/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.8281428]

>recipe calls for 1 tsp salt
>accidentally use 1 cup

[Anonymous No.8281431]

>recipe calls for a single clove of garlic

>forget what a clove was, ended up using an entire bulb

We didn't have any vampire attacks for weeks though, so it all worked out

[Anonymous No.8281432]

Just add 1 cup of water to even it out.

[Anonymous No.8281438]

>recipes requires a pinch of salt
>accidentally back up a dump truck and crush my kitchen with several tons of it

[Anonymous No.8281446]

>recipe calls for 1 tsp salt
>accidentally use 1 tsp MSG

[Anonymous No.8281483]

>>8281446
>>recipe

you got what you deserve

[Anonymous No.8281503]

>recipe calls for 3 kilogrammes of cinnamon
>accidentally use 3 metric tonnes

[Anonymous No.8281566]

>>8281428
>Recipe calls for cream of tartar
>Use tartar sauce

[Anonymous No.8281589]

>recipe calls for 1 liter of water
>don't know what a liter is so I just use a quart

[Anonymous No.8281591]

>Recipe calls for a splash of red wine

>accidentally use the whole glass bottle

[Anonymous No.8281595]

>recipe asks I stare at it for 10 seconds
>I stare at it all night and day

[Anonymous No.8281600]

>recipe calls for two tsp paprika
>International Space Station crashes on my kittens

[Anonymous No.8281605]

>recipe calls for pinch of baking powder
>accidentally add pinch of plutonium

[Anonymous No.8281609]

>>8281566
dude fuck that thread

[Anonymous No.8281624]

>>8281428

>recipe says to fold in three beaten egg whites
>accidentally fold in three wife beaters

[Anonymous No.8281701]

>Gordon always says let the knife do the work
>sit and stare at knife laying on counter

[Anonymous No.8281719]

>recipe calls to fold in three beaten egg whites
>accidentally fold in spacetime and end up in another galaxy

[Anonymous No.8281726]

>recipe calls for whole onion quartered
>starve to death two weeks later still pondering

[Anonymous No.8281737]

>>8281719
Kek

[Anonymous No.8281743]

>recipe calls for a splash of vanilla

>accidentally add chemical X

[Anonymous No.8281757]

>recipe says to roughly chop 2 onions
>police arrest me for domestic violence

[Anonymous No.8281763]

>recipe calls for tomato
>tomato answers my phone

[Anonymous No.8281785]

>recipe says to use a toothpick to check cake for doneness
>accidentally use water pik

[Anonymous No.8281788]

>Recipe calls for a pinch of cumin
>Cum in the bowl

[Anonymous No.8281801]

>recipe says to let meat rest
>make it run a marathon

[Anonymous No.8281811]

>recipe calls for thumb of ginger
>accidentally finger my step-daughter named Ginger

[Anonymous No.8281830]

>receipe calls for allspice
>extends life
>expand consciousness
>travel without moving

https://youtu.be/jnhQcSIKrL8

[Anonymous No.8281834]

>receipe calls for allspice
>accidentally extend life
>accidentally expand consciousness
>accidentally travel without moving

https://youtu.be/jnhQcSIKrL8 [Embed]

[Anonymous No.8281838]

>recipe calls to order pizza
>doesn't tip the pizza guy

[Anonymous No.8281840]

>receipe calls for making from scratch
>begins by creating the universe

[Anonymous No.8281846]

>boss' mom's kimchi recipe calls for one tablespoon of gochujang and one tablespoon of paprika
>accidently use a quarter cup of gochujang, no paprika and add fish sauce

[Anonymous No.8281848]

be sure to include me in the epic screencap

[Anonymous No.8281850]

>recipe calls for boiled egg in ramen
>get laughed at by the Japanese

[Anonymous No.8281863]

>>8281850
>recipe calls for a 4 hour slow smoke
>can't light the ribs no matter how hard I pull

[Anonymous No.8281865]

>recipe calls for head of a cauliflower
>accidentally add hand of Nod

[Anonymous No.8281884]

>recipe calls for slicing greens
>accidentally splice genes and mutate

[Anonymous No.8281894]

>recipe says to remove membrane
>remove own brain

[Anonymous No.8281898]

>>8281788
kekked hard

[Anonymous No.8281903]

>recipe calls for 2 shots
>mfw I'm going to jail

[Anonymous No.8281909]

>recipe calls for 1 chile in adobo
>use the whole can
Flavor was great but the dish was almost unbearably hot

[Anonymous No.8281914]

>recipe says to bake for 18 minutes
>accidentally split an atom in my oven
The cupcakes were alright, just a little burnt. My head hurts, though.

[Anonymous No.8281916]

>>8281589
a liter and a quart are pretty much the same, unless that was the joke

[Anonymous No.8281941]

>recipe calls for neapolitan ice cream
>misread "neapolitan" as "napoleon"
>end up getting stuck in russia in the middle of winter and freezing to death

[Anonymous No.8281954]

>recipe calls for pot of water
>gets high and order dominos

[Anonymous No.8281955]

>>8281916
...

[Anonymous No.8282010]

>>8281428
>Recipe calls for 1/4th cup apple cider vinegar
>Use 1 cup

Muh green beans were ruined.

[Anonymous No.8282018]

>>8281428
>recipe calls for any spices
>just use allspice

[Anonymous No.8282030]

>>8281566

[Anonymous No.8282040]

>Recipe calls for star anise
>Throw dish into the Sun

[Anonymous No.8282048]

>recipe says it serves 8
>eat the whole thing yourself because it's not like anybody would have loved you if you were thin anyway

[Anonymous No.8282055]

>>8282040
>toss in black licorice

[Anonymous No.8282065]

>>8281591
>recipe calls for a splash of red wine

>drink all of it and abandon your food to get more.

[Anonymous No.8282068]

>recipe calls for ridiculously small amounts of dozens of ingredients and spices that you wouldn't need for anything else
>buying them would cost like twenty bucks for a food that's nowhere near worth that
>don't know which ingredients are actually important and which ones are just memes
>get panic attack
>buy a frozen pizza

[Anonymous No.8282099]

>>8282068
what recipe senpai?

[Anonymous No.8282109]

>>8282099

Not xim (unsure which pronouns xhey prefer) but I'd guess Indian

[Anonymous No.8282110]

>recipe calls for 2 1/4 cups of flour
>use two quarter-cups of flour

[Anonymous No.8282116]

>recipe says to add a pinch of salt
>take a massive dump in the bowl

[Anonymous No.8282123]

>recipe calls for ghostbusters
>only 4 retarded feminists appear

[Anonymous No.8282142]

>>8281838
Stacie?

[Anonymous No.8282210]

>recipe calls for 2 eggs, separated
>put eggs on opposite ends of counter

[Anonymous No.8282213]

>recipe calls for Black Russian
>book a plane to Vladivostok

[Anonymous No.8282334]

>recipe calls for cream of mushrooms
>empty the bottle of my stored cum from several wank sessions

[Anonymous No.8282354]

>recipe calls for 2 tsp of ground pepper
>put in one tsp of peppercorns and 1 tsp of dirt instead

[Anonymous No.8282365]

>>8281848
>I hate fun

[Anonymous No.8282397]

>recipe calls for spices and shit I dont have
>only buy a few of them because im poor
>fuck everything up
>accidently an entire shaker of salt because the lid was loose.

>have hamburger helper with cut up hot dogs instead of beef

>stare at a computer screen while sitting next to a gun all night

[Anonymous No.8282408]

>>8282334
>store cum in a gatorade bottle for 3 months
>its almost a whole quart by now
>pour it all over neighbors car in the middle of the night

true story