeah, it was a quickbread, using baking soda instead of yeast. Indeed, baking soda is a very basic substance, and indeed there is acid in the Malta. Thanks for solving that one!

Also, good to know that CO2 kills yeast, that explains why my other loaf was kinda flat.

And a personal question: where in the world do ye reside, Fuck Flour?

yup.

>>4047626

Hey FF, I bought a six-pack of Malta, and it's just too sweet for drinking straight, so I've been using it in place of water and sugar in bread. Tastes great, I've made some really swell spelt loaves. My question for you is: would the carbonation have any leavening effect on the bread? I did a quickbread, not expecting it to rise much due to yeastlessness, but it rose way more than my yeasty bread. I also added egg to them both, and both received quite a bit of kneading, in an attempt to get a higher rise out of my spelt, so I'm not sure what specifically caused my quickbread to rise so much.

>>4036783

You gotsta start with good beans. Go to your local roaster (mine's in the next town over) and get your beans for the week. Grind them fresh for every cup. Don't use a coffee machine, use a french press or one o' them fancy drip filters. Filter your water, and don't let it brew for too long or too short (too long will release bitter flavors, too short is fo' pussies).

If you brew your coffee right, it should taste like a sweet treat, not a bitter cup of shit you chug just to get through the day. Milk and sugar are an acceptable option (if you're bitch-made), but try your perfectly-brewed joe plain first, I think you'll like it.

Also, avoid percolators. Fuck dat.

>>4036186

Officer, help, I've just been raped. Description? Well, he had a horizontal scar above his navel, and a vertical scar below. Other than that, nothing really stood out.

Well, there was one thing. When he finished, he said, "...and it costs about a dollar... and I'm Steven Reed... and this is Weber Cooks."