/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.8251173]

The last time you shit yourself, what did you eat?

[Anonymous No.8251209]

>>8251173
popeyes

and I liked it

[Anonymous No.8251227]

scotch whiskey

thought it was a hangover fart. but alas, i was wrong.

[Anonymous No.8251256]

a single, raw fiddlehead

[Anonymous No.8251260]

whiskey and diet coke all day long for 3 days and some pretzels

I don't even dare fart unless I'm at home these days

[Anonymous No.8251261]

beer
and nothing else that day

[Anonymous No.8251273]

portobello mushrooms


Even the tiniest amounts do a number on my stomach

I eat lots of other mushrooms that don't (chantarelles, yellowfoot, hedgehog mushrooms, etc.)


something is amiss

[Anonymous No.8251287]

Amphetamines and laxatives. don't ask

[Anonymous No.8251307]

>>8251287
No need, I can conjecture you got spun out and for some reason decided shitting was needing to occur, so you added laxatives to the mix.

>>8251227
>>8251261
These usually do it for me, sometimes Taco Bell as a hangover remedy is what pushes me over, sometimes not.

[Anonymous No.8251321]

Miller Hi-Life and Pork Rinds. Everyone laughed at me.

[Anonymous No.8251430]

sweet potato tempura and escolar sashimi at an AYCE place

I'dput up with oily, orange shits to eat again though

[Anonymous No.8251458]

Probably baby food, you fucking degenerate

[Anonymous No.8251471]

>>8251173
the lunch buffet at the college commissary followed by cocaine mixed with baby laxative.

[Anonymous No.8251489]

>>8251173
beer

[Anonymous No.8251493]

why does everyone on /ck/ seem to shit themselves so much

[Anonymous No.8251496]

>>8251173
Cold KFC from about 3 days earlier

[Anonymous No.8251509]

didnt shit myself but i shat out literally undigested "grünkohl" i ate the night before.

[Anonymous No.8251523]

>>8251493
Looks like a combination of gluttony and alcoholism. Who knew?

[Anonymous No.8251526]

School lunch, 1996, I was in sixth grade

I think it was a hamburger, what tasted like microwaved frozen fries, and a carton of milk. Similar to pic related.

It didn't happen in class, but a few hours later after getting home, second floor apartment, couldn't get the door open in time. (I didn't have the key.)

[Anonymous No.8251547]

>>8251493
We have a bunch of Aussies here

[Anonymous No.8251580]

>>8251173
street tacos

after i shit myself i rolled around and masturbated in my own excrement for several hours

[Anonymous No.8251595]

>>8251173
A salad made with unwashed Mexican hands.

[Anonymous No.8251600]

>>8251173
Food.

[Anonymous No.8251605]

>>8251526
Both flavoured milk and fruit juice, because you don't get enough sugar with just one.
>Hamerica

[Anonymous No.8251610]

I was visiting an American friend and I ate his food, which was too sweet and lacked flavor. Even the American equivalent of Kraft Dinner was overly sweet.

[Anonymous No.8251613]

Literally shat my pants this morning, felt bit awkward but I still decided to let out a fat fart and what do you know, my pants were suddenly filling with liquid diarrhea.

Have been drinking hard since tuesday and ate nothing but frozen pizzas.

[Anonymous No.8251712]

>>8251605
>obsessed yuropoor sniffs his own farts yet again

[Anonymous No.8251757]

Usually copious amounts of alcohol, and the next morning I will chance a fart in my boxers causing a tiny pooplet surprise to make a guest appearance.

However I do have this story:
>Drink all night long because of a project
>finish at around 9am after about 15 beers
>go to local diner, order eggs benny
>poop there, but not all of it comes out
>finish meal, pay, as soon as I leave I have to shit
>instead of going back inside for a sequel poop, I waddle home to my apartment which is about a block away
>climb 3 flights of stairs and get to my door, i'm panicing a bit
>get into my bathroom, and with the last of my sphincter strength stand just in front of my toilet
>can't get my damn belt off
>shit my pants literally inches away from my toilet
>just a half to full sized dump standing there in my street clothes
>turn on the shower and stand in the water fully clothed for a few minutes, defeated

[Anonymous No.8251791]

fives guys burger and fries plus a 44oz soda

it was liquid and lots of pressure i didn't make it to the toilet

[Anonymous No.8251909]

>>8251430
>escolar sashimi

[Anonymous No.8251957]

>>8251173
Of course everyone that's overindulged has pooped their pants. But a thread dedicated to the details of it? This is a /b/ thread. It takes a relatively special wierdness to want to hear
about it.

[Anonymous No.8251973]

>>8251173
A large pepperoni and sausage pizza .
Made it to the bathroom in time but couldn't get my belt off fast enough, had to buy new pants.

[Anonymous No.8251982]

>>8251791
I've just been rewatching the Amadeus movie and the emperor looks exactly like him

[Anonymous No.8251995]

Tons of whisky and pizza. Liquid shit everywhere

[Anonymous No.8252034]

Quesadilla's from M&Ms

[Anonymous No.8252046]

>>8251430
i don't get the appeal of escolar

i mean considering the wide variety of tasty species of fish why willingly eat one where terrible indigestion is a predictable consequence

[Anonymous No.8252076]

>>8251605
It was actually just a carton of regular 2% milk, but I couldn't find with regular milk.

In fact, I don't recall seeing any juice and chips/crisps in lunches until 1998 or '99.

Before that, only the special ed kids got juice and chips/crisps.

[Anonymous No.8252088]

I was sick last year, thought I had a fart but I sharted myself super hard. I was sitting at the kitchen table and the shart was so runny it leaked onto the cushions. Tried my best to clean the cushion but to this day there's this little discolored spot of washed-out runs.

I think I was attempting to eat gummies, it was some kind of candy/snack. Idk, I didn't remember the food because I chalked it up to being sick.

[Anonymous No.8252092]

>>8252088

Nice

[Anonymous No.8252103]

>>8251173
Lone star beer in Texas. I was attending a computer conference and the night before I had maybe 5-6 lone stars

Next day I'm having a pre-talk piss and I fart. I go sit in the conference room and feel the wet. I go back to the bathroom and discover a circle of wet poo the size of a quarter and have to go back to the hotel and change

[Anonymous No.8252104]

>>8252088
You shat on your couch and didn't replace the cushions? Fucking disgusting

[Anonymous No.8252109]

>>8251957

go fuck off to somewhere else then.

[Anonymous No.8252110]

>>8252103

Not too bad. I sharted at work and had to toss my underwear several times

[Anonymous No.8252136]

Can a thread be more american than all the fast food topics combined? - "Yes, it can.", says OP.

[Anonymous No.8252138]

>>8251526
Dafuq is that? Do American school lunches really look like a fucking McD takeout? The tiny pathetic heap of greens just adds insult to injury, rather than the opposite.

[Anonymous No.8252159]

>>8252138
>Do American school lunches really look like a fucking McD takeout?

Nah, McDonald's is classy compared to school lunches. Yep, that's frozen pizza in that pic.

I think a lot of school districts are just focused on profit than nutrition. Parents don't care either; especially when some kids get these lunches subsidized.

You gotta pack your kid their own lunch if you want them to stay healthy.

In public school cafeterias, school lunch and pack lunch kids are segregated to keep them from swapping and sampling food.

[Anonymous No.8252163]

breastmilk

[Anonymous No.8252176]

>>8252159
>>8251526
>>8252138
For the first two years of my elementary school parts of the lunches were actually sold to us COLD (thawed overnight but not reheated) and there was a line for three microwaves on classroom desks in the corner. It took a million dollar fundraiser and a PTA protest at city hall to get them to start nuking the shit for us, but the price went up by a dollar per "entree" (main dish, beverage, side, and snack were all charged separately, I remember lunch costing about $3.50 before they started heating it)

[Anonymous No.8252179]

>>8252159
>American lunches

Honestly saddening. No wonder you got an obesity epidemic. Kids don't know better, and probably 1-2 generations of parents have also been raised like this. It's a vicious cycle.

[Anonymous No.8252183]

>>8252159
Michele Obama fucked with school lunch programs and that's where we are today.

[Anonymous No.8252193]

>>8252179
Well, the kids are expected to go out and play. At my elementary school, teachers weren't allowed to have any students in the classroom during lunch recess.

>>8252183
What did she do? Ban chocolate milk and juice?

I was talking about mid-90's - early 00's.

[Anonymous No.8252197]

>>8251173
Nothing. I was extremely hung over and couldn't bring myself to eat, despite pouring out a mound of watery diarrhea roughly the volume of a birthday cake throughout the day.

[Anonymous No.8252198]

It was Tuesday. I was hungover and then ate Chipotle. About an hour later I had to fart. Nope. Yellow liquid came gushing out. No solids.

Time before that was about a month ago. I ate Chipotle then had to go drive for awhile. After struggling and clenching stuck in traffic for what seemed like hours, I could no longer hold it. Liquid shit came trickling out, pooling in my trousers and absorbing into the driver's seat.

We'll see what happens next time.

[Anonymous No.8252199]

>>8252136
Hey, I'm amerilard and I enjoy discussing the intricate levels of poo in pants. There's an artistic side to it, sort of on the level of Mapplethorpe. Many different viewpoints and experiences. Basically like this thread: feces.

[Anonymous No.8252201]

>>8252136

unbelievable obsession

Sad!

[Anonymous No.8252207]

>>8252138
You do realize America is a huge country right? The public school I went to had great lunch and the option to get a salad and baked potato instead. That said you're allowed to bring your own.

[Anonymous No.8252388]

>>8251173
I shit myself once maybe 4 years ago. I don't remember what I ate but I was on that K2 drug and farted too hard. Instead of a rabbit pebble, it was a wet pebble

[Anonymous No.8252256]

>>8251173
3 dozen oysters on the half shell and way too much bourbon. Drove 2 and a half hours back home, was walking up the stairs to my bedroom and my anus exploded without warning; had to throw those undies away. Polite sage.

[Anonymous No.8252259]

>>8251973
I ate pizza hut pan pizza years ago and literally shit oil. Oil floating on the fuckin toilet water

[Anonymous No.8252412]

>>8252291
>Never shit myself
>...
>shit comes flowing out my ass into my boxers

Sorry bro, but you shit yourself. Especially because you had to do the waddle.

[Anonymous No.8252418]

>>8251173
Pizza from my local spot. It was completely unexpected too. I don't think I had shat myself for at least 17 years prior to this happening

[Anonymous No.8252278]

>>8251173
Ice cream

[Anonymous No.8252286]

>highschool wrestling
>2009
>lactose intollerant
>cutting weight not eating for a couple days
>after weigh in ate a lot of stuff and for some reason drank chocolate milk
>arrived at tournament
>thought I had to fart
>definitely pooped
>luckily had an extra pair
>told my friend, and asked not to tell
>told everyone
>got shit for it till I graduated
No pun intended

[Anonymous No.8252287]

>>8251273
Portobello/Crimini mushrooms are the exact same thing as Button/champignon/white mushrooms (most common ones sold in U.S. grocers), the former are simply allowed to grow older. You're probably used to decent mushrooms as opposed to the mutated white descendants of a 1926 freak of nature.

[Anonymous No.8252291]

>>8251173

Never shit myself but came close to it several times with me having to resort to public shitting. The worst being had to walk 2 kilometer with shit in my underwear

>Get off work.
>Go get a big dinner
>get a call from friends to go hang out and drink
>we all drink and drunk, I decide to go home.
>Home is 20 kilometers
>start walking, it's 12 amish
>Pick up 2 liter of coke and drink iton the way home
>suddenly get a rumbling in my stomach after an hour, think I can hold it in
>remember it's early morning, so I go to a guardrail, sit down,
>ass explosion
>suddenly realize I'm pissing on my pants and boxers, stand up straight out of natural reaction
>shit comes flowing out my ass into my boxers
>Oh fuck whhyyyyy
>thanking god it's 2 am in the middle of nowhere.
>Waddle a full kilometer with shit and piss stained pants and underwear.
>Walk by the river neare my place. It's April, cold as fuck.
>Fuck it
>go for a swim to scrub my clothing and wash my ass out.
>Walk home soaking wet

[Anonymous No.8252309]

>>8252291

Fast forward few years

>Start losing weight, out running every day
>Everything passes through me like a goose, so I try and shit before I run
>One day I forgo it because I didn't eat and I'm halfway through returning home when the rumbling is happening
>ohfuccck
>Run off the trail and go squat in the would.
>nothing but liquid. easily a liter or two
>feel better, but oh fuck my ass is dirty
>trail is nearly done and I'll soon be walking with normies.
>I backtrack back to the lake it is on and go for a swim

[Anonymous No.8252357]

>>8251173
Hunt Brothers Pizza
I fucking hate that garbage. I was shitting liquid and puking for a week.

[Anonymous No.8252367]

>>8251173
Cheap whiskey at high elevation

[Anonymous No.8252368]

>>8251173
Wendy's chili. Should have known it was going to give me food poisoning, it was served to me lukewarm.

Reported them to corporate, but I'm sure that did nothing.

[Anonymous No.8252526]

>>8252104
Who has a couch at their kitchen table?

[Anonymous No.8252541]

>>8252104
Chair cushions.

[Anonymous No.8252549]

>>8251957
And yet here you are.

[Anonymous No.8252561]

>>8251173
I feel like this is one of those times when someone would screencap the thread and put the '/ck/ - Food & Cooking' title in the screencap

[Anonymous No.8252579]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbDcnUH6rOc

[Anonymous No.8252582]

half a kilo of dried apricots

[Anonymous No.8252584]

A blizzard.

That was the day I came to terms with the fact that I'm lactose intolerant.

[Anonymous No.8252635]

>>8251173
Had a stomach virus. Both bathrooms occupied. Waiting for what feels like forever. It was actually like 5 mins. Couldnt hold it anymore. After i shit my pants about 30 seconds later the bathroom is free. Such is life

[Anonymous No.8252659]

>>8252183
>>8252193
I don't know how much she directly fucked it, but she instituted some mandatory nutrition things to hit, which they technically do but they basically serve prison food. It's pretty much as bad as it always was, but now it technically has enough nutrition to keep you from being a 300 pound blob, but any real weight loss is from kids just not eating it.

[Anonymous No.8252690]

Drank half a bottle of sugar-free cough syrup. My intestines sounded like a roaring lion for an hour, then I let one out and clenched like there was no tomorrow when I felt the warm package coming with. Ended up spending 30 minutes farting and dropping shitwater in the toilet.
Edulcorants are my new phobia.

[Anonymous No.8252710]

>>8252561
>that pic
how is that much shit even possible

[Anonymous No.8252738]

The first and last time I ever ate a Banquet frozen meal. I was standing at the toilet trying to get my pants undone and I couldn't stop it in time.

[Anonymous No.8252752]

>>8252412

alright, I figured since I was shitting and lost control I was safe on a technicality

[Anonymous No.8252753]

>Americans

[Anonymous No.8252758]

>>8251605
>>8252138
B-but it has a big "salad" in the corner, obsessed y-yuropoor

[Anonymous No.8252759]

>ITT:Americans share Shart-stories.

[Anonymous No.8252772]

>>8251496
>>8252259
Have you ever seen one being made? They pour in a cup of oil into the pan. Fucking disgusting.

[Anonymous No.8252779]

>>8252753

>yurobsessions

[Anonymous No.8252828]

>>8251957
>Of course everyone that's overindulged has pooped their pants

[Anonymous No.8252831]

>>8252088
It may have been sugar-free gummybears? Apparently it's a common complaint
https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Sugar-Free-Gummy-Bears/product-reviews/B008JELLCA

[Anonymous No.8252839]

>>8251173
Beer and liquor. It was my last time hanging out with my friends. I got drunk and stumbled to the toilet and I coughed and some came out before unstrapping my pants all the way
>captcha ohns mart
Guess I'm supposed to be American.

[Anonymous No.8252844]

My mom's homemade macaroni and cheese when I was 12

I shit myself and and shat all over bathroom. Afterwards I slipped and fell down the basement stairs trying to grab the swiffer mop. My crying, shit-covered self was found by my sister. The cunt brings this up at every family gathering.

[Anonymous No.8252963]

Americans are disgusting

[Anonymous No.8253056]

>>8252831
Haribro hellbears man

[Anonymous No.8253206]

>>8252752
I would consult the refs about the play, but my policy has always been that if there's poo on your underpants, you're fucked. Your circumstance was bad luck, but then again many pants shittings are just bad luck I suppose.

[Anonymous No.8254369]

>>8251173
5 Guys.

Worth it.

[Anonymous No.8254377]

>>8251173
breastmilk prolly

[CUNT No.8254412]

>>8252159
I miss those tiny pizzas tho

[Anonymous No.8254426]

>>8254412
It's actually just Tony's pizza. AFAIK, you can even order them for yourself. Don't know how though.

[CUNT No.8254491]

>>8254426
I've seen tonys before, but never square like those I used to get. To be honest I just like the shape better. There are loads of places that can get me square pizza, but I rarely want pizza these days.

[Anonymous No.8254952]

>>8252772
Hah I believe it. I haven't had pizza hut in years, not since I shat an oil slick. The one where we live now is a run down mess.

[Anonymous No.8254961]

>>8251523
Gluttonous alcoholic here and the last time I shit myself I was in diapers.
Can you fuckers really not control your bowls?

[Anonymous No.8254979]

>>8252159
>pizza, corn and half an orange
I love the fucking absurd combinations American school lunches have.

[Anonymous No.8254988]

>>8251173
It's been so long that I don't remember. I almost shat myself in GNC the first time I had coconut oil and butter in coffee but I made it to a bathroom in time.

[Anonymous No.8254996]

>>8254961
>>>8251523
>Gluttonous alcoholic here and the last time I shit myself I was blacked out shitty drunk.
Tell the truth Captain Shitpants!

[Anonymous No.8255033]

>>8254988
>oil and butter in coffee

Why, just why?

[Anonymous No.8255043]

>>8255033
I need a lot of fat in my diet and when you blend it it froths up and tastes like a latte

[Anonymous No.8255064]

>>8251173
My mom had made tacos with meat she found in the freezer and didn't know if it was okay. She didn't tell us after the fact we all shat like fountains. I was at work in an iron ore mine as an electrical apprentice, and shat all in my coveralls.

Fucking bitch