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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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7442858 No.7442858 [Reply] [Original]

how good are you at chopping onions, anon? can you chop with the best of them?

>> No.7442868

>>7442858
yeah i got a slap chop, big deal

>> No.7442869

SHOW ME YA MOVES!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MD-haKFhJNw

>> No.7442877

I cry like a baby about 75% of the times I cut an onion. It's terrible. Running the sink helps a little.

>> No.7442882

I just toss them in the food processor

>> No.7442885

I hate onions

>> No.7442894

>>7442868
No you don't

>> No.7442898

I have a set of ultimate Edward Scissorhand gloves. Onions are diced in seconds.

>> No.7442900

I thought I had plenty of practice, but looking at how ludicrously finely some chefs can get smaller shallots makes me want to dice up more dang onions.

>> No.7442904

>>7442900
got any videos?

>> No.7442905

>>7442858
I was always taught to cut both ends off the onion, but it makes it hard to keep it together

trying to leave the root end attached but it's hard to break the habit

>> No.7442911

>>7442869
holy fuck that guy can mulch some onions

>> No.7442916

Despite Parkinson's, I've surprisingly good knife skills. And I've still got plenty of fingers left!

I can slice pretty thinly and matchstick quite finely as well, but I can't be fucked to brunoise.

>> No.7442945

>>7442869
He can cut onions at the speed of light, but can't poo in loo

s
m
h

>> No.7442944

>>7442858
i can't get them very fine. I like the vertical/horizontal dice thing. I've been doing that since I was a kid.

>> No.7442968

>>7442869
probably didn't wash his hands

>> No.7443078

Choppin...? Shit nigga I chop so fast it would make you perceive your penis smaller. Nigga, I chop so goddamn fast to granny would get killed by farts tryna see that shitm nahm saying dawg? Yo granny get killed by gas from a nigga ass shit gahdamn

>> No.7443087

>>7442869
Man, he's not even arching his fingertips very far away. I wonder how many times he's cut himself.

>> No.7443099

>>7442916
Hey Michael

>> No.7443102

>>7442869
Why does he tap the blade like that?

>> No.7443115

>>7442869
Fuck he's not even looking at what he's doing the one time his head gets in frame.

>> No.7443118

>>7443078
Kill yourself, you unfunny autistic faggot

>> No.7443133

>>7443118
Fuck you nigga

>> No.7443156

>>7443099
As in J. Fox or a friend of yours?

>> No.7443179

>>7443102
I'd guess to knock off any pieces of onion stuck to the blade.

>> No.7443268

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rZ2il_Amsc

Chop it in this style

>> No.7443317

>>7443268
Chop it like cocaine?

>> No.7443324

>>7442877
Goggles my friend. Get yourself a pair of goggles. The reason you cry is because the sulfur fumes coming off the onion mix with the water in your eye, forms sulfuric acid and bam, you weep like the tiniest of bitches. Wear goggles to thwart this, or slice your onions and stick them in the freezer for a minute or two to get them to calm the fuck down.

>> No.7443326
File: 2.40 MB, 1280x720, 1448506121959.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7443326

Superior technique coming through.

>> No.7443327

>>7442869
I'm inexplicably terrified and turned on at the same time by this...

>> No.7443330

I have been chopping onions every morning for the past year. I FUCKING LOVE CHOPPING THE ONIONSSSSSSS IT IS THE FUCKING BEST FUCKING PART OF MY FUCKING DAY I FUCKING HOP OUT OF BED JUST TO GRAB THOSE SWEET ASS ONIONS AND START SLCIING AWAYS I LOVE THE SMELL THE TEARS THE SWEET CRUNCH OF MY SHARP STAINLESS BLADE CUTTING IT'S WAY INTO THOSE DELICIOUS DICED ONIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>> No.7443355

>>7443317

chop it, then add in your knorr stock cubes

>> No.7443357

I have some special type of amnesia where I forget how to chop them no matter how many times I do it.
So 50% of the time I do it good and 50% of the time it's a fucking mess.
My eyes only water about 20% of the time.

>> No.7443367

>>7443326
Is this satire?

>> No.7443427
File: 53 KB, 576x419, ach.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7443427

>>7443367
> being this new
it's the real dealio, friendo

>> No.7443440

>>7443427
I saw that vid forever ago
do you have the source?

>> No.7443450

>>7443326
it should be illegal to brutalize an onion like that

>> No.7443536

>>7442868
The local two dollar shop has slapchops for $3. Should I do it?

>> No.7443551

>>7443536
>two dollar shop
>selling something for three dollars
this is literally blasphemy.

>> No.7443573

>>7443102
>>7443179

I'm no expert but i think he's keeping a rhythm.

>> No.7443583

>>7443440
I think the title of the video is "Marie's homemade Italian tomato sauce" or something like that, on youtube. The rest of the vid is even worse than the butterknife skill part.

>> No.7443667

food processor

>> No.7443702

>>7442869
>faster than a blender
bullshit
I can put 5 of those onions in my blender and chop it up while hes still on his first one.

not saying hes chopping slow though. still fucking fast compared to an average cook.

>> No.7443751
File: 152 KB, 1500x1021, 81KJ7znbaTL._SL1500_.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7443751

>>7442858
No I suck. I'm going to order some of these.
Getting some non-dull knives and a magnetic blade holder would probably help too.

>> No.7443774

>>7443667
smartest person in the thread
FUCK chopping anything, really

>> No.7443793

>>7442869
>those horribly inconsistent cuts
s m h

>> No.7443794

>>7443268
>never fine enough
Literally what the fuck is he making to need onion pulp?

>> No.7443895

>>7443794

only time i make onion pulp is when im serving onions to people who hate onions, usually in a stew or chili. i just tell them it has no onions. fuck them. i'm not eating anything without onions if it should have onions!

>> No.7443924

>>7443774
So if you need to chop one onion you use a food processor? Really?

>> No.7443948

>>7443367
>>7443440
>>7443583
She actually deleted it but some glorious bastard uploaded it again.
https://youtu.be/c7Md4YR75qU

>> No.7443951

>>7442885
No.

>> No.7443961

>>7443793
Agreed
Yeah he's fast but does he even care about presentation or cooking evenly?

>> No.7443964

>>7443961
Why would you want them completely even that's so boring? if you rough chop things, you get some cooked more and some cooked less. adds texture variety.

>> No.7444014

>>7443961
>street food prepared in bulk
>presentation

>> No.7444053
File: 277 KB, 360x360, 1389906072456.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7444053

>>7443964
>adds texture variety
inconsistent texture is a bad thing

>> No.7444184

>>7443667
>>7443774

You're as bad as

>>7443326

>> No.7444204

>>7442869
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TllPrdbZ-VI

the only correct way

>> No.7444232

I do it this way
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCGS067s0zo

>> No.7444242

>>7444204
Maybe I have brain problems but it never occurred to me to halve the onion before removing the peel.

>> No.7444293

>>7444204
thanks that was pretty funny

>> No.7444338

>>7443326
don't forget to wash it!

>> No.7444344

i make bf do it, it hurts my eyes

>> No.7444355

>>7442869
notice that guy's knife isn't some faggy Meme-O-Matic imported Jap nonsense that costs $199.99?

>> No.7444368

>>7443326
This is worse than the ball-crush videos.

"Here, lets' first get our hand saturated with onion juice, and then roughly shave off a square inch or so of highly sensitive finger flesh, maybe some fingernail bed too while we're at it... mmm you can almost smell the pain"

>> No.7444376
File: 28 KB, 400x400, 1453633474151.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7444376

>>7443367

>> No.7444559

>>7443895
Tell them to fuck off if they don't like it. Or tell them you've been feeding them onions and they liked it just fine so they should shut up.

>> No.7444594

>>7444053
>inconsistent texture is a bad thing
this kinda makes me want to strawman and say you'd only enjoy pureed food

>> No.7444625

>>7444594
There's a difference between inconsistent texture and no texture anon, don't be a cunt.

>> No.7445760
File: 125 KB, 800x707, 1421267063941.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7445760

>>7442869
>watch at 2x speed

>> No.7445942

>>7443268

Fucking Eurofag perverts.

>> No.7447344

I juice my onions and caramelize the pulp.

>> No.7447362

>>7447344
That's actually pretty genius.

>> No.7447367

>>7442858
im fucking terrible. my eyes water so much

>> No.7448846

>>7442869
Is newspaper ink good for you?

>> No.7448890

>>7447367
Just leave the root intact and you should be fine.

>> No.7448894

>>7448890
You know that doesn't work. It's all about syn-propanethial-S-oxide content that goes airborne with all the chopping motion.
>>7447367
If it bothers you that match you might find a good idea to use a set of swimming goggles while chopping.

>> No.7448927

Anyone who's eyes water when dicing and onion doesn't know how to cut it.

If you are that much of a bitch, cut your onion next to a burning candle. The fumes absorb the fumes emmited from the onion

>> No.7448932

>>7448927
Old wives' tale.

>> No.7448937

>>7448932
Except it works you idiot.

>> No.7448945

>>7448932
>>7448937
We should get the Mythbusters to test...

Damnit.

>> No.7448950

>>7448937
The only thing that works is goggles since the point is to keep the onion fumes out of your eyes. Magic candle fumes negating the onion fumes will not do that.

>> No.7448962

>>7448950
Hey whatever man. you're gonna be the guy looking like a fucking retard chopping onions like he just got back from snorkeling, not me.

>> No.7448984

>>7448962
you can use swimming googles instead the diving ones...

>> No.7449078

>>7442858
Absolutely terrible. I can do a lot in the kitchen but my knife skills are sorely lacking. I get them cut but it takes too long and isn't as precise

>> No.7449198

>>7444232
This is how I do it as well. I struggle to do it that finely though.

>> No.7449223

>>7443948
jesus christ, the slowest autofocus in the world makes me feel a lot drunker than i am.

>> No.7449242
File: 129 KB, 729x937, 1454720520719.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7449242

Watch as the King teaches you how to cut an onion like an idiot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INZ_hG1lyYU

>> No.7449259

>>7448927
Just stand up straight and never lean in. Easy.

>> No.7449260

I'm alright. I'm no pro, middling, I guess
>>7442877
I just wear my sunglasses.

>> No.7449294

>>7449242
"sharper the knife the better"

literally uses a knife duller than your average spoon

Just think people, he has been cooking for 10 years and is still at the level of a 1 week novice

>> No.7449300

>>7443961
It's probably going into some kind of indian mush food anyways, so no presentation needed.

>> No.7449317

>>7443324
Doesn't it mainly enter through the nasal passage? So basically don't sniff or breath through your nose while cutting and they can't effect you,.

>> No.7449322

>>7442877
Just put a fish bowl on your head.

>> No.7449336

>>7449260
I have prescription glasses, it doesn't help.

>> No.7449356

>>7448927
I also heard that if you eat a hot pepper, like a habanero (jalapeno isn't hot enough), it will stimulate your tear ducts and effectively keep the onion molecules out. Imagine a doorway that is clogged with too many people, so the people (onion molecules) can't get through. Too cut the hot pepper so it doesn't burn so much, make sure to drink a tsp of olive oil after eating.

>> No.7449394

>>7449356
Ah. The old Three Stooges Syndrome.

>> No.7449411

>>7443326

>I'm contadint in my onion chopping capabilities

>> No.7449960

>>7442877
Sharpen your fucking knives m8.
Crushing the onion sprays shit into the air that burns your eyes.

>> No.7449974

>>7443326
What the fuck? My grandmother cuts onions more precisely than that.

>> No.7449983

>>7444355

desu he probably sharpens that knife everyday, if not multiple times per day, and burns through them fast

>> No.7449991

I'm breddy gud at chopping some onions... and I don't even get teary eyed.
Course I wear contacts. They act like a little barrier to the fumes. I only tear up when I wear my glasses to give my eyes a break.

>> No.7450045

>>7443948
The fuck did she just do to that garlic?

>> No.7450046

>>7448846
I don't know, but considering its India they probably use the shittiest paper and just imagine the humidity and god knows what air born particles sticking to it and you breathing them in and him not washing his hands and picking his crusty ass and it'll be the least of your worries.

I guarantee you there's feces shit smeared all over everything he cut.

>> No.7450071

>>7450045
Fried it in oil, then strained it and added the oil to the pasta. I don't think I've seen anyone ever do that with garlic, weird.

>> No.7450088

>>7450071
>I don't think I've seen anyone ever do that with garlic, weird.

you are a noob at garlic then. making infused oil isnte xactly arcanery

>> No.7450233

>>7450088
What type of autist rinses garlic and onions, then deep fries them for too long in oil burning them, strains them out and throws the shit ton of oil in sauce? She then goes on and on about skimming the excessive oil from the end sauce product, seems like just a waste of time and unecessary steps.

She could have sauteed some finely chopped or processed onion in a bit of oil for a few minutes, then done the same with garlic for a minute or two, then just add it all to the sauce, why waste so much garlic and oil, could have done more faster with less.

>> No.7450268

>>7450071
I meant when she just straight chopped the bulb in half wtf why

>> No.7450283

>>7450233
I can only assume she's doing some retarded double-infusion to avoid solids in the sauce. Guess nobody ever told her you can just halve the onions and garlic and then strain them out of the sauce after they've given up their flavor...

>> No.7450324

I am good at chopping onions. I am not great just good.

>> No.7450807

>>7449242
That fork trick is actually pretty genius.
Based Ja/ck/ with the hot tips.

>> No.7450821

>>7450807
>fork trick
That's because he has sausage fingers and a dull knife

>> No.7450850

>>7449242
jesus, what a retard.

>> No.7450888

>thread thread

Cute. Ignore the shitty host.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBj9H6z6Uxw

>> No.7450899

>>7449317
Yes. Anyone suggesting goggles is a fucking moron. Trick to onion chopping is to either have them cold or do it so blazingly fast you don't have time to cry.

>> No.7450905
File: 154 KB, 1500x1125, that's an F, sit down.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7450905

>>7443794
It's so they melt into liquid. Which may or may not be what you want depending on what you're making. It's the same thing as asking why do most people mince garlic instead of leaving it in big chunks.

>> No.7450921
File: 2.25 MB, 3264x2448, 20130404_151336.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7450921

Super pro. I can even do it with my eyes closed.

>> No.7450928

>>7450921
How does that even happen if you're doing it properly aka using your knuckles to lead the knife?

>> No.7450930

>>7450921

Fuck me, that's some horror movie shit

>> No.7450950
File: 116 KB, 612x380, image.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
7450950

>>7443330
Lol
No idea why this is funny

>> No.7450981

>>7450928
I should have used my knuckles : /

>> No.7451327

>>7443794
I use onion pulp to tenderize meat.