bachelor lifehacks

[Anonymous No.3829639]

wrap plates in plastic shopping bags so you never have to wash them

[Anonymous No.3829641]

too much trouble and i don't shop that much. i reuse styrofoam plates a few times. just run it under some water and its good.

[Anonymous No.3829646]

Never go to a drive-thru at a fast food restaurant.
Go in and get your food to go. Not only is this generally faster, it also gives you an opportunity to stock up on plastic utensils, napkins and condiments.

[Hip-Hobo !26l8IDzPSg No.3829650]

I just keep the same plate and only wash it when it's really bad. Same goes for my fork, knife, glass and pan. Only washing them with water.

[Anonymous No.3829656]

>>3829650
i've only owned one plate for the last two years that i've been living alone. everything else i just use disposable.

[Anonymous No.3829674]

Most food actually doesn't need to be refrigerated and, in some cases, doesn't require cooking.
Rely on your nose, eyes and common sense more than directions or expiration dates.

[Anonymous No.3829693]

shop according to unit price. as soon as you start paying attention to unit prices, you'll see how much you get fucked over by branding and packaging.

[Anonymous No.3829696]

And I thought my bachelor habits were bad.

You guys are disgusting.

[Anonymous No.3829711]

Invest in a rice maker. You can make rice, pasta, and cook just about any wet food you can think of. Plus, the pans are always non-stick, so they're easy to clean even if you somehow manage to burn stuff in it.

[Anonymous No.3829717]

Microwave a dirty plate for 30 seconds or so to sterilize it and make it fit for use

[Anonymous No.3829726]

>>3829717
or just fucking wash and clean it in half the time jesus fuck

[Anonymous No.3829727]

>>3829717
lol i have a pressure cooker and totally do that with cutlery

I don't mind washing my plate because it takes 10 seconds but I have a shit load of cutlery and it is a pain to clean.

Funny thing is I bought about 100 pieces of cutlery so I wouldn't have to wash them often but now the task is fucking daunting so I just toss them in the pressure cooker and out comes the crusty but sterile cutlery.

[Anonymous No.3829738]

If you use cups, just STOP. Re-use 20oz coke bottles. BOOM. Pour that shit in there- Prevents spills, retains carbonation and when it mildews, you can just throw that shit away. Fuck cups.

[Anonymous No.3829757]

Learn to use packaging. Pizza boxes, cereal boxes, those plastic clamshells, etc all make great places/bowls. Just throw them out when you are finished, no clean up!

If you take off your work clothes right when you get home and hang them up in the middle of the room you can get away from washing them for at least 3 more days. When you wear them right until you sleep and toss them on the floor they get smellier, but airing them out saves you time, money, hassle.

Use scissors for as much food prep as you can. Cutting meat, veggies, packaging, pizza, and the like. They are your best friend and a quick rinse when you are done is fine.

A rag works just as well as a toothbrush and is faster.

[Anonymous No.3829785]

>>3829757
I don't remember the last time I washed my work uniform

[Anonymous No.3829786]

>>3829727
I have a regular sized set of cutlery, but have a large plastic set to cover as backup if I neglect doing the dishes for too long. Works best for me, and having to use the plastic finally motivates me to attempt doing the dishes (though I keep them rinsed, so they aren't that gross).

[Anonymous No.3829793]

>>3829785
me neither bro, me neither. its probably been weeks. i just hang it over a chair when i get home and blast it with axe. the next day i'll give it another axe blast and its clean again. lol.

captcha: alloess shamefulness

[Anonymous No.3829797]

>>3829639
ahem

[Anonymous No.3829801]

>make food
>always get at least 2 portions worth of food
>only eat 1
>don't clean the plate and put 2nd portion on it
>put it in the microwave where it's relatively safe from possible flies n shit to wait

just so you don't need to get another plate or clean the one you just used

[Anonymous No.3829805]

>>3829757
you are that guy that smells horrible in every way all the time at work but no one wants to say anything because you genuinely think you are all good and they don't want to be the one to say it first, gross i hate you

[Anonymous No.3829807]

I have literally been jerking off onto the same hand towel for 2 years. I moved away from home into my apartment and started shooting off my loads into my trusty towel from the first night.

I have not washed it once. It is (was) a nice black colour, so the contrast of my jizz on the material was awesome. I wanted to see if I could cover it completely and did so after a few months.

It is crusty as fuck and actually doesn't smell as bad as you would expect. I toss it in my closet when not in use and keep my bedroom window open when my parents come to hassle me.

Not exactly a life hack, but a batchelor perk.

[Anonymous No.3829812]

>>3829807

how is that a perk? how are you even a real person? jerk off into stolen toilet paper or something you fucking mongoloid.

this whole thread is full of manchildren and I hope you all die alone.

[Anonymous No.3829815]

>>3829793
Same. I don't want to waste laundry detergent on a shirt I hate.

[Anonymous No.3829823]

>>3829807
That is fucking awesome. Reminds me of the guy from old r9k who blew his load in the same spot on the carpet for years. It turned brownish black.

[Anonymous No.3829827]

>>3829815
hahaaa same here! even when i do actually do my laundry i won't do my work shirts out of spite. that shirt is not worthy of my detergent, water, electricity, or time.

[Anonymous No.3829836]

>>3829812
I don't like jerking off onto toilet paper and throwing it away. I don't know, just something I don't like.

I like jerking off onto fabrics that show off the colour/texture/volume of my jizz shots. I often get off a second load looking at an especially big cum puddle. It is a turn-on I guess.

I grew up jerking off mainly to facials and, as I got older, bukkakes. I guess I just like cum a lot.

I tried saving my loads in a tupperware container in the freezer for a few months. When I finally thawed it out with the intention of using it as lube to jerk off with it stunk SO bad I gagged and just threw it out along with the tupperware.

Some seagull was probably confused at the dump that week lol.

[Anonymous No.3829838]

YEAH YOU SHOW THAT DAMN SHIRT WHO'S THE BOSS!

WOOOOOOOOOO!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Manchildren.

[Anonymous No.3829839]

>>3829823
lol seriously?

Gotta find a pic of that.

[Anonymous No.3829847]

I haven't moved out yet, but I thought of a good one.

Only buy one plate. That way you will never accumulate a gigantic pile of dishes to wash, just run the one under the sink and scrub for 10 or 15 seconds before using again.

Same goes for cups, forks...etc. Only buy one or two of each.

[Anonymous No.3829853]

>>3829839
I've tried, but to no avail.

[Anonymous No.3829861]

>>3829853
Thanks for the effort bro.

Funny stuff, at least I can wash/throw out my towel if it gets too bad, a carpet is hilarious

[Anonymous No.3829865]

If you hate doing dishes like I do just have a sink full of VERY hot water and a couple capfuls of bleach.

The second you are finished eating, throw your dishes in the sink. Leave them there until the next time you need them and just take them out and wipe them/set them out to dry and you are fine.

I haven't scrubbed a dish in months. It works.

[Anonymous No.3829879]

>>3829865
why hot? it cools down fast anyway

[Anonymous No.3829885]

>>3829879
The hot water just helps clean the plate more. Soaking a plate in hot water, even if it cools off in 20-30 minutes, makes a huge difference.

[Anonymous No.3829897]

>>3829885
Well durph but then you need to keep adding hot water nearly every time you want something cleaned and drain it to add more bleach and hot water.

[Anonymous No.3829910]

Laundry really isn't necessary. If something starts to stink, hang it up and take it out of rotation for a week or two. All the smelly bacteria will be dead and you'll be good to go.

[Anonymous No.3829930]

>>3829910
Shit stains in your underwear? No problem! Just hang it up for a week and the stink and stains are gone!

[Anonymous No.3829944]

>>3829930

[Anonymous No.3829953]

>>3829930
>shit stains

babby's first undies?

[Anonymous No.3829957]

>>3829930
Are you still buying white underwear? Look for colors like grey or black. Sexier and less obvious stains.

[Anonymous No.3830018]

>>3829930
If you're still shitting yourself, you probably can't handle living alone. Just saying.

[Anonymous No.3830099]

>>3829930
>implying shit won't eventually dry up and stop stinking

The stains/crust don't go away, but smells eventually do.

[Anonymous No.3830105]

Wash your dishes and do your laundry you sad, pathetic people. I rustled.

[Anonymous No.3830109]

>>3829957
>>3830099
What's it like being niggers?

[Anonymous No.3830113]

Why not just buy paper plates from the dollar store? You can get a huge stack of them for $1.

[Anonymous No.3830153]

>>3830113
because paper plates aren't water-proof and they're flimsy as fuck.

[Anonymous No.3830186]

>>3829639

you dont really need to brush everyday

just swish your mouth out with water after dinners for a sec and brush once a week; if you get bad breath chew gum

saves money/time

[Anonymous No.3830199]

Shampoo is a waste of money.

Most deodorant is harmful as the basic policy to how your standard deodorant works is to clog your pores with aluminum

[Anonymous No.3830208]

>>3830199
Antiperspirant is bad for you. Deodorant without antiperspirant is not the same thing. It just makes it so that other people don't have to smell your funk. And yes, we can all smell it.

[Anonymous No.3830213]

>>3829674
are you the guy that was on /ck/ a few months back talking about how he'd buy cold cuts and just leave them on his counter for a week?

[Anonymous No.3830215]

>>3830213
That wasn't me, but I do the same thing. Only difference is I don't usually buy anything that I don't intend to eat within a few days.

[Anonymous No.3830217]

>enter thread expecting advice such as buy dry goods in bulk and store them in airtight containers
>instead learn that you are all disgusting cheap pieces of shit

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

[Anonymous No.3830226]

>>3830217
I can't speak for anyone else ITT, but I've dedicated my life to social work, community service and grant-writing for nonprofit organizations. This means I'm broke all the time and really don't have much energy or focus left at the end of the day for housekeeping.

[Anonymous No.3830239]

>>3830226
that's no excuse

[Anonymous No.3830259]

>>3830239
Eh, no one ever sees the way I live except for myself, so what do I care?

[Anonymous No.3830265]

This is kind of gross. And I'm not really that much of a neat freak.

Just wash things when you are done and put them away, you lazy fu/ck/s.

[Anonymous No.3830268]

>>3830265

Seriously, it takes ten minutes at most to clean a mess generated by an average dinner.

[Anonymous No.3830275]

>>3829797
What is this?

[Anonymous No.3830312]

>>3830275
looks like... cereal in a coffee filter

[Anonymous No.3830317]

>>3830018
>implying you've never shat yourself
>implying you don't get questionable stains in your underwear every now and then

I smell a big fat liar and hanging it up for weeks is not going to remove that smell

[Anonymous No.3830319]

Why not just use plastic/styrofoam plates. It's great. You can either keep them or throw them away. I usually toss them since I really only use plasticware when I don't want to wash dishes.

[Anonymous No.3830323]

>>3830317
The only time I've ever shit myself as an adult, I had a 103 degree fever and my anus was leaking watery discharge. I just threw that pair away, man.

[Anonymous No.3830325]

>>3830323
>throwing away perfectly good underwear just because it got a bit dirty

you's not even a bachelor, holmes

[Anonymous No.3830333]

>>3829650
I do this. Just one plate, bowl, glass, fork & knife. I have 2 spoons.

Most of the time I don't even rinse them, just run a tea-towel over them. As long as you don't let the food set on them they're good as new.

[Anonymous No.3830337]

>>3830325

this man speaks the truth. I've been reusing the same boxers from when I was 17. Three of them pinch my fatass thighs so hard as to leave marks, but I haven't had to buy any new clothes in 5 years.
Hell, I have one pair that's so ratty, I don't even have to take them off to take a shit.

SPOILERS- even if you're thin and wear a small, get a size or two larger than you are so when you get fat, you still fit. for pants, get a belt or make one out of string and pop-tabs. You'll spend a little more on laundry, but if you can manage to rotate your clothes in such a way as to make them last, even that cost can be mitigated.

[Anonymous No.3830340]

>>3830186
If you people can't afford toothpaste, you shouldn't be living alone.

>>3829639
Instant mash makes everything bulkier & last longer. It costs nothing but will turn one meal into three.

[Anonymous No.3830351]

>>3830337
>Hell, I have one pair that's so ratty, I don't even have to take them off to take a shit.

Rock on.

[Tannorn No.3830515]

>>3829646
>>3829656
>>3829674
>>3829693
>>3829717
>>3829727
>>3829738
>>3829757
>>3829785
>>3829801
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829807
>>3829815
>>3829827
>>3829836
>>3829861
>>3829930
>>3829944
>>3829953
>>3830018
>>3829957
>>3830099
>>3830109
>>3830113
>>3830199
>>3830317
>>3830325
>>3830333
>>3830337
>>3830340
>>3830351

Best fucking Post I've been on in the longest time. Rock on guys.

>soon to be living on my own

[Anonymous No.3830563]

i keep my favorite cereal spoon (it's a larger than average serving spoon) in the fridge so it's cold when I want to use it. only spoon I'll eat cereal with, call it the big dipper

the asian market near me has lychee gel cups for cheap so I buy those in bulk and eat them only for a few days sometimes when I want to treat myself, since there's no cleanup (I move the trash from the kitchen to my room)

by using a hearing aid app or using a stethoscope I can listen to upstairs neighbors as they walk around by following the creaking ceiling and even tell when they take a shower or use the toilet, just a fun no cost hobby

as long as you don't sweat in your jeans, they only need to be washed tri annually or so. I've washed my jeans about twice this year so far and they smell fine, their scent has been confirmed by family members and other people so I know it's not just familiarity with my smell masking their odor, they're legit fine. only downside is the bottoms around the ankles get really dark and grimy from dirty if you're outside a lot

related to the above, wet wipes. switch to wet wipes for a 1000% increase in anal hygiene, allowing you to reuse boxers for insane lengths of time (this facilitates the bit about the jeans as well)

[Anonymous No.3830565]

Hangover cure/prevention

Dioralyte, pint of water, 1 tablet vitamin b complex before you go to bed

bowl of lentil soup and a wank when you get up in the morning

[Sceak !!LciZj2frsW6 No.3830587]

D:

[Anonymous No.3830619]

>>3829646
Did this once at a Tacobell/KFC, ordered 2 tacos and filled my bag with the hotsauce packets. I think that's why some locations took the "condiment bar" away.

[Anonymous No.3830650]

I don't get it. Won't the shopping bags get dirty?

[Anonymous No.3830652]

>>3830650
Oh nvm I get it.

[Anonymous No.3830691]

I hate cleaning my fridge so I just covered the shelves with plastic wrap. Every 8-12 months or so I just take all my stuff out, throw out the plastic and put a new layer down.

I also haven't washed my sheets for about a year and a half, but that isn't exactly a life hack.

[Anonymous No.3830712]

>>3830691
That sounds like a lot of work for me.

I just don't ever clean my fridge, it's much easier.

[Anonymous No.3830715]

I like to grill everything I can on my propane grill, that way I don't have any dishes from cooking, and you don't need to ever clean a grill because it just burns away all the grease anyways.

[Anonymous No.3830722]

>>3830712
>I just don't ever clean my fridge, it's much easier.

lol, same here UNLESS I spill something or there's a leak in a container. Other than that, all there ever is might be some dirt or less than perfect white all around.

[Anonymous No.3831027]

But butt

Shopping bags aren't clean...

[Anonymous No.3831042]

>>3831027
>bachelor frog
>but they aren't clean

[Anonymous No.3831046]

>>3831042
But what about plastic plates and shit. Those are like 10 for 99c.

[Anonymous No.3831052]

real men eat out of the pot over the sink.

[Anonymous No.3831065]

>>3831052
retarded neckbeards =/= real men

[Anonymous No.3831083]

I know this goes against the mentality of some of these posts, but if you live alone, it really is the best way to do things, and that is a little prevention goes a lot farther for cleaning than avoiding cleaning does. The fridge tips? I don't have to clean my fridge... if a bag or a bowl or meat are going in there? They're clean. I carefully take shit in and out. I might accumulate a few crumb bits here and there, but they take 10 seconds to wipe out. You want fewer dishes? Mentally plan ahead on what can be reused or avoided. Don't slop shit around. I can put off doing the dishes SO MUCH LONGER if I rinse them with my hand and some water (takes a couple seconds), and then if it's a piece I want to reuse, I usually can because it's not overly nasty.

Being careful has saved me more time and effort than anything else. Don't be a mess and you don't have a mess. It makes my life so much fucking easier.

[Anonymous No.3831103]

>>3829674
>Rely on your nose, eyes and common sense

If your nose could tell you when meat has gone bad, food poisoning wouldn't exist.

[Tannorn No.3832617]

>>3830691

I highly approve of this. I don't like to clean things but I am also very grossed out by food messes.

[Anonymous No.3832632]

I thought I was gross/lazy, but you guys are fucking pathetic. Not even doing laundry or washing dishes? Jizzing in the same thing for years? Not cleaning even the simplest of things?

Jesus, you guys fucking fail at bachelor living.

[Anonymous No.3832659]

People use way too much cutlery. I ate chocolate mousse with my fingers 5 mins ago.

[Anonymous No.3833004]

>>3832659
Eat your foods straight out of plastic bags or the pot/pan/wok/skillet/etc with your hands. Less dish washing.

[Anonymous No.3833058]

Couscous is great. It's cheap as fuck, it tastes good, it takes 1 min to make and it's perfect when you are really hungry; just stuff yourself with it.

I wash my clothes maybe 4 times a year and have never done the dishes.

[Anonymous No.3833195]

Piss in the sink.

More comfortable, hygienic, less water consumed than the toilet flush.

[Anonymous No.3833216]

>>3833195
I do this. Mainly because I don't have to open a door and it's ever so slightly closer than the toilet. But yes it does use up a little less water and there's no real "danger" of pissing on the floor.

[Anonymous No.3833224]

If you're a college student, or even just near one, I guarantee that there are multiple free food events daily. I fed myself for two and a half years doing this, barely spent a dime on food. I can't eat cheap takeout pizza anymore, though.

[Anonymous No.3833306]

Make corn polenta. Super cheap.
One serving of plain, homemade polenta costs about US4¢. One serving of premade polenta costs about US67¢. Making it yourself v buying it premade is a savings of 94%. And it's easy to make, too.

Recipe for 2 servings:
Cornmeal, ½ cup US (about 100g)
Water, 2 cups US (about 450ml)
Butter or oil, 2 tbsp US (about 30ml)
Salt, to taste.

Place cornmeal, water and butter/oil into a pot.
Stir and bring to the boil.
Lower heat to maintain a simmer until it is thick and homogenised.
Cover and off the heat.
Allow it to sit until cool enough to taste.
Salt to taste then pour out into a rectangular or square container (old plastic containers from Chinese take-out/take-away are perfect for this).
>Variation:
>Mix in other things with the polenta such as roasted garlic, fried onion, caramelised onion, grated cheese(s), fried bacon bits etc for maximum delicious.
Allow to cool completely.
Squeeze container sides to loosen polenta.
Flip out onto a place.
Cut diagonally from corner to corner to make two equal-sized servings.
Now, either reheat (or don't) and eat or, alternately, dry out further and pan-fry, griddle or grill.
Polenta is great topped with sauces, gravies and things of that nature.

[Anonymous No.3833330]

damm I should come over /ck/ more often

I usually stack the dirty dishes, and wash for like 20-30 minutes once a week.

[Anomalous No.3833331]

Shit on a plate and eat it. It's like a rebreather scuba tank, but with food.

[Anonymous No.3833374]

Holy fuck.

The dysfunction illustrated by this thread is somewhat frightening... You guys know that an important part of losing one's bachelor status, if such is desired, is giving up the bachelor lifestyle, right?

[Anonymous No.3833381]

>>3833374
>if such is desired
Fuck people. You guys are the only friends I need.

[Anonymous No.3833447]

I jerk off in the toilet now. It is kind of depressing jerking off to my laptop on the tank while trying to avoid eye contact with my fucking FILTHY toilet bowl, but it is better than what I used to do.

I used to cum in the same sock or into toilet paper and just leave it around my room until it STANK. I didn't even notice the smell until my parents would come over and complain about this foul odor, an eventually my dad said "listen, it smells like rotten jizz".

Fucking embarassing as hell. So yeah, toilet it is from now on.

[Anonymous No.3833751]

>>3830186

Dental fag here, unless you want gum disease please no-one follow this idiot's advice

[Anonymous No.3834146]

>>3830619

[Tannorn No.3834727]

>>3833216

currently and temporarily living with my girlfriend. I work night shift so on my nights off I piss in the sink so that i dont wake them up with a loud flush

[Tannorn No.3834733]

>>3833330

Exactly my reaction when I found this thread

[Tannorn No.3834734]

>>3833374

Pretty sure not all bitches are stuck up bitches. Been with a girl for 3 years, showed her this thread, 90% of the stuff she said, "that's pretty ingenious."

just showed her your post, she said, "stuck up bitch."

[Anonymous No.3834737]

Fuck. You guys are foul. One of the few times I have been disgusted on the internet and I'm not disgusted easily.

[Anonymous No.3834738]

>>3834737
Stuck up bitch.

[Anonymous No.3834773]

>>3834737 o
>stuck up bitch detected

Let me guess, you cum on a beautiful satin pillow and can afford to throw it out and have a new one gently laid before you every time?

Elitist.

[Anonymous No.3834817]

I refuse to believe that there are this many disgusting slobs that refuse to celan up and even, they take pride on being abhorrents sacks of shit.

[Anonymous No.3834818]

This is horrifying. You people are animals.

[Anonymous No.3834822]

>>3833751

haha i havent brushed my teeth in 7 years and they are fine

just rinse with warm salt water twice per day

[Anonymous No.3834824]

>>3834822
I bet your gum hurts when you try to actually brush your teeth.
NO, IT IS NOT FINE

[Anonymous No.3834828]

>>3834824

No, my gums are pain free at all times.

[Anonymous No.3834840]

>>3833331
Why even use a plate? Just learn how to shit into your own mouth. Saves money on food and time washing dishes.
Double win.

[Anonymous No.3834848]

Suddenly lots of samefagging in here.

[Anonymous No.3834858]

My liquid intake is pretty much only water, so I piss in the toilet and don't bother flushing. Practically clear as water and no smell. Might flush every 3 or 4 days or so depending on poos or what not.

[Anonymous No.3835313]

Eat over the trash can, sink, or toilet. No dishes whatsoever... MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

[Anonymous No.3835318]

>>3834848
>samefagging
>implying a person doesn't have the freewill to post more than once within the same thread.

DIABEETUS!

[Anonymous No.3835370]

use a foreman

use only a foreman

[Anonymous No.3835686]

>>3835370
>Fourman Grill
>Washing it

Too much work for a bachelor...

[Anonymous No.3835802]

If you're using a Foreskin Grill, wrap your food in foil. It will save you cleaning it, and your food will be less dry.

[Anonymous No.3835810]

So to avoid washing dishes, you wrap your plate in a filthy plastic shopping bag?

That is fucking retarded.

[Anonymous No.3835812]

>>3835810
>hurrr bacteria is bad

[Anonymous No.3835837]

>>3835686
while its still hot, spray it with the hose from your sink and wipe it off with a sponge

10 seconds

[Anonymous No.3835858]

>>3835812
yay salmonella,Enterococci; Fecal Streptococci- so great. I love it. frequently found on grocery bags....mmmmm.nomnomnom

[Anonymous No.3837755]

Great tips in this thread.

[Anonymous No.3837787]

>>3829807
I want to cry.

I'm reading this in the living room, and I think my roommates are wondering why I look so pained every few seconds.

This post makes me vary wary of bachelors.

[Anonymous No.3837801]

>>3829807
Uh yea pics or it's not real

[Anonymous No.3837811]

>>3830691
Plastic wrap in fridge *thumbs up*

Not washing sheets in a year and a half... D:)

[Anonymous No.3837822]

>>3834734
Sounds like you found a lazy disgusting birch that compliments you in every way.

I'm sure you both smell pretty bad, so you never complain... But I doubt that friends like to come over to your place very often, unless there's a party, and they can tear your place to shreds.

[Anonymous No.3837828]

>>3829646
Depends on the line on the outside and on the inside. Fast food restaurants track their drive-thru times and do not track their counter times so they don't care about how fast you get your food at the counter. Generally drive-thru is busier and the counter person doesn't have as much to do during the day so they'll finish off your order quicker since it gives them something to do.

[Anonymous No.3837835]

My ex boyfriend yelled at me one night, for waking up with ants crawling all over me.

He left his dirty dishes around his bed, and the nightstand. Attracted ants to the bed.

I told him I had a phobia of ants. I said nothing, and went to the bathroom to wash them off. He's outside the door yelling at me, "so I'm a fucking slob right? I'm disgusting! You're a fucking stuck up bitch!"

I didn't say a word...

That's what you get when you date people like the ones in this thread.

[Anonymous No.3837839]

>>3837801
Not him, but other people do similar things.

[Anonymous No.3837926]

When you eat a pudding cup or a cup of yogurt with a tin-foilish top, make a spoon out of the top by folding it instead of getting a spoon

You're welcome

[Captain Insaneway !!6gMVhmbBzln No.3837929]

>>3837926

But... WHAT IF THE FOIL TOUCHES YOUR FILLINGS?

[Anonymous No.3837940]

>>3837929
dont deep throat your fucking pudding cover Jesus Christ problem solved

[Captain Insaneway !!6gMVhmbBzln No.3837954]

>>3837940

I like you.

[tinfins !!3+44YE+TPs8 No.3837991]

This thread is made of nightmares.

Motherfucking nightmares.

[Anonymous No.3838306]

Oh my god 4chan, you're back.

It took so long, but you're finally back.

I am horrified.

[Anonymous No.3838339]

How to live like an indoor bum isn't a lifehack.

[Anonymous No.3838362]

My best bachelor hack:

Mix a cup of sugar with a jar of coffee and a cup of creamer in a large plastic bottle. In the morning when you want something to wake up with, you can add two or three splashes of it to a cup of hot or iced water, depending on your mood.

This saves time in the morning and you don't need a coffee maker.

[Anonymous No.3838364]

>2012
>Not drinking soup, spaghetti-O's, chef boyardee right out of the can.
>ShiggyDiggy

[Anonymous No.3838379]

buy a big ass can of steel cut oats for like two or three bucks

itll make like a million servings of oatmeal which is both healthy and delicious with some peanut butter/brown sugar/whatever and you can make cookies too you fat fucker

[Anonymous No.3838384]

>>3829836

>I tried saving my loads in a tupperware container in the freezer for a few months. When I finally thawed it out with the intention of using it as lube to jerk off with it stunk SO bad I gagged and just threw it out along with the tupperware.

Wow.

[Anonymous No.3838412]

>>3838384
I've been saving my cum in a jar in the freezer too. It's about half filled but I'm just going to take it out with a knife and put it on this persons car that I hate. Last time I poured jizz on her car and it sat out for a day it turned black.

[Anonymous No.3838421]

>>3838412
>last time I put jizz on her car

[Anonymous No.3838854]

>>3838412
So you "jizzed" your mother's car?

[Anonymous No.3838872]

>>3838379
Where the fuck do you live that steel cut isn't like 5X more than rolled oats?

[Anonymous No.3838900]

I actually bought a soft hand towel last week solely for the purpose of catching my jizz, thanks to this thread.

I usually cum on whatever is around me - preferably towels, boxers, sometimes t-shirts. I don't know if I forgot to was it or it didn't come off, but I took off a white t-shirt last week and there was this big yellow streak right below the back of my neck.

I was so embarassed. I hope to god no one saw it when I was wearing it ALL FUCKING DAY. It looked like a crusty yellow jizz shot or piss, it was gross. I wouldn't have thought it would turn yellow like that.

Anyway, I am enjoying the hand towel to say the least. I will probably do laundry a lot less though, which is good and bad... I am lazy so I don't have to wash my cum clothes anymore, but I'll have to wear more deodorant I guess lol

[Anonymous No.3838904]

>>3838384
tell your bitch tupperware to douche after you put sperm in it you nigger!!!!! water or something for fucks sake!!!

[Anonymous No.3838918]

>>3838900
maybe me and you can get together or something and have some contests because i like to shot my sperm for distance and always wondered if i am getting good results.

[Anonymous No.3838924]

>>3838918
If I don't jerk off for like 5 days I have crazy volume/distance. Cum starts flying out before I know it, then I get some crazy distance shots.

I have never measured, but I would guess I can get 2-3 feet on a good day. Try tensing up and holding off lotright when you are about to shoot your first load, it creates a stronger spasm and you get a good distance that way.

I still have a measuring tape beside my bed from when I measured my dick a few months ago. I'll try measuring my distance next time.

[Anonymous No.3838945]

I get a roll of paper towel, put it by my bed, and then use a quarter to half sheet and then throw it out.

I have a large garbage can like at auditoriums or outdoors or public places and use Iron Hold 50 gallon garbage bags to throw all my garbage in and only have to empty it about once every week or two.

When I'm done with a meal, I rinse the plate in the hottest water I have, then I use soap and a scrub brush to clean them, dry them with a paper towel, and then put them back in the cupboard.

I have many disposable knives, spoons, forks, bowls, and plates as well as a bunch of paper towel (you can get eight rolls for pretty cheap at the hardware store, as well as garbage cans, bags, and GOD FORBID cleaning supplies, brooms, and mops as well as laundry detergent and softeners).


Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you guys? It's not even hard to not be a disgusting slob.

[Anonymous No.3838948]

>>3838924
i know what you mean about the crazy distance shots. its like that first spasim just sends it flying like farther then it should. i hit like 5 feet one time on the first spasim but of course the folloeing spasims were only going a few feet but yup good times

[Anonymous No.3838955]

>>3838918
so now that their is atleast two contestants in the shooting sperm for distance all we need now is a hot ass female to be the judge... or maybe 5 hottie females to be judges.

[Anonymous No.3838959]

>>3838945
I would rather be a "disgusting slob" than live your bizarre disposable lifestyle.

I may eat off of dirty dishes, but at least I don't use fucking paper towel to dry them. That is retarded.

[Anonymous No.3838972]

>>3838948
The other day I pulled out of my gf and ended up going over her head and hitting a Stephen King book (Nightmares and Dreamscapes, I believe). That is pretty awesome distance if you ask me.

She said she would clean it up after she showered. I opened the book last night and 1/4 of one page was crusted over and stained. The memory of that shot will live on!

[Anonymous No.3838997]

>>3838972
yeah sometimes them extra strong shots can be a nuisance exspecially if you get it in your gf's hair hahaha and then they try to wash it out with warm water intead of cold water hahaha it makes it stick and she ends up having an attitude hahaha

[Anonymous No.3839012]

>>3838959
...what the actual fuck am I reading.

I would say use a clean dish cloth but you people seem incapable of doing the wash and would rather live retardedly lazy disgusting lives rather than taking two minutes out of your day to not be a downe syndrome child who handles their own fecies and then eats spaghettios with their hands.

[Anonymous No.3839700]

Need more tips guys (semen and non-semen related lol).

[Anonymous No.3839715]

>>3839012
>eats spaghettios with their hands.

[Anonymous No.3839720]

>plastic shopping bags

The 1900s are gone, dude.

[Anonymous No.3839726]

>>3838997
hahahaha you are an idiot hahahaha shut the fuck up hahahaha

[Anonymous No.3839728]

>>3837835
This is how you get ants!

[Anonymous No.3839740]

>>3839726
dont feel bad because you dont know you need cold water to remove sperm

oh yeah

hahahahha hahaha hahahaahhaha

[Anonymous No.3839772]

>>3833751
Toothless fag here, get all of your teeth pulled so you don't have to ever brush your teeth ever again. Just keep listerine around.

[愛してるさわこ !BE/4wes0mE No.3839777]

>>3837835
>I told him
>Implying you didn't fly into a hormonal rage and scream your head off. Frightening him awake and berating him for leaving food out.
Altho I would probably just be laughing had that happened to me.

[Anonymous No.3839780]

>>3829827
>>3829815
>>3829793

Holy shit, I now know why that guy I work with always smells like a fucking can of axe.

[愛してるさわこ !BE/4wes0mE No.3839783]

>>3839780
They are too stupid to use Febreeze.

[Anonymous No.3839802]

>>3838997

why would you need cold water to remove sperm? That makes no fucking sense

[Anonymous No.3839805]

I lol'd

[Anonymous No.3839826]

>>3839802
why do you need cold water to remove fresh blood so it dosent stain? i dont know but you just do. hot water makes sperm extra sticky. sometimes sperming for distance gets sperm on unwanted places like your gf's eyes and hair. its just best to rinse it out with cold water first so it dosent clump up and then your gf will be walking around with clumps of sperm in her hair

[Anonymous No.3839829]

I never expected to see this on /ck/. Thank you all for making me laugh to tears.

[Anonymous No.3839831]

Ever since I moved out I have been shocked at the price of everything. I can't believe flushing the toilet costs MONEY, it blew my mind.

So If I remember I try to piss every other time in the tank behind the toilet. Sounds gross, but it isn't like when you flush it sterilizes the bowl, so might as well accept some residual piss while saving a bit of money/water.

[Anonymous No.3839845]

>>3839831
are you implying women should douche with water? you sick fuck!!!!