/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.9185571]

ITT: Dumb things you do far too often in the kitchen.

[Anonymous No.9185582]

>>9185571
Dude get some help if you doing this often.

[Anonymous No.9185597]

>>9185582
I have moderate autism. My situational awareness is really bad.

[Anonymous No.9185772]

>>9185597

[Anonymous No.9185782]

>>9185571
I put eggs in the fridge

[Anonymous No.9185818]

>>9185782
American?

[Anonymous No.9185828]

Generally...just not planning shit out and getting my mise in order. It makes such a yuge difference

[Anonymous No.9185840]

>>9185571
Are you mentally retarded?

>anime
that answers that!

[Anonymous No.9185854]

>>9185840
Anime is great you fucking twat

[Anonymous No.9185856]

>>9185571
TOUCH THE STEAK EARLY

[Anonymous No.9185876]

I try to do 3 things at once and I don't get the timing right so I have to shut off the burner on 2 pots and wait for the last one to catch up because it has a crucial step needed for the other two.

[Anonymous No.9185909]

>>9185571
I do the same thing

[Anonymous No.9185960]

>>9185571
>tear sauce package open
>throw the sauce into the bin and hold onto the torn off bit
>mfw

[Anonymous No.9185987]

>>9185840
4CHAN IS AN ANIME BOARD

[Anonymous No.9185991]

I tend to not wash dishes as I go and let my sink pile up sometimes. Other than that what could people possibly do if they aren't autistic

[Anonymous No.9186007]

>>9185772
/r/ing that autism hat template

[Anonymous No.9186037]

>>9186007

[Anonymous No.9186042]

>>9185991
Reach into the oven to pull something out barehanded

[Anonymous No.9186064]

>>9186042
A few days ago, I took a pan out of the oven with mitts on, put it on the stove, removed the cover, and stirred the contents. When I put the cover back on and was ready to put the pan back in the oven, I picked it up without mitts and put it back in the oven. Good thing my work made my hands so callused, the burning pain only lasted a few hours. Also, alcoholism.

[Anonymous No.9186076]

>>9185987
4chan has boards just for anime

[Anonymous No.9186080]

>>9185571
I don't know how to use this type of can opener. Last time I tried I got a permanent scar on my finger. I tell people it's from a workplace accident.

[Anonymous No.9186170]

>>9186007

[Anonymous No.9186237]

>>9185597
Excercise, sports that require a sense of space and concentration. After 5 years it becomes second nature.

[Anonymous No.9186265]

Not me, but my wife. We don't have a microwave so when she reheats pizza she does it in the oven under the broiler and burns it. Every. Single. Time. Like what are you doing.

[Anonymous No.9186292]

>>9185571
eat too much

[Anonymous No.9186339]

>22 years old
>still test the heat of a pan with my bare finger
>why do I keep doing this

[Anonymous No.9186357]

>>9186339
>test the heat

why

[Anonymous No.9186361]

>>9186357
To know if the pan is hot?
I don't understand the question

[Anonymous No.9186363]

>>9185840
>anime
>it's not animated

[Anonymous No.9186367]

>>9186170
kek, I bet Ja/ck/ has one of these

[Anonymous No.9186409]

>>9186339
hover your hand overtop of it maybe?

[Anonymous No.9186418]

>>9186361
Either it is isn't, or it is. If it isn't it will eventually become hot. I don't see the reason for checking

[Anonymous No.9186441]

>>9186339
>not using an IR thermometer

[Anonymous No.9186448]

>>9186339
I hope you burn your house down with you in it before you learn to breed

[Anonymous No.9186463]

>>9186448
>actually believes you're taught how to breed

laughinggirls.jpg

[Anonymous No.9186473]

>>9186463
>his parents couldn't afford prep school

[Anonymous No.9186474]

>making pasta
>doesn't look enough in the pan
>add more
>five times too much pasta

[Anonymous No.9186479]

I start making a dish and then decide that I want a side dish, but they both take different times to cook, so i then need to start quickly moving around the kitchen chopping and prepping shit while switching between tasks. My roomates get pissed when i do this because we have a small kitchen, and i just tell them to fuck off while I'm cooking and they can't use the sink or get to the laundry room.

[Anonymous No.9186490]

>pic related

[Anonymous No.9186543]

>>9186339
splash a few drops of water in it

[Anonymous No.9186549]

>>9186473
>not knowing how to prep the bull by instinct

[Anonymous No.9186552]

>>9186543
or just spit

it's simpler

[Anonymous No.9186653]

>>9185818
Not that guy, but I am American and I place them in the fridge. When I lived in East Asia and Europe I did not do this. My understanding is that American eggs are treated with something that weakens the shells. Am I wrong or should I just go to >>>/x/ ?

[Anonymous No.9186671]

Set the toaster a second time just to get it a little bit darker, then forget to pop it out after a minute

[Anonymous No.9186679]

>>9186653
>My understanding is that American eggs are treated with something that weakens the shells. Am I wrong
Close, they're just washed which removes the natural protective layer from the egg. To be honest I'd rather have washed eggs that need to be refrigerated considering that they come out of the same hole a chicken also uses to poop.

[Anonymous No.9186724]

>>9185571
I have a strong fight reaction. Every time I burn myself I punch something, be it cupboards, windows or laptops :(

[Anonymous No.9186749]

>>9186724
Im really sorry that i laughed. That sucks dude.

[Anonymous No.9186757]

>>9186679
I... Is this a thing i didnt know? Do chicken eggs not come out of chicken vaginas?

[Anonymous No.9186760]

>>9186757
chickens don't have vaginas

[Anonymous No.9186761]

>>9186724
Same for me as long as I know it's not an actual dangerous situation. I was cooking a stew and it popped onto my face, didn't really hurt but it just made me mad and I swore at it. Recently though I accidentally superheated a mug of water in the microwave and when I went to move it, it exploded and I ran away from it.

[Anonymous No.9186764]

>>9186757
Chickens only have one hole called a cloaca that is used for everything.

[Anonymous No.9186780]

>>9186764
im pretty sure they eat with their beaks

[Anonymous No.9186787]

>>9186780
no they're basically likelikes from zelda but with feathers

[Anonymous No.9186811]

I always forget an ingredient or two which drastically changes the dish. Kind of easy to do when a dish has close to 20+ ingredients, but its still a stupid mistake.

[Anonymous No.9186822]

>>9185571
..when i cook raw chicken i stick the tongs over the burner to sterilize them. I know its dumb.

[Anonymous No.9186833]

>>9186339
> go to sink
>get finger wet
>flick water from finger onto pan
> if sizzle is ready

[Anonymous No.9186837]

>>9186679
It actually looks like unwashed eggs are statistically slightly safer than washed eggs. What I would like is the choice. I go camping a lot and would love to take unrefrigerated eggs. If I want some, I have to get them from somewhere other than the grocery store.

[Anonymous No.9186839]

>>9186418
if you are cooking with oil its best that the oil is hot first.

[Anonymous No.9186843]

>>9186764
>>9186780

[Anonymous No.9186844]

>>9186839
why

[Anonymous No.9186845]

>>9186760
>>9186764
well fuck

[Anonymous No.9186846]

>>9186837
>It actually looks like unwashed eggs are statistically slightly safer than washed eggs.
Source? I think in the EU they vaccinate chickens but not in the USA, so that could be the reason.

[Anonymous No.9186850]

>>9186844
The oil doesn't soak into what you're frying as much as it would if it was cold. Also, if there is a flour coating...

[Anonymous No.9186861]

>>9186850
why would you want the oil to be soaked in? I thought it was to not let whatever not get stuck in the pan?

[Anonymous No.9186869]

poop

[Anonymous No.9186902]

>>9186761
>tfw gf pops out to frighten her and you hit her with a discombobulate

[Anonymous No.9186906]

>>9186780
A beak isn't a hole retard ists a beak

[Anonymous No.9186916]

>>9186906
>reading comprehension

[Anonymous No.9187021]

>>9186861
Reread what i said

[Anonymous No.9187035]

>>9186861
>>9187021
Also yes, it helps shit not get stuck on a pan but it is mostly about heat transfer.

[Anonymous No.9187055]

>grabbed knife by wrapping hand around blade
>forgot it wasn't sheathed

Mistakes like that only happen once

[Anonymous No.9187081]

>>9186653
>should I just go to >>>/x/ ?
No, you're right. If you're american you need to refrigerate them.

>>9186837
>I go camping a lot and would love to take unrefrigerated eggs
Eggs seem like a bad thing to keep in your backpack.

[Anonymous No.9187130]

>>9186846
lol europeans eat autistic chickens

[Anonymous No.9187153]

Occasionally I put milk in the cupboard instead of the fridge. This usually happens before my morning coffee.

[Anonymous No.9187563]

>>9187130
nice

[Anonymous No.9187568]

>>9186367
>yfw jack is a /sip/per

[Anonymous No.9187617]

>>9185571
I will grab 90% of what I need from the fridge/pantry and then it takes 3 trips to the get last few ingredients.

[Anonymous No.9187681]

>>9185571
I am physically incapable of opening a can of soda without using a spoon. I had a bad experience with it when I was 3 with a babysitter. Also thanks to the same babysitter I've developed a really retarded bad habit of pouring a cup of water and either dumping out the first "sip" or taking the first sip and dumping out the rest, and then refilling it. Also at some point I became really lazy and now I struggle to notice when water is pouring onto my chin and shirt because years of being a NEET means forgetting that other people will see me and wonder why the fuck this retard has a giant puddle of water on his shirt.

>>9185597
>situational awareness is affected by autism
TIL why I suck so bad at doing things like driving. I thought it was because of my perpetual dissociation. Maybe it's both.

[Anonymous No.9187687]

>>9186833
But that's gross. You'll have a wet finger...You can't just wipe it off on your shirt, you'd have to wash your hands each time.

[Anonymous No.9187692]

>>9186237
My problem is that my brain doesn't understand things quick enough. It's why I'm so bad at tennis.

[Anonymous No.9187698]

>>9186822
Man I do the exact same thing JUST

[Anonymous No.9187703]

>>9187681
>TIL

[Anonymous No.9187706]

>>9187153
>put milk in cupboard
>put cereal in fridge

[Anonymous No.9187709]

>>9185571
My restaurant is kind of stupid in certain areas, like we only have 2 rubber spatulas right now. So the stupidest thing I usually do in a day is misplace one of them.

[Anonymous No.9187712]

>>9185571
>Waiting for the rice water to boil
>Check it a million times
>Still not boiling
>All right I'm giving it some time
>Check on it after a minute
>It's already been heavily boiling for who knows how long
I fucking need a pot with a camera inside

[Anonymous No.9187719]

>>9187712

>not just getting a rice cooker

[Anonymous No.9187721]

Stop the microwave at exactly 0:01 every time

[Anonymous No.9187730]

>>9187721
The patrician way.

[Anonymous No.9187777]

>>9187721
whenever i need a new microwave, i'm getting one where you can turn the beep off

goddamn my microwave makes me rage when i don't make it in time to stop it

[Anonymous No.9187808]

>>9186080
slide the middle outstretched part below the lip of the can.
use leverage to push the pointed end into the can.
rotate the can
repeat

[Anonymous̩ No.9188000]

>>9187712
Today on Cooking with Co/ck/suckers, Anon discovers what happens to a watched pot. The results may shock you!

[Anonymous No.9188010]

>>9186361
>dip finger in water
>flick water on pan
>judge heat by how quickly droplet evaporates

ya dingus

[Anonymous No.9188032]

>>9187687
>not washing your hands repeatedly while cooking

[Anonymous No.9188056]

>>9187568
The only thing he sips is Hellmann's

[Anonymous No.9188163]

>>9186490
holy kek

[Anonymous No.9188343]

>>9185597
Get on my level, n00b!

>Put something on the stove to boil.
>Head to bathroom to take a shit.
>Return to kitchen to check on food.
>Situational awareness kicks in.
>Realize I waddled over to the kitchen with my pants around my ankles.
>Realize I waddled over to the kitchen while still wiping my ass.
>Realize I am holding a piece of toilet paper with my own shit on it.
>Immediately return to bathroom to finish.
>Spend rest of day realizing that I just reached a new low.

[Anonymous No.9188447]

>>9188343
cooking is srs bsns

[Anonymous No.9188514]

>>9186339
You can touch the pan with a wet finger to hear the sizzle if you're quick enough. Or you can just drip water on it like a pussy.

[Anonymous No.9188523]

>>9187130
Would an autistic chicken taste better than a neurotypical chicken?

[Anonymous No.9188620]

>>9186042
I will piss myself in an autistic rage when I do this. Unlike this anon >>9186064 I do not have callused hands and they blister like all fuck when I burn them.
>sear steak in nice new pan
>put in oven to finish
>take pan out of the oven with mitts
>proceed to attempt to pick up same pan barehanded and grip it completely 1 minute later
That little circle of sensetive skin between my thumb and index finger blistered like fuck, as well as part of my palm, and that was with my other arm being broken in a sling.
You know I was mad

[Anonymous No.9188756]

>>9185818
I'm Australian and I put my eggs in the fridge because it regularly reaches 45 degrees here in the summer, I just have to remember to leave eggs out before I bake with them

[Anonymous No.9188799]

I always burn frozen pizzas.

[Anonymous No.9188931]

>>9187712
Put a fucking lid on the water. It will cut your boil time in half, and keep you from looking at it.

[Anonymous No.9188962]

>>9187777

the one at my workplace continues to beep even if you open the door just as it starts. if it starts, it has to finish. not even 'cancel' shuts it up

[Anonymous No.9188976]

>>9187808
Thank you.
I just bought one of these.

[Anonymous No.9188994]

>>9185571
>Reads mixing instruction on the back of cake mix bag
>Opens cake mix bag and pours contents in bowl
>Throw empty bag in the trash
>Makes batter
>Has to dig through the trash to read the cooking temperature and time

Every fucking time!

[Anonymous No.9189013]

>>9188994
Everybody does this.

[Anonymous No.9189059]

>>9187687
>get finger wet
>fuck I gotta wash my hands
>both hands are now wet
>FUCK

[Anonymous No.9189703]

>>9187687
>You can't just wipe it off on your shirt, you'd have to wash your hands each time.
Wash your hands of what, water?

[Anonymous No.9189749]

>>9185582
>Being a little absent minded
>Immediately needs to get help
Do Americans really freak out this fast?

[Anonymous No.9189770]

>>9185571
I sometimes dump coffee grounds into my mug instead of french press. Hard times.

[Anonymous No.9189782]

>>9185571
>testing out induction cooktop
>cheap $11 wok I found locally has a magnetic base, let's do this
>450F
>nonstick coating burns off after 2 uses. Wok is ruined, $11 down the drain
I made stir fry with it once. ONCE. It came out pretty damn good. So far I've destroyed one wok, one nylon spatula (they do melt) and put permanent discoloration on a stainless steel pot. I knew it would get hot fast but holy shit.

[Anonymous No.9189808]

>>9186653
>Am I wrong or should I just go to >>>/x/ ?

Regardless of whether you are right or not, do not go to /x/. Except for some very rare threads, nothing there is worth the ink they were written in.

[Anonymous No.9189874]

>Making food too spicy for other people
>Not timing pasta with the entree
>Drinking too much before actually eating
>Using the one burner that doesnt work every time
>Not cleaning the cast iron so its even harder the next day
>Not having the cast iron ready because it's still dirty from last time
>Fucking up the seasoning of my cast iron
>Putting so much oil as a finish coat that it attracts ants and stains my cupboard
>Refuse to use ceramic pans and pots instead of my cast iron
>Burn fingertips on the handle when I dont wrap the towel around it all the way
>Having to adjust my oven racks after preheating because the cast iron combo doesnt fit

Still think it made me a better cook tho

[Anonymous No.9190769]

>>9185597
Can you elaborate on the situational awareness stuff? I'm autistic too

[Anonymous No.9190836]

I'm terrible at timing shit when I cook so sometimes I forget to heat a pan for the meat or whatever. Instead of stalling everything else or waiting for the pan, I put my meat in the toaster
I've done this with anything from $1 ground beef patties to $70 steaks. Call me what you want. It works and it doesnt taste bad. Even gets the nice grill lines

[Anonymous No.9190848]

>>9190836
Isn't thia a fire hazard

[Anonymous No.9190859]

>>9190848
Why would it be? Its meat and warmth either way.
Sometimes I wrap the meat in tinfoil If is super juicy or I put a lot of marinade/bbq on it. Helps with having to clean the toaster too.

[Anonymous No.9190970]

>>9187681
>I am physically incapable of opening a can of soda without using a spoon. I had a bad experience with it when I was 3 with a babysitter.
Prease exprain

[Anonymous No.9191090]

>>9187712
>Check on it after a minute
>heavily boiling for who knows how long...

Durr, I dunno, less than a minute? It won't effect the rice.

[Anonymous No.9191188]

>>9186367
Can someone rework this so his shirt says jack off instead of jack on?

[Anonymous No.9191195]

>>9191188
Wow that is fucking rude, sir

[Anonymous No.9191208]

>>9186339
what the fuck

[Anonymous No.9191385]

>>9186339

I did that with a coffee maker once and because I'm retarded I forgot to feel the pain and melted the pads of my fingers to the burner.

[Anonymous No.9191423]

>>9188994
>>9189013
can confirm

[Anonymous No.9191428]

>>9189749
>little
Op does that often and he's almost autistic.
Confidence? No.

[Anonymous No.9192583]

>>9189782
Induction cooktops are some voodoo shit, man. My friend's roommate has one and the few times I've had to use it, it either ends up with me burning the shit out of myself or just awkwardly heating stuff below simmering because I can't get the damn thing to work how I expect it to.

[Anonymous No.9192823]

>>9187687
Germaphobia or bait

[Anonymous No.9193033]

>>9188343

>take a dump in your hand
>put it down the sink or throw it outside
>wash your asshole and hands in the sink

Problem solved

[Anonymous No.9193076]

I am constantly putting the wrong things away. I always catch it but one day it's not going to register.

>put phone in fridge
>put milk in cabinet
>turn to walk away
>?????
>oh

[Anonymous No.9193178]

>>9192583
Agreed, getting temps right is a royal bitch on induction. Using cast iron helps a lot. Over the last few days I'm finally getting comfortable using it and haven't destroyed any more dishes or utensils. For mine 300F is a low/medium setting but heat wise it matches my gas stove's high burner on full blast. 400-450 will absolutely murder anything you place on it: food, cookware, everything. I'm buying a cast iron Wok (lodge of course) and I think I'm going to use that for everything instead of looking for pots & pans.

[Anonymous No.9193236]

>>9193076
did u turn 360?

[Anonymous No.9194039]

>>9193076
Good thing you're not a surgeon.

[Anonymous No.9194344]

>>9186339
I usually just spit. Found it weird that nobody from the replies does the same.

[Anonymous No.9194350]

>>9194039
>Forgot my keys

[Anonymous No.9194493]

>>9186552
I....
Please be trolling

[Anonymous No.9194632]

>>9185571
I can't handle it when my finger is greasy or dirty, so i wash my hand way too often while cooking. My sister once watch me cook something and she pointed it out.
Also i have tendency to make a meal for two while nobody at home but me.

[Anonymous No.9194664]

>>9186170

Jesus didn't tap

[Anonymous No.9194781]

>>9188962
The one at my workplace doesn't beep, don't think it's broken. It only beeps when you hit the buttons, not when it's done.

It seems good for home use, but when sharing a microwave with 10 other people it's a time waster. Nobody notices that their lunch is ready.

[Anonymous No.9194874]

>>9187681
so this is how mental retards think...

[Anonymous No.9195014]

>>9194874

You sound like an intellectual powerhouse.

[Anonymous No.9195213]

>>9195014
Must be Sargon of Akkad.

[Anonymous No.9195294]

>>9186339
lick finger

touch it to the pan

[Anonymous No.9195344]

>>9186076
This. In fact, legend has it that 4chan is a japanese word that loosely translates as "totally not an anime board".

j/k you fucking moron

[Anonymous No.9197515]

>>9185571
what is this ching chong bullshit?

[Anonymous No.9197521]

>>9186170
Why is 99% of christian apparel just shitty knock offs of well known brands and logos?

[Anonymous No.9197581]

>>9185571
I've been trying to just pan fry breaded meat instead of deep fry because muh health and the ceiling, but I keep not cooking it all the way through and end up with "medium rare" chicken strips. I'm afraid of burning the shit out of the breading, but if I pre cook the meat I dry it out.

[Anonymous No.9197628]

>>9186474
>Make snack
>Wasn't enough
>Make snack again
>Too much can't finish.

[Anonymous No.9197684]

>>9197581
Cut the strips thinner

[Anonymous No.9198366]

>>9185597
Autism here as well. Here's the story of the last time I caught my kitchen on fire. As a quick lunch or late night snack I'll make a pack of ramen. The perfect way to make it is in one of those Rubbermaid sandwich size reuseable plastic containers without the lid. Put in dry noodles, pour spice packet in, add water to just under the top of the container. Microwave for 3:30 then let sit for 2 minutes, stir, and enjoy. Well I am severely absent minded and forgot the whole add water part and apparently the time for ignition of a pack of dry ramen in a microwave is around 3 minutes. I really liked that microwave too.

[Anonymous No.9198430]

>>9188799
>bake pizza at instructed temp
>it burns
>bake at 375
>it comes out perfect
you're not dumb, DiGiorno is a lying whore

[Anonymous No.9200138]

>>9188343

>tfw might have an autistic flat mate before the year is out

i've made a huge mistake

[Anonymous No.9200265]

>>9198430
I usually bake at the recommended temp but take it out two minutes before the minimum recommended time and it comes out alright.

[Anonymous No.9200810]

I once tried to fill my glass and it was taking really long and then I realized I was pouring ketchup

[Anonymous No.9201583]

>>9186724
That's kind of cute

[Anonymous No.9201849]

>>9189874
>making food too spicy for other people
Literally every goddamn time.