/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.19476531]

Confess

[jimmy No.19476554]

I cracked corn
no one cared

[Anonymous No.19476562]

I can’t stand them.

[Anonymous No.19476575]

Uncooked Ramen noodles
Sprinkled with water
Dusted with seasoning pack
In my mouth right now.

Crunch

[Anonymous No.19476580]

>>19476531
I'm the one that keeps posting pictures of fat Claire

[Anonymous No.19476593]

They call me "Cotton Eyed Jody" in the South because I have blue eyes and I like to eat fried chicken and have sex with married women that also happen to be married to guys that are deployed overseas.
I'm like a cuckoo bird in some ways.

[Anonymous No.19476594]

Jennifer Kesse is in Lake Okeechobee.

[Anonymous No.19476598]

Iced coffee memes have to be the most goddamned annoying thing on Earth yet I cannot stop looking at them

[Anonymous No.19476609]

>>19476580
Holy fuck she’s massive. That racist poojeeta who hates white people really fucked Claire’s head up. Poojeeta is probably laughing her shit covered ass off knowing she caused fan favorite Claire to get all fat and gross.

[Anonymous No.19476648]

>>19476531
i put the pickled ginger onto my sushi. no, i am not sorry

[Anonymous No.19476657]

I believe all Christian businesses should be forced to serve gay people.

[Anonymous No.19476674]

The more I cook the more I despise all the flair and unnecessary ingredients and presentation.
I am slowly becoming a sloppa lord.
I will not take all kinds of extra steps, I will make recipes at their simplest form. Quality ingredients handled right are far more important than wasting money on obscure ingredients.

[Anonymous No.19476675]

I put ketchup
In the fridge

[Anonymous No.19476679]

>>19476674
Dangerously based post

[Anonymous No.19476686]

>>19476675
I put ketchup on scrambled eggs

[Anonymous No.19476691]

>>19476531
I've never ate taco bell, ever.

[Anonymous No.19476705]

>>19476674
this is the final stage in home cooking. you don't care to spend hours babysitting a dish once you've been doing it for years

[Anonymous No.19476709]

>>19476686
As you should

[Anonymous No.19476732]

>>19476709
Ketchup goes on scrambled eggs
Texas Pete on fried eggs
Nothing on poached eggs

[Anonymous No.19477757]

>>19476531
i steal from the grocery store, finna go now and steal me a garlic herb marinated boneless chicken again it fits well into my jacket and is fkn tasty.

[Anonymous No.19477804]

I use non-stick pans with peeling coating and put them in the dishwasher

[Anonymous No.19477814]

>>19476531
Back in college I had a couple vegan roommates, and I made a point to always spike their food with meat fat.

[Anonymous No.19477823]

I eat practically nothing all week, sometimes for multiple weeks.
Once I've saved enough calories I'll binge eat 20-30k calories over the course of 1-3 days.
After this I start fasting again until the next time.

I've been doing this for years. I've developed gallstones and am somewhat bummed that I might have to stop soon.

[Anonymous No.19477827]

>>19477823
Sounds like something a faggot would do. You probably starve yourself so your top can wreck your asshole without you shitting all over his monkey pox riddled dick. Fucking kys queer

[Anonymous No.19477836]

All I have eaten this week is a whole cabbage and four pounds of roasted almonds

[Anonymous No.19477905]

Ive got nothing to confess. Im all clean and pure.

[Anonymous No.19477934]

>>19476580
>Claire Saffitz is now fatter than I am
smells like... victory

[Anonymous No.19477971]

>>19477934
Lmfao. All girls younger than me are walling and all girls older than me have wall.

[Anonymous No.19478031]

>>19476531
I don't mind drinking warm soda. I don't mind eating cold leftovers.

[Anonymous No.19478561]

I still watch featureman.

[Anonymous No.19478682]

>>19477971
And yet you will never be a woman

[Anonymous No.19478995]

I still wash my chicken before I cook it.

[Anonymous No.19479208]

>>19478561
Based he keeps me company on my lunch break

[Anonymous No.19479410]

>>19476531
You know that nasty looking sushi you can get from grocery stores? Well, I never bought it but I saw a black guy once take it and put it in the microwave before eating it. My confession is I share a workplace kitchen with a couple black people.

[Anonymous No.19479430]

>>19477757
post hand

[Anonymous No.19479434]

>>19476531
i add a few squirts of ketchup to my spaghetti recipes, everyone loves my spaghetti, they have no idea. i discovered the sweetness cuts the acidity a bit and adds a bit of zest to it, despite ketchup not tasting spicy at all on its own.
i would be mortified if anyone ever found out.

[Anonymous No.19479492]

I oftentimes put my tits on the griddle even if I am cooking for others.

[Anonymous No.19479566]

I don’t know how to cook

[Anonymous No.19479574]

>>19478561
Is there some reason you shouldn't be watching him?

[Anonymous No.19479830]

>>19476531
I make chili and burritos with very expensive cuts of meat:
filet mignon
ribeye steak
a5 wagyu

I do shots of worcestershire sauce.

I drink beer with ice in it.

[Anonymous No.19479832]

>>19476575

[Anonymous No.19479838]

>>19476531
My burgers stuck to my grill today because I was too damn lazy to clean it from a week ago. I fed the dirty burgers to my family. I sanitized it with heat at least.

[Anonymous No.19479843]

>>19476531
One of my favorite family dishes is, essentially, a beef stroganoff minus the noodles and with cheap steaks. I just do the steaks in a pan, then save the juices and use that as the base for the sauce, then pour the finished stroganoff sauce over the whole steak and whatever vegetable. Also, I've become entirely emotionally dependent on my sister since she moved in to my grandparents' old house with me, and I compare every other woman in my life to her.

[Anonymous No.19479884]

I struggle to understand the point of learning to cook stuff when the premade version is somehow cheaper.

[Anonymous No.19480045]

I only cook and eat pork and rice

[Anonymous No.19480300]

>>19479574
He was convicted and found guilty in a court of law for sexually molesting a 14 year old boy.
He avoided years of prison with some legal loophole.
https://youtu.be/lp-EEs-DYf0

[Anonymous No.19480311]

I was going to make Chicken Piccata, but decided to go out and eat. Laziness

[Anonymous No.19480319]

>>19476531
I hate w*man

[Anonymous No.19480324]

>>19480300
Shut the fuck up.
>legal loophole
It was some retarded blue law from the 19th century where you could be charged for "crimes against human nature". Complete and utter bullshit of a law and he was able to show in court how subjective it was. If anything Tom's a hero because he probably saved numerous others that would have been arrested after him had he not set the precedent.

[Anonymous No.19480326]

My dad is a turbo boomer who cooks everything on the grill
>chicken
>beef
>fish
>eggs
>vegetables
>mushrooms

Fucking everything is grilled

[Anonymous No.19480485]

>>19480324
children cannot consent.

[Anonymous No.19480521]

>>19480326
Your dad is based

[Anonymous No.19480604]

>>19477757
>>19479430
>"finna"
That's more than enough information.

[Anonymous No.19480780]

i leave food out overnight either on accident or just not caring, and eat it the next day. have ordered food and found hair, i just pick it out and keep eating. wash off a piece of meat or something that falls on the floor
also i don't get sick. i think it's because i wash my hands a hundred times a day.

[Anonymous No.19480875]

i eat food past the expiration date as long as it isnt dairy

[Anonymous No.19480924]

>>19480324
So what are you saying, That he didn't molest a 14 year old?
If you're arguing from that point of view I could understand your position but if you're arguing that it's okay to molest 14 year olds than lol kill yourself faggot.

[Anonymous No.19480928]

>>19476531
I only come to this board because I like cooking, the racism is just to fit in

[Anonymous No.19481096]

>>19476531
I keep getting black out drunk and behaving badly. When I start drinking I'm fun and nice, and then if I keep going I'm just relaxing and calm, like a bear satisfied after a meal, but there's a certain level where I just start being sad and then mean and angry and I lose my memory at that point. I don't know why I would do that. It's like there's some monster deep inside me that's only awakened when I get drunk enough.

[Anonymous No.19481116]

>>19476531

I ate a whole bunch of macaroni salad made with the cheapest mayonnaise at the dollar store ( 78% total soybean oil )

[Anonymous No.19481145]

>>19481116
i thought it was a sad girl holding something between her thighs

[Anonymous No.19481219]

I've cooked some of the most elaborate dishes known to man. Its my hobby but I've delved into mollecular cuisine, made foam out of scallops, prepared 72 hour briskets, made my own signature bearnaise from scratch including taising the poultry, cooked countless beef wellingtons and batches of pastry and croissants, made my own pizza oven from a template I imported from naples. But yet I still have one favourite dish and my ultimste guilty pleasure: plain white rice with aunt jemima syrup on it. It love the stuff I could eat it exclusively till the day I die.

[Anonymous No.19481402]

>>19481219
bearnaise sauce doesn't have poultry in it retard

[Anonymous No.19481411]

>>19481402
egg

[Anonymous No.19481483]

>>19479434
Why not just add sugar to the sauce, if you want sweetness?

[Anonymous No.19481576]

>>19476531
I eat omelet made in a microwave like twice a week because I'm a depressed lazy fuck.
It also tastes like depression, don't do this kids.

[Anonymous No.19481650]

I fry exclusively with olive oil, and feel no guilt about it.
I also vaguely look down on people who are anal about not doing it.

[Anonymous No.19481672]

I take swigs out of the salsa jar when I want a hit of sugar

[Anonymous No.19481694]

>>19476531
for breakfast I had a diet pepsi and a watermelon elf bar

also I don't "them"

[Anonymous No.19481956]

I served soup that my cat licked out of

[Anonymous No.19482261]

>>19476562
I dont appreciate them.

[Anonymous No.19482361]

>>19480326
based dad

[Anonymous No.19482419]

>>19476531
I once stole a case of beer from the back of a pickup truck. Feel kind of bad about it now, I was underage at the time but that doesn't make it right.

[Anonymous No.19482615]

I use my breast milk for everything and never tell anyone.

[Anonymous No.19482621]

I am unable to enjoy sugary food anymore

[Anonymous No.19483416]

I'm eagerly awaiting the the return of the McRib

[Anonymous No.19483513]

>>19482615
my wife was pissed off at me for like three days when i asked if i could use her breast milk for a latte
fuck you for reminding me of that

[Anonymous No.19483553]

>>19483513
Fuck your wife that's some bullshit

[Anonymous No.19483586]

I love children

[Anonymous No.19483674]

>>19476531
>Confess

[Anonymous No.19483686]

>>19476580
Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails, whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents’ beds, unerringly I rush! Naught’s an obstacle, naught’s an angle to the iron way!

[Anonymous No.19483894]

>>19476691
I was bound up from being on opiates, when this happens I go like 3 days without shitting and my poop is rock hard. Ate Taco Bell, literally clammy sweat on my face, poop came out hard at first, then on top was like an ant hill of shit…it looked like a volcano island of shit…couldn’t believe the peak didn’t run into my asshole and start backing up.
Taco Bell…never again

[Anonymous No.19483909]

When I worked at Carl's Jr, I made a Six Dollar Burger but replaced the bun with a donut I cut in half. That was back when my metabolism could handle that sort of thing, but I still felt it for the rest of the night

[Anonymous No.19483915]

Jennifer Kesse is in Lake Okeechobee.

[Anonymous No.19483950]

>>19483894
>I was bound up from being on opiates, when this happens I go like 3 days without shitting and my poop is rock hard. Ate Taco Bell, literally clammy sweat on my face, poop came out hard at first, then on top was like an ant hill of shit…it looked like a volcano island of shit…couldn’t believe the peak didn’t run into my asshole and start backing up.
>Taco Bell…never again
Yes, that was clearly caused by the Taco Bell. Your deductive reasoning is quite impressive, Sherlock.

[Anonymous No.19483955]

>>19476531
I add beans to my chilli.

[Anonymous No.19484046]

>>19481096
its called being an alcoholic

[Anonymous No.19484061]

I made clams & spaghetti and my eyes still fucking burn an hour later. I don't know what it was because I put a lot of onions and lemon juice in it but it wasn't irritating in the beginning.

[Anonymous No.19485480]

I bought a 30 pack of chicken cutlets, defrosted them, left them in the fridge to eat later, and never made anything with them. This was 4 days ago. I'm waiting for trash day to throw them all out

[Anonymous No.19485718]

>>19483915

What gives you this idea? Wouldn't it be more plausible that she is in Lake Apopka?

[Anonymous No.19485753]

I count calories to the T only to then binge on my weekly meals and beer at night. Unsurprisingly, I've gained weight.

[Anonymous No.19487498]

>>19477823
congrats on your eating disorder

[Anonymous No.19487520]

>>19479434
nothing to be shamed of
>>19481483
ketchup is not just sweet but sour too, also it contains xanthan which improves the texture of the sauce. chefs use it all the time (in moderation of course), for example read Heston Blumenthal's bolognese which calls for 2 tablespoon : https://kokrobin.wordpress.com/2008/06/04/spaghetti-bolognese/

[Anonymous No.19487532]

>>19485480
Why defrost all of them, retard?

[Anonymous No.19489107]

>>19487532
My freezer got left open and the chicken half thawed and refroze to each other. So it was like I couldn't break them apart to dethaw just half of them, I had to thaw the whole thing

[Anonymous No.19489113]

>>19476531
I never wash the chicken

[Anonymous No.19489125]

I eat multiple sausage breakfast burritos from McDonald's every week.

[Anonymous No.19489126]

>>19489113
good
NEVER WASH CHICKEN you just spread germs everywhere
you kill anything bad on chicken by FUCKING COOKING IT

[Anonymous No.19489142]

I want to die… oh you meant a food confession.

[Anonymous No.19489598]

I have never actually stewed a crab

[Anonymous No.19489628]

>>19476531
I just eat the grease instead of draining it

[Anonymous No.19489635]

>>19489628
I feel pity for your toilet

[Anonymous No.19489645]

I rinse my pasta in cold water after boiling it.

[Anonymous No.19490048]

>>19489126
correct, just rinse it. it does not spread germs everywhere, and if your chicken is so germ infested WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU EAT IT?

[Anonymous No.19490221]

>>19476531

hamburger helper makes up the majority of any dish I have ever cooked in my life. I can never finish the entire pan in one meal though, that's way too much and i'm not a pig.

if I had to think of my second most prepared dish, it would probably be pizza rolls, frozen pizzas, or boneless wings. as for pizza rolls, I prefer to fry them in oil.

typical american diet I suppose

[Anonymous No.19491384]

Whenever I get fast food I order what the person in front of me ordered

It's like a loot box

[Anonymous No.19491473]

Ive used non-serrated knives for cutting tomatoes for most of my life. I am sorry.

[Anonymous No.19491479]

>>19476531
I ate an entire box of dates in 2 days

[Anonymous No.19491607]

>>19491479
Just eat candy. Its a lot cheaper to get the same amount of shugar into your system.

[Anonymous No.19491624]

>>19477757
I sincerely hate niggers.

[Anonymous No.19491820]

>>19491624
What's wrong with stealing food from the grocery store? Do you know how much food they throw out instead of giving it to the homeless losers? My family steals from there all the time, but it's easier for a woman with a purse. We get good olive oil, deli meats, deli cheese, and it's completely free.

[Anonymous No.19491824]

>>19491820
Stealing is counted in the stores overhead and increases prices, there is no ethical theft

[Anonymous No.19491833]

>>19491824
Everything is counted into the overhead, broken glass, expired food, worker theft. Shoplifters have existed forever and aren't gonna disappear.

Do you know what would actually deter me from taking food? I would stop if they actually put a security guard inside of the store and had the ability to arrest me for shoplifting. That would be intimidating.

[Anonymous No.19492037]

>>19476531
Ate the Little Caesar's Deep Dish all on my own
Am I going to be ok bros????

[Anonymous No.19492287]

>>19491820
>niggers steal from grocery store
>store can't keep up with the theft cutting into profits
>insurance doesn't want to cover them anymore because to much of a liability
>grocery store shuts down

You worthless sub-humans truly don't understand how much damage you actually cause. But I'm not surprised because there are average IQs in Africa where the average level, by White standards are literally retarded.

Fucking kill yourself you worthless asphalt ape.

[Anonymous No.19492343]

>>19492287

Worthless ape? I have a typing speed of 115 words per minute which puts me in the top 1% of all typists. This also means I have a higher reading level than you and your entire family.

There's crime committed on all levels in the hierarchy of society. If it was such a problem for grocery chains they could just lobby the local government to use their police cadet officers or something like that. If they gave a shit they would put cops in the stores but they don't because shoplifting isn't a big problem.

[Anonymous No.19492357]

>>19492287
Shoplifting occurs at a relatively consistent rate in any given area. It is part of what's called the shrinkage rate, which depending on the area is generally 1.5%-2% of sales.

[Anonymous No.19492364]

>>19492343
>I have a typing speed of 115 words per minute which puts me in the top 1% of all typists. This also means I have a higher reading level than you and your entire family.

I achieved that when I was literally in middle school because I had a PC growing up. That is in zero form impressive.

[Anonymous No.19492396]

I want to solve the "good food" equation with my glorious IT brain, wHY come people bad food when good food? Let's find out.

[Anonymous No.19492404]

>>19492343
Why do you think some areas, especially urban ones are ""food deserts""? Because grocery store chains do think of it as a problem so they just don't open in areas where there will be more rates of theft, aka areas infested with stupid hoodrats such as yourself. Cops also have bigger problems to worry about like murders and drug dealers selling fentanyl and meth compared to a shop lifter.

[Anonymous No.19492418]

I send my friend this great onion and garlic bread recipe because he was smitten by it as if it were mine but actually I just texted him the backside instructions and ingredients list of the super cheap ready to go bread mix I had used.

[Anonymous No.19492444]

I love eating chocolate chip cookies with with water, it tastes delicious.

[Anonymous No.19492463]

For a chicken and biscuit casserole, I used premade Pillsbury grands instead of making the actual biscuit dough I had all the ingredients for due to sheer laziness.

Take me away

[Anonymous No.19492466]

>>19492444
eh like you dip them into it? I don't consider having water with anything a something.

[Anonymous No.19492492]

>>19492466
I shove the cookie in my mouth(if it’s Chips Ahoy) or take a decent bite, then take a swig of water, letting it fall apart in my mouth.

[Anonymous No.19493207]

>>19476531
I prefer turkey bacon or pork bacon

[Anonymous No.19493212]

>>19492287
>>19477757
Based.

[Anonymous No.19493215]

I'm terminally online schizo larper and one third of the traffic and posts on this board come from me.

[Anonymous No.19493216]

>>19491820
Then go dumpster diving when they throw it away?

[Anonymous No.19493251]

>>19476531
I hate thyme, it makes everything taste like ointment.
I believe mint doesn't belong anywhere near food, it needs to fucking stay in its toothpaste/chewing gum lane.
I think rosemary is extremely mid.

[Anonymous No.19493256]

>>19493251
For me it's fresh raw basil

[Anonymous No.19493261]

>>19476531
I've only eaten McDonald's twice in my life.
Yet I despise it for no reason.
KFC gas been good this year, cheaper than anything in the market rn

[Anonymous No.19493265]

>>19493261
Lol what? Kfc is literally one of the most expensive fast food places.

[Anonymous No.19493286]

I like to troll /fit/ with a bunch of fake recipes so they splatter shit all over their microwave and fill their apartments with toxic smoke

[Anonymous No.19493354]

>>19491820
>What's wrong with stealing food from the grocery store?
It's because of FAGGOTS like you that the stores in my area went from open until 2 AM, to open until midnight to Closed at 10PM in the span of 6 years.
YOU are one of those fucks who leaves their Cart right next to the car in the parking lot, YOU are the reason that this low trust, High bullshit society exists. Blame the "Gov't" all you like, but the fact of the matter is, it's made up of people like YOU.
Fuck you, I hope you get nailed in a drive-by shooting.
Better yet, KYS.

[Anonymous No.19493365]

>>19492404
>Why do you think
let me just stop you right there..
This moron thinks because he can type 115wpm at a 6th grade level that that somehow equates having a high reading comprehension.
I've known gibbering idiots that could type 125 wpm, BUT, if you asked them how they would feel if they didn't have breakfast that morning...

[Anonymous No.19493396]

>>19493365
but I did have breakfast

[Anonymous No.19493398]

>>19479434
this is the only way i use ketchup ,no shame in it.

[Anonymous No.19493400]

I let a cheat day become a cheat year.

[Anonymous No.19493413]

>>19493396
That's it...You get it.

[Anonymous No.19493429]

>>19493400
THREE
CONSECUTIVE
CHEAT
DECADES

[Anonymous No.19493446]

>>19493429
pretty much. i am 30
ive attempted healthy eating, and i even managed to lose 10kg in 2020, but i put it all back on after a week of drinking with a friend in october 2022. i really let myself go after that. just complete depression, "whats the point anymore" eating.
and at the start of the year, my new years resolution was to stick to it, and exercise. and my weight has fluctuated, and im only down 1kg, but ive put on a bit of muscle mass in my arms and chest. but i really need to start counting calories again, because that was how i managed to lose 10kg in 2020. i meticulously counted calories for a few months and the weight just came right off. but this year, all ive done is write down what i eat and kind of wing it. but ive had a few relapses this year and eat too many snacks. forgive me for teh blogpost, just need to get this off my chest

[Anonymous No.19493604]

>>19493286
Based ck/fitanon running coverage for me

[Anonymous No.19493610]

>>19493286
hehe

[Anonymous No.19493783]

i made a chutney out of ketchup and curry powder. it was okay
ive been lazy and rinsing things that really need to be properly washed with soap, so theyre just a tiny bit greasy when i put them away

[Anonymous No.19493917]

>>19483513
Fuck that bitch, we've all thought about it.

[Anonymous No.19493940]

For some reason, mixing beef and milk products doesn't make me quite as sad as mixing chicken with egg. Even though milch cows and meat cows could've been friends/family, but egg chickens and broilers couldn't.

[Anonymous No.19493942]

>>19493940
Fuck of g*ermoid cuck. Its all food. Veal schnitzel too.

[Anonymous No.19493968]

>>19492343
>having so little in your life that you have to brag about your fucking WPM on 4chan
Holy shit you're a disgrace.

[Anonymous No.19494110]

I ate way too spicy and now ive felt sick for a week

[Anonymous No.19494231]

>>19493942
> https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/milch%20cow

[Anonymous No.19494274]

>>19476554
actually kekd irl

[Anonymous No.19494278]

>>19477804
If it’s teflon, there’s nothing to worry about. Shit’s totally inert.

[Anonymous No.19494294]

>>19480300
>still making videos
>just turned the comments off
aaaaaaaaaaaaahaha

[Anonymous No.19494344]

>>19476575
never had I instant noodles without taking a corner bite of the noodle bundle beforehand

[Anonymous No.19494360]

i am an american
i have NEVER eaten a meat burger

[Anonymous No.19494400]

>>19493940
yeah, i can't possibly mix chicken and eggs
its not a moral thing to do

[Anonymous No.19494543]

>>19494400
Yeah. Nuggies w/ mayo taste good, but only if I don't think about it too much.

[Anonymous No.19494591]

>>19480326

[Anonymous No.19495288]

>>19479838
So? The crisp remains of what you grill before give it an extra kick.

>>19480604
>>19491624
>>19492287
That guy isn't a nigger, I am tho.

[Anonymous No.19495320]

>>19493968
At least his demographics will be the same in 2050s cant say the same about yours.

[Anonymous No.19495332]

I was going to cut until I saw my abs but I’m giving up. Went down from 177 lbs to 149. I’m close but it’s been six months. I’m tired of eating the same thing every day and my melatonin gummies being the sweetest thing I have all day and being hungry all the time.

[Anonymous No.19495342]

>>19495332
are you a manlet

[Anonymous No.19495356]

>>19495342
Yes 5’10.

[Anonymous No.19496007]

I love affogatto with weird gelato flavors

[Anonymous No.19496042]

>>19476674
lmao
youre just learning to cook fuck me dead

[Anonymous No.19496051]

>>19476686
get out you coon

[Anonymous No.19496108]

>>19480875
you are a nigger
expired cheese is based
expired yoghurt is based
you are not based
you are a nigger

[Anonymous No.19496146]

>>19481576
been there. good luck fren

[Anonymous No.19496241]

i ate my co workers lunch the other day
i usually cook a big dish on the weekend and fill a heap of plastic containers with it then throw them all in the freezer.
usually there's around 30+ filled containers there.
during the week I just fish one out and throw it in the fridge when I get to work. they all eat takeout so its usually only my lunch in a pastic container in the fridge at work.
>the other day go get container out of work fridge
>microwave 5 minutes
>sit back at desk and open her up
>hmm prawn stir fry with pine nuts, chilli and green linguini - nice
>start hoeing into it
>hmmm that's a bit more chilli than I usually use
>I don't remember cooking with green linguini but it must 've got tinted from all the basil maybe
>usually I use king prawns I wonder why I used these tiny shrimp this time.
Dave comes in
>who the fuck ate my lunch
I'm like, dunno man what was it?
>homemade prawn stir fry it was right here in the fridge
Oh I just ate it
>you what? What the fuck?
by now there's 5 other guys checking out this scenario and I'm trying to explain that I thought it was my lunch and they can't believe someone could actually take out a prawn stir fry with green linguini and think it was something they had brought it!
i'm turning red as i realise how ridiculous my story is. Dave won't eat my lunch or let me buy him lunch he just storms off and there's 5 other guys in stitches loooling at me.

[Anonymous No.19496389]

>>19492418
Did you tell him to use the same bread mix? He'll buy it and see the recipe on the packaging. You're fucked.
For real though, 90% of people's "grandma's chocolate chip cookie recipe" is just the recipe copied from the bag of Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chips. No shame in that. People guarding their recipes and pretending they're special is baby boomer bullshit to begin with.
>mother-in-law complains that her mother never gives her recipes outright
>always leaves something out that isn't critical but leaves you wondering what you did wrong
>she has to experiment or just ask a year later to figure out what's missing
>mother-in-law does the exact same thing to my wife
>gives her a recipe not quite the same as what she actually uses
>makes my wife swear not to share it because it's a "secret family recipe"
>criticizes the product when it's done
Told my wife just to Google for a recipe next time. There's nothing special about these old ass recipes ripped off from the 1958 Better Homes cookbook.

>>19476531
My confession is that I write down "recipes" for everything because I can't remember shit. I have instructions for cooking plain white rice in my recipe book. I have to Google how long to leave eggs in the water when I'm boiling them. I also have no palate, I just follow recipes and make reasonable adjustments/substitutions and people praise me for it. I can't tell by taste what would make something better. I don't know what most of my spices taste like, I just have them because a recipe needed them.
I basically can't cook for shit, but my food is good because all I have to do is follow directions and not be a complete retard.
>make chili
>kinda bland
>double every spice in the next batch
>>wow, anon, this is great!
>add worcestershire sauce to the next batch
>>wow, anon, so savory!

[Anonymous No.19496435]

>>19496389
if one more person answers my "how much x" with "oh, just to taste" I'm gonna get arrested for a salt

[Anonymous No.19496690]

>>19496435
Assault them to taste.

[Anonymous No.19497235]

>>19476531
I never measure anything. I eyeball quantities for every ingredient in every dish I make and it always comes out fine. I own one pyrex measuring cup I inherited from my mom and zero dry measuring cups/spoons/etc

[Anonymous No.19497701]

On rare occasions, I swear, I will mix beer with water so I can chug it faster.

[Anonymous No.19498587]

>>19493265
Somehow they became cheaper where I live this year. Would usually just get from local restaurants, and their food became more expensive

[Anonymous No.19498616]

>>19476531
When I was a kid I was a really bad person. It went beyond the stupid kid making stupid mistakes and into the future psychopath domain
>everyone was playfully dogpiling a kid and I decided to kick him in the nuts because I thought no one would notice
>they did
>grabbed a girl by the through and dug my nails into her until it bled
>one time when a class was rushing out i had gotten accidently tripped by someone so I nailed him in the back on the way out because I thought no one would notice
>they did
>made racist insults at a black kid for reasons I don't even remember
>general fights and bullying
Sometimes I'll get drunk with my mates and express how bad I feel bad about it, and how horrible a person I am for it, but they don't understand. They've never truly hurt someone before, let alone people who were supposed to be their friends. They just like to get off on trying to tell me I'm wrong and that they have some moral superiority or secret knowledge for saying so. Trying to wash away my sins with such empty platitudes only makes me feel disdain.

[Anonymous No.19498654]

I made pineapple on pizza work
>normal dough
>base is fresh cream and curry
>spicy sausage or nduja, pineapple, onions

[Anonymous No.19498662]

>>19498616
>They just like to get off on trying to tell me I'm wrong and that they have some moral superiority or secret knowledge for saying so. Trying to wash away my sins with such empty platitudes
they're not trying to understate what they you did, they just don't think you should be beating yourself up over some dumb things you did as a kid. you should feel lucky to have them

[Anonymous No.19498692]

>>19498616
Sounds like you have severe anti-social personality traits. Was your mother a drinker?

[Anonymous No.19498698]

>>19498662
>they're not trying to understate what they you did, they just don't think you should be beating yourself up over some dumb things you did as a kid
Nah, you're wrong. You weren't there. Everything with people is about trying to sound clever. It's all ego padding for some intellectual facade in order to compensate for insecurities fueled by other people, but I never fueled their insecurities so they should take it up with the people they have a problem with instead of using me for that.
>you should feel lucky to have them
I don't deserve to have them. I even hurt them with my stupid drinking habits, although not directly. Everywhere i go I'm a burden, and I should just die.
>>19498692
No, she wasn't a drinker, but could you explain?

[Anonymous No.19498973]

>>19498698
>Nah, you're wrong. You weren't there. Everything with people is about trying to sound clever. It's all ego padding for some intellectual facade in order to compensate for insecurities fueled by other people, but I never fueled their insecurities so they should take it up with the people they have a problem with instead of using me for that
this is just resentment and projection. it's unproductive
>I don't deserve to have them. I even hurt them with my stupid drinking habits, although not directly. Everywhere i go I'm a burden, and I should just die.
stop damning yourself, it's also unproductive and it's God's job. the point of having other people around you is so that you can see your faults and you can fix them, not so that you can run away into a corner condemning yourself every time your faults are exposed to the external world

[Anonymous No.19499055]

>>19479830
That's a special kind of guilty pleasure. Nice

[Anonymous No.19500811]

i wash mushrooms

[Anonymous No.19501386]

Last year I went to a Wendys and like every fast food place it’s been taken over by poos. The Indian woman at the first window was beautiful and I say this as someone who as a rule isn’t really attracted to non-whites. She was tall, skinny, had such perfectly round and perky big tits that they looked like bolt-ons and she was one of those Indians with brown skin but white facial features. I paid and she appeared at the second window to give me my food and said it would be a bit. I made small talk and quickly started flirting and she was playing obsequious and then told me to park nearby in the parking lot to wait for my food. She brought the food to me and I flirted for about 30 seconds and asked for her number.

I waited a week before texting her and another week before we met up. She was a temp foreign worker and was actually well educated and knew her worth but she was dying to get into the country (Canada) so this her ticket. Her family was back home and she only knew the poos at Wendy’s and Wal-Mart and she complained that a lot of the guys were really aggressive. Honestly, she was a 9/10.

It was first time ever I cheated on my wife. We had sex 3 or 4 times a week for two months and I had to break it off with her. I was almost thinking about ghosting her but I’ll be honest I was falling in love with her and ended up telling her the truth, which crushed her. I can’t go to any fast food or wal-mart in case I run into her with my family. Bros she was incredible, the best breasts and a fantastic body. In another lifetime I would have possibly married her. Hottest thing was having sex and then going home and having a shower (she had an Indian perfume smell I was worried about) but not washing my dick and then having sex with my wife. I pretended I was going pussy to pussy, thank god she had no STIs because I knew that was dangerous.

I felt like a stud and secret agent for those 2 months.

[Anonymous No.19501447]

>>19498698
unbased self-loathing shell of a man
>>19501386
based man who cheated on his wife with an ethnic fast food employee

[Anonymous No.19501466]

>>19498616
Kek if that kid shit is keeping you up at night years later you’re just wallowing in forced self pity and le sociopath fantasies to make up for your otherwise textbook oversocialized NPC personality. If I was having drinks with you and you started crying about sucker punching someone or calling another a nigger when you were a kid I’d tell you to man up and stop being a boring bitch.

[Anonymous No.19501513]

>>19476686
King

[Anonymous No.19501605]

i've thought about making sex with every female i work with

[Anonymous No.19501646]

>>19476531
I ring up produce as similar, cheaper produce at the self-serve checkout
$17/kg sugar snap peas?
you mean $4/kg green beans

[Anonymous No.19501657]

>>19493610
>>19493286
based

[Anonymous No.19502415]

>>19493286
Post your arms and gut

[Anonymous No.19502514]

I love to eat raw onion but my girlfriend hates it because even after I brush and wash my mouth my throat still reeks of onion smell. I look forward to eating all the raw onions I want after we eventually break up

[Anonymous No.19502628]

I like steak sauce.

[Anonymous No.19503020]

I half wanted to piss on my wife’s tits and started joking about it until one day she called my bluff. I chugged a lot of water until I was pissing clear and odorless and tried pissing on her tits but my heart was pounding and I was fighting a boner and just too not relaxed to do it, just had some meagre stream that kept stopping, it was pathetic. Afterwards I drank water all day and at nice I totally piss blasted her tits for like 5 minutes straight, my bladder was going to explode and a couple times she asked “are you done?!”

I’ve pissed on her tits two more times since then and once started casually pointing the stream up around her neck trying to “accidentally” get her mouth but she put a stop to that. Now I’m a total piss man and as I right this I paused to get water because I think I’ll try this afternoon (we both wfh). For me it’s kinky and different but also like a really long cumshot which aesthetically is pleasing for me.

I wonder what percentage of couples try piss stuff?

[Anonymous No.19503049]

>>19479410
Thanks for the new food nightmare! Here they usually don't have sushi at gas stations or regular grocery stores.
>t. Swedish cuck

[Anonymous No.19503091]

>>19477823
Based OMAW anon

[Anonymous No.19503105]

>>19477823
Based boa constrictor anon.

[Anonymous No.19503113]

>>19476580
Yikes

[Anonymous No.19503124]

>>19501605
i do it with almost every woman i see in public, i cannot physically look at a woman without imagining what she looks like naked

[Anonymous No.19503133]

>>19503124
>>19501605
It’s called being normal.

[Anonymous No.19503150]

I boil hotdogs in a beer, water/stock mixture. I drink the mixture after I eat the hotdogs. I also do this with the liquid after cooking a corned beef

[Anonymous No.19503157]

>>19481096
Stop drinking before it gets worse, trust me.
>t. alcoholic

[Anonymous No.19503426]

>>19502628
What kind?

[Anonymous No.19503458]

>>19498698
I think you have OCD bro. If you think about this stuff for more than an hour a day, replaying it in your head, trying to figure out why you did it or what you can do to change it as well as beating yourself up over it that checks the box.
I have it as well, it’s called real-event OCD, you might need to look into it.

[Anonymous No.19503523]

>>19503150

[Anonymous No.19503539]

>>19503523
You have to go back

[Anonymous No.19503617]

>>19503523
Don't knock it till you try it.
Embrace the alcoholic hotdog water, anon

[Anonymous No.19503775]

>>19476531
I FUCKING HATE MYSELF FOR EATING FAST FOOD!!!! IT'S DOESN'T TASTE GOOD, THE RESTAURANTS ARE NOT COMFORTABLE TO EAT IN, AND IT ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SHIT!!!

Seriously did fast food EVER taste good? Idk why but I have such fond memories eating fast food as a kid. Everytime it tasted like pure bliss, now it just feels soulless.

[Anonymous No.19503810]

>>19503775
Might be the switch out of lard for various seed, soy, and palm oils some decades ago. When were you a kid?

[Anonymous No.19503996]

>>19503810
I was born in 2000 so I don't think so

[Anonymous No.19504019]

>>19476732
100%. Never eaten a fried egg without texas pete in my life. You from NC?

[Anonymous No.19504029]

>>19480326
I really, really need to buy a grill

[Anonymous No.19504566]

>>19476531
I feel like I know how to cook but I also don't know how to cook. Like I can cook rice, all the meats, can deep fry on the stove. But I have no idea about spices or herbs and how they're meant to go together. I will only throw raw thyme or rosemary into a steak with butter because that's what people tell me to do. I don't even know if it really changes the flavor because my tongue is broken. Like if I used mint as the herb I doubt I would be able to taste the mint.

I throw garlic powder into nearly everything, even macaroni and cheese. I don't know why. Black pepper goes into everything as well because I guess it's healthy for digestion and that's my only excuse. Do I really care about the flavor black pepper gives either way or would I miss it? Nope to both questions. The meal i've 'cooked' most in my life has been hamburger helper style of boxes because it tastes really good and it's ready in like 10-20 minutes. I guess also because they're all cheese based flavors and I love cheese.

Can anyone give me advice on how to make a homestyle hamburger helper instead with wheat noodles? I would be willing to try your recipe.

[Anonymous No.19504967]

>>19482615
My mom had a weird phase where she baked sweets with her extra breast milk. Me and dad didnt have the heart to tell her that it made no difference.

[Anonymous No.19505230]

>>19476531
i put cinnamon on everything

[Anonymous No.19505277]

I make mayo using butter as the main fat

[Anonymous No.19505312]

>>19476531
i went to brownsville for the reasons of eating their food but I drank the entire time there and didn't eat any food at all besides two tacos. (less food means bigger buzz). I do remember having some bomb ass tacos at this place called mr. taco I believe. they loaded it up with everything and their salsa was amazing as well. i never had seen anything like that in my life. i told myself when I go back there I'm gonna try more foods and definitely hit that place up again.

[Anonymous No.19505316]

>>19476531
stew is just watery gravy with bits and chunks innit

[Anonymous No.19505320]

>>19476531
my palette isn't as good as my mother's and I don't think I have a shot at ever becoming a sommelier

[Anonymous No.19505535]

>>19491820
>What's wrong with stealing

Sigh...

[Anonymous No.19506204]

>>19476531
ive left a packet of bologna/ham out for 12+ hours and put it back in the fridge and ate it knowing it wouldn't get me sick or kill me. i just eat it faster than usual because I understand I rapidly increased the bacteria growth cycle in the meat

[Anonymous No.19506233]

>>19477757
Oh my science how stunning and brave of you to break the Lord's commandments.

[Anonymous No.19506246]

>>19479830
>I drink beer with ice in it
Same, i buy the best bavarian beer i can find and water that shit down like a retard. The sound the ice makes is just lovely, also drink with a straw to protect my teeth

[Anonymous No.19506291]

>>19476531
i remember at least once I asked my mom to buy me 3 hot n spicy's from mcdonalds for lunch and dinner. it made me laugh thinking about it later.

[Anonymous No.19506298]

Jennifer Kesse is in Lake Okeechobee

[Anonymous No.19506663]

Back when I was binge drinking every day for months on end I was having sex and horny AF all the time. I was onky eating maybe once a day though and that was pretty unhealthy.
Since Ive quit drinking 6 months ago my appetite has gotten a lot better and I am back to healthy weight but now I have no libido, my dick doesnt get very hard.. I literally have ED. Should I just go back to being Druk so I can have sex?? Wat do??

[Anonymous No.19506674]

When I was in the Army I would horde everything leftover from things that came in MREs and stuff that my platoon was just going to throw away. So by the end of being in the field for weeks I woyld have a fuck ton of free instant coffee packets, creamer, books of matches, salt packets, drink mixes, little tissue papers, random snacks. Actually saved me lots of money. I would also eat MREs sometimes at work if I didnt pack a lunch or didnt want to spend money

[Anonymous No.19506975]

>>19476531
Forgive me father for I have sinned.

I ate cold spam out of the can with a spoon, and had a few slices of untoasted bread with it because I didn't feel like cooking. :c

[Anonymous No.19508869]

Look bros I poured out my heart here >>19503020 and had no replies

For the record, no tit pissing happened yesterday but my wife just found out she got a great job and I bought some champagne so I’m thinking I should start chugging water in anticipation of pissing on her tits tonight, or maybe that’s too “about me” and I should make this night about her. Yeah I’m thinking I should hold off on pissing.

[Anonymous No.19508899]

>>19476531
When my brother's are fighting, yelling at each other at the top of their lungs so that I can feel it resonated through the walls and back into my eardrums, and I see him beating on each other violently so much so I'm afraid one of them will end up dead and the other in jail, I feel afraid and I panic as my mother is crying out in fear. But underneath all that, I feel the urge to grab a knife and stab the both of them. This deep, primal, raw urge to sink a blade deep into their skins, to slash their organs, to feel their blood rush out and stab and stab and cut until they're both dead. To have a knife in my hands, it makes me feel like I could do it, like I have all the power it feels they take from me when they're doing things like this. I want to kill them. I'm going to kill them if I don't get out of here soon. The quiet one watching their fights, never expressing how distressed he is, how fast his heart races, how he cries at night, how any little sound passing though the walls or doors is heard as screams and fighting, the nightmares. The violent, horrible nightmares. I have to make them stop. I have to kill them.

[Anonymous No.19509048]

>>19484061
Maybe youre allergic to clams bro

[Anonymous No.19509052]

>>19489126
I dont wash it, I just run it under the faucet to get rid of any slime(estrogen) or whatever that the foodjew puts on it

[Anonymous No.19509056]

>>19491384
Hey doug

[Anonymous No.19509063]

>>19476598
okay, but, decaff and you're good.

[Anonymous No.19509068]

>>19496389
>$1/16
Holy fuck those are some cheap hotdogs

[Anonymous No.19509077]

>>19508899
Dont do it bro just move out
Take your mom with you, too

[Anonymous No.19509078]

I genuinely believe Christian bakeries should be forced to bake gay wedding cakes.

[Anonymous No.19509327]

>>19476531
I haven’t eaten in four days just cocaine and vomiting

[Anonymous No.19509338]

>>19509078
Why do you think so?

[Anonymous No.19509350]

>>19480326
Based griller

[Anonymous No.19509726]

>>19509068
That says Mʙ.

[Anonymous No.19509856]

>>19508869
You should pee on her while she sleeps.

[Anonymous No.19509860]

>>19508899
Just join in, that might confuse them enough that they stop.

[Anonymous No.19509871]

>>19476531
I prefer minced beef a day after the expiration date over a fresh one.

[Anonymous No.19509898]

>>19476531
>Confess
I used to work at a burguer joint with a very abusive boss, so I sabotaged his business by releasing a couple rats in the kitchen and making an anonymous report to a health inspector. Place got closed down and boss was financially ruined by it.

[Anonymous No.19511242]

>>19476531
I effectively don't cook anymore. There's no point when it's just yourself to feed.

[Anonymous No.19511389]

>>19476674
That's the italian (real italians not the murrican guidoes) method my friend. Stick to the basics, quality and freshness above all when it comes to ingredients. The final redpill.