Worst culinary atrocity you've ever witnessed witnessed or taken part in?

[Anonymous No.9308206]

>Be taking a culinary 1-2 class back in high school
>Little cooking experience
>Get put in small groups to make basic recipes
>Someone immediately grabs the ingredient list and begins rattling stuff off for the rest of us to fetch
>Tells me the recipe calls for 2 cups of cream of tartar
>"Two cups? Are you sure? The box isn't that big..."
>"YEAH that's what I said"
>She pours it in the dry mix
>The deed is done
>Cookies come out of oven, look and smell relatively appetizing
>Once they've cooled enough, one of our partners decides to taste them
>"Hey these are really good!"
>After chewing on the tartar doodle for three seconds his faces sponteneously contorts
>In a second he goes from smiling to violently retching and runs to the sink to rinse his mouth and dry heave
>Teacher is surprised and decides to try one
>Begins saying that there is nothing wrong with the cookie but stops to spit it out mid-sentence
>decide to try one for myself
>Cookie is actually pretty tasty
>After a few moments it hits me like a slap on the tongue
>Like someone poured Lysol directly in my mouth
>6 people try them
>Teacher eventually forces us us throw them away
>No one ever figures out or speaks up about what happened
To this day only the person who read the ingredients for our group, a friend who tasted one, and myself know the truth.

[Anonymous No.9308234]

>work in a factory that makes christmas puddings
>we make them all year round to keep up with the demand in december.
>Work with some middle eastern men
>Don't speak much english, they keep to themselves, dont really talk to them.
>have spotted them a few times taking bags of white powder from under their overalls and dumping them in the fruit mix
>First time i asked them what they were doing.
>They said "baking powder, baking powder"
>I don't really work that section so, I assume that's what it is.
>Don't know how often they did this. I saw them four times.
>One of them got arrested last week because his brother was involved in terrorist activities
>It's probably nothing but my wife said it was very suspicious
>I had to remind her that they are refugees from a war torn country and they are doing their best to live a normal life in a new country and she shouldn't judge a book by it's cover.
All those puddings are in the warehouse now waiting for distribution. It's more than my jobs worth to tell management that they need to destroy everything. And they probably won't anyway.

[Anonymous No.9308253]

Fucking beta males.

[Anonymous No.9308256]

>>9308234
You should probably go straight to the FBI with this, my dude.
If 10k people all of a sudden end up dead come December 28th, you're probably going to feel shitty.

[Anonymous No.9308278]

bump

[Anonymous No.9308286]

Made a sandwich with:
>Dry rye bread
>Raw carrots, sliced
>Green part of leek (raw)
>Vinegar
I was 8 or 9 I think, and had no idea how to make a sandwich. I still remember the taste.

[Anonymous No.9308287]

I once attempted cooking and enjoyed it.
I nipped that in the bud real quick.

[Anonymous No.9308296]

>>9308256
He's British. They're incapable of feeling emotion

[Anonymous No.9308301]

two come to mind:
>my brother (in his 20s at the time) thought he was hot shit at cooking
>he wasn't
>made chili
>put basically everything that smelled or looked good into it
>including alum
and
>mom likes to experiment with recipes
>sometimes it goes well, sometimes not
>made some kind of experimental casserole
>we got to be the guinea pigs
>again
>came out tasting terrible for whatever reason
>nobody would eat it
>she gave some to the cat, hoping the cat might like it and it wouldn't go completely to waste
>cat sniffed it, then turned around and scratched the floor like it was trying to cover it up

[Anonymous No.9308315]

>>9308256
Some of you guys are alright. Don't eat Christmas Puddings this year.

[Anonymous No.9308370]

>at house party in country
>decided to do mushrooms with some friends
>split an ounce between 4 of us
>as we start to come up were watching some coked out guy making burgers
> he seasoned it with only lemon pepper
> a fucking ridiculous amount of it
>places all of the burgers on bbq
>he leaves the grill
>30 seconds goes by some other guy comes up flips them then places cheese on top of all the raw as fuck patties
>other guy comes back cooks them for a bit
>starts serving them to ppl
>people were like fucking animals eating raw garbage but were to drunk or fucked up to notice how raw it was
>couldn't handle what was going on got dark vibes from people
>people are literally eating raw as fuck lemon pepper burgers with raw juices spilling on peoples chins
>some guy says you guys did a few grams of mushrooms and youre losing your shit about burgers
>mfw 7 grams
>couldn't handle what was going on managed to drive to a friends house 10 mins away driving slow as hell

[Anonymous No.9308407]

>>9308234
Ummmh, what the fuck? Actually, what the fuck? I hope you are only joking here and have just made this up. If you have actually observed this you ought to tell the police, immediately. Don't leave it to the factory bosses either. This is seriously worrying shit.

[Anonymous No.9308420]

>cook up a frozen red baron with pepperoni
>Regular crust
>It's done, golden delicious
>It's directly on the rack
>have no proper way to remove it
>lost my spatula scratching my back a while ago
>Decide to use a chef knife instead
>The pizza is almost free
>Lose balance
>Pizza does a nose dive toppings first onto oven door

I scraped the mess up & ate it anyways. Tasted like oven cleaner.

[Anonymous No.9308460]

>>9308256
>>9308407
>I had to remind her that they are refugees from a war torn country and they are doing their best to live a normal life in a new country and she shouldn't judge a book by it's cover.
You guys are dumb

[Anonymous No.9308842]

I once went to America and saw people using forks with their right hands.

[Anonymous No.9308871]

>>9308370
Mushrooms are the patrician's choice of drug. You made the right choice by getting out of there anon.

[Anonymous No.9308884]

>>9308234
jesus christ try harder

[Anonymous No.9308914]

>Live in house with 3 roommates
>GF of one wants to move in with him
>Rest of us think rent will be cheaper now, say "Fine"
>She moves in
>Cute, but dumb as bricks
>Can't keep it in her head that each of us uses one shelf in the pantry and one shelf in the fridge for our own food
>Keeps using all our food, very confused as to why we're getting mad
>Finally, after a solid month of multiple explanations a day, she gets it
>Offers to make dinner and bake us a cake as an apology
>We had a few communal things in the house like spices, flour, sugar, and salt
>Whoever used them up would buy the next batch of the stuff
>No one watches her make the cake
>All 4 of us are playing Mario Kart
>Smells kind of funny though
>Figure her clumsy ass probably spilled something on the stove or into the oven
>She finishes baking the cake, ices it, and says we'll have it for dessert after dinner
>The dinner she made us was canned soup and badly burned grilled cheese sandwiches
>This cake better be pretty goddamn good
>She cuts big slices for each of us
>Her BF takes a bite first, face instantly puckers
>Second guy doesn't see first guy's face, also takes a bite, same result
>Me and the last guy just push the plates away
>Her BF asks if there's some salt in there
>"Oh no, none at all"
>Second guy goes over to the glass containers of the communal stuff
>She didn't look at the big red labels on the lids
>Just popped open the first one in the line with granular white stuff thinking it was sugar
>Two cups of salt have gone into this cake
>Cake goes into garbage
Two weeks later she fried her BF's gaming rig somehow. Rest of us applauded him once he had booted her out of the house.

[Anonymous No.9308917]

>>9308460
larp righters are really easy to bait desu

[Anonymous No.9308942]

>>9308206
Mine's not really that bad, just cringe worthy
>At my brother's house for a BBQ
>Trying to become less introverted
>Mostly family and close friends, so I'm a little more open
>I decide to man the grill for him
>Chicken, Burgers, Bratwurst. Usual BBQ food.
>I'm doing the squeeze test for chicken,and having it rest off heat while I finish burgers
>Cousin's husband comes up, basically edges me off the grill
>"I'm a restaurant cook, you're doing this all wrong"
>Brought his own private utensil kit with meat thermometer
>Proceeds to stab each chicken with a meat thermometer and leave it on heat until it says 170
>Flips and reflips burgers until they are greyed hockey pucks
>Has his kid run all the way inside to wash each utensil and thermometer probe between EACH. USE.

[Anonymous No.9308956]

>>9308420
>lost my spatula scratching my back a while ago

[Anonymous No.9308960]

>>9308942
one of the basics of grill etiquette is never hijack the grill from another man
that guy is an insufferable cunt

[Anonymous No.9308963]

>>9308842
Where are you from?

[Anonymous No.9308966]

>>9308942
>I'm a restaurant cook
>I work at McCuckold's flipping burgers

[Anonymous No.9308968]

>>9308206
It's funny I did exactly the same thing at school but instead of cream of tartar I put bycarbonate of soda, the label said baking soda and I just assumed they were the same thing lmao

[Anonymous No.9308979]

>>9308914
Protip: NEVER trust anyone who doesn't bother to taste what they cook.

And anon, you kind of deserved that for not keeping an eye on her in the kitchen after months of experience with her incompetence.

[Anonymous No.9308980]

>>9308234
If this is real, what country are you in?

[Anonymous No.9308995]

>>9308234

[Anonymous No.9309003]

>>9308206
made sketti with mama june's recipe and ate it
wasn't that bad, but I did sub actual butter for margarine

[Anonymous No.9309099]

Oh boy. I've got lots.
>be me
>7-8
>tell my mother I want to make a soufflé
>bitch agrees
>we go out and buy watermelon, carrots, onions, just fruits and veggies I wanted in the soufflé
>put it in a ceramic dish with batter
>go to bed
>next day parents said it was good
There is no way it could have been good.

>be me
>cooking with ex gf
>were making crepes
>"Hey baby can you put some milk in the thing?"
>we had put milk in the batter before, so I thought she'd know what I meant
>goes to pour milk in the pan

Actual culinary stories now
>be me
>working at Italian resturaunt
>first real restursunt I've worked in, first job
>they want me to make risotto
>I've made it once or twice, no big deal.
>"You have to make it in 15 minuites."
>confused
>sous chef shows me how to do it
>sweat mushrooms and onion, dump rice into pan, brown rice, add stock, turn heat up to max, stir like crazy and add stock constantly
>turns into gloopy mess
>doesn't want to add cheese
>only salt and pepper

I think that's most of them.

[Anonymous No.9309129]

>>9308234

[Anonymous No.9309155]

>>9308995
I would say this is inappropriate use of this image because it implies an extreme lack of care or effort on the part of the poster it's responding to, and this is a medium length greentext with a central idea he had to think about and try to make sound realistic. There are other fish images that would be better suited as a response, this one should only be used when someone posts something unintelligible and/or the central point is some kind of lazy reference to a particular group's sexual prowess or penis size

[Anonymous No.9309176]

>>9308980
Americans are well known for their Christmas puddings.

[Anonymous No.9309195]

>>9309099
>>bitch agrees
why is this so funny

[Anonymous No.9309237]

>>9308842
I'm American and my mom always taught me to use a knife with my right hand. Maybe they were all lefties.

[Anonymous No.9309259]

>>9309099
You sound like a dumbass tbqhwy famalam

[Anonymous No.9309267]

>>9308407
Chill, I made it up.

[Anonymous No.9309268]

>>9309237
Most Americans these days are lefties. About 3 million more lefties than righties according to the latest poll.

[Anonymous No.9309275]

>>9309268
Kek

[Anonymous No.9309354]

>>9309237
>>9309268
This is going on reddit. r/the_donald will LOVE this.

[Anonymous No.9309396]

>>9308206
My grandfather was ordered to improperly operate ovens in WW2.

[Anonymous No.9309401]

>>9308315
Underappreciated.

[Anonymous No.9309403]

>>9309396
>improperly
>implying

[Anonymous No.9309918]

>Have coworker, called Tom, that is the living incarnation of the expression "fat fuck"
>Just imagine boogie covered in a black shag carpet and stinking of stale sweat and Axe
>Gets mocked for being literally too sedentary to get up and grab a cup of coffee without going out of breath
>Hears someone talking about cooking one's meals being healthier than inhaling processed bullshit
>Tom decides to try it out
>Dawn Of The Final Day, 6 hours remain
>Noon arrives, and so does the end of my hope in mankind
>Thomas the Fat Engine gets up from his chair, and slowly walks to our tiny-ass kitchen
>He pulls a tupperware crate out of the fridge, and reveals its unholy contents:
>Literal pound of ground meat
>Half a head of lettuce
>Ziploc bag full of pre-sliced (and, by now, most likely mushy) tomatoes
>Half a bag of wonderbread
>Packs of Kraft's American Slices (TM)
>Half a dozen potatoes
>A bottle of cooking oil
>And a glass teacup filled to the brim with salt, covered with plastic film
>Yep, he'll have the cheeseburger(s) and fries

TOM'S WONDERFUL CHEESEBOIGAHS AN' FRIEZ RECIPE:
1. Make hockey puck-shaped mound of ground meat, no seasoning or binders needed
2. Leave them in a hot pan until it begins to char
3. Remove disc of charred flesh from pan, put it between wilting lettuce and mushy tomato slice
4. Place the result of 3 between wonderbread slices, open sandwich, place 2 squares of edible orange plastic atop charcoal discus, put it aside
5. Repeat steps 1 through 4 until all the ground meat is gone
6. Fill small frying pan with cooking oil
7. Dishonor potatoes by cutting them like a fucking fish finger
8. Honor thy Lord and Savior Jack Scalfani by throwing potato fingers at barely-simmering oil and removing them as soon as they begin to gain some color
9. Dump too much salt on the profane pile of oil and potato

>Eats that whole pile of shit in 15 minutes with a shit-eating grin

The worst part was hearing the nearly-raw potato fingers, snapping like fresh apples.

[Anonymous No.9309966]

Aunt and Uncle like to fix big thanksgiving meal. They decided to split the labor where one of them did all the work to cook the ham and the other one cooked the turkey.

My Uncle completed an absolutely perfect candied ham.
My Aunt never removed the clear plastic covering on the Turkey before baking. An entirely ruined monstrosity of basted-plastic melted onto the Turkey.

They finalized a divorce within a year.

[Anonymous No.9310089]

>>9309918
>Thomas the Fat Engine

[Anonymous No.9310097]

>>9308234
If this is true can we at least know what brand it is to avoid??

[Anonymous No.9310123]

>>9310097
It isn't true. It's the plot of a radio play i'm toying with the idea of.

[Anonymous No.9310127]

>>9310097
it's some altright bait ffs
just read the last line

[Anonymous No.9310140]

>Be me
>In college
>Gf at the time is taking a cooking course in the evening
>"Anon I'm gonna make us a special dinner saturday night"
>Saturday rolls around and I show up at her house, instantly hit with smell of sweet chicken, like chinese food almost.
>Serves food shortly after, it's a stuffed chicken breast
>Caramelized onions on the outside with heavy salt, and what was similar to apple pie stuffing inside, but even more sugary.
>The salty onion exterior and gooey apple pie center did not mix whatsoever, I could barely gag it down.
>Broke up with her shortly afterwards and have been gay ever since

[Anonymous No.9310169]

>>9308301

>cat sniffed it, then turned around and scratched the floor like it was trying to cover it up

[Anonymous No.9310170]

>>9310140
>>Broke up with her shortly afterwards and have been gay ever since
kek

[Anonymous No.9310190]

>>9309918
>The worst part was hearing the nearly-raw potato fingers, snapping like fresh apples.

[Anonymous No.9310213]

>>9309099
>that risotto story
Jesus Christ what is it with half the restaurants on this planet skimping on making their risotto and thinking it tastes just fine

[Anonymous No.9310241]

>>9309966
>Candied ham

MUURICA!
How do you candy a ham? Just cover it in sugar?

[Anonymous No.9310249]

>>9310213
indeed. brown rice in 15 minutes is an achievement.

[Anonymous No.9310265]

>>9310241
it's really not that different from honey glazed ham or whatever. google it. it's designed to contrast a sweet textured exterior with the salty ham goodness interior. Objectively, it's probably the best pork delivery this side of BBQ. Even for Americans the cost of ingredients is expensive(and traditionally even more so with its call for things like pineapple) that it's reserved for holidays.

[Anonymous No.9310268]

>>9310241

It's usually called glazed ham. And yes, you use brown sugar and pineapple. It looks like pic related. It's also not that weird, (at least in my opinion) plenty of pork is served with a sweet sauce.

[Anonymous No.9310289]

>>9309237
It's just etiquette.

[Anonymous No.9310932]

>>9308420
I had that same experience except the pizza landed on my hand, I ended up getting second degree burns all over my fingers. Later that night I got run over by a car as I was leaving Walgreens with my newly aquired burn relief spray. Not a fun night.

[Anonymous No.9311172]

>>9308206
https://youtu.be/7hF41qPkJxs

[Anonymous No.9311183]

>>9310932
Good lord.

.

[Anonymous No.9311499]

>Working at McDonolds six months ago
>Three friends on shifts together
>Best friend is manager
>ex military and we run the place like a saloon
>Everyday we get the regulars in for lunch
>Same shit everyday, same orders
>We hatch a plan to see if they can tell the difference in taste
>name of the game? How nasty.
>We do everything imagineable
>Putting frozen cum loads on the grill and mixing them into the sauces
>making a special bottle of spit infused ketchup
>Oggering the regulars a "fresh off the grill" meal


>One day Peter comes inside and sits down
>Peter is a father of three kids
>Always comes in for lunch
>This time his kids are with him
>Rowdy as fuck and Peter is just smileing
>Fat bastard sits at table and the kids order for him
>I know exactly which burger is his
>Same shit different day
>Kids are cool at first
>Want water cups
>SURE.....
>Those fuckers go right to the soda and get every flavor
>Looking at me and back at their dad
>He laughs
>Kids are still doing it
>Fuck it, I don't really care
>Order is ready, but wait....
>Peter is talking to his oldest
>I go in the back and edge for a full five minutes
>can't cum
>Wipe my ass with the patty while pushing out
>I can see the shit schmear on the patty
>Start laughing histarically, almost drop it
>Walking back everyone is watching me
>I just put the last burger together real quick
>Extra mustard to cover up the shit taste

Fat fuck eats it. Find out he got sick two days later. I still spit in his food every single chance I get.

[Anonymous No.9311748]

>>9308914
Man... im a misogynist but... she was literally doing her job in the kitchen.

Poor girl. She really probably just wanted to make you giys happy.

Man thats fucked up. Now i get why women dont serve us any more. Cuz fuckers like you make cooking a terroble experience. Its a woman, she doenst have a mans brain, you have to be treat them like children and be kind.

Fuck you guys are dicks.

Just aknowledge she has a lady brain and help her cook sometime.

[Anonymous No.9311772]

>>9311499
Dude... whats wrong with you. He is a productive member of society.

You arent

You literally deserve to die. Like if i knew who you were i would all the cops, call your employer, and infrom peter

Jesus none of that was funny.

And fuckers like you want 15 an hour.

[Anonymous No.9311905]

>>9311499
I hope you die of dysentery you disgusting fucking mongoloid

[Anonymous No.9311989]

>>9311905
No Peter almost did

[Anonymous No.9312000]

>>9309918
Jesus H. Christ

[Anonymous No.9312030]

>>9311748
Was your goal trying to make yourself sound incredibly autistic? cause you succeeded

[Anonymous No.9312050]

>>9308206
You want me to confess?

Okay, I confess.

>For years I thought cilantro tasted like shit because I was cutting up the stems and discarding the leaves. I thought the stems were the edible part.

[Anonymous No.9312072]

>go in to work early one day
>one of the sous chefs is making a cherry glaze for some ham
>he wants me to taste it
>I tell him it tastes like cherry pie filling and chicken stock
>he gives me a look and said that's exactly what it is

My other sous chef came in shortly after and chewed the fuck out of him.

[Anonymous No.9312074]

>>9311748
faggot

[Anonymous No.9313278]

>>9312050
>Cooking with Viet fiance
>She asks me to chop the veg
>Cut up half rotted cilantro
>She comes to inspect my work
>Sees cilantro stems in the trash
>Gets pissed
>I apologise for being born in a civilized country
She later wanted me to eat squid that had been out on the counter for 26 hours.

[Anonymous No.9313311]

When I was pretty young I made kraft mac and cheese by myself for the first time. I started by boiling the noodles in sprite. When I added the splash of milk to make the cheese creamy I used chocolate milk. Then I ate it with plastic chopsticks. I dont remember if I liked it but I finished it.

[Anonymous No.9313335]

>>9311499

based

people that eat at fast food restaurants are the scum of society and deserve it

[Anonymous No.9313399]

>>9312050
I thought Greek yogurt was disgusting because the first time I ate it, it was very expired. I didn't eat it for years after that because I thought it all tasted like that.

[Anonymous No.9314079]

>>9312072
giving you your (you) because your story deserved it

[Anonymous No.9314104]

>>9310932
kek

[Anonymous No.9314145]

>>9308206
>my grandmother and i come from a poor family
>on the crisis of argentina in 2001 she created "embole-bú"
>such a weird recipe
>you throw boiled potatos , carrots and whatever vegetables you can on a fry pan
>crack an egg and also put it in the pan
>and that's it is some weird flavor but at least stop hunger.
>one day she makes soup and boiled vegetables
>and the next day she makes embole-bú
>the guys at the university says they allways eat asado un sunday
>and there i am eaten some weird shit those days

[Anonymous No.9314254]

>>9311499
kill yourself

[Anonymous No.9314263]

>>9308206
Seeing my uncles cook.

[Anonymous No.9314283]

>>9314263
Is she ugly or something?

[Anonymous No.9314636]

>>9311499
I wish there was some kinda website where we could put a bounty on you and your scum friends.

[Anonymous No.9314667]

>>9312050
I thought vanilla and banana were the same flavor for too long.

[Anonymous No.9314730]

>>9310932
Holy shit kek dude

[Anonymous No.9314750]

>>9310140
Holy shit her cooking tasted so bad that it made you decide that a lifetime of tasting dick would be preferable. That's pretty fucking bad dude

[Anonymous No.9314763]

>>9310241
Candied ham with pineapple and cherry is not bad. I do 2 hams for my family's Christmas get together. One I do with a bourbon, molasses, and brown sugar glaze. The other is done with habanero, root beer, and cocoa. They are both absolutely delicious and I never have leftovers.

[Anonymous No.9314770]

>>9311905
Just like on Oregon Trail :^(

[Anonymous No.9316259]

>>9309267
Fuck off, Mohammad. We're on to you bastards.

[Anonymous No.9316341]

>>9310170
>4chan

[Anonymous No.9316347]

>>9311499
>>Working at McDonolds six months ago
Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope, ...,Nope

[Anonymous No.9316359]

>>9312050
HA, stupid.

[Anonymous No.9316363]

>>9312072
> Normal Day 167/365

[Anonymous No.9316366]

>>9313335
Like Mommy an Daddy?

[Anonymous No.9316404]

>Work in a pizza place as my first job, love pizza and I get a pie for free at the end of the night
>do dishes most if the time but sometimes I get to make food
>one day we get real busy, ive never been in the shit before
>so busy, in fact, we have to resort to taking my clumsy ass off dishes to make food
>take a huge 26" pie from the oven
>drop it right smack in the middle of the kitchen floor, toppings down, right in front of the owner
>hes usually a positive guy but he gets the devil to let him channel the wrath of Totino, picks the pizza up like it raped his mother and slammed that fucker in the trash as hard as he could
>somehow I kept my job for 2 months after

And another

[Anonymous No.9316429]

>home ec class in high school
>making rice crispy treats, easy shit
>hand cooking spray to girl and ask her to grease pan
>she holds the spray a centimeter away from the pan
>holds down the trigger
>and quickly doodles a zig zag across the pan
>congrats: you used way too much cooking spray and only managed to grease 10% of the pan

[Anonymous No.9316441]

>>9311748

Illiterate retard. I'm guessing you're 14-16 and have minimal experience with women. The only chick I'm friends with is a better cook than almost all of my male friends.

[Anonymous No.9316445]

>>9311748
kys fedoranigger

[Anonymous No.9316459]

>>9311499

[Anonymous No.9316475]

>>9309155
Better?

[Anonymous No.9316489]

>>9316429
So take a towel and spread it

[Anonymous No.9316499]

>>9316441
>The only chick I'm friends with is a better cook than almost all of my male friends
OK now account for the other 3.5 billion
or the 100's of millions of white ones at least.

[Anonymous No.9316507]

>>9308960
This.

[Anonymous No.9316519]

>be me, living with my bf
>he never does any cooking but insists on making steak with potatoes au gratin
>uses mandoline without handguard on potatoes
>nearly slices his whole fucking finger tip off being a cocky fuck

Needless to say he never finished that meal and I had to drive his dumb ass to the hospital. He's never cooked for me since, but at least I can actually cook unlike most of the dumbfuck bimbos in these stories.

[Anonymous No.9316611]

>>9308968
Sodium bicarbonate is the same thing as baking soda.

[Anonymous No.9316616]

>>9316429
I have one that's similar

>home ec
>making no-bake cookies
>recipe states to mix the wet and dry ingredients in a bowl or sauce pan
>ask kid in my group to grab a bowl or sauce pan and mix the shit while we do some of the other stuff
>3 minutes later teacher comes by and gives us the most confused look
>kid was mixing everything on a cookie sheet
>"i couldn't find a bowl so I'm using the sauce pan"

[Anonymous No.9316626]

Britbongs bake a piece of beef in an oven. They dip potatoes in grease...And bake them in an oven. They make pancake batter...and bake it in an oven. They boil up some vegetables.

They put it all on a plate and pour the grease that has run off the baked beef over the top of it all.

"Cor blimey mate, delicious roastie dinner, yummers! How can other countries even compete with our delicious Bong fodder?"

[Anonymous No.9316629]

>>9309918
>burgers
>binders

>simmering oil
>simmering

what did he mean by this?

[Anonymous No.9316754]

one of my first jobs was to be a dishwasher for this italian-esque cuisine restaurant.
fucking animals drop food on the ground and fucking 5 second rule it onto some poor fucks plate, happened more than once and I left only 3 days in simply because they had almost no experience hiring outside what appears to be "family".
low and behold a year later they filed chapter 11

[Anonymous No.9316839]

>>9308286
lmao

[Anonymous No.9316852]

>>9308256
>>9308296

Is this a double-bluff bait? Either that or you're incredibly retarded

[Anonymous No.9316857]

>>9308296
t. terrorist

[Anonymous No.9317016]

>>9316626
(You)
I noticed you were going hungry there anon

[Anonymous No.9317347]

>>9308315

[Anonymous No.9317380]

>mum decided to try and make scones
>some how completely fucked it up and made the equivalent of solid bricks
>brother trying to prove a point about how inedible they were wanted to use one as a cricket ball
>threw it as hard as he could at me when I am about 10 years younger than him
>hit me in the side of the head
And that's how I got knocked unconscious by a baked good.

[Anonymous No.9317416]

>>9317380
pretty funny, senpai
hope your brother got in trouble, though

[Anonymous No.9317455]

I used to make omlettes in high school by taking a few eggs, putting them in a ziploc bag with a bunch of American cheese, then drop the bag in a pot with water and boil them until they looked done. They were always all soft and goopy, but I thought they were great at the time.

[Anonymous No.9317458]

>>9316519
When did American gender roles suddenly flip a 180 on our unsuspecting asses? I'm always so surprised to find women who don't know how to cook, and they're always so surprised to find men who can. I mean, literally from our mother's generation to ours, suddenly women lost an interest in cooking. I just don't get it.

[Anonymous No.9317461]

>>9317416
He did from what I remember but I don't think he cared because it ultimately proved him right.

[Anonymous No.9317622]

>>9317458
gender expectations do that, senpai. your grandfather probably beat someone up at primary school for wearing blue like a fag rather than manly pink.

[Anonymous No.9317657]

>>9317458
I've not really found this to be the case. If you compare this generation to those past then sure, fewer women cook and more men do by virtue of eliminating strict gender roles, but I haven't seen role reversal. My sister doesn't cook because she's lazy, my cousin cooks because she likes to, and my mother hardly ever cooked because she was too busy

[Anonymous No.9317981]

>>9313311
The child logic is strong here.
>sprite is clear like water and i like it more
>I'm sure chocolate milk is fine, it's milk too

[Anonymous No.9319438]

>>9308842
I'll go righty if it only needs a fork (stir fry, curry, salad, etc), but if I'm doing knife/fork I'll go knife in the left hand

[Anonymous No.9321171]

>>9309003
Gib sketties nao

[Anonymous No.9321194]

>>9314145
>no come asado Los domingos
Lmao imma give you a choripan out of pity

[Anonymous No.9321209]

>>9308315

[Anonymous No.9321312]

>>9313311
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug me, man

[Anonymous No.9321339]

>>9309918
>The worst part was hearing the nearly-raw potato fingers, snapping like fresh apples

[Anonymous No.9321458]

>>9316429
>cooking spray
Only in America

[Anonymous No.9321504]

>>9308234
As a quality assurance inspector at a food manufacturing plant, this is the sort of shit that keeps me up at night even though it's a 99% chance this guy is full of shit.

[Anonymous No.9321518]

>>9309918
>Thomas the Fat Engine

[Anonymous No.9321536]

>>9316611
it probably said baking powder in the recipe

[Anonymous No.9321583]

>>9317455
where have i seen this before

[Anonymous No.9321588]

>>9321583
>>9317455
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ak3uJGf6Bj0
i found it

[Anonymous No.9322221]

>I joined the Navy.
>Someone told me Navy had better food.
>Cook school
>They lined us all up in front of a hundred yards of prime rib
>magnificent meat, beautifully marbled
>Then they started throwing it in these big cauldrons
>all of it -- boiling
>I looked in, and it was turning gray.
>I couldn't fucking believe that one

[Anonymous No.9322293]

>>9322221
>Navy
>hundreds of yards of magnificent meat
Spoken like a true semen

[Anonymous No.9322325]

>>9322293
fuck off leftist cuck

[Anonymous No.9322332]

>>9322325
Get a look at this guy!

[Anonymous No.9322527]

>>9322325
Big words coming from the guy who has probably sucked off more men then all of /lgbt/ combined.

[Anonymous No.9322571]

>>9308420
>>lost my spatula scratching my back a while ago
It fell into the void of rolls on rolls of fat, never to be seen again. RiP, spatula.

[Anonymous No.9322602]

>>9317016
(You) realized that by saying (You) you are giving him 2 (You)'s for the price of 1? (You) dumb fucking nigger.

[Anonymous No.9323714]

>>9316459
master baiter?

[Anonymous No.9323997]

>>9322602
i dont think 4chan lite has the (you)s anymore

[Anonymous No.9324030]

>>9310123
Make it.

[Anonymous No.9324037]

>>9311499
# Swag.

[Anonymous No.9324096]

>>9311748
>tips fedora

[Anonymous No.9324191]

>>9309129
I dunno buddy. Like we more often then not used it for Aranchini but like still. The sous chef couldn't cook risotto for shit. Some 5'1 ham planet often "re made" it and made it pretty good.

[Anonymous No.9324197]

>>9309099

I forgot a story

>go camping with school
>there's this retard one night
>brings instamash, pre cooked bacon, and shredded cheese
>not bad choices but what he did with them holy fuck
>makes the potatos
>"Anon, you're going to love this! I'm making CHEEEEESIE BACO-SPUDS!"
>raves about his gloopy bacon shit
>nobody ate it but him

[Anonymous No.9324324]

>>9309099
>>sous chef shows me how to do it
>>sweat mushrooms and onion, dump rice into pan, brown rice, add stock, turn heat up to max, stir like crazy and add stock constantly
>>turns into gloopy mess
>>doesn't want to add cheese
>>only salt and pepper

That's how you parcook rizzo you ignoramus