TWO BOWTIES ENTER ONE BOWTIE LEAVES

[Anonymous No.4015218]

[RF360 !!s1shuD45usb No.4015221]

The left.

[Anonymous No.4015231]

test kitchen gives you recipes and equipment recommendations you dont need to study chemistry and engineering to understand/remember

good eats is nice for educational purposes, not recipes

[Anonymous No.4015233]

>>4015231
So you're saying it's like comparing orange bow-ties to apple bow-ties?

[Anonymous No.4015258]

I love Alton Brown.

[Anonymous No.4015312]

nye

[Anonymous No.4015341]

>>4015218
the atk guy. even though he never does anything on the show. he just walks around and eats free food that everyone else has worked their butts off to get right.

[Anonymous No.4015349]

kimball always

if you listened to alton you'd still be picking bits of glass wool out of your beef jerky

[Anonymous No.4015358]

>>4015341
“Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!”
He's aloof and unassuming, but he's the mastermind.

[Anonymous No.4015373]

There was a period in my life about 2 years ago where I was in a deep depressive state and had an episode that led to a schizophrenia diagnosis. It was the worst period of my life and I literally live in terror of it happening again and am on 2 medications and various vitamins and supplements to stave off another occurrence.

Anyway I was basically at the lowest point in my entire life and began believing that certain songs and coincidental occurrences were directed towards me. I thought of the band Rush one day and heard "Tom Sawyer" on the radio and was convinced it was describing myself and my path.

I spiraled out of control and spent most of my money on a new amp, speakers, and very expensive gold antenna cable and steel tubing in an attempt to turn my apartment balconey into a massive relay beacon. Things were going really weird and the one friend I hadn't pushed away stopped coming over after he saw a guitar magazine with the eyes of everyone inside stabbed out.

[Anonymous No.4015374]

I started understanding that my faith and lineage were intertwined with certain idiosyncracies shared by celebrities and other people on TV and popular media. I was "researching" (watching TV) and began watching Fox TV and the Food Network because I was fascinated by the bowties of Tucker Carlson and Alton Brown. I began writing rather complex analyses of their body language and mannerisms in an attempt to elucidate the origin and meaning of Abrahamic religions with respect to the context of the first 5 minutes of the subtending programs.

I would watch every episode I could find of them and analyze not only their actions and subconscious symbolism and commands but also the first 5 minutes of the programs before and after them and chart the commercials throughout.

I felt there must be a pattern to be had but my thesis was never completed and thankfully I entered treatment and after one month I returned to my apartment and physically threw out my harddrive to rid myself of the obsession.

[Anonymous No.4015377]

By the end I was on my couch for almost 6 days straight, urinating in bottles, eating cold pizza and other delivery, smoking marijuana, and only getting up to go number 2. I would not leave the television area and could not take my eyes off it in case I missed "the last piece". My sex drive began to creep up and I began masterbating while watching the TV; essentially I was masterbating while staring into the eyes of Tucker Carlson and Alton Brown and trying to silently mouth what they were preaching.

It was odd and felt very wrong, but after 3 days I was basically masterbating to them full-on and to this day I feel flushed and almost excited when I see a man in a bowtie. I am not a homosexual, but I feel the strong emotions during this painful episode have imprinted on me and they are manifested in a strong physical response that is not necessary sexual in a mental or conscious sense. Thankfully things are much, much better and I no longer watch TV and try not to think too deeply into what I have written.

[Anonymous No.4015382]

>>4015373
>>4015374
>>4015377
We've all been there, bro. Who hasn't?

[Anonymous No.4015388]

>>4015358
well, he manages the whole operation, but i dont' know how involved he is in creating the recipes

[Anonymous No.4015391]

>>4015373
>>4015374
>>4015377

[Anonymous No.4015399]

>>4015377
>essentially I was masterbating while staring into the eyes of Tucker Carlson and Alton Brown and trying to silently mouth what they were preaching.
W-what?

[Anonymous No.4015418]

>>4015388
Yeah, I guess I don't have any proof, just a feeling I get from reading his editorials in "Cook's Illustrated". Been reading them since launch. I'm old. Not necessarily right.

[Anonymous No.4015812]

Alton Brown don't be stupid.

[Anonymous No.4015818]

> not picking Sir Donald Tsang Yam-kuen, KBE, GBM
> any date after 2005

[Anonymous No.4015823]

>>4015818
Fucking...weeaboo...

[Anonymous No.4015830]

Some of the things alton brown does are ridiculous. His turkey frying contraption for one.

[Anonymous No.4015834]

[Anonymous No.4015840]

>bow ties
>not string tie master race
Bow down to the king.

[Anonymous No.4015842]

>>4015834

ha ha, oh wow

[Anonymous No.4015855]

>>4015840
I garrontee

[Anonymous No.4015857]

>>4015840
Fuck that guy, I stopped watching his shit when I found out his dirty rice had NO CHICKEN LIVERS!
That aint dirty rice Justin. That aint dirty rice.

[Anonymous No.4015858]

>>4015840
LOL Colonel Sanders.
He wasn't a real cook.
I bet you think Chef Boyardee is real too.

[Anonymous No.4015859]

>>4015858

If Aunt Jemima can be real, then so can Chef Boyardee. When you grow up you will realize that reverse racism is still racism.

[Anonymous No.4015862]

>>4015858
>>4015859
But chef boyardee is real...

[Anonymous No.4015863]

>>4015858
I want to cram haberneros up you ass for making such an ignorance laced post like that one right there.

[Anonymous No.4015869]

Alton is the one who sparked my love of cooking. He changed my childish conception of it being complicated and scary into something logical and perfectly in my grasp.

[Anonymous No.4015872]

>>4015859
>reverse racism
White people word

[Anonymous No.4015874]

>>4015858
10/10
Made me spike my pencil on my desk in disgust, scream at my computer, and reply

[Anonymous No.4015875]

>>4015391
inb4 sabbatic goat sex

[Anonymous No.4015923]

>>4015377
I can completely relate. I used to masturbate because it was necessary while no stimulus was provided. This ended up with me, essentially, just masturbating to anything that happened to be around me and the links still exist today.

[Anonymous No.4015929]

>>4015872
yeah, because it's straight racism now, and all black people have it.

[Anonymous No.4015945]

>>4015869
I agree...kind of.

Alton Brown was simultaneously the man who made me realize that 1.) you need the right tool for the job and 2.) people have been cooking for years without thermometers and other gadgets.

To deep fry a turkey the Alton Brown way, you need a ladder, a rope, a pulley, a window cleat, and a carabiner. No. Just no.

Want to make chicken stock? You'll first need a steamer basket, frozen water bottles, and an ice chest full of water.

I feel sorry for anyone who goes out and buys all the equipment his recipes call for.

[Anonymous No.4015988]

>>4015377

[Anonymous No.4016166]

>>4015373
>>4015374
>>4015377
I read this twice. Wow.

[Anonymous No.4016213]

>>4015373
I do that kind of shit when i'm on coke which is not very often- i think i might be schitzo

[Anonymous No.4016254]

Alton Brown is god to autistics.

[Anonymous No.4016267]

>>4016254
God*
You mean to use the word as a pronoun rather than a noun, so it has a capital G.

[Anonymous No.4016269]

>>4016254
what's that supposed to mean?

anyway, I like alton because of how he'd explain why he does things the way he does.

[Anonymous No.4016272]

>>4016267
>pronouns are always capitalized

How does I grammar?

[Anonymous No.4017196]

>>4015373
This is fucked bro

[Anonymous No.4017228]

>>4015218
Alton Brown is trying too hard on the educator/nerd thing. Bow-tie? Yeah...how about no.

He actually probably thinks he'll be remembered like Mr. Wizard or Carl Sagan.

Fail on every level.

[Anonymous No.4018517]

>>4017228
>Alton Brown is trying too hard on the educator/nerd thing. Bow-tie? Yeah...how about no.
>He actually probably thinks he'll be remembered like Mr. Wizard or Carl Sagan.
>Fail on every level.
This x 1,000,000

[Anonymous No.4018532]

I've started to dislike Alton after he defended Guy Fieri of all people. No thanks. And Kimball is an actual food god.

[Anonymous No.4018569]

Btw, Louis Farrakhan makes a mean humus

[Anonymous No.4018776]

I used to love Alton till I found out he is a christian. How can I possibly trust him when it comes to anything sciency?
Bill Nye needs to learn to cook.

[Anonymous No.4018787]

>>4018532
>defended Guy Fieri
when was this?

[Anonymous No.4018796]

>>4018787
I was curious too.

[Anonymous No.4018946]

>>4018532
>Implying he's not obligated to by the food network

Alton's not the best food person ever or anything certainly but he was the first person to get me really interested in food, and very few people you see actually bother to tell you WHY you're doing the things you're asked to do. I think that alone is pretty awesome.

[Anonymous No.4018950]

>>4018946
>and very few people you see actually bother to tell you WHY you're doing the things you're asked to do. I think that alone is pretty awesome.
But that is just his schtick. He did it for a brand and ditched it to be a generic personality on cooking reality shows.

I wouldn't commend the fucking guy over that.

[Anonymous No.4019031]

>>4015945
Yeah he does tend to complicate things for no fucking reason. Just look at his apple pie recipe, it has like 18 ingredients. Apple pie is not that damn complicated, more than about 10 ingredients and you're just throwing money away.

>>4018776
He pretty much is the Bill Nye of cooking. His scientific integrity probably stems from his OCD more than anything.

[Anonymous No.4019034]

>>4019031
> scientific integrity
>Christianity

Pick one

[Anonymous No.4019049]

>>4017228
You.....
His entire bow tie and suit persona came from Doctor Who, he wears them BECAUSE Doctor Who and Mr.Wizard inspired him. It's not a "OMG I'M SUCH A NERD XDDDDD" its a fashion choice to go along with a t.v. entertainer persona. In the words of Alton Brown "If you wear a tie of any kind and a person scoffs or pokes fun at it, slap the shit out of them!"

[Anonymous No.4019081]

>>4018776
>Implying the realms of belief and knowledge cannot co-exist.

[Anonymous No.4019082]

>>4019049
You probably really believe this. This is why I hate Doctor Who fans.

[Anonymous No.4019083]

>>4019049
He simply has no taste of his own is what you're trying to say.

[Anonymous No.4019098]

>>4019081
I'm with this guy.

It doesn't bother me that he's a Christian. The only other options are other religions, atheism, or agnosticism. To be quite honest, the only one in that list that makes any sense is agnosticism.

Have you ever been to /r/atheism? They actively defend claims Carl Sagan wasn't an atheist. They get really touchy when anyone says he was, in fact, an agnostic.

Why is that? Why do people have a problem believing there could be a God and we have no way of knowing it? There's no evidence to support it either way.

Personally, I am completely open to the idea of there being a God.

Bottom-line: Atheists make me sick. The fact Alton Brown can separate his personal beliefs with his job is highly admirable.

And I absolutely can not stomach that disgusting faggot.

[Anonymous No.4019130]

>>4019098
lol every famous atheist is an agnostic, even dawkins.
do some research , the two are not mutually exclusive.

[Anonymous No.4019131]

>>4019130
I don't think you understand how this works.

[Anonymous No.4019143]

>>4019131
This might help

[Anonymous No.4019146]

>>4019131

[Anonymous No.4019158]

[Anonymous No.4019160]

>>4015218

who the holy fuck are those faggots

[Anonymous No.4019162]

>>4019158
Gnostic Atheists pretty much do not exist.

[Anonymous No.4019163]

>>4019143
Sorry, but no. That graph is creating a false dichotomy. You can combine the columns in both rows.

Gnostic Atheism and Gnostic Theism both imply knowledge where no evidence exists. In other words, a belief.

The bottom should just say Agnostic. They have no knowledge either way and make no assertions as to either.

[Anonymous No.4019176]

>>4018776
Never heard of Christian scientists? Fucking moron.

[Anonymous No.4019177]

>>4019098
Atheist that continuously remind you their atheist and only ridicule Christians annoy the fuck out of me.
They're like that gay guy that feels obligated to let you know he's gay.
And the fact that many of them only have a pick out at christfags reenforce my theory that those types of atheist are usually former Christians who got tired of going to church and dealing with asshole church people and now are on a mission to mess with them at every turn.

[Anonymous No.4019178]

>>4019163
You are misunderstanding the meaning of the word agnostic. This chart is semantically correct even though it does not support the popular culture definition of agnostic.
This is philosophy 201 stuff right out of the textbook.

[Anonymous No.4019182]

>>4019163
To be fair though, you are in good company. Even Neil deGrasse Tyson made the same mistake and had to be tuned up on the subject.

[Anonymous No.4019269]

>>4019178
No, I understand the word. You simply can not summarize the word with a graph.

[Anonymous No.4019309]

>>4019269
As I said before, that chart is right out of the textbook. Not sure how you get to dismiss it.

[Anonymous No.4019343]

>>4019309
>it's in a text book
>we must not question it
>just like the bible

captcha: remaineth essrtri

[Anonymous No.4019408]

>>4019309
I fear that you do not even understand the argument.
An atheist is not just a more extreme version of an agnostic. Atheism just means without theism. It does not mean mean guy that is out to yell at christians.
If you do not believe actively in god then you are an atheist. This you cannot really dispute.

[Anonymous No.4019415]

Personally I think that the term has become so mangled that it's practically useless. Under the original, rennaisance usage of the term, A-theist meant exactly what it's prefix and suffix implied.

A: Without

Theism: The belief in a present, personal god.


Thus it logically follows. If you don't believe that god exists AND that that god takes a personal interest in your own life, you're an atheist. It's simple, straightforward, and uncomplicated. Modern language has butchered an elegant word.

[Anonymous No.4019426]

>guys who's better
>turns into a debate about the semantics of the word "agnostic"

Fuck you, /ck/.

Also Alton is a bro.

[Anonymous No.4019427]

>>4015218
>TWO BOWTIES ENTER ONE BOWTIE LEAVES
did they uh, fuse or something?

[Anonymous No.4019445]

>>4019427

[Anonymous No.4019449]

>>4015377
>My sex drive began to creep up and I began masterbating while watching the TV; essentially I was masterbating while staring into the eyes of Tucker Carlson and Alton Brown and trying to silently mouth what they were preaching.
>It was odd and felt very wrong, but after 3 days I was basically masterbating to them full-on and to this day I feel flushed and almost excited when I see a man in a bowtie.

Great thread OP. Great thread.

[Anonymous No.4019491]

>>4019427
>>4019445

[Anonymous No.4019517]

You can't eat atheism guys.

[Anonymous No.4019518]

>>4015818
>did not do his job

[Anonymous No.4019523]

this board really went to shit when redditors starting trying to assimilate

[Anonymous No.4019542]

>>4019523
Agreed.

[Anonymous No.4019561]

>>4019523
>we are legion lulz lelelel xDDDD

[Anonymous No.4019573]

>>4015945
Don't talk shit about his deep-fried turkey method. At least for that one, he explains his reasoning for EVERYTHING, which is basically "Don't stand in front of a giant fucking pot of boiling oil and lean over it to put in a turkey. Use a pulley system so you can stand a little ways away from it and lower it in SLOWLY so it doesn't boil over and light your fucking house on fire." Seriously, you underestimate how many people manage to burn their house down doing this shit.

[Anonymous No.4019587]

>>4019573
If you want safety, take it out to the edge of the back yard. Thousands of people fry turkeys without ladders and pulleys.

[Anonymous No.4019733]

>>4019587
I fry mine using a Megazord.

[Anonymous No.4019748]

>>4019733
Stupid christian.

[Anonymous No.4019771]

>>4019748
Thats judaism dumbass

[Anonymous No.4019796]

>>4019771
This man knows his shit.

[Anonymous No.4019809]

>tfw nova has a really good special called "Can I Eat That?" that has some cool food science in it

We need more food science shows. There are hundreds of recipe shows

[Anonymous No.4019812]

>>4019049
alton brown has been wearing bow ties long before matt smith was even though of being casted.
also, bow ties are cool

[Anonymous No.4019933]

>>4019809
>"Can I Eat That?"
Thanks anon! Show even has David Pogue !
streaming now

http://video.pbs.org/video/2296861530/

[Anonymous No.4020082]

He even kills his own food.

[Anonymous No.4020290]

>>4020082
Looks like someone hand him the gun after they shot it.

[Anonymous No.4020316]

I'm going to go with america's test kitchen because the presentation isn't condescending.

[Anonymous No.4020318]

>>4020316
Isn't "AS" condescending. Sorry.

[Anonymous No.4020332]

He even plays his own guitar.

[Anonymous No.4020342]

>>4019427
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

[Anonymous No.4020349]

>>4020082
He looks like Sebastian Shaw as Darth Vader when they first remove the mask at the end of RotJ.

[Anonymous No.4020370]

>>4015218

looks like a hot mess of gay bowtie sex to me.....EVERYBODY WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous No.4020442]

>>4020332
he sounds like an asshole irl

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/14/magazine/cooks-illustrateds-christopher-kimball.html?pagewanted=al
l

how can he motivate people to cook meals when he believes its a chore? alton brown wins solely because he doesnt make you want to hate it

[Anonymous No.4020449]

>>4020442
>http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/14/magazine/cooks-illustrateds-christopher-kimball.html?pagewante
d=all

Totes. Pragmatism's gay.

[Anonymous No.4020479]

>>4020442
He's even a jerk on his own show so I don't know why you're surprised. What you see is what you get. He's better than Alton in that respect who has become nothing more that a Food Network shill.

[Anonymous No.4020674]

>>4019162
I take it you never had the displeasure of visiting /r/atheism - those fuckers KNOW there is no god.

[Anonymous No.4020882]

>>4020674
I bet that even those guys know you cant prove a negative. There really are no gnostic atheists

[Anonymous No.4021487]

Having met Alton Brown a few times in my life I can say that he firmly despises food network. Telling me that it's just a bunch of wacky no good chefs who use fancy words. He is quite a nice man.

[Anonymous No.4021625]

>>4021487
>Food Network
>bunch of wacky no good chefs who use fancy words
>Good Eats
>Alton Brown
He's right.

[Anonymous No.4021654]

>>4015218
I absolutely can't stand Alton Brown. His shows are little more than advertising/product placement for kitchen equipment.

He gives advice about avoiding uni-taskers like the garlic press, but then sends you on a hunt for some new piece of gadgetry every. single. episode.

Also, his recipes are fucked. In the episode where he shows you how to make fried chicken in a skillet, he burns the ever-living shit out of it.

He even makes hummus with peanut butter. Don't even try to defend him.

[Anonymous No.4021674]

>>4021654
>implying tahini is substantially different than peanut butter

[Anonymous No.4021767]

Alton Brown shows you how to cook like a hipster.

Christopher Kimball teaches you how to cook correctly.

[Anonymous No.4021806]

>>4021674

Go to the store. Buy a jar of tahini. Taste it.

Now, tell me how much you want to put that on a sandwich and eat it. I'm going to guess the answer is NOT AT ALL.

[Anonymous No.4021808]

>>4021654
Yeah, product placement and advertising, with all the brands he recommends.

Grow up.

[Anonymous No.4021813]

He made this for Thanksgiving.
/thread

[Anonymous No.4021814]

>>4021813
*Christopher Kimball

[Anonymous No.4021821]

>>4021808
I'm honestly not sure what it is you're trying to say.

[Anonymous No.4021952]

>>4021821
Alton brown never recommends brands in his show
if you ever watched it you'd know that

[Anonymous No.4021963]

>>4021952
>if you ever watched it you'd know that
Is that supposed to be an insult?

haha

[Anonymous No.4021969]

>>4021952
I never said anything about brands.

He informs you to buy a lot of equipment, and it's unnecessary most of the time.

[Anonymous No.4021975]

>>4021969
What equipment is unnecessary except for the kooky gadgets he tends to make.

[Anonymous No.4022027]

>>4021975
There's too many times to list. Here's one off the top of my head:

>pizza episode
>stone tiles
>kitchen aid stand mixer
>pizza peel

He never explains the stand mixer beyond, "It would take more than a hour to do this by hand," which is simply not true. But yet, he ignores the most important tool in baking, in my opinion: a scale.

How the episode should have went:

>a lesson on kneading and how it works
>how to use different pans (e.g. cast iron skillet, cake pan, cookie sheet, etc.) you might have in the kitchen and how this might effect the cooking times and final results
>baker's percentages
>how to avoid the pitfalls of using volume measurements if you can't afford a scale

[Anonymous No.4022038]

>>4022027
>"It would take more than a hour to do this by hand,"
lol did he actually say that? What a fucking idiot, I make pizza dough by hand at least 1-2 times a month and I don't spend an hour at it.

[Anonymous No.4022061]

>>4022038
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=rK6MEXMFFPg#t=482s

[Anonymous No.4022523]

>>4022027

he gives magic formula recipes and equipment configurations because it's a half hour piece of entertainment selling itself on a sort of 'food hacks' mentality. I don't think there's anything wrong with taking a different angle like that, and recommending use of a pizza stone and peel is really not a bad thing. i'm surprised he didn't actually weigh things though. unless he specified measurements but just didn't show himself measuring, in which case you're a retard.

honestly it's pretty obvious you're just trying to be a naysayer. he has plenty of easy recipes, plenty of cheap ones, plenty of foolproof ones. no he does not teach you a curriculum based on key skills and first principles and so on, but no tv chef has ever done that effectively. you can't construct an effective teacher-student relationship in an entertainment medium.

[Anonymous No.4022525]

>>4015218
I'd fuck either of them tbh.

[Anonymous No.4022526]

>>4022061

so, half an hour.

[Anonymous No.4022716]

>>4022523
>in which case you're a retard

Stopped reading there. Come back when you're ready to behave like an adult.

[Anonymous No.4022723]

>>4022716
>4chan
>expect people to behave like adults

I think you're in the wrong place bub.

[Anonymous No.4022750]

>>4022723
How cute...

[Anonymous No.4022755]

>>4022750
Grow up, junior.

Maybe when you are an adult paying bills and taking care of responsibilies you will understand that maturity is earned not simply handed out based on number of years on this planet.

Grow up. Just grow up.

[Anonymous No.4022772]

>>4022755
So cute...

[Anonymous No.4022815]

>>4021625
Except any repeats of Good Eats these days are on the Cooking Channel. If you see AB on Food Network anymore these days, it's probably Iron Chef related...

[Anonymous No.4022821]

>>4022815
yee also cooking channel is in general much better/less glutted with shitty reality tv. It would be a genuinely good channel if they got rid of the really shitty cooking shows like Nadia G seriously one of the worst shows I have ever seen in my life.

[Anonymous No.4022823]

>>4022772
>>4022755
>>4022750
>>4022723
this argument is so bad your are both just proving you are frustrated

[Anonymous No.4022831]

>>4022823
Either let this thread die or go back to discussing the finer points of atheism vs agnosticism.

[Anonymous No.4022842]

>>4022716

i'm ready you big mong. what have you got? does he need to explicate the need for accurate and precise scales in every episode using weight measurements? no. either this is something that irritated you disproportionately, or you're looking for reasons to rubbish him because of some general dislike you have for his show's format. probably the latter.

[Anonymous No.4022860]

Test Kitchen's stuff is usually pretty good but their recipes tend to be overly complicated and they often hit a really awkward spot where they don't require really high-end ingredients and equipment but they still expect you to have a pretty diverse pantry and cookware set.

Alton Brown's recipes are hit-or-miss but they're usually at least edible. I find his shows more useful as starting points or education for understanding what's really going on with my food or why I'm doing something.

[The Black /Co/mr/a/dette !125yThb17s No.4022867]

Kimball there is no question

[Anonymous No.4022920]

on test kitchen they just recommended you should buy farm raised salmon because it has more fat so there is more flavor and moisture, and they said wild salmon "you dont know where its been"

altons salmon episode told you to avoid farm raised at all costs

this clearly is the most pivotal issue of our time

[Anonymous No.4022927]

>>4022920

yeah i found that really really dumb on the atk episode

the guy they consulted was a dour idiot