ask me

[drunkcook No.4474687]

Ask a bored, drunk cook anything. Been in the industry over 15 years, from crappy conglomerates to 3 star, dish pit to sous. I'll be around for a couple hours tonight, and the next couple nights, at the least. If the thread is still alive, I'll do my lushing best to answer.

[Anonymous No.4474703]

any general horror stories would please me

[Anonymous No.4474706]

>>4474687
You watched Orphan Black yet? Good show.

[drunkcook No.4474716]

>>4474703
So many over 15 years. Why kind are you looking for? Shitty boss? Disgusting workplace? Retarded/disgusting/idiot coworkers? Shenanigans? Other?
>>4474706
I haven't heard of it. I don't watch much TV as I'm an overworked kitchen bitch. Quick synopsis? If no, that's cool, will look it up.

[Anonymous No.4474721]

>>4474716
The coworkers one, shenanigans, and customer ones like the coworker, please.

[Anonymous No.4474730]

>>4474716
Woman sees her clone die. Takes her identity. Figures out there's other clones. They all try to figure what the fucking is going on. I run out of vodka after the store closed. I reply to your thread.

[Anonymous No.4474738]

Culinary school: Yay or Nay?

[Anonymous No.4474753]

>>4474738
If you want to specialise.

[drunkcook No.4474758]

>>4474721
I watched a coworker decide to scrub the stars (representing the Michelin stars) hanging above the chef's table once. If you don't know, the chef's table is usually a small, isolated room that can be rented out by a small party for extravagant sums, usually with a view of the kitchen. Anyway, this kid decides to clean these stars. He starts in on one with abrasive cleaner and a scouring pad. Rubs the paint right off. Didn't start at an edge or corner or anything. Ends up fucking the entire thing over before deciding to stop. Not really a bad story, but watching him try to explain to chef why there were now only two stars on the wall was priceless.

I went to empty and clean out an 120 quart steam-jacketed kettle full of stock that had been cooking for two days. The spigot wasn't working properly, and I had to suspend myself with ropes on the overhead sprinklers to dig around in the steaming hot mess with a giant paddle and tongs, mission impossible style, to unclog it. As it turns out, three heavy-duty plastic bags had been cooked with the bones and veg and trimmings because an FNG who claimed to be a saucier couldn't figure out how to get frozen bones out of the bags to roast them before adding to the stock, and he decided to just throw the entire packages in while frozen. We still used the stock.

[drunkcook No.4474760]

>>4474758
I went in early for brunch one day, and heard a thud against the walk-in door. No one should have been there at this time, so I was kind of freaked out. I grabbed a cleaver and opened up the door to the walk in to catch the half-naked pastry chef with half a leg submerged in a 10 gallon bucket of wet pancake mix as she nearly fell over because she was being partially supported by her new, equally undressed apprentice (also female landwhale) after having broken the lid on the container in what I can only assume was some sort of lesbian landwhale kamasutra ritual. The bucket tipped over, and 10 gallons of egg, butter, cream, and sugar spilled everywhere. Both landwhales were too embarrassed to stick around, and I didn't really want them to, either. So I got to clean up.

[Anonymous No.4474765]

>>4474760
Holy fuck

[drunkcook No.4474764]

>>4474730
Sounds kinda cool. Might be my type of thing. Is it well done, or lots of hotties?

[Anonymous No.4474766]

>>4474764
Yea mang.

[Anonymous No.4474768]

What is your most favourite food to cook if you get the chance for a meal break?

[drunkcook No.4474780]

>>4474738
I did, but I have mixed feelings. Monetarily it's fucking stupid. You'll still be paying it off well after the amount of time it'd take you to get the same sort of knowledge by just working at good places. On the other hand, if you have access to funding, the book learning ain't bad. If it's a shit school, don't bother, and if you don't plan on being an executive chef, or owning your own place, something along those lines, most of the book learning will be wasted. A few community college classes might be good if you really can't learn from books on your own, as they're cheap and more versatile in schedules. Oh, and there's a lot of fucktards who graduate from culinary school programs that really piss off chefs that have made it the hard way, so be prepared to deal with a lot of inherent shit as a result, if you go that way.

[Anonymous No.4474777]

>>4474687
Is it true a lot of cooks are fucking junkies? Not implying you are unless you are in fact a raging alcoholic.

My friend who happens to be a heroin junkie once saw at culinary school a guy cut off his own finger while on xanax and methadone.

Any stories like this?

[Anonymous No.4474824]

OP, know I am awaiting your every word. Especially interested in bad customers and revenge

[drunkcook No.4474833]

>>4474768
I've never cooked anything just for myself while on the job. The only place I worked at that did a meal break had big communal meals where we used whatever we had that was low cost, not on the menu anymore, or close to exp. I can make a mean fucking "smorgasbord" as a result, though, and I still find that kind of shit fun. Using up what you have available to make something kick ass seems like more of a worthy and rewarding challenge than having access to whatever you desire (as in fine dining) a lot of the time, and, when it comes out good, pride is a supreme ingredient that no amount of money can buy.
>>4474777
I'm not alcohol dependent, yet. I do skate a fine line and use it as a crutch, though. I haven't seen any rageshit like that, yet, but I worked under a sous who used to pull 180's in moods in the time it took him to go to the bathroom with a clean plate to snort some shit off of. That whole crew was like that, really. If they decided to be a dick, it was usually coke influenced. Still not sure I'd call them junkies as opposed to addicts, as they functioned well despite it, and it wasn't something they HAD to do all the time, but probably would if they had infinite supply, but never had that kind of free dough, if that makes any sense. They wouldn't go pulling out their teeth and shit to get it, you know? I did watch a guy break something like 10 plates over his head just to prove how tough/crazy he was to another guy who was trying to intimidate him. I'm guessing that was fairly drug related.

[Anonymous No.4474847]

>>4474833
Interesting. Just so you know i didnt mean to be judgemental im alcohol dependant myself you see. I ask since my last two drug hookup guys happened to be chefs.

I still cant believe that storymy friend told, it wasnt rage shit btw. He was mincing something completely fucked up and drooling on methadone and xanax and cut his finger straight to the bone. His reaction was to giggle and say coool while everyone freaked.

Any gnarly kitchen accidents like this? That may or may not be drug fueled?

[drunkcook No.4474883]

>>4474824
I take too much pride in what I do to fuck with anyone's food, so I don't have that kind of personal revenge story. I have been tempted an plenty of occasions, and if I felt like I was stuck at a shit job, I could easily see that attitude change. Still not quite sure how far I'd take it. Most of the time, when I get shit customer orders, send backs, and shit like that, I just default to abject ambivalence. Well done steak not done well enough? Sure thing, chief, I'm pressing the everliving shit out of that in burning oil until it's charred to a fucking crisp. I hope you choke on your gourmet food that you asked me to fuck up for you. I know there are people who just don't know any better, but those people typically won't send back a truly well-done steak for a 2nd or, god fucking help you, 3rd time.
I heard a customer go into a rage over who the fuck knows what, screaming in a shrill voice. At the sound of it, I took my shit off the burners and went to the porthole to see wtf was going on. Not even joking, this guy was snapping his fingers while waving his arms about limply in the servers' face all no-you-didn' style. Chef called over the biggest guy on the crew to escort the piece of shit out of the restaurant if he didn't calm down at the sight of him. Well, he didn't. I think he knew the intent was semi-intimidating, and that pissed him off even more. He took a drunken swing with his leg at Hodir's crotch, deflected into the table instead. Spilled shit everywhere, glasses breaking and near by tables gasping audibly. Anyone who hadn't been paying attention to him sure as fuck was now. Hodir politely informed the table that the "gentleman" would be escorted outside, and that they were free to continue their dining at our establishment, with a round on us, if they desired, all while holding the flailing, drunk freakazoid in one arm. He then carried him out, trying to keep him from kicking at any other customers or tables.

[drunkcook No.4474895]

>>4474847
I've seen enough trash go through kitchens that I think it's possible. They just don't stick around. usually it'd be because they managed to hold it together long enough to have a decent interview or stage for a prep job, then fuck themself up a month or so into it. I could totally see it happening in the typical cafe, but I have spent most of my time in the fancier places, where the shit that really fucks with the operation isn't tolerated. That's not to say plenty of fucked up people and fucked up stuff doesn't happen, but usually it's outside the workplace, or just in stories of what happened on the day off. Some of the best sources for stories like that for me are from the dish crew. Those fuckers never cease to amaze me. I love the degenerates, though, as they keep me from having to do that shit job.

[Anonymous No.4474914]

A couple of years ago I saw another butcher cut a finger off with a bone saw. I have also heard another stories were someone lost an arm in a pet food mincer and a guy sliced his knee cap open while gutting hanging pigs

[Anonymous No.4475600]

Thanks OP. I passed out halfway through the thread, but I still appreciate the drunken idiot story greatly.

[drunkcook No.4477551]

>>4474914
>cut a finger off with a bone saw
What was he doing? Impatient or careless at the wrong time?
>>4475600
I aim to please.

On a similar note, I have pretty much finished pic related. Feeling a little sullied as a result. Might have to pull a cork to make it a better night.

[Anonymous No.4477584]

>>4474760
Oh my god lol

[Anonymous No.4477597]

>>4474895
Wee are all seeing and all hearing, the vermin are our eyes and ears.

[drunkcook No.4477613]

>>4477597
You a dish monger, or a Brad Pitt fan?

[Anonymous No.4477646]

>>4474833
Smörgåsbord? You swedish?

[drunkcook No.4477665]

>>4477646
Nah, I bastardized the term to loosely describe a mix 'n match layout. Swedes do some good stuff with food, though. Wouldn't mind finding someone with a decent amount of that knowledge to cook with.

[Anonymous No.4477672]

>>4477665
Well, except the kebab pizzas, the fermented herring and the shitton of potatoes, I guess we're fine. I've honestly only recently developed an interest for cooking, so I haven't dug that deep into our culinary history yet.That being said, what's the easiest food to make for you? On a menu, I mean. Is it food you can whip up quickly or easily or a specific dish?

[Anonymous No.4477722]

>>4474687
Eat your own excrement you piece of diarrhea.

[drunkcook No.4477771]

>>4477672
If it's on a menu, it's usually pretty much down to a science. Restaurant cooking is a different animal from domestic cooking. You spend 6-7 hours prepping for the service, 4-5 on service itself. By the time you're at service, all your stuff should be ready to go to where you can apply the last heat to the food, and then plate, to get it to the table in minutes. Some of the easiest food is usually breakfast or brunch, but those are usually short service periods with high volume, so the ease is complicated by required speed. Dishes that are fussy are what I would consider the hardest. Uncooperative things like large roasts with varied composition that need tender loving care for long periods of time, or whole birds or sucklings can be a thing of great frustration when trying to get each part done to a particular specification, but they can also be glorious. The dishes that always stand out to me as being the easiest are the ones that just naturally work with the established pace of service, and don't take a lot of steps in plating, intentionally rustic dishes tend to fit that mold a lot of the time. At home, I do a lot of one pot or one pan cooking. Sometimes it takes extra steps to make it good, but if it cuts down on the clean up, that is a big part of my definition of ease. Most of my experience is in American, French, and Italian food, so as far as ease in familiarity, it'd be one of those three categories, with American being the most familiar. I pick up anything and everything I can from anywhere, and am fond of stir frying (though I don't have the right set up to do a proper stir fry at home, so I have to improvise a bit) and Thai or Indian curries since I've been playing with them since I was a teenager.

[drunkcook No.4477795]

>>4477722
b-but... I love you.
p-p-please love me.

In all honesty, though, I tend not to notice a lot of discernible pieces of diarrhea. It tends to be a soupy mass.

[Anonymous No.4477997]

>>4474687

what is it like being a drunk cook? does you boss not mind?