/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.18831349]

How would you respond to this?

Cooking fuckup thread.

[Anonymous No.18831354]

>>18831349
you just start sending him images of dishes being put in the oven from google like pic related

[Anonymous No.18831357]

>>18831349
Yeah I'm gunna go with "Things that never happened" for $500, Alex.

[Anonymous No.18831358]

>>18831349
Zoomers have been failed.

[Anonymous No.18831382]

>>18831358
Would someone really need to be taught to put food that will drip onto something that will collect drippings? At some point in their lives, they had to see a tray of cookies, a casserole dish, or something being taken out of an oven, even if it was just on TV or videos on their phones.

[Anonymous No.18831393]

>>18831382
I've seen an embarrassing amount of LMN movies and not once did they pull something out of their oven not on a baking sheet, so I assume the youtube crowd is to blame for this one.

[Anonymous No.18831397]

>>18831349
I don't see the problem.

[Anonymous No.18831420]

make popcorn?

[Anonymous No.18831428]

>>18831382
>even if it was just on TV
That's how I learned to tie a tie, and shave.
My Dad's cool, but not into teaching.
Even Mom had to teach me how to drive.

[Anonymous No.18831438]

My dad's first attempt at brining

[Anonymous No.18831449]

>>18831354
Speaking of fuckups, do people really do this? Put meatloaf in a loaf tin? I always bake mine on a rimmed baking sheet. The one time I tried a loaf tin (my first ever meatloaf) it was more soup than loaf.

[Anonymous No.18831455]

>>18831438

[Anonymous No.18831483]

>>18831349
I don't respond to people, I just walk away. Plenty of people who think they're clever aren't so clever when they're just standing there, yelling at thin air.

[Anonymous No.18831497]

>>18831483
You think it's some kinda "gotcha!" until someone resorts to getting physical with you because that's what happens lol

[Anonymous No.18831501]

>>18831497
It's the opposite of a gotcha, it's like an Igotnothingtodowiththis-a

[Anonymous No.18831509]

>>18831449
>one time I tried a loaf tin (my first ever meatloaf) it was more soup than loaf.
Then maybe you're the one who fucked up?
I've used loaf pans, and just forming a loaf in the center of a casserole dish.
I honestly like the loaf-pan better, but never had it turn out like soup.

My cooking fuckups?
As a kid, I went to make popcorn, and didn't know the difference between corn oil and corn syrup. Didn't work out well. I may be retarded.
I have a hard time not burning bacon.
I sometimes forget to stir the linguini enough to keep strands from sticking together.

[Anonymous No.18831514]

>>18831349
omar hegazy

[Anonymous No.18831545]

>>18831483
That's just autism

[Anonymous No.18831566]

>>18831545
Nah, it's pretty funny.

[Anonymous No.18831600]

>>18831349
unplug it
throw it out the door
you don't deserve an oven
please don't vote ever again

[Anonymous No.18831605]

>>18831509
>I have a hard time not burning bacon
bake in oven at 350-375 for 20-30 mins
perfect bacon every time

[Anonymous No.18831614]

>>18831605
People will kill you for saying this, but I also prefer my bacon baked

[Anonymous No.18831635]

>>18831614
kek, agreed but also no grease splatter all over cooktop/backsplash/counters

[Anonymous No.18831653]

>>18831349
If I had a kid that did this and they were 12 or over I'd beat them to death and start over.

[Anonymous No.18831657]

>>18831449
My retarded mother used to do this... before putting it in the microwave. I have no idea where I got my intelligence from, because it wasn't from either of my parents.

[Anonymous No.18831665]

>>18831349
To be fair, everyones first oven meal is a frozen pizza
So it does go right on the rack and isnt that weird

[Anonymous No.18831673]

>>18831605
>350-375 for 20-30 mins
So which is it?
There's no way 20 and thirty minutes comes out the same.

[Anonymous No.18831678]

>>18831673
Depends on the bacon's fat content and size. Not all bacon is equal anon.

[Anonymous No.18831709]

>>18831514
If I was in the groomercord that day, things would've gone down differently if you know what I mean, and I DON'T mean Overwatch and McDonald's.

[Anonymous No.18831736]

>>18831605
20 to 30 minutes?? the bacon would be completely burnt

[Anonymous No.18831746]

>>18831673
20-30 is right, but make sure to flip it

[Anonymous No.18831777]

>>18831514

[Anonymous No.18832337]

did you guys hear about valuum?

[Anonymous No.18832352]

>>18831382
There is no such thing as an intuitive interface. Far to man people have never watched their parents cook.

And thing about it another way: the racks in an oven are similar to the racks on a gas or charcoal grill. Meat goes straight on the grill. And given that many ovens don't have an exposed element at the bottom anymore, the drippings won't burst into flame to point out your mistake.

[Anonymous No.18832363]

>>18832337
that nigga fucked a man

[Anonymous No.18832365]

>>18831349
>im telling the org
we did it reddit we made a maymay! XD
fuck off

[Anonymous No.18832377]

>>18831357
this.

it's like you fags dont know how to google "fake txt message generator"

[Anonymous No.18832550]

>>18831357
>Things that never happened.
O ye of little faith. I have seen people fail at using cooking spray. Cooking spray. All you have to do is hold it away from the pan and do two or three quick squirts.

I once saw a girl hold the entire can of cooking spray into a bunt pan, upside-down, hold down the nozzle, and then make a quick zig-zag as if the thing were going to explode in her hand. The end result was a pool of cooking spray at the very bottom of the pan and nothing on the sides. I literally had to show her how to hold the can and lightly mist the entire pan.

[Anonymous No.18832612]

Oh you're talking about cumtown.org
Open invites nerds

[Anonymous No.18832699]

>>18831605
I put about a quarter inch of water in the pan and cook the bacon in that. The bacon cooks nicely at 100C/212F without burning while the water boils off. Once the water's gone, the bacon is fully cooked, and now as the temperature rises you can continue to cook it juuuust long enough to get the crisp you want without the risk of charring it.

[Anonymous No.18832741]

>>18831509
>My cooking fuckups?
As a child, I destroyed my mum's electric kettle by using it to heat milk for hot chocolate.
>>18831349
>How would you respond to this?
Tell him how to do it properly. Laugh about it with him later. Not ridicule and share on social media for likes.
It didn't happen though.

[Anonymous No.18832766]

>>18832612

How do I register?

[Anonymous No.18832822]

>>18831483
u dont have many friends
dont reply

[Anonymous No.18832907]

>>18831509
>didn't know the difference between corn oil and corn syrup. Didn't work out well. I may be retarded.
This category of mistake is pretty typical desu. Baking powder vs baking soda (luckily many recipes explicitly require both), curry leaves vs curry powder, there's probably hundreds of common confusions for novices. Even very experienced home cooks will always be out of a required ingredient from time to time and wonder, "Why can't I substitute X for Y?" and occasionally have a catastrophic failure. (This happened to my parents on a substitution for a recipe that they had made literally hundreds of times since they were children. Fwiw I'd rather have my parents be experimenting and failing occasionally than insisting on running to the grocery, which may require driving, every time there's a minute ingredient missing.)

[Anonymous No.18832925]

>>18831746
>20-30 is right, but make sure to flip it
Not sure I'm making myself clear.
The problem is I have a hard time believing it's really done when it IS really done.
I'll get by, but I need to train my eye better.

[Anonymous No.18832957]

>>18832925
Yeah, not much to be said but keep watching the bacon, but there's also nothing wrong with opening up the oven and taking a peek or a sample. If you can't figure out a time then set it for 20 and check on it in 10, see what's happening and leave it for longer based on the flip.

[Anonymous No.18832997]

>>18831509
My first time making bacon by myself it came out pretty well, but I had the pan full of grease and no idea what to do with it, had a minor panic attack over it as I knew vaguely not to poor it down the drain but no idea what to do.

[Anonymous No.18833107]

Jack, I'm porking Ms Horner right now.

[Anonymous No.18833112]

>>18831449
I always put it in a cast iron skillet, just like cornbread and biscuit pone.

[Anonymous No.18833131]

>>18831357
People on /ck/ continually demonstrate this level of intelligence or lower

[Anonymous No.18833140]

I put stuff directly onto the grill occasionally if that's more desirable, I don't see anything wrong with that if the correct precautions are taken. If I'm cooking some meat that's gonna drip fat I'll just put a try underneath to catch it.

[Anonymous No.18833151]

>>18831449
I do it on a sheet because I like the way it comes out, but isn't that what you use breadcrumbs for? it seems like you weren't using enough breadcrumbs if it got soupy.

[Anonymous No.18833160]

>>18832957
>nothing wrong with opening up the oven
I'm actually using a countertop convection oven (pic related), so I can see the bacon without opening it.

[Anonymous No.18833162]

>>18831605
I bake it, too. it's more consistent and then I can just reheat leftover bacon in a pan quickly, because I'm going to have a hot pan from cooking eggs, too. plus when you bake bacon, the grease is cleaner and easier to save for later use. I do 400F for 10-15 minutes. when I lived at high altitude it would need 20 min sometimes.

[Anonymous No.18833163]

>>18831566
confirmed autism

[Anonymous No.18833175]

>>18832997
>pan full of grease and no idea what to do with it
My first time I thought it had cooled enough, and had a friend pour it into a plastic solo cup.
My plan was to pour it out behind the bushes out back.
The cup sort-of melted, but not like you'd think.
The bottom of the cup got thicker, and started rising, "eating" the plastic sides.
It didn't spill, but the whole time I'm running for the door the cup was getting shallower and shallower, and I'm praying it doesn't overflow while it's in my hand.
Wound up flinging it out the back door just in time.

[Anonymous No.18833178]

>>18833160
Then you're probably retarded

[Anonymous No.18833183]

These were supposed to be doughnuts.
The dough was too sticky and they warned against using too much flour.

[Anonymous No.18833194]

>>18833160
just take it out a little before it looks as done as you want it. it keeps frying in its own fat for a while. it'll take a couple tries to get a feel for it, but baked bacon is the best.

[Anonymous No.18833213]

>>18831349
That's not a real conversation but if it were I'd tell them to use a baking sheet.

[Anonymous No.18833219]

>>18832997
>tfw I'm in the middle of a soft ban on cooking bacon until my lard jar isn't full anymore

[Anonymous No.18833226]

>>18831428
>not into teaching.

[Anonymous No.18833227]

>>18833219
Just buy a new jar

[Anonymous No.18833267]

>watching friend try to cook dinner
>"This gravy needs to be thicker"
>dumps flour into boiling hot liquid

[Anonymous No.18833310]

>the org
?????

[Anonymous No.18833327]

>>18833267
I've done this, had no idea what I was doing and it did nothing, a good lesson learned.

[Anonymous No.18833541]

>>18833310
by the fact he made the thread, i have a sinking feeling op might be referring to 4chan.org... which would make him the biggest faggot to ever faggot on this site

[Anonymous No.18833552]

>>18833541
oh no.

[Anonymous No.18833618]

>>18831449
I did for the longest time until I saw chef jean pierre form his meatloaf in the loaf pan and then transfer it to a baking sheet. Feel stupid as fuck for using the loaf tin for years. Explains why I'd smoke the fuck out of the house cooking it too.

[Anonymous No.18833702]

>>18831438
*geigner counter dial-up modem noises*

[Anonymous No.18833715]

>>18831438
>but the chicken is raw, I don't want to leave it around unbagged. that's unsanitary!

[Anonymous No.18833750]

>I'm telling the org

[Anonymous No.18833788]

>>18831614
same. perfect bacon every time.
>muh bacon grease
i just buy pic related. i don’t eat enough bacon to collect the grease

[Anonymous No.18834059]

imagine being so amerifat you need to collect or buy bacon (reddit tier food) grease

[Anonymous No.18834076]

>>18834059
bacon has been around since before reddit unlike your favorite soylent

[Anonymous No.18834085]

>>18834076

[Anonymous No.18834102]

>>18833618
>Explains why I'd smoke the fuck out of the house cooking it too.
No, it wouldn't.
You were doing something else wrong.
Lots of people make meatloaf with a loaf tin.
It doesn't smoke up my house.

[Anonymous No.18834124]

>>18831349
>i need a beer for this
Has a more reddit phrase ever been uttered?

[Anonymous No.18834143]

>>18831349
>One sec I need to get a beer while carrying my phone with me at all times to get said beer
>Yep, I'm now drinking beer replying again, phone never left my hand
Forced "funny line" that's only made for the "pleasure" of the viewer so they can get ready for the funny punchline.
As always, Fake & Gay.

[Anonymous No.18834147]

>>18834124
>>18834143
samefagot non-alcoholic. i need a beer for everything

[Anonymous No.18834150]

>>18834147
yeah but you don't go "hold on, I need a beer for this" in the middle of a conversatino

[Anonymous No.18834153]

>>18834147
Then you wouldn't be getting one, you'd have it ready as anything you do is "everything".

[Anonymous No.18834171]

>>18834102
based on that pic he posted, if he's making them like that all the way to the rim and over it with bacon on top, the fat probably drips off and onto the bottom of the oven as it cooks. that's my guess, anyway. if so, he could make it in the loaf pan and put the loaf pan on top of a sheet, though.

[Anonymous No.18834185]

>>18834059
Imagine being so unfortunate that someone has to tolerate your miserable existence

[Anonymous No.18834301]

>>18834185
Imagine thinking this wasn't the most butthurt reply imaginable

[Anonymous No.18834391]

>>18834171
Yeah, it does look awful shallow for a loaf pan.

[Anonymous No.18834444]

>>18834059
Imagine being such a cooklet that you don't save rendered fats to use later.

[Anonymous No.18834531]

>>18834444
digits confirm.

[Anonymous No.18834582]

>>18831349
>plastic cutting board into the oven
>electric kettle on the stove
managed to stop the cutting board from melting but the kettle got roasted

[Anonymous No.18834802]

>>18831349
the org is for faggots

[Anonymous No.18835449]

>>18833183
honestly they look like they tasted good

[Anonymous No.18835471]

>>18834143
From my experience dating college girls since my divorce, the other person gets shown when you read their last message, so you need an excuse to not reply immediately or they think you're not giving them the full attention they deserve.

[Anonymous No.18835495]

>>18831514
>>18831709
>>18831777
qrd

[Anonymous No.18837084]

>>18833183
Imo the frying is by far the most difficult part, so the fact the it seems you got a whole bunch of them to be neither over nor undercooked is quite a good job, despite maybe screwing up the dough somehow.

[Anonymous No.18837093]

>>18831357
no, this totally believable. in fact it doesn't even seem that unlikely based on the dumb shit I've observed people doing.

[Anonymous No.18837121]

>>18831614
>People will kill you for saying this
it's how 99% of restaurants prepare it.

[Anonymous No.18837136]

>>18835471
>the other person gets shown when you read their last message,
This can be changed in the settings of your messaging app or Android global (check both because Android keeps changing how settings menus work for whatever bizarre reason)

[Anonymous No.18837219]

>>18831736
>>18831746
>>18832699
>>18832925
Literally 9 minutes in the air fryer, plus the handle part catches all the oil and you can save it.

[Anonymous No.18837242]

>>18837219
>air fryer,
I'd love to get one, but I've only got so much counterspace.

[Anonymous No.18837293]

>>18831357
I have had to explain to an adult how to wash clothes. And explain several times that bleach is not to be used in a colors load.

[Anonymous No.18837304]

>>18837293
Most modern machine washable colors are fine with bleach, and modern bleaches made for laundry are colorfast.

[Anonymous No.18837328]

>>18837304
The bleach is chlorinated. It was not for color loads. It was for cleaning the floor and cleaning whites.
Saying to someone, who doesn’t know how to wash clothes, there are two types of bleach is going to bewilder them. They don’t grocery shop. They never cleaned and they asked me how much detergent to put in the washer.
If you trusted this tard you would destroy entire wardrobes.

[Anonymous No.18837529]

>>18831397
The problem is he cleaned his oven. You're supposed to let the seasoning build up over time for flavor.

[Anonymous No.18837537]

>>18835471
I read it more as avgn style "I'm gonna need 2 beers to deal with this pile of shit you're telling me"

[Anonymous No.18837613]

>>18831449
I feel like your meat was probably too fatty and your mix too wet. But yeah I don't use a loaf pan, I vastly prefer to let it cook that way.

[Anonymous No.18837620]

>>18832907
Living in walking distance of groceries feelsgoodman

[Anonymous No.18837621]

>>18831357
I've seen someone do this.
I've also seen a guy burn rice in a rice cooker and put frozen dinners in the fridge not freezer.

[Anonymous No.18837658]

>>18837121
And it's usually shit and chewy, so what are you trying to say?

[Anonymous No.18838394]

I simmered bacon in water for 5 minutes and then threw it into a dry pan to cook it but apparently all the fat went out with the water. I'm such a fuckup I actually managed to make bacon stick to a pan.

[Anonymous No.18838426]

>>18831449
They sell meatloaf pans retard so the fat drains

[Anonymous No.18838435]

>>18838426
>fat drains
y tho

[Anonymous No.18839983]

I was a kid, but when aksed to reheat some coffee I put the mug on top of a pan.

[Anonymous No.18841055]

>>18831349
Whenever I want a quick tasty and EASY meal I just put a steak and garlic bread on the grills. Takes 10 minutes and you get a delicious meal with essentially no work. Spread some aioli on that bread and you will orgasm. Anyone have any suggestions what else I could put on the bread to make it even better/nutritious?

[Anonymous No.18841105]

>>18841055
Sundried tomato

[Anonymous No.18841159]

>>18831497
You think getting physical is a "gotcha!" until my .380 comes out.

[Anonymous No.18842628]

>>18841055
>garlic bread
>Spread some aioli on that bread
Yo dawg

[Anonymous No.18842728]

>>18831438
I've seen this image before

[Anonymous No.18842765]

>>18841055
grate parmesan on the bread first

[Anonymous No.18842787]

i had these microwavable banana breads you were supposed to put them still in the packaging in the micro for 10seconds or whatever and i put it in for 10x that time and didnt think anythign about it, and then the house was filled with bananabread/cooked plastic smell. at the same time i also had norovirus kick in and hit me and that was the smell wafting through me

[Anonymous No.18842804]

>>18841159
sounds pretty impressive until you feel my 4"er making it's way in the rear gate

[Anonymous No.18842820]

>>18831357
I had a room mate in college who thought dish soap and dishwasher detergent were the same thing. Barely relevant, but there are adult human beings who fail to grok basic concepts.

[Anonymous No.18842842]

>uhhhhh pause the conversation
>I need to get a heckin beer for this!!
>hold my beer!!!
can you BE any more r*ddit?