/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.6593608]

>First coffee of the day

[Anonymous No.6593624]

[Anonymous No.6593661]

My first coffee wasn't very nice, I didn't tamp hard enough. I want to make another one but it will give me the jitters.

._.

[Anonymous No.6593679]

>coffee before bed

[Anonymous No.6593681]

>the last gulp of coffee in the cup

[Anonymous No.6593691]

>>6593681
>Not leaving a bit behind to toss in the garden on the way out the door.

It's like you don't even want your plants to get their caffeine for the day.

[Anonymous No.6593739]

>wake up
>shower
>boil water
>make a cup of coffee
>start browsing 4chan, checking my RSS feeds, checking my email
>take a sip of coffee
>ACHTUNG! ACHTUNG! THE COLON HAS BEEN ACTIVATED. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY. REPEAT: THE COLON HAS BEEN ACTIVATED. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY.

[Anonymous No.6593959]

>Needing coffee

[Anonymous No.6593963]

>getting to McDonald's at 10:31 AM and demanding breakfast food

[Anonymous No.6593967]

>waking up and finding that leftover beer in the fridge that's flat but you drink it anyways

Fuck it, I gotta go to work and coffee takes too long.

[Anonymous No.6593973]

>>6593967
>lol who al/ck/y here?? i totally have a problem xD

[Anonymous No.6593982]

>2015
>not drinking Club Mate instead of coffee

[Anonymous No.6593986]

>>6593973
cute

[Anonymous No.6593990]

>>6593982
>2015
>still drinking club mate

[Anonymous No.6594054]

>>6593739
>wake up
>drink coffee
>take three shits
>the day can now progress as normal

Every day

[Anonymous No.6594070]

>>6593608
>more than one cup of coffee a day
Enjoy all your friends laughing at you when they find out you're addicted to fucking caffeine

[Anonymous No.6594080]

>>6594070
>having friends
Grow the fuck up and see me after you get out of high school.

[Anonymous No.6594081]

>>6594054
>wake up
>porridge and orange juice
>coffee and newspaper
>one most solemn shit
>ready to seize the day

[Anonymous No.6594098]

>>6593982
Shit is nasty

[Anonymous No.6594115]

>work at shitty third wave coffee shop
>open up at 5
>customers amble in about 7:30 like its some ungodly time
>same ole joke about how I've probably had so much coffee xD
>mfw I don't drink coffee

[Anonymous No.6594137]

>>6594070
Its not really a problem though

>fuck i need a coffee
you just go and get a coffee, its everywhere and costs fuck all

[Anonymous No.6594143]

>>6593739
>>6594054
>>6594081
You know it'd be more convienient taking a shit before you take a shower. Why don't you do it you grubs?

[Anonymous No.6594146]

>>6594070
>friends laughing at you
>friends

[Anonymous No.6594150]

>>6594143
>taking a shit
>take a shower
*have

[Anonymous No.6594165]

>>6594080
27 here, can confirm life is terrible

[Anonymous No.6594181]

>All nighter before exam
>1:45AM first cup of joe (Some malaysian brand coffee pumped with caffeine and sugar)
>4:00AM fully awake
>5:27AM finish revision and decide to lay in bed to stay warm
>6:08AM Eyes are closed, but the mind is fully awake but I cannot open my eyes
>6:08AM I think I'm dreaming but all I can see is darkness and a loud thumping
>TIME UNKNOWN - Open my eyes sit up and realise its my heart
>TIME UNKNOWN - Try to stand up but the thumping gets louder and everything is suddenly pitch black
>6:32AM Actually wake up and shake out of hallucinations, chest hurts, dry mouth.

Shit was so tense, though I did sleep like a baby the next day.

[Anonymous No.6594185]

>>6594143

It's an inefficient use of time in the morning. I can shower immediately after getting out of bed. I can't shit until I've finished waking up and had a shot of caffeine.

[Anonymous No.6594218]

>>6593967

>actually having leftovers

Try harder

[Anonymous No.6594254]

>>6594150
You've never heard of the phrase "take a shower"? That's a completely acceptable use of "take".

[Anonymous No.6594256]

>drinking more than one cup of coffee per day

[Anonymous No.6594272]

>>6594143
>implying I shower every morning

[Anonymous No.6594286]

>>6594150
Are you retarded

[Anonymous No.6594296]

>>6594256
>drinking less than three cups of coffee per day

[Anonymous No.6594312]

>>6594286
>Are you retarded
No. I just speak English and I try to do it correctly.

>>6594254
>That's a completely acceptable use of "take".
No it's not. Where do you take the shower? Can you lift it on your own or do you get a friend to help?

take=transport

[Anonymous No.6594317]

>>6594256
>>6594296
>drinking more or less than two cups of coffee per day

[Anonymous No.6594324]

>>6594256
get a load of this faggot

[Anonymous No.6594374]

>>6594312
Take it easy Anon, it's colloquial English being used in an informal setting, no need to take it so seriously. Take a break from correcting everyone's English and take a shot at joining in the coffee discussion instead. If you can't take a little flawed English on 4chan then it'll take more effort than it's worth.

[Anonymous No.6594383]

>>6594312
Holy fuck

Also yes, coffee is great.
Hardly any calories, and the caffeine addiction I get from it is cheaper than nicotine.

[Anonymous No.6594384]

>No half and half cream left

Fuck, looks like no morning coffee for me today.

[Anonymous No.6594389]

>>6594374
Sorry, I don't mean to be the arsehole grammar nazi but that's the one colloquialism that irks me.
It's too late to delete that post.

[Anonymous No.6594390]

>>6594384
>not drinking it black like nature intended
>putting shit in your coffee at all
Why do you hate coffee anon?

[Anonymous No.6594393]

>>6594390
Black coffee tastes like shit. I only like coffee-flavoured sugared milk.

[Anonymous No.6594394]

>people who use a Keurig for making coffee and claim it tastes good

[Anonymous No.6594403]

>>6594394
There is literally nothing wrong with a keurig.
I like my french vanilla cup in the morning, faggot.
Black coffee is for old geezers and hipsters who don't actually like how things taste. Oh, and those "I'm the manliest" faggots who want to look tough. And of course, the bottom of the barrel, /ck/ posters.
Shit, the lot of you are.
Faggots with no actual taste in good drink or food.
Why the fuck are there 9 pizza threads constantly up?
Why the fuck is there always a meme thread?
I would call it shitposting but the slop posted here would never be digested and turned into shit, much less consumed by anything with any kind of sense of taste.
You're all fucking disgusting and all look like that brand-patented overweight memester Joey.
I'd tell you all to kill yourselves but you're gonna die of a heart attack before 30 anyway, so who really cares.

[Anonymous No.6594406]

The best part of waking up is Forger's in your cup!~

[Anonymous No.6594418]

>>6594390
What about scotch, brandy or dark rum? A nice irish coffee is good stuff.

[Anonymous No.6594427]

>>6594403
I think you've had enough coffee for today, don't you? Go have a wank and a lie down before you hurt yourself.

[Anonymous No.6594432]

>>6594427
>go have a wank and a lie down before you hurt yourself
I can't anon, like you said, I've had to much coffee.
How can I be expected to lie down with this much sheer caffeine pumping into my system?
Ah, oh well, shame on me to expect actual logic from you horribly ignorant people.
Goodbye, savages, I'll not deign to make any more posts, and continue stooping to your level.

[Anonymous No.6594440]

I don't like coffee, I don't hate it but the smell generally makes my stomach churn and seeing weirdos standing in line for starbucks is hilarious since they can't get through a day without their lame fix.

That said it's necessary for a proper tiramisu.

[Anonymous No.6594574]

>>6594389
for what it's worth, you're actually wrong

[Anonymous No.6595802]

>>6594574
Despite all of the compelling evidence that you have provided, I think that you are the one who is very, very wrong.

[Anonymous No.6595825]

>drink some coffee
>take a shit 10 mins later
>so glorious

[Anonymous No.6595844]

>>6593608
>first coffee, cigarette, and piss of the day
my ecstacy is curbed only by my immediate urge to shit

>>6593661
iktf

[Anonymous No.6595864]

>drinking cups of dirty brown stained hot water ''coffee''
ayymericans

[Anonymous No.6595869]

>wake up
>brwe coffee
>cook bacon
>sunny side up eggs in bacon fat
>savor and enjoy
>ask neet friend how his day is going
>he had redbull and cigarettes for breakfast

jesus christ how horrifying

[Anonymous No.6595874]

>>6593608

>mfw first coffee of the day

[Anonymous No.6595876]

>tfw you pull a perfect shot of espresso with just the right amount of crema that you know she'll never taste the rohypnol
>tfw a year's supply of girl scout cookies

[Anonymous No.6595882]

>>6593608
>making pour over drip coffee in the morning
>making moka pot coffee in the afternoon

Shit is so cheap and makes my day 100% better

[Anonymous No.6595886]

>>6595869
>sunny side up eggs in bacon fat
my nigga

[Anonymous No.6595888]

>>6595802
It's an American/British thing, I'm pretty sure. Maybe you should...
take a break?

[Anonymous No.6595893]

>>6594403
you are an opinionated little keurig bastard, now aren't ya?

>>6594406
>not freshly grinding coffee every morning
It is like you want your coffee to taste bad.

[Anonymous No.6595894]

>>6594312
You take the shower head, and let it shower its fluids over your head.

I wonder with every grammar Nazi, did they get abused when they were younger to sit and learn every rule like I had to learn how to have impeccable handwriting?

I wasn't allowed to leave my chair until my homework writing looked flawless, and if it wasn't, I had to rewrite it. Really fucked my head, can't help myself irk when I see shit hand
writing even though I know it's not their fault for slacking off. Would have offed myself before I reached double digits if I had to be impeccable with grammar as well.

[Anonymous No.6595939]

>>6595894
>You take the shower head
No you don't. You leave it where it is and stand under it.

Try again.

[Anonymous No.6595947]

>>6595939
Yes you do.
Also I recommend you trying new things more often :)

[Anonymous No.6595979]

>>6595947
Sounds scary but I'll try. Thanx for the pep talk.

[Anonymous No.6596002]

>>6593608
First coffee of the day after yet another brutal night as a legit, diagnosed alcoholic.

[Anonymous No.6596033]

>>6594143
>2015
>not multitasking and drinking coffee while shitting in the shower

[Anonymous No.6596054]

>exams
>always get frequent panic attacks in the days leading up to it
>not sure if it's because of my increased coffee consumption, the Speed, or just because I am stressed

[Anonymous No.6596055]

>>6594143
You're absolutely right. I shit when I get home from work and shower before I go to bed. Wake up already clean and fresh from head to crack.

I also labour for a living, so going to bed with dried worksweat still clinging to my body would be absolutely out of the question.

[Anonymous No.6596060]

>tfw your piss smells like coffee and stinks up the urinal

[Anonymous No.6596064]

>>6596002
>tfw can't tell if crushing anxiety is from too much caffeine or the hangover

[Anonymous No.6596075]

>>6596060
>>6596064

>tfw tea fags are jelly of superior coffee culture

[Anonymous No.6596076]

>>6595893
It's not about that, I just don't like coffee. Get over the fact not everyone is a drug addict like you are.

[Anonymous No.6596080]

>>6596075
Lol not a teaboo Just an observation about the pee coffee relationship

[Anonymous No.6596081]

>>6596054
>tfw sad on exam days

[Anonymous No.6596085]

>>6596081
proper sleep is the best way to get over exams, you either know the shit or not.

[Anonymous No.6596113]

>>6596076
>doesn't like coffee
>(shit)posts in a coffee thread
Your like that guy who says he hates gays but regularly hangs out in gay bars hoping to get laid but is always rejected and goes home alone and then browses 4chan calling everybody a faggot and saying how much you hate gays while fapping to traps.

[Anonymous No.6596132]

>>6594150
>being British

[Anonymous No.6596136]

>>6596132
>being incorrect
>being proud of it

[Anonymous No.6596170]

Am I the only guy who likes his coffee with just whole milk, not much,just enough to change the color a lil. It cannot be 2% or skim, or even half/half or any type of creamers, and never sugar of any kind.

[Anonymous No.6596177]

>select all sandwiches
>only pics of burgers

>select all burgers
>pics of chicken sandwiches

this shit's starting to piss me off

[Anonymous No.6596178]

>>6596170
That's as normal as eating toast with your coffee.

[Anonymous No.6596197]

>>6596177
oh ffs

[Anonymous No.6596472]

>>6594312
Well you're not taking the shit either, you're leaving a shit

[Anonymous No.6596478]

>>6596472
>you're leaving a shit
Sorry that you live in a developing country but my toilet has a flush function. Therefor the shit leaves me.

[Anonymous No.6596528]

>>6596197
top-left and bottom-center

[Anonymous No.6596535]

>>6596170
Are you me?
Sugar?
>No thanks, I'm sweet enough.

[Anonymous No.6596548]

>>6596528
But those are burgers. Yet the bot is asking for sandwiches. Other times the bot asks for burgers, using the same images, which is saying that sandwiches and burgers are the same thing.

Case in point: jewbot for this very post. Pic related.

[Anonymous No.6596549]

>>6596548
motherfucker

[Anonymous No.6596661]

>>6595802
no, I am afraid you are mistaken, for you see...

You are the one who is wrong.

[Anonymous No.6596711]

>>6596661
>no u
Yahoo Serious?

[Anonymous No.6597722]

>>6594403
>this is the kind of person who buys a keurig

[Anonymous No.6597743]

>>6596055
You are 45% more evolved than the rest of the human race, cheers 👍

[Anonymous No.6597911]

>>6593608
>coffee
no one yerba mate here?

[Anonymous No.6597974]

>Coffee with Irish cream

[Anonymous No.6597994]

I think that's tom hanks ttaking a piss after a urineary tract infection or infarction God bless ck.

[Anonymous No.6598004]

>go to public restroom
>sit down to shit
>cock touches inside of toilet bowl

[Anonymous No.6598021]

>first can of coke of the day

[Anonymous No.6599219]

>>6593608
Best feel

[Anonymous No.6599220]

>>6598021
>of the day
How many do you drink a day? I like coke, could drink many, but have to limit to 2 cans a week.

[Anonymous No.6599223]

>>6598021
>drinking coke
sure is 1990s in here

[Anonymous No.6599557]

>>6594312
Those dictionary entries are dogshit. If you're using anything other than the full OED, you're the pleb here.

[Anonymous No.6599623]

>first bump of coke of the day

[Anonymous No.6600526]

Don't coffee since, I don't want my teeth stain

[Anonymous No.6600553]

>>6599220
>could drink many
> 2 cans a week
What????

[Anonymous No.6600588]

>>6600526
Wow brush your teeth dude. Admittedly I limit myself to 1 coffee per day but I brush twice a day and my teeth aren't stained.

[Anonymous No.6600598]

>>6600588
checked

[Anonymous No.6600622]

>>6593608
>wake up
>check facebook notifications
>grind beans while freshly filtered water is heating up exactly to 93 degrees Celsius
>drop 4 scoops in frenchpress and pour water
>go upstairs put tshirt and shorts on
>cig behind ear light and phone in pocket
> pour coffee in cup and step outside
>sit in comfy chair put music and take first coffee sip
>light a cig
>finish my coffee and casually go to bathroom to drop a deuce and shower after

[Anonymous No.6600626]

>>6598004

[Anonymous No.6600628]

>>6596054
>tfw finished my session mid may

[Anonymous No.6600978]

I like making cold coffee milk this time of year, tastes just the shit I drank in little tokyo.

[Anonymous No.6600988]

>>6600622
you're a huge faggot m9.

[Anonymous No.6601005]

>>6600622

get a job faggot

[Anonymous No.6601155]

>>6601005
>>6600988

>2015
>not being a NEET

step your game up wageslaves

[Anonymous No.6601231]

>>6600526
I think it's a good idea to drink water with your coffee to counter the diuretic effects of the caffeine and also to rinse your teeth.
That's what I do.

[Anonymous No.6601237]

>>6599557
So what are you going to take for dinner tonight? Last night I took tuna on rice.

H A V E
A
D

[Anonymous No.6601242]

>Been drinking coffee for years and years now
>Never experienced the immediate need to shit after having had coffee
Dunno if I'm missing out or not.

[Anonymous No.6601259]

>>6594150
>>6594312
>>6601237

holy shit I thought /g/ was autistic.

[Anonymous No.6601263]

>>6601259
>holy shit I thought /g/ was autistic.
*that
>Holy shit, I thought *that /g/ was autistic.

[Anonymous No.6601892]

>>6596113
It's not gay if it has a feminine dick :^)

[Anonymous No.6601910]

>stay up all night
>first coffee of the day

[Anonymous No.6602199]

>>6601242
Control feels good

[Anonymous No.6602362]

>>6594256
>Drinking less than a pot of coffee a day
>Inb4, replying to old post

[Anonymous No.6602387]

>>6593608
>wake up
>perpare the coffee
>go take 1st shit of the day
>enjoy 1st cup of coffee
>go take a second shit
>make my oatmeal for breakfrast
>take 2nd shit of the day
>take a shower
>while in the middle of the shower
>have to take 3rd shit

Almost everyday.

[Anonymous No.6602416]

>all these posts about taking a shit every day

I just take a shit once every three days. I-is that not normal?

[Anonymous No.6602773]

>>6593608
I hate drinking coffee because it gives me the shits and I don't like using public bathrooms. How do you guys do it?

The only caffeine I consume is my one cup of tea at 8-9pm.

[Anonymous No.6602775]

>>6602773
I drink my early coffee explicitly so I can shit at home and won't need to use public bathrooms.

[Anonymous No.6602780]

>>6602416
rule of 3, if you take more than 3 shits a day or if you don't take a shit every 3 days you have a problem.

>>6602775
It also hurts my belly, you know the feeling of things crawling inside you every once in a while? coffee makes me like that

[Anonymous No.6602784]

>>6600526
I just gargle with Scope after a coffee. I have a little travel bottle of it for when i'm on the go.

[Anonymous No.6602785]

>>6602780
Try taking your coffee black. Coffee with milk affects me the same way, even though milk on its own doesn't trouble me.

[Anonymous No.6602793]

>>6602785
>Try taking your coffee black
Alright thanks, I might, I always put milk and cream in it, might be why.

[||D.||.||\/||.||D No.6602797]

>Black coffee

[Anonymous No.6602822]

I drink freeze dried decaf coffee with coffee mate creamer and aspartame sweetener.

beat that.

[Anonymous No.6602830]

23:25 right now and gonna sleep at 03-04 and really want coffee but it still feels bad because it's late

[Anonymous No.6602842]

>tfw I still have the vigor of youth left in me and don't require caffeine to be active for 16+ hours at day

I fear the aging process

[Anonymous No.6602856]

>>6602842
I don't have a coffee everyday to function. I just enjoy the taste and slight buzz sometimes.

[Anonymous No.6602859]

>>6594312
"Take", just like "have", has many different definitions and and can be used in a variety of contexts, it's completely correct.

[Anonymous No.6602901]

>>6593608
>Tfw you forgot how to cook propperly
I have no face for this.

[Anonymous No.6602927]

>>6593739

heh

yeah

[Anonymous No.6602967]

>>6593608

>the aroma of black coffee
>the taste of eggs, bacon, porridge, butter, cheese and toast

You just know it's going to be a productive day

[Anonymous No.6602982]

>>6594403
bruh heavy cream and sugar are so bad for you.

[💪 gone mobile !!kv07eNN+N1L No.6602993]

>>6594403
Epic 👏

[Anonymous No.6603006]

>>6593624
Funny, cause as a grown man its obvious to me how the person who drew this cartoon has at least some experience with stimulants like amphetamines. Coffee doesn't make u like that gif shows, but amps di

[Anonymous No.6603021]

>Tfw I can't drink hot drinks
>I have to wait 5mins for it to cool after pouring it or I burn my mouth
>Any coffee with a lid on it is undrinkable for at least 20mins

I dont know why. I think its cause one night in college I got drunk as fuck, ordered a Stromboli, and ate it soon as it arrived and had 1st degree burns on every inch of my mouth

[Anonymous No.6603023]

>tfw first cigarette of the day

[Anonymous No.6603044]

>>6603023
>2015
>still smoking cigarettes
nice going grandpa

[Anonymous No.6603053]

>>6603021
>STROMBOLI FORMUOLI TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITOLI

THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING FAZOLI'S

[Anonymous No.6603064]

>>6603044
fuck off vape fag

[Anonymous No.6603080]

>>6596548
A burger is a burger patty sandwich

[Anonymous No.6603164]

>>6601231
>drink water with your coffee to counter the diuretic effects
Wait, what? "This coffee makes me need to urinate more, so I'm going to counter this by... drinking water?"

[Anonymous No.6603181]

>>6603164
>>drink water with your coffee to counter the diuretic effects
>Wait, what? "This coffee makes me need to urinate more, so I'm going to counter this by... drinking water?"
Ya, that's what you do. You drink water to keep hydrated. This also stops that retaining water thing people do MORE when they're dehydrated. Ever notice you won't get swollen ankles while flying or boozing it if you guzzle water? *boggle*

[Anonymous No.6603182]

>>6596033
>Not eating breakfast, checking email, drinking coffee and shitting in the shower

STEP IT UP

[Anonymous No.6604940]

>go to this pancake place I like
>get an irish coffee with my breakfast
Shit's cash, but don't leave the coffee too long or else it gets bitey.

[Anonymous No.6605141]

>>6598004

[Anonymous No.6605147]

>>6603164

Correct. The problem isn't urinating. The problem is that the diuretic dehydrates you by making you piss out too much water. You counter that by drinking water to offset what the diuretic made you piss out. It's about the water in your body, not the hassle of urinating.

[Anonymous No.6606487]

>>6602780
>rule of 3
Makes sense. Though I shit after every meal and I think that if I was to have four meals, and thus four shots a day, I'd still think I was normal.

[Anonymous No.6606915]

I was exhausted going into work so I had 2 cups of coffee and an epresso. By noon I was literally shaking and my heart felt like it was going to explode. I think I was near caffeine sickness.

[Anonymous No.6606947]

>>6596177
Burgers are sandwiches, you dumb cunt.

[Anonymous No.6607626]

>>6594403
sperglord detected.

[Anonymous No.6607637]

>>6594432
>deign

hahahahahah