/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.4846878]

>had a shitty day
>decided fuck it, time to cook that steak I have in the fridge
>shower first
>decide not to bother getting dressed
>get everything ready
>season steak
>drop it on skillet
>absent-mindedly scratch my dick while cooking
>get salt in my dick

Worst thing you've ever done while cooking?

[Anonymous No.4846893]

Splashed a decent amount of smoking hot canola oil on my wrist.

Felt like it was burning for hours.

[Anonymous No.4846892]

>Cooking fajitas,
>cut peppers,
>scratch dick
My Bearded Dragons face while he watches me struggle to dip my dick in what must have been a quart of milk.

[Anonymous No.4846896]

>>4846892
Oh, that's the worst. Your dick pretty much curls up in a ball when that happens.

[Anonymous No.4846897]

>fresh mint leaves
>tightly rolled into a fine ball
>slice gently with knife into safron sized threads
>lean closer to get a better look at these paper thin cuts
>mint juice in eye
if someone told me cutting off my finger would have made the pain lesser I would have done it.

[Anonymous No.4846903]

Ground up a spice blend and exhaled into it like a dumbass.

Temporary blindness ensued.

[Anonymous No.4846923]

small fire starts in shitty convection oven at work ($200 worth of quail above it). Fire is quickly escalating (deep frier is next to convection oven). Decide I need to get it out of there (not my station) because everyone else is ignoring it. Grab an oven mitt and grab the tray. Realize it's too heavy for one hand. Yell for someone to toss me one of their oven mitts or hot pads. No one responds. Fire flairs up even more to the point I'm holding a 3x2 sheet tray of fire. Rest one corner of the tray on my forearm to get it over to the window and toss it all into the snow. Realize the tray is still holding onto my arm by a corner of shit that fused to it. Ripped it off, put some ice on it, had a smoke, bandaged it up and went back to work. Quit a couple weeks later because no one there gave a single fuck about anything.

[Anonymous No.4846931]

>fgw i dont have itchy crabs and herpes on my dick unlike>>4846878>>4846892>>4846896

[Anonymous No.4846934]

I spent an hour cutting peppers with no gloves.
Then I squeezed lemon juice all over my hands and my night was a burning hell.

[Anonymous No.4846935]

>>4846931
>insinuating I get laid

[Anonymous No.4846950]

>>4846935
>insinuating you use homeless womens dirty panties

[Anonymous No.4846951]

>slice a fuckload of jalapenos to pickle them
>barehanded
>without thinking, rub my eye due to a sudden itch
>fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

[Anonymous No.4846954]

Chili peppers in eye. Hurt like a bitch.

Ex ate something Im deathly allergic to. Didn't brush teeth. Sex time.
Forplay.

I didn't realize until my netherparts were in terrible pain.

Jesus christ that was horrible.

[Anonymous No.4846958]

>>4846951
More jalapeno fun
>at gf's house
>her mother is attempting, and failing, to slice our green friends
>I give her a hand, slice up a dozen or so in a flash
>mother thanks me, I head with the gf off to her room
>10 minutes later, gf and I getting bus
>I start fingering her
>deep
>everything going swell
>she screams for me to stop and runs to the restroom
>remember the events of 10 minutes ago
>fuckfuckfuckfuck.avi
>gf comes back a few minutes later and we continue

I honestly think she kinda liked it.

[Anonymous No.4846960]

I'm sure I've done worse, but this was the most recent.
>Browning sausage in a skillet
>Sausage is done, trying to scrape it into a bowl
>Super hot piece drops on my bare toe
>Hands full so I try to shake it off
>Shit like fused to my toe and burnt the hell out of it

[Anonymous No.4846962]

>working at McDonald's
>cleaning off the top of the grill-press-thing
>use too much force when using the squeegee
>burning hot mixture of soap and grease gets into my right eye
>rush to the sink and wash the hell out of my eye
>shift manager comes over and asks why I'm not cleaning the grill
>briefly open my right eye and explain what happened
>gives me the equivalent of 2 smoke breaks to deal with it
>go to bathroom to continue eyewashing
>eyes are normally a muddle of blue and grey with slight green coloration
>right eye is so red that my iris looks bright green by contrast
>go back to the grill after a cigarette
>eye is throbbing and incredibly painful despite the fact that I had taken a shitload of painkillers earlier for shits and giggles

I also drenched my foot in hot grease a week later trying to clean one of the deep fryers. Ended up quitting like a month later for an unrelated reason. Never had any bad accidents at home.

[AntacidCanada !!bxgf5+DXvbZ No.4848340]

>>4846923
Christ thats pretty fucking metal.

[Anonymous No.4848355]

How do you get salt IN your dick?

[Anonymous No.4848363]

>>4846962
Sounds like you suck at being a mcdonald's employee. 7-11 might be safer for you.

[Anonymous No.4848367]

>>4846878
Were your herpes sores open?

[Anonymous No.4848405]

I got two.

One was when I was like... eleven. It was hot as balls outside and inside so I was running around in just underwear. It was also the morning, so I was a hungry little brat. I decided fried eggs would be a good plan, and got to melting some butter and got myself some eggs from the fridge. I guess I must've used too much butter or cracked the eggs from too high up because the next thing I know I'm covered in hot butter. Most of it was minuscule droplets, but one big fat, HOT blob ended up in my bellybutton. And it burnt like a motherfucker. I had to explain to my mom that I was screaming because I'd burnt the inside of my belly button. Never cooked without a shirt on since then.

Getting a post too long warning so second story in another comment.

[Anonymous No.4848411]

The second was more recent but equally idiotic. I was doing some food chemistry/experimentation with erythritol. For those who don't know, erythritol is a very small sugar alcohol with a very high heat of dissolution - dissolving it chills whatever you're dissolving it into and crashing it out of solution produces intense amounts of heat (e.g. having a supersaturated solution suddenly crystallize).

Anyway, for various reasons I'd produced a liquid that was either a supersaturated erythritol solution or straight-up molten erythritol; I'm not sure. What I _thought_ I had, though, was a hot solution of a small amount of erythritol in water. After some number of minutes I decided that it was time to do the next step in the recipe, but to ensure that the solution was cool enough I stuck my fingertip in, expecting that if it was too warm I'd sense this immediately and not touch more than the barest tip of my finger to the surface.

Like its sugary cousins, erythritol also takes a damned long time to cool back down and has a large thermal mass. It also has different surface adhesion properties than, say, water. The end result of all of this being that a large droplet of erythritol stuck to my fingertip and rapidly solidified as it suddenly cooled. Not only was the hot solution discharging its excess heat into my finger, but the recrystallization of the erythritol heated it up even more.

I have never known such fiery pain as this. No amount of cold water or ice helped. I took painkillers, they didn't help. The wound alternated from being a dead numb spot on my fingertip to suddenly burning with all the pain of the original injury, causing the entire finger to swell up in response. This continued for days, on again, off again. Strangely, the spot never blistered or peeled. In the months following I even appear to have regained most of the feeling in the spot.

I bought a candy thermometer shortly after.

[Anonymous No.4848565]

>>4846878
Fried bacon, eggs and potatoes in olive oil in my boxers. Got a few scald marks. Oops.

Left some fries in the oven and fell asleep for a bit. Haven't touched the stove drunk after that.

[Anonymous No.4848584]

>>4846962
Shit, I know that feel. I did this to my hand with hot oil when pulling 10:1 off the grill. I couldn't get some ice on it as we were in the middle of lunch rush. It's been a week since.

> tfw you try to get the burning off but it just smears and spreads

[Anonymous No.4848593]

Working in a grocery store deli. We had an actual stove top in the back, electric but I still could make home cooked meals. Someone left the top on low all day and I didn't realize it was on. I start cleaning it that night and absentmindedly put my hand down on one of the oldschool metal heat rings. Instant sizzle. Perfect ring shaped burns going across my entire hand and fingers.

[Anonymous No.4848608]

>>4848584
wtf? are you me?

[Anonymous No.4848611]

>>4848584
>>4848608
btw after it crusted over i just took a hot shower and rubbed off the singed skin...

[Anonymous No.4848654]

>>4848584
>>4848608
HAHA! You guys are twins.

[Anonymous No.4848679]

>>4848608
>>4848584
Use yellow mustard on 1st-2nd degree burns, just not on broken skin. You have to use it ASAP as soon as you get burned and you leave it on the entire area for 15 minutes then wash it off. If it is cold that will help sooth, but it is a compound in the yellow mustard that will help save your skin. You can have a pretty bad 2nd degree burn and it will be gone the next day with barely any tenderness or redness at all, if you get yellow mustard on it in time.

Google, "yellow mustard burn". Shit is amazing. Soy sauce works to, but is too messy I think.

[Anonymous No.4848681]

>senior year of high school
>home ec
>cooking phyllo pastries with whatever the fuck we want
>use habaneros
>hour after school
>take a piss
>habaneros on the tip of my dick
>pain spreads to entire legular area
>sit in bathtub pouring milk on my cock trying not to scream
>limp for the rest of the night
>never even got to eat my phyllo pastry

[Anonymous No.4848701]

>>4848681
> sit in bathtub pouring milk on my cock trying not to scream
Best shit I've heard all night, anon.

[Anonymous No.4848865]

>>4848608
>>4848584
Egg whites do amazing things for burns as well.

[Anonymous No.4848873]

>be cooking naked cuz bachelor pad
>oil heating up in skillet
>too lazy to thaw frozen chicken breast
>plop it in hot oil
>hot oil all over my dick
>curl into a ball and cry for a good thirty minutes
>forget about my chicken
>burnt

Worst day ever.

[Anonymous No.4848877]

>>4846897
>>mint juice in eye
haven't seen that one yet.

[Anonymous No.4849158]

>come home from workout with hot girlfriend
>getting some salmon ready for post-workout deliciousness
>gf teasing me to hurry up for a quickie while dinner's in the oven
>quickly go take a leak and wash my hands
>she's about to go down on me
>"wtf anon your dick smells like salmon!"

[Anonymous No.4849206]

>working at Sbux
>lady wants a couple of pumpkin scones heated
>pull them out of the oven when they're done
>molten sugar gets all over my fucking hand
>"Are my scones ready?"

[Anonymous No.4849231]

>>4848363
Sucked. Past tense, remember?
And yeah, I was pretty bad, especially with anything involving cleaning/disposing of hot grease. Can't tell you how many minor burns I got from cleaning the fucking deep fryers. I was happiest whenever they kept me on dishes. Utterly disgusting, but painless and kind of relaxing in a weird way.

[Anonymous No.4849235]

Just happened yesterday, made salsa and got hot pepper all over my arms and face, burned like a motherfucker.

[Anonymous No.4849274]

>Be in my former restaurant's kitchen
>Chef friend and me got there early to do some spring cleaning
>Dishwashing station
>Loads of chemicals under the sinks
>Take a container, curious to know what's in it
>Take a whiff
>Iamsofuckingdumb.jpg
>Feel lightheaded
>Go outside
>Smoke
>Feeling passes

I think it was ammonia. At least it was pretty diluted, so I came through unscathed. I could have fucking died because of my retardedness. I have a few other minor stories (chili flakes residue on dick, etc), but this was the worse.

[Anonymous No.4849278]

>>4849274
you should have hung your chef friend by the balls for not labeling his bottles
it was HIS kitchen, was it not?

[Anonymous No.4849276]

>>4849274
worst*

Fuck.

[Anonymous No.4849285]

>Be making caramels
>Everything melted down, go to transfer
>Think it's cooled enough b/c no visible steam/bubbling and it's been sitting for a few minutes
>Dip a spoon in, let it sit, dab it with finger
>Big fucking mistake
>Searing pain, panic, hot melted sugar stuck to my finger

I got it off but I had a horrendous blister on my finger, hurt like a bitch.

[Anonymous No.4849287]

>>4849278
Well, theoretically, he was a sous-chef, but we would often both run the kitchen on our own especially on weekends and nights. The "real" chef worked during the day and was barely able to get through a day shift without freaking out and wasn't even able to manage a kitchen, let alone label stuff.

[Anonymous No.4849288]

absolute worst would be 12-year-old me deciding that the best way to quench a grease fire would be some water
at least I wasn't totally retarded and threw it on from afar
also, I was lucky that there was only very little grease in the skillet
a tower of flame blackened the ceiling...

[Anonymous No.4849289]

>>4849287
well SOMEONE needed to be hung by the balls
I mean, wtf
someone could have grabbed that shit thinking it was cooking oil or some shit

[Anonymous No.4849292]

>>4849289
Yeah, the higher ups at this place were complete retards. My friend and I got the fuck out and found other places to work at. I mean, the owner once came into the kitchen and said "there's too much cream in the vinaigrette". We all said "ok" and got back to work laughing like idiots.

[Anonymous No.4849291]

>>4848681
>legular area
lel

[Anonymous No.4849293]

>Be me
>Have a film crew
>This happens
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noFCekWiUGE

[Anonymous No.4849301]

>>4849293
Sweet baby Jesus. I feel horrible right now.

[Anonymous No.4849305]

>>4849292
glad that you left

[Anonymous No.4849308]

>>4849293
jesus fuck man I just ate
what the fuck

[Anonymous No.4849309]

> fap
> decide to make some sandwiches
> make them and eat
> remember that forgot to wash hands after fap

i was eating my own cum

[Anonymous No.4849313]

>>4849309
could have been someone else's

[Anonymous No.4849363]

>>4848584
I have one like that (but bigger) right now. I was afraid it was going to scar, but so far looks like it's healing up fine.

[Anonymous No.4849372]

>>4848873
To be fair, that was idiotic in several ways.

[Anonymous No.4849388]

Made up a huge pop of chili in my largest aluminum pot. Bent over to get something from underneath the sink, something feels off. I get up and realize that my shoulder has been touching the EXTREMELY hot side of the pot. Strangely only hurt for a moment. Turned red and scabbed over a few days later. Still have a little lighter patch of skin there.

[Anonymous No.4849898]

My uncle told me this one -
Was cooking a hot dish
Handling chilli peppers and their innards
Goes to toilet
Grabs dick
Chilli powder still on hands
Dick goes up in flames

[Anonymous No.4849961]

>>4849309
Why would you eat your own cum in that situation?

I usually cum in bottles and don't get a drip of cum on my hands

[Anonymous No.4849967]

>work at Mongolian grill
>wearing non slip shoes
>somehow slip
>fall backwards onto grill
>put hand down to try to catch myself
>MOTHER OF GOD MY HAND

Shit hurt so bad but it healed up pretty quick. One of my coworkers told me to put raw eggs on it which helped

[Anonymous No.4850236]

>>4849308
>>4849301
>haven't seen that video before

[Anonymous No.4850280]

Not exactly an injury but this really hurt my feelings

>feeling very sick and far away from home
>decide to make soup from scratch because I have the day off work anyway so why not?
>make the base properly, soup stock with the bones of the chicken I just ended up carving, etc
>decide to start drinking some neo-citran about 3/4ths of the way through
>add cut up vegetables last, add it to soup
>test the soup and oh my fucking god it's heavenly
>not thinking, I take the just boiled neocitrian and pour it into the soup instead of the salt that I placed beside the cup
>WHY DID THIS JUST HAPPEN?
>try not to cry while pouring the soup in the toilet
>wrap self in blanket on the couch and commence weeping
>"who really likes soup anyway?"

If there only was a rewind button...I was having a really shitty day and me moving slow motion the prep for this took me 2 hours. I look at that liquid medicine with such distain now.

[Anonymous No.4850309]

>>4850236
I wish I was cool like you.

[Anonymous No.4850329]

I work in a 'pollos a la brasa' restaurante (or blackened chicken if you want to call it).

Once trying to lit up the charcoal with plastic bags a bit of molten plastic fell right to might right index.
It made a hole, not a big one but a hole nevertheless.
It's been 3 months since that, still have the scar.

Once the deep frier gas hose exploded right next to my ear (they were using a cheap home kitchen hose), felt dizzy as fuck and I asked to go home. Shit was not fun.

I still work there

[Anonymous No.4850336]

I've cut 3 of my fingers on the left hand. It's always with a small knife I have that I use instead of the big one cause I don't feel like washing that one later. Cutting herbs usually, I scraped all of my fingers/thumb on my left hand but 3 of them had really deep cuts. I nearly chopped off a whole bit of my thumb, it was like dangling hanging on by a piece and I contemplated ripping it off but it fused back, I don't have much feeling there though.

[Anonymous No.4850348]

>work deep fryer at a restaurant
>someone orders battered fish
>batter it, put it in the oil
>time to pull it out
>tongs puncture a pocket full of oil
>oil sprays all up my forearm

That hurt like a motherfucker. I'm surprised I didn't end up with any scarring.

[Anonymous No.4850358]

threw a frozen flounder fillet into a pan of smoking oil. 2nd degree burns suck.

today at work, the fry cook brought in some peppers he grew at home. don't know why I believed him when he said they weren't hot. ate a whole raw habanero, threw up after chugging half a gallon of milk. I'm good with spicy stuff, but it wasn't ripe so it tasted like shit.

[Anonymous No.4850363]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPNYUpbsJ8E

A bit of comedy gold hidden around youtube

[Anonymous No.4850391]

>pot full of beef bones and water
>add veggies
>gunna make a nice stock
>go play videogames and forget
>come back to my kitchen on fire

I ended up seriously hurting my foot after stepping into molten plastic while barefoot. Couple coats of paint and the landlord was none the wiser.

[Anonymous No.4850922]

>>4846897
that really isn't that bad. when im hungover, i rub spearmint oil on my temples and it always gets in my eyes. one time i was cutting habaneros and serranos and decided to go take my contacts out....

[Anonymous No.4850927]

>"making" cup noodles when I was 12
>splash boiling water onto back of hand
>becomes giant boil which eventually pops and gets infected for two weeks
that was fun. Thankfully, nothing approaching that has happened since. Knock on wood.

[Anonymous No.4850925]

>making thai curry
>chopping up some hot chilis
>eye itches
>scratch eye
>can't see for 10 minutes, eye is burning
>lay on couch waiting for the pain to subside
>goes away
>continue cooking
>eye itches again
>scratch again
>some burning pain

Don't drink and cook, turns me into a fucking moron.

[Anonymous No.4850966]

>making some kind of noodle soup
>have hot sauce which is basically capsaicin water, no flavor just heat
>1 milliion shu
>splash in soup, taste
>have to pee
>go to bathroom
>unzip pants, peeing
>dick starts to burn
>oh god it's unbearable
>get wet paper towel and put ice in it, put on dick for 45 minutes

I guess there was a little bit of the liquid on the cap and I didn't wash my hands.

[Anonymous No.4851250]

[Anonymous No.4851282]

>>4846962
>eyes are normally a muddle of blue and grey with slight green coloration

so beautiful

[Anonymous No.4853380]

>>4850309
Some day you just might be. If you lurk more.

[Anonymous No.4853476]

>>4846958
>>10 minutes later, gf and I getting bus
>>10 minutes later, gf and I getting bus
>>10 minutes later, gf and I getting bus
>>10 minutes later, gf and I getting bus
>>10 minutes later, gf and I getting bus
>> getting bus

[Anonymous No.4853546]

>>4849293
Holy fucking fuck..

[Anonymous No.4853568]

>>4853476
>how do i into greentext

[Anonymous No.4853571]

>>4853568
I took my failure in stride.

[Anonymous No.4853613]

>>4846878
>Chop chili
>Decide to take a piss
>What is this im feeling?

[Anonymous No.4853720]

>>4846962
Dana?

[Anonymous No.4853733]

>>4846962
>useless bitch who's a smoker and pops pills

Jenny is that you?

[Anonymous No.4853824]

ITT:
>(Insert Verb) something hot (hot sauce, chilis, oil).
>Go do something else
>Touch (insert body part)
>OH WHY DOES IT HURT

[Anonymous No.4853831]

>>4850927
>knocks on wood
>gets splinter embedded in finger
>gets infected
>sorry there's nothing we can do, it has to be amputated says doc

;_;

[Anonymous No.4853858]

>>4853831
>be American
>"That'd be $ 7000 for the amputation plus mandatory tip."

[Anonymous No.4853865]

>>4853858
>b-but I can't afford that..... ;_;

Annnnnd straight into the prison it goes

[Anonymous No.4853881]

Jacked off after working with Jalapenos, it didn't really hurt much at the start but it was a gradual increase. I couldn't stop, was already too deep into the session to stop. The end feeling was interesting to say the least.

[Anonymous No.4853897]

>Cleaning drain covers
>Greasestrip those faggots (Our floors get greasy as fuck
>When rinsing accidentally get the backspray on my arm
>YAYBURNS!
>Get those faggots perfectly rinsed
>Time for Lime-A-Way in a bucket for these things
>AWW YEAH, LOOKING SHINY
>Boss recommends bleaching them
>Rise that shit so good, cause mixing chemicals
>Throw em in a bucket with a gallon bleach
>Why does it smell like a swimming pool
>Why are my eyes and nose burning
>Forgot to rinse bucket out
>Hold breath, close eyes, run into the dishroom and dump the bucket out and turn on sink
#chlorinegas

[Anonymous No.4853898]

>>4853881
>Jacked off after working with Jalapenos

I read that ass "jacked of another worker at Jalapenos," as if Jalapenos is some sort of chili's-like restaurant and you were giving handies in the stockroom.

[Anonymous No.4853909]

>>4853897
>le world war one face

[Anonymous No.4853982]

>Second year apprentice chef
>working at casino
>using butchers slicer
> hundreds of cold roast beef's to slice up for deli meat
>been slicing for 5 hours get absent minded this at an end on a 12hr shift
>suddenly feel sharp pain in my thumbs
> blood is everywhere
> i had just cut off the tops of my thumbs

Shit hurt man but i was lucky it was only the fleshy part of my thumbs but you could see bone

And thats not the least as a chef ive done all sorts of stuff to me like a knife fell into my foot.
Arm into a deep fryer.
Hand stuck to the top of an oven, chef used a egg flip to get it out.
And loads of times ive cut my self badly. Life of a chef....