/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.17461743]

What was your biggest kitchen mistake?

[Anonymous No.17461793]

>>17461743
Not marrying a 1950's house wife

[Anonymous No.17461795]

>>17461743
>What was your biggest kitchen mistake?
Dropping raw chicken on my dick

[Anonymous No.17461798]

>>17461793
they took this from us

[Anonymous No.17461807]

>>17461743
Imagine the smell

[Anonymous No.17461808]

>>17461798
>TFW you dont get to come home everyday after work at the office and get balls deep in your 1950's housewife on the davenport

[Anonymous No.17461811]

>>17461743
lid of the pepper shaker came off in my dinner once. was almost done, too

[Anonymous No.17461821]

>>17461811
That happened to me with mashed potatoes once. Got out as much as I could but they ended up as dark as a shadow

[Anonymous No.17461831]

>>17461798
Yeah, but you’re also a far cry from being anywhere close to the dude in the image.
I do agree though that 50s to 80s truly was humanity‘s peak.

[Anonymous No.17461832]

>>17461808

[Anonymous No.17461835]

>>17461743
I once tried to roast a duck. Not sure what I did wrong but the thing smelled and tasted like a barnyard. It was overwhelming, not even my cats wanted it. I just threw it in the garbage

[Anonymous No.17461839]

>>17461831
>you’re also a far cry from being anywhere close to the dude in the image.
you don't know this

[Anonymous No.17461852]

>>17461807
Do these people not understand the phrase, "never put anything on the stove"

[Anonymous No.17461854]

>>17461832
I hate the future so much.

[Anonymous No.17461864]

>>17461839
It’s an educated guess based on our current form of communication.

[Anonymous No.17461937]

>>17461743

[Anonymous No.17461978]

>>17461852
Or how about you dump those archaic stoves and switch to induction? Or is it too liberal for you amerilards?

[Anonymous No.17461987]

>>17461798
>they took this from us
An advertising campaign?

[Anonymous No.17462000]

>>17461831
Why don't you guess again chud

[Anonymous No.17462011]

>>17462000
Lmao the spitting image of a gay actuary

[Anonymous No.17462014]

>>17461835
Might have been the duck. You need to find a market that has freshly slaughtered duck, otherwise you are cooking something that was frozen for who knows how long and then defrosted to look "fresh"

[Anonymous No.17462036]

>>17461793
>>17461798
>>17461808
You can't have a 1950s housewife without the accompanying Valium habit

[Anonymous No.17462040]

>>17461743
>be me
>making brussel sprouts in the microwave
>have no way to check the temperature of the bowl to see if it would burn my hand
>idea.jpg
>stick my thumb in the water to see if it was really hot
>water was much hotter than I thought it would have been
>pull hand out of bowl as fast as I could
>wrist hits the hook used to keep the microwave door closed
>slices open my wrist
>tfw I have a permanent scar from using a microwave

[Anonymous No.17462044]

>>17461987
>An advertising campaign?
real

[Anonymous No.17462055]

>>17462000
>5'4"
Are you a "trans man"?

[Anonymous No.17462061]

>>17462055
trans. men. are. men.

[Anonymous No.17462067]

>>17461978
induction would still have ruines that fucker to hell, retard

[Anonymous No.17462074]

>>17462061
If they were men you wouldn't need to add "trans" in front of the term.

[Anonymous No.17462078]

>>17462061
They aren't, you tranny chud. Now go do your hormones and then end it.

[Anonymous No.17462082]

>>17462067
The bottom grille was plastic. Induction cooktop probably would've slightly warmed the sheet metal higher up, but it definitely wouldn't cause such destruction.

[Anonymous No.17462087]

for the love of god I just wanted to hear about kitchen mistakes

[Anonymous No.17462088]

I'm stupid and didn't realize that 'glass top ranges' were actually made of glass. I tried breaking apart a frozen piece of ground beef on the surface and shattered it into a million pieces.

[Anonymous No.17462104]

>>17462078
>>17462074
this isn't pol or b, guys. You. are. not. in. your. safespace. anymore. Love comes in many forms. Deal with it privately.

[Anonymous No.17462113]

>>17462087
so go and make a thread about it you faggot

[Anonymous No.17462114]

>>17461743
Not me but my grandmother. I lived with her for several years. One morning she was making lunch, and got a phone call from a lady friend. Delighted and eager to converse, she wandered out of the kitchen and sat on our front porch to chat, leaving olive oil burning in a pan. I was at my computer at the time, with headphones on. Noticed a weird beeping that wasn't matching the beat of my music. Headphones came off and I recognize the fire alarm, superspeed engaged. Open my door, house is thick with smoke. Started yelling for my nana while sprinting to the kitchen, take care of the fire, still screaming for nana. Checked every room in the house before I ran outside seeing her sweet, peaceful ass rocking on the front porch. She had to have the kitchen repainted but I'll always be proud that my dumb ass was good for something during that time. Silly nana. I love her.

[Anonymous No.17462122]

>>17462088
Yeah I did some similar shit.

[Anonymous No.17462141]

>>17462088
kek fucking cavemen

[Anonymous No.17462146]

>>17462082
would probably have fries all the electric components too and it would still have been ruined. it's still not ok to place electric appliances on top of a stove

[Anonymous No.17462158]

make sure you use real Pyrex, anons.

[Anonymous No.17462161]

>>17462104
shut the fuck up tranny

[Anonymous No.17462172]

>>17461743
its wasn't sugar, it was salt

[Anonymous No.17462214]

>>17462104
>Deal with it privately.
Then stop marching through my streets every year to shove your depravity in my face and stop forcing your perversions on children in tax-funded schools and libraries.

[Anonymous No.17462242]

>>17462214
when does /ck/ do this? I want in

[Anonymous No.17462245]

>>17462044
I bet none of those kids are his

[Anonymous No.17462250]

>>17462000
Receding hairline.

[Anonymous No.17462253]

>Worked at a Carvel (ice cream place)
>We have to defrost our rollaway freezers everyday
>Boil water in big metal cylinder to pour it on freezer and melt the ice
>for some retard peanut brain reason, I grab the whole thing completely filled to the top with boiling water with bare hands
>don't notice the burn until i've been carrying it for 10 seconds
>the pain in my hands is so unbearable I drop it on my foot and the boiling water gets all over me
>couldn't feel any sensation in my hands for a month and my foot was broken and burned

[Anonymous No.17462254]

>>17462242
Shit bro, our sex meetup for the year was last week.

[Anonymous No.17462275]

First and last attempt at butterweed.

[Anonymous No.17462353]

>>17462275
Well what did it taste like

[Anonymous No.17462386]

>>17461978
Fuck yer commie induction. Real Americans cook on an open fire.

[Anonymous No.17462395]

>>17462000
Not /fa but he is too young to pull off that outfit. Also brown isn't a good color for a tie. Blue or dark red tie on a white shirt would be better.

- Engineer who was forced to wear a suit for almost a decade

[Anonymous No.17462400]

>>17461743
I did that but with a pyrex dish and tried to "cool it down" when I noticed by pouring water on it in the sink, it shattered in my face but somehow nothing hit me

[Anonymous No.17462423]

>>17461808
She looks over 14. Gross. Not a geriatric fetishist.

[Anonymous No.17462433]

>>17461831
>I do agree though that 50s to 80s truly was humanity‘s peak.

And you lived through that time period? The food was bland, the cars rusted out, no internet and only four or five channels on TV. Also people drank and smoked themselves to and early death.

[Anonymous No.17462437]

>>17462433
>rusted

No, that was just the datsuns.

[Anonymous No.17462442]

>>17462087
open the door all the way you daft cunt

[Anonymous No.17462462]

>>17462442
But I am only 9 years old.

[Anonymous No.17462470]

>>17462353
I've been scared to try it.

[Anonymous No.17462476]

It was during the lockdown and my sister dropped off my niece. She was only ten at the time. We watched Monster Musume then got hungry and we met in the kitchen.

[Anonymous No.17462504]

>>17462074
>>17462078
>>17462161
>>17462214
>I have to respond to all bait presented
you're the reason we have to deal with this shit on a threadly basis

[Anonymous No.17462525]

>>17462470
Well now is as good a time as any

[Anonymous No.17462531]

>>17462253
I watched a friend one time cooking dinner for a party we were having. He turned on the stovetop but hadnt used my stove before. He open palm tapped the first three burners to see which one was on, got frustrated and slammed his hand on the fourth (the one that was on) instead of using process of elimination or any modicum of intelligence. 2nd degree burns on his entire palm. He is also a professional chef......

[Anonymous No.17462545]

>>17462114
based grandson. I bet you're a tall, handsome boy

[Anonymous No.17462546]

>>17461743
I once tryed to bake cookies.

Recipe was a bit unclear and well i used twice the amount of butter i should have used. The cookies obviously "melted flat, conjoining together into a extremely massive greasy butterblob, with butter even pouring out of them. kek

[Anonymous No.17462561]

>>17462531
your knobs dont have indicators of which burner they turn on? or at the very least, are on the same side of the stove as the burner, reducing the process of elimination to two burners?

[Anonymous No.17462586]

>>17462036
And...? I make good money, I can keep my woman in Valium if she keeps me in pot roasts.

[Anonymous No.17462599]

>>17461743
Fucked up so bad making gratin dauphinois last week I had to throw away my pot. Milk/fat mix had completely burned on the bottom and I couldn't be arsed to try and save it. Bought a new pan

[Anonymous No.17462602]

>>17462470
Well, you didn't strain it enough, I'll tell you that right now. But it looks like you got good extraction. It'll probably taste like nothing but weed and make anything you put it in taste like nothing but weed. But it's probably decent stuff.

[Anonymous No.17462619]

>>17461831
doesn't take much to surpass one of the 60s fat boomers with no education and a TV addiction
difference is now we're fighting for disgusting ragsluts instead of housewives

[Anonymous No.17462646]

>>17462104
Love does come in many forms. My form of love is anti Trans. You will accept me or you are a bigot

[Anonymous No.17462669]

>>17462275
That's what you get for being a degenerate

[Anonymous No.17462685]

>>17462275
did you decarb your weed?

[Anonymous No.17462686]

>>17461811
That happened to me once too, right at the end. Absolutely miserable feeling.

[Anonymous No.17462746]

>>17461808
>>17461832
>>17461839
>>17461798
>>17461793
None of them could cook by the way.

[Anonymous No.17462754]

>>17462545
I'm a tiny little granddaughter. Please don't bully me, anon.

[Anonymous No.17462755]

>>17461807
>>17461743
this is why i only like gas. you can't even tell these things are on,.

[Anonymous No.17462762]

>>17462088
based lmao

[Anonymous No.17462769]

>>17461743
I had a couple of cork trivets with magnets in them, once i put an oven tray on them, prepared some food and put it in the oven without realizing the trivets were stuck under the tray. Made everything taste and smell like cork, i.e. terrible.

[Anonymous No.17462773]

>>17462746
My great grandmother was a 1950's house wife and her cooking was amazing. So please kys.

[Anonymous No.17462814]

>>17461864
a comedian huh

[Anonymous No.17462822]

>>17462602
>>17462525

Okay I'll try it this weekend and report back here.

[Anonymous No.17462827]

>>17462214
i dont do this
da jooce supporting them do this
lee mee alon
i jus wan to be left alon
y u do dis? lee me alon.

[Anonymous No.17462834]

>>17462773
Your grandmother isn't representative of the general population of 1950s housewives, so abort yourself first.

[Anonymous No.17462842]

>>17461937
How about using your utensils properly instead of waving them around like a chimpanzee?

[Anonymous No.17462845]

>>17462754
How many goats and swine will I need to give to your nana for your hand in marriage?

[Anonymous No.17462858]

>>17462088
you could definitely be my tenant, he does stupid shit like that all the time. i keep him around because he doesnt know what black mold is

[Anonymous No.17462865]

>>17462250
Age:19

[Anonymous No.17462894]

whoops

[Anonymous No.17462899]

>>17462433
Don't forget the lead poisoning

[Anonymous No.17462916]

Put a knock off pyrex under cold water after cooking with it. It shattered of course. The worst part was it happened over the part of the sink with a disposal. I gave up on getting all those beads out of it and just stopped using it because I couldn't stand the grinding glass sound.
>>17461743
Can't you just replace the electrical burner? Pretty sure they just plug in.

[Anonymous No.17462918]

>>17462275
Bruh what did you do? Try again with this recipe
>Buy weed
>Buy everclear or other 190+ proof liquor, 151 works OK but not as good
>Grind weed finely, spread on parchment paper on baking sheet, bake at 325F for 40 minutes
>make sure area is well ventilated before you use the everclear, outdoors if possible
>mix weed with everclear (1g weed -> 1fl. oz everclear) in mason jar
>shake well
>take lid off mason jar
>heat in water bath to 170F and no higher, use thermometer, simmer with slow bubbles\
>keep it there 5 minutes
>put it away 3 weeks
>strain
Use an eye dropper and put it under your tongue. You don't even need butter for this recipe.
It's vitally important that you keep the everclear:
>Under 175F (it will combust at this temp)
>Away from any spark or flame (no gas stoves)
>Very well ventilated, as the vapor is poisonous and explosive especailly if allowed to cocnentrate

[Anonymous No.17462949]

>>17462561
Its a regular ass stove with indicators, he was just drunk AF and didn't even bother to ask me about it lol

[Anonymous No.17462951]

>>17462916
goddamn that is a perfectly shit situation. Sorry that happened.

[Anonymous No.17462955]

>>17461743
time for a new glass top stove OP

[Anonymous No.17462972]

>>17462858
he knows and he's just getting warmed up. the grease pipes are getting more clogged by the day.

[Anonymous No.17462975]

>>17462087
I could have saved her

[Anonymous No.17462984]

>>17462975
she'd probably fit if you took the racks out. just make sure you can hold the door closed long enough until she gives up

[Anonymous No.17462987]

>>17462433
yeah but gay people bad and I beat my wife

[Anonymous No.17462993]

I accidentally burn the slopy joe'd so we order McBolan's for supper imstesd

[Anonymous No.17463003]

>>17461793
>>17461798
I'm already feeling suicidal right now, you didn't have to put the fucking gun in my mouth

[Anonymous No.17463013]

the actual sound in this one is great

[Anonymous No.17463021]

>>17462842
A good pan shouldn't break just because you try to move it around like a spaz. It's a sign of poor build quality and would probably break if you were cooking it fully loaded.

[Breaking Chad No.17463022]

I married a hot Asian chick in Colorado and make the b!tch cook me food every night. My buddy Joe is so jealous sh!t is cash

[Anonymous No.17463024]

>>17462104
YWNBAW

[west coast misogynist No.17463028]

>>17463022
Damn son that's a great story arc

[Anonymous No.17463032]

>>17463013
Men should not cook.

[Anonymous No.17463041]

>>17462040
kek

[Anonymous No.17463049]

>>17463022
You shouldn't rub it in Joes face he might kill himself

[Anonymous No.17463084]

Forgot the water making ramen in the microwave once. Stank up the apartment for weeks.

[Anonymous No.17463093]

>>17463049
I've been trying to find an asian gf that can cook. I found one last year, but she told me she hired a hitman on her adulterous father and things were never the same after that

[Anonymous No.17463108]

>>17463084
I once ate homemade sourdough 4 suppers in a row and the same thing happened. my sheets still have a faint chinese noodle scent.

[Anonymous No.17463577]

>>17462951
thankfully I was moving out of that apartment in a few months so I just
>not my problem
it in the end

[Anonymous No.17463606]

>>17462061
Hahaha. Funnier than the microwave anon

[Anonymous No.17463608]

>>17462531
Your friend may be mentally ill.

[Anonymous No.17463621]

>>17462646
Upvoted

[Anonymous No.17463622]

>>17462599
>it's dirty, so I will throw it away
God I fucking hate boomers.

[Anonymous No.17463630]

>>17461807
My father did this twice, first time with a rice cooker and second with a countertop deep fryer.
Both times he was wasted and left the kitchen to have a smoke when both appliances started fires.

[Anonymous No.17463690]

>>17463093
Anon, you realize what will happen to you if you dump her, don't you?

[Anonymous No.17463693]

>>17463093
Can I have her number?

[Anonymous No.17463713]

>>17462036
as long as she shares then we'll be fine.

[Anonymous No.17463861]

>>17463690
I dumped her last year. also hooked up with her a couple times after too. eventually I had a dream about her doing something bad and had to stop talking to her. she was a fun one though.

>>17463693
what will you trade for it?

[Anonymous No.17463881]

>>17463861
>eventually I had a dream about her doing something bad and had to stop talking to her
Thank you for confirming my suspions of low intelligence.

[Anonymous No.17463894]

>>17462918
Man, I just heard someone say Kentucky's been making wax that blows that west coast company shit out of the fucking competition. I believe it too.
Glad to see you're giving recipes and encouraging weed but you should probably lead with the whole 'caution: leathally explosive' next time lol

[Anonymous No.17463934]

>>17462773
Are you going to marry and fuck your great grandmother, faggot?

[Anonymous No.17463935]

>>17462087
the oven door is meant to be opened all the way and those racks can easily slide in and out
I always slide the rack out at least half a foot to easily grab the pan and not risk burning my forearms on the upper rack

[Anonymous No.17463949]

>>17462918
>Grind weed finely, spread on parchment paper on baking sheet, bake at 325F for 40 minutes
lmao
Butter is vastly preferable to tincture for baked goods as well, but just lmao.

[Anonymous No.17464053]

>>17463630
My mom did that shit with the instapot last year, refused to take the blame even though she was the only one in the kitchen at the time.

[Anonymous No.17464055]

>>17462972
not my problem

[Anonymous No.17464071]

>>17463013

[Anonymous No.17464075]

>>17462044
What exactly is preventing you from having a BBQ with your family?

[Anonymous No.17464095]

>>17461839
dishwasher salmon was already popular?

[Anonymous No.17464147]

>>17463021
>noooooooo don't blame the heckin' roasties!

[Anonymous No.17464286]

>>17462158
Was someone trying to roast some peppers under the broiler in glassware? Pyrex themselves say not to do that.

[Anonymous No.17464304]

>>17461743
>4 years old
>Decided to help mom make breakfast on a Sunday morning.
>She doesn't mind—she's happy, actually.
>It's mostly me watching her chop and cook things while I sit on a tall wooden stool chair.
>That day I tell her I want to do something, so she thinks cracking open an egg is easy enough.
>She explains to me, shows me how to open one with both hands.
>I'm nervous as hell, as if I were deactivating a bomb or something.
>After giving it the tap, I put too much pressure on my right hand.
>The egg explotes.
>There's yolk in the wall, the ceiling, the kitchen table.
>"I'll help!" I scream confused, trying to clean the counter with my shirt.
>Without saying a word, she wipes my face clean, takes me out of the kitchen and finishes cooking while cleaning.
>She tells me she's not mad.
>Everything smells like eggs for a week.
>Couldn't get near the kitchen until I was twelve, and only to help with washing the dishes.
The first one is the one you don't forget.

[Anonymous No.17464382]

>>17462433
>no internet and only four or five channels on TV
the horror

[Anonymous No.17464393]

>>17464075
for me, nothing, but I feel for that anon still needing to hunt around for one of the few remaining women who aren't blown-out sluts

[Anonymous No.17464416]

>>17461978
It's a better long term strategy to stop being retarded than to try and arrange the entire world around you to mitigate the consequences of being retarded.

[Anonymous No.17464429]

>>17464393
I had one, but she left me because I touched her when she specifically asked me not to, and for being an overall loser. I will die happy knowing i removed my inferior self from the genepool.

[Anonymous No.17464461]

>>17464147
Bad bait. Consider becoming an hero for your next venture.

[Anonymous No.17464480]

>>17464304
That's actually adorable, glad you made a recovery from your 4 year old self

[Anonymous No.17464517]

>>17464429
>the stories posted here are autistic works of fiction

[Anonymous No.17464536]

>>17462000
you smell like shit

[Anonymous No.17464561]

>>17462822
try it right now, faggot

[Anonymous No.17464601]

>>17462158
Pyrex hasn't been real borosilicate glass since the brand name got bought by a Chinese company in the 90s.

[Anonymous No.17464628]

>>17462000
I KNEEL

[Anonymous No.17464651]

>>17464601
don't lie

[Anonymous No.17464719]

>>17464601
Holy shit, it's true.
Apparently the change coincides with the logo changing from upper-case to lower-case. If the logo is upper-case, it's borosilicate. Lower-case = soda-lime.
Also, a different company manufactures pyrex for Europe, that company still uses borosilicate AND still uses the upper-case logo. So the pattern holds true for this as well.

I had no idea until I looked it up just now. I probably would have eventually shattered some glass cookware in the future. I just thought pyrex brand was always borosilicate.

[Anonymous No.17464740]

>>17463881
what makes you say that?

[Anonymous No.17464747]

>>17461793
more like 1950's hotwife

[Anonymous No.17464750]

>>17464053
>she was the only one in the kitchen at the time
FUCKIN BITCH I have the same at hom!! all the moms are the same I swear!!

[Anonymous No.17464772]

>>17462599
next time just fill it with water and wait for a night and you'll be able to rinse this shit without barely scratching...

[Anonymous No.17464844]

>Trying to grill chicken on a grill cast iron
>starts to smoke way too much
>try and get it outside realize there’s nowhere to put it
>tilt the pan weird and hot oil goes all over my hand
>start to panic and put pan down on the balcony floor
>realize it’s shitty carpet and it ruins the carpet and pan
It was a shitty way to spend my 30th birthday

[Anonymous No.17464846]

>>17462082
>>17462146
Lmao no. The induction wouldnt even turn on if there is no metal touching the surface. Damn you are stupid.

[Anonymous No.17465135]

>>17464846
>he doesn't understand electromagnetic fields can operate at a distance
ngmi

[Anonymous No.17465202]

>>17464844
Comical to imagine but sorry it had to happen on your birthday.

Happy late birthday, anon.

[Anonymous No.17465227]

>>17464846
That's not how they work.

[Anonymous No.17465278]

>>17462158
Im still afraid of exploding glass cookware since my mom told me it could happen as a kid. Horrifying thought.

[Anonymous No.17465297]

>>17465227
lots of induction stoves are programmed to detect the presence of a pot or pan, which gets especially fun when you thought you preheated your pan but it never turned on in the first place since it wasn't 'detected'

[Anonymous No.17465374]

>>17464480
I'm glad she didn't beat me for that. She never raised a hand on me, but that would have been a proper moment to start.

[Anonymous No.17465390]

>>17462834
what makes you an expert on this matter?

[Anonymous No.17465398]

>>17461854
Don’t worry, the past would have been more unkind to you.

[Anonymous No.17465428]

>>17461743
Seriously who the fuck still makes shitty stove tops like these? Even my great grandparents weren't old fashioned enough to have shit like that in their kitchen, and they witnessed WWI

[Anonymous No.17465434]

>>17461743
>be me
>working a graveyard shift at a fly-in work camp
>my partner for the breakfast service calls out "sick" (he had friday sickness, which is when all the fucking natives get their paycheck and promptly fuck off and disappear, but we can't fire them because we are contractually obligated to have 20% FN/Metis staff)
>am going to have to serve 350 men solo for breakfast
>start hustling like hell
>get everything done
>last thing is to grab the boiled eggs out of the steamer and throw them on the heat table and then I can start cranking out omelettes
>open it, am in such a rush that I don't wait for the steam to clear
>entire top of dominant hand ends up burned bad enough to blister

Steam burns are no joke.

>runner up because someone else did it not me
>dude showing off his fake rolex
>he paid a couple hundred for it
>bragging about how it's exactly like a real one
>whatever
>he drops it in the fucking deep fryer while waving it around
>then he fucking reflexively tries to grab it out of a vat of 375 degree farenheit oil
>screamed so loud a bunch of the rig workers came running from their tables into the kitchen to see
>medic whisks him away and I never see or hear of him again

[Anonymous No.17465440]

>>17461743
As a wee lad I was asked to reheat coffee so I put the mug on a pan on the stove.

[Anonymous No.17465444]

>>17465428
I prefer those coil stoves to the glass top ones that try and constantly sense how hot they ought to be and turn off and on without me having any control. Every cheap coil stove I've used over the years has been consistently bad. Every glass top has been inconsistently bad. Finally bought my own place and I'm going straight for gas so I can control the heat myself.

[Anonymous No.17465453]

>>17462546
That's not a mistake—that's a rite of passage for every baker. You put them too close, the recipe is not going as expected the fiest time.
Actually, there's so many little things that can go wrong in baking recipes that you don't notice about unless you make them over and over that it's insane.

[Anonymous No.17465462]

>>17465444
Well yes, they turn on and off to hold a fixed temperature. This works better when your cookware has a certain thermal mass of course, but it works well enough in my experience. Also, no matter how shitty they are easier to clean, which was especially important during my student years where I lived with other people. For more control I would definitely pick gas or induction ofc.

[Anonymous No.17465468]

>>17462000
looks like a great candidate for The Knockout Game

[Anonymous No.17465472]

>>17462036
this is a jewish meme. Housewife is the comfiest possible job for a woman. Meanwhile in 2022 something like a third of all women 18-35 are on SSRIs.

[Anonymous No.17465482]

>>17465462
>use coil stove
>use thin non stick
>set it to temperature I want
>wow it heats to that temperature and now i can cook things, and if it starts getting too hot I can turn it down

>use glass top
>use thin non stick
>it doesn't even fucking heat up until you crank it all the way to high, and then you constantly have to fiddle with it while cooking
>if you leave it on low it just never fucking heats up

>use thick cast iron on coil
>set to temperature
>wait a bit
>wow it's at temperature
>cook

>use cast iron on glass top
>will become unreasonably hot, even on low settings
>have to get it to temp, then turn off the element, then cycle it on and off to get the right temperature

They just fucking suck, anon. I wish they didn't exist because I've dealt with four of them and they fill me with unending rage. I cook for a living and they make sauteing at home insufferable.

[Anonymous No.17465499]

>>17461798

I have a woman like this bros. Finding a good wife is one of the best things that can happen in a man's life.

[Anonymous No.17465503]

>>17464844
fuck that looks painful. Thanks for the reminder to pay more attention when I cook anon.

[Anonymous No.17465544]

>>17462044
This is a literal staged stock photo, made by the world's first stock photo company Retrofile, shot by H Armstrong Roberts. Retrofile was acquired by Getty Images which is why this pic is circulating online today - as a staged stock photo, which is what it is.

[Anonymous No.17465556]

>>17465482
>>it doesn't even fucking heat up until you crank it all the way to high, and then you constantly have to fiddle with it while cooking
never happened to me once
>>will become unreasonably hot, even on low settings
also never happened to me, and I've been using them across the entire temperature range no problem. What the hell man.

[Anonymous No.17465562]

>>17462470
Put the jar in a metal bowl of hot water so it heats the butter up again, then strain it into another jar with a coffee filter on top. You'll be fine.

[Anonymous No.17465573]

They took this from us.

[Anonymous No.17465601]

>>17462104
Post gash

[Anonymous No.17465619]

>>17462433
Spice is degenerate, internet is degenerate, television is degenerate, average working class salary was good enough to afford a new car every 2 years, and drinking/smoking yourself to death is preferable to rotting your brain on HFCS and laboratory chemicals designed to resemble food

[Anonymous No.17465620]

>>17462275
>>17462918
y'all fuckers need a thermomix

[Anonymous No.17465624]

>>17462476
>watching coomer harem anime with 10yo niece

[Anonymous No.17465625]

>>17461793
>>17461798
buy a cookbook from the 1950s. It's all horrendous

[Anonymous No.17465626]

>>17462754
Tits
Post em

[Anonymous No.17465628]

>>17465619
>spices are degenerate
You really drank the kool aid, didn’t you?

[Anonymous No.17465630]

>>17462044
>Pictured: The man cooking
not looking to good for you chief

[Anonymous No.17465631]

>>17462918
Jesus christ just fucking smoke the leaf

The only thing more insufferable than potheads are potheads that take their habit too seriously

[Anonymous No.17465632]

lots of transphobic chuds in here

[Anonymous No.17465633]

>1950’s-1980’s was peak humanity
How dumb do you have to be to believe this? It was only good for boomer sharts, and that was only because of the post ww2 afterglow.

[Anonymous No.17465635]

>>17462253
boiling water would only be slightly more effective than room temp water. A hose would do that job 10x faster and infinitely safer.

[Anonymous No.17465636]

>>17465630
>>17465633
Actually it was a great time for everyone, except the 0.05% of the population that was what fags today would call marginalized. Yeah, they're commercials, but they still represent a time that happened.

[Anonymous No.17465640]

[Anonymous No.17465641]

Every single time I get impatient with proofing

[Anonymous No.17465644]

These were better times

[Anonymous No.17465645]

>>17465619
>Spice is degenerate
unbelievable, out

[Anonymous No.17465649]

Chuds reject canned, commercialized modernity for the canned, commercialized 1950’s. It’s like they don’t even realize that half the things wrong with the US today were started in that era.

[Anonymous No.17465650]

>>17462755
they have 2 big red lights that tell you the stove is on. theres also a red light informing you if the stovetop is still hot to the touch.

[Anonymous No.17465652]

>>17465544
>just making shit up

[Anonymous No.17465656]

>>17465649
>thinking it’s about the consumer goods
Ohoho oh no

[Anonymous No.17465664]

>>17463013
How tall is it? How short is he? Tough to say

[Anonymous No.17465667]

>>17462214
based. it stops being about "quit caring what people do in their own bedrooms/home" whenever you faggots and troons started whining to get your shit taught in schools, your fag parades, and ruining every new piece of media

[Anonymous No.17465670]

>>17465636
>0.05%
It’s ~2% gay, with ~10% getting a boner to their homies at least a few times. In any case, the gays are some of the greatest among us. Better than normoid goycattle, at least.

[Anonymous No.17465686]

>>17462087
How can you be a grown adult and somehow have never taken a pan out of an oven before?

[Anonymous No.17465690]

>>17465297
>>17465227
>>17464846
Those same coils are also inherently capable of sensing metal. That's how traffic light sensors work.

[Anonymous No.17465691]

>>17465656
>thinking I’m only talking about consumer goods

[Anonymous No.17465697]

>>17465434
I was a very dumb kid that on several occasions decide to see if something was hot/cold/sharp enough by touching it, and on several occasions was correct and lost some skin for it. Steam burn was probably the worst of those and it was just from an old ass electric kettle. Felt too stupid to tell anybody about it, just dealt with it. At least now I'm a cook and thus immune to first degree burns.

[Anonymous No.17465698]

>>17461743
>making creme brulee
>putting egg yolks into bowl
>on the fifth egg, accidentally put the white into the yolk bowl
>try to separate it to no avail

Also:
>fucked up making strudel twice, each time taking me like 4 hours
>tried to make spatchcock chicken, took me forever and I felt sick after eating it
>mashed potatoes were too liquidy too

[Anonymous No.17465711]

>>17465640
>American flag in the baguette
pottery

[Anonymous No.17465767]

>>17465691
>commercialised
What do you think this word means?

[Anonymous No.17465787]

>>17465767
Commercialized does not mean consumer goods, idiot. I’m talking about the rotten attitude that pervades our entire society. The idea that you are only worth what you can produce for your masters. It’s the idea that profit is the only possible motive. Everything is about money, and how to get more of it. It’s the height of greed.
Boomers were the richest generation in history, and they destroyed it all because they were blinded by greed.

[Anonymous No.17465797]

>>17465787
Commercialised literally means the commodification of society, retard. As in, making everything a consumer good.

Fucking midwits

[Anonymous No.17465812]

>>17465797
>organizing society around maximizing profit = consoomer goods
>if I can’t buy it, there is no way to make money from it
>I am very smart
This is the problem I’m talking about. You can’t be helped. Bye.

[Anonymous No.17465813]

>underage 50s nostalgia faggot ruins thread
Tradfags are such fucking retards

[Anonymous No.17465833]

>>17465625
This. I think they must have all been retarded back then. Even ancient Roman recipes are still good today, but the 50’s just couldn’t hack it.

[Anonymous No.17465880]

>>17462104
Kill yourself pedo faggot

[Anonymous No.17465884]

>>17465833
All that lead and radiation

[Anonymous No.17465903]

>>17461798
>She just dumped a big piece of pork in the biggest pot available and blasted it in the oven for probably 3-5 hours
>Biscuits or whatever in the bowl
>Vegetables are untouched and the man is already home expecting a finished dinner
Ech.

[Anonymous No.17465907]

>>17465903
You don't like undercooked pork, a basket full of whole grain crackers, and a single whole tomato?

[Anonymous No.17465914]

>>17462000
rather dapper

[Anonymous No.17465932]

Left water in a cast iron after cleaning it. Multiple times

[Anonymous No.17465936]

>>17465907
If I was a 50s man I'd eat and then go hit the bar with 50 smokes to rinse out the taste.
Then back to same cycle next day.
At least I can smack her around on the weekends when the drink hits too strongly. I'd make my oldest son do the same to her sister while in the same state of inebriation.

[Anonymous No.17465956]

>>17463013
Fake as fuck

[Anonymous No.17466002]

>Mom had leftover food in cast iron pot
>It's a pot she has had for 40 years or something and still cares a lot for it
>Brother was about to leave and asked if he could have some
>Mom says ok
>I tell him it's in the cast iron pot
>He takes the whole pot with him rather than scoop out a portion or two in another container
>When it comes back the lid is slightly cracked on one side because he dropped it on the way to the car
>I get chewed out because he had already left again when she noticed
>"You should have known he couldn't be arsed to fill another container anon and isn't careful with stuff"
As another site would post, am I the bad guy?
The answer is no, my mother is sometimes an emotional cunt and so was her mother who could take out their frustrations with anyone unrelated to their anger simply because it was easier.

[Anonymous No.17466018]

>>17462044
>real
>color photography only became widespread in the 60s
>muh 50's utopia
>it's real cause my /pol/brain told me so

[Anonymous No.17466025]

>>17464719
Only retards use glass in the oven in either case. It's get hotter than fuck and takes forever to cool down. Literally only grandmothers use it because they saw it on tv.

[Anonymous No.17466027]

>>17466025
Shrug, good for cooking a casserole

[Anonymous No.17466031]

>>17466027
Not really, a cast iron pan works much better or you know.

Just a regular old oven pan. More even heating and doesn't take forever to heat up.

[Anonymous No.17466046]

>>17466027
Cooking with glass in the oven is like rolling a dice.

Even if it is rated for the heat there is a chance it's going to explode in your face. There is a reason why nobody uses glass pans in industrial kitchens. Glass is just a recipe for getting shards in your food and spoiling your entire batch of any food in the vicinity of some idiot butterfingers shattering something.

[Anonymous No.17466055]

>>17466046
It is not going to explode in my face, I'm cooking a fucking stuffing casserole at 350 for less then an hour. A cast iron casserole dish does sound good though.

[Anonymous No.17466092]

>>17463084
I did this with oatmeal. just oats. I think it was actually burning inside there

[Anonymous No.17466129]

>>17465644
>noooooo it's MY turn on the wraparound chair

[Anonymous No.17466132]

>>17464844
gnarly AF
when did it happened? few months ago?

[Anonymous No.17466163]

>learn you can roast chicken directly on the oven rack to crisp up the entire outside
>try it
>forget tray below chicken to catch the grease
>grease sticks to bottom of oven and burns
>kitchen fills with smoke

[Anonymous No.17466164]

>mixing cookie dough with a heavy stand mixer
>using a spatula to scrape down the sides
>ok, everything is scraped down
>turn mixer back on
>KA-SNAP
>sounds like a bone shattering what the fuck just happened
>realize I accidentally left the spatula in the mixing bowl when I turned it back on and the wooden handle snapped in two
>no idea how I got distracted enough to make that mistake, I've made cookies hundreds of time before and never done this
>worried about splinters but it was a pretty clean break

[Anonymous No.17466170]

>>17464750
saying bitch about moms isn't nice. consider suicide

[Anonymous No.17466178]

>>17461798
>>17461793
>>17461808
>>17461839
>>17461832
I'm married to a trad woman who loves to cook. Cooks a great meal almost every night we have 1 meat, 1 veggie, 1 bread or rice or noodled based dish usually, milk so keep our bones strong. I Smoke or BBQ sometimes or sometimes she goes really elaborate but for the most part we're both good cooks and enjoy cooking. When I get home from work I walk into the door and my 2 (white) boys shout DADDY! and give m a big hug. Wife usually says "dinners ready in 10-20" whatever. Lots of people will call this a LARP but its not and its peak comfy.

Anyway my biggest cooking mistake was one time I mislabeled cinnamon and brown sugar and made cinnamon ribs on accident.

pic rel is some chicken fettuccini alfredo with homemade sauce and cheddar biscuits she made me

[Anonymous No.17466185]

>>17462214
This is really it. Its too much to ask to be left alone and not have people walk around in rainbow loin cloths.

[Anonymous No.17466188]

>>17461807
Wtf happened?

[Anonymous No.17466191]

>>17466178
>made cinnamon ribs on accident
Probably smelled good, being cinnamon and not cinnamon sugar.

[Anonymous No.17466194]

>>17466191
They didn't taste too good. Brown Sugar rubs are based. Cinnamon rubs not to much lol.

[Anonymous No.17466199]

>>17461743
First mistake ever made was when I was 1,5 years old and putting my hands against the oven glass back when the glass would get warm as fuck. Burned both my hands pretty badly, luckily no scars or anything.

[Anonymous No.17466206]

>>17464740
Because you fucking cut ties with somebody over a dream you had about them, something that literally did not happen irl. That's toddler behavior.

[Anonymous No.17466215]

>>17465813
Heh, I'm the nostalgia fag and I bet I'm close to 20 years older than you. Things were better and things are worse today. I'm sorry that you don't know what it's like to not live in a technological dystopia.

[Anonymous No.17466219]

>>17461743
>Be me several years ago
>Trying to make a chocolate cake by following a recipe I found online
>Second cake I ever made
>Improperly portion the batter, so the first layer is quite a bit bigger
>Wait for it to bake and take it out of the oven
>Put it onto a grid above my sink to let it cool
>The sponge cake is both naturally soft and undercooked in the center, so most of seeps through, right into the waterlogged dishes
>After watching this occur in despair, I pick up the chunks that didn't get soaked too badly, put them on a plate, and proceed to bake the second layer
>It comes out no more than a centimeter thick
>I cover it in frosting, and stack the remains of the first layer while gluing them together with said frosting
>The cake ended up ugly, but still delicious

[Anonymous No.17466230]

>>17466219
This is basically a dwarf fortress story

[Anonymous No.17466235]

>>17461743
>Electricfags will defend this

[Anonymous No.17466243]

>>17466178
How do I get this if I'm not.white

[Anonymous No.17466244]

>>17461743
I'm so glad I have a gas stove. And since I'm Russian, the gas bill is dirt cheap.

[Anonymous No.17466254]

>>17466219
>>The cake ended up ugly, but still delicious

cake that fell into dirty dish water?....delicious?...

[Anonymous No.17466257]

>>17466219

[Anonymous No.17466263]

>>17466254
Like I said, the bits I fished out of the sink were mostly unsoaked. Besides, a little bit of soup water can be easily covered by cocoa and several cups of sugar.

[Anonymous No.17466283]

>>17466243
Make a lot of money.

[Anonymous No.17466287]

>>17461743
I've never done anything truly bad, I have made two ridiculous cooking mistakes.
1) I wanted to make burritos but didn't realise how little of the ingredients I had when I was shopping before I came home. I ended up making mince (which didn't accept the spices I added at all, seemingly came off in the fat & water that boiled away), sour cream and white rice. It was awful in a way that I can only describe as "your parents say they're not angry, they're just disappointed in you".
2) I bought a stick blender to make mayo, fuck yeah, got all the ingredients, started blending away, but it was so watery, I couldn't understand what I did wrong and didn't have the time to try and do it again, plus I was really tired. So I packed up, cleaned everything, put all the ingredients away and threw out the watery mess, and only after I did that the mental fog cleared up and I realised I'd completely forgot the eggs. So I ended up making a mustard oil dressing (and threw it away).

[Anonymous No.17466348]

>>17466206
try dreams only reinforced my mind, dont worry big guy

[Anonymous No.17466417]

>>17461743
add another to the collection
>>17465635
The skeleton woman who ran that place did everything backwards and if she caught you doing something that wasn't the way she did it she would nag nd haunt you for the rest of the night. Despite this it was still an amazing job.

[Anonymous No.17466428]

>>17465956
It's not. In the version with sound he screams only the way someone can if boiling water got poured on them

[Anonymous No.17466585]

[Anonymous No.17466592]

[Anonymous No.17466593]

[Anonymous No.17466601]

>>17466593
>>17466585
>>17461839
Why are there no pocs in these pictures?

[Anonymous No.17466604]

>>17461831
t. Burger

[Anonymous No.17466614]

>>17462000
>junior dress as daddy for Halloween

[Anonymous No.17466624]

>>17466585
>>17466592
>>17466593
Retard, I'm actually on your side with this. But why spam a thread that has nothing to do with it? Isn't there another thread that's more relevant to this?

[Anonymous No.17466625]

>>17466601
because they're ugly

[Anonymous No.17466641]

>>17466601
what are pocs?

[Anonymous No.17466646]

>>17466641
persons of crime

[Anonymous No.17466658]

>>17462531
>He is also a professional chef
people still pretending this is a massive jump up from burger flipper?

[Anonymous No.17466670]

>>17466641
oh, colored folks. yeah no, pretty sure they wouldn't enjoy these parties anyway.

[Anonymous No.17466679]

>>17465482
Soul

[Anonymous No.17466708]

>>17462685
Not the guy you responded to, but can I just put decarbed weed in brownies? Like during the batter creation phase, I mean

[Anonymous No.17466711]

Alright guys... Here's one I'm ashamed to admit but here I go.
>Be me, retarded 17 year old at the time
>Family gone for the weekend around Christmas time
>Masturbate like a motherfucker, but that's beside the point
>Remember we have a sugar cookie recipe + all the ingredients I need
>Never baked anything before
>Read the recipe, looks pretty standard
>Fuck it.jpg
>Requires one stick of butter
>This seems strange to me as it looks like way more than I need, but remember hearing something about sugar cookies using a lot of butter
>Throw entire thing in and stir by hand
>It's extremely difficult to stir, recipe called for unmelted butter
>Throw the rest of the ingredients in and continue
>This definitely does not look right.jpg
>Stir for 30 minutes until its somewhat passable
>Form my cookies, they look extremely buttery, can see chunks of butter clearly in the cookies
>Don't give a fuck and throw it in the oven anyways
>10 minutes pass until I hear a violent sizzling in my oven
>Open oven
>Butter melted absolutely everywhere. All over the bottom of the oven, overflowing in the cookie sheet, on the walls, fucking everywhere like blitzkrieg bukakke
>What the fuck did I do??
>Turn oven off and panic, spend 2 hours cleaning before family eventually comes home
>Oven completely fucked, almost irreparably
Mfw I put an entire brick of four sticks of butter into my cookies instead of one stick.

[Anonymous No.17466728]

>>17466711
I still can't get over the fact that some countries measure ingredients by volume instead of mass.

[Anonymous No.17466753]

>>17465374
>but that would have been a proper moment to start.
Why? Only a psycho would hit a child for something so minor.

[Anonymous No.17466756]

>after straining pasta i put the empty saucepan back on the gas hob and left it on for ~3 hours
had a little black burnt onto the bottom but after scrubbing and a few years its now back to normal
>first pay check from first ever job, brought a steak and burnt my thumb pretty bad on the side of the frying pan
only a cheap steak but still first pay check memory a little soiled
>6 year old me sliced deep into my finger cutting an orange
>house mate left a 2L milk bottle on the electric hob, it melted through and milk everywhere
im still amazed at how many retards use cookers as bench space, monkey brains must think flat=workspace

[Anonymous No.17466759]

>>17465444
get an induction range instead of gas

[Anonymous No.17466763]

>>17465472
>jewish meme
Shut the fuck up, retard. This isn't /pol/

[Anonymous No.17466780]

>>17461798
Electric coil cooktops, gross yellow appliances, being required to wear uncomfortable suits, and having a crazy wife who walks around the house with a crown? I think I'll stick to the era of internet and reliable birth control, thanks.

[Anonymous No.17466797]

>>17465797
>m-midwit!
Pseud cope

[Anonymous No.17466811]

>>17466728
I measured your moms mass

[Anonymous No.17466822]

>>17466811
Where did you get such big scales?

[Anonymous No.17466829]

>>17464304
>>17465374
wtf is wrong with you?

[Anonymous No.17466836]

>>17465652
>>17465544
Which parts of that are made up? It was taken by H. Armstrong Roberts who found one of the first major stock photo companies and its available on Getty Images.
https://www.gettyimages.fi/detail/uutiskuva/1960s-family-father-mother-two-daughters-two-sons-backyard-uutiskuva/563941489

[Anonymous No.17466853]

>>17465573
No they didn't. Families gather in backyards to cook all the time. If you're upset that people don't feel obliged to wear button up long sleeve shirts everywhere, take it to /fa/.

[Anonymous No.17466864]

>>17461835
Next time feed the poor and hungry wild animals. A raccoon (and his underprivileged family) would have been delighted to eat your duck.

[Anonymous No.17466879]

>>17466708
No, the process, you can google, will transfer thc from bud to butter, thus alowing you to transfer it further to brownies or pizza or whatever

[Anonymous No.17466896]

>>17461798
Good. Imagine being forced into a certain lifestyle because of your sex.

Also the idea of "going to work" is a manmade idea created by rich capitalists to force people into making them even more money out of necessity through private property.

[Anonymous No.17466902]

>>17462040
Capped

[Anonymous No.17466922]

Took a glass tray out of the oven and onto a wet surface. Shattered it and the enchiladas were ruined.

[Anonymous No.17466932]

>>17465472
Also the most boring. Imagine just staying at home all day all by yourself several days a week with almost no interaction and when you actually do get to interact, you mostly just smile and nod like a well behaved animal. I'd either kill myself or run away.

[Anonymous No.17466942]

>>17466932
This is before people were conditioned to avoid each other so I presume they would have friends coming over to visit.

[Anonymous No.17466970]

>>17461839
What appliance is that meant to be?

[Anonymous No.17466992]

>>17461743
>be me
>11yr old sick at home alone
>decide to make fish soup for the first time
>looks good
>idiot me instead of ladeling the soup I just pour it into the bowl straight from the pot
>loose my balance and get my left arm drenched with boiling soup
>burned pretty badly but not serious
>dad arrives from work and helps me out with my burns and clean the mess in the kitchen
>later still in pain proceed to eat my soup that was left in the pot
>fish is rubbery af because I overcooked it.
>not fun

[Anonymous No.17467052]

>>17462918
>bake at 325F for 40 minutes
THC starts evaporating at about that temperature, so you would probably want to go lower.

[Anonymous No.17467066]

>>17462899
we were truly at our peak in america when every vehicle still ran on leaded fuel

[Anonymous No.17467121]

>>17461937
>Pan cooking raw pancake
>Pan with burnt pancake obviously cold

[Anonymous No.17467127]

>>17461937
Is she laughing or crying?

[Anonymous No.17467130]

>>17462158
Its still good, just eat around it

[Anonymous No.17467132]

>>17466932
Yeah, its so much more fun to go to work and slave away for 8 hours a day to make other people money (also doing exactly the fake smiling you mention). Who wouldnt prefer that to staying home with your children?

[Anonymous No.17467134]

>>17462842
She was obviously trying to hit the pancake at the person for the camera

[Anonymous No.17467159]

>>17464304
For a few months I was using bantam eggs my friends gave me. They're good, but they have much thicker shells so you have to crack them significantly harder than normal eggs. Anyway, once I switched back to normal eggs my muscle memory had set in, and I just palm smashed an egg into my countertop.

[Anonymous No.17467239]

>>17461743
I was preparing a deep frying pot for chicken and my dumb ass left the plastic cover on. The cover melted and went into the oil. I was pissed.

Captcha: SJWM8

[Anonymous No.17467308]

>>17464844
Happy late birthday bud. I'm sorry that happened. Try cast iron again some time, maybe less heat.

[Anonymous No.17467312]

>>17466728
>implying his problem was measurements
Just because your nation is one of cooklets that need a scale for everything doesn’t mean everyone who fucks up needs a scale. The instructions were unclear, a “stick” means nothing to someone unfamiliar with a kitchen

[Anonymous No.17467320]

>>17467312
Sticks of butter aren't a thing where I live.

[Anonymous No.17467323]

>>17466836
>no proof of staging
As I said.

[Anonymous No.17467326]

bump

[Anonymous No.17467329]

>>17466896
>t. Has never been employed

[Anonymous No.17467336]

>>17466194
fake as shit you literally cannot confuse the two

[Anonymous No.17467339]

>>17467329
t. has 3 jobs and is proud of it

[Anonymous No.17467350]

>>17467320
In the US, a stick of butter is always a quarter pound/half cup/eight tablespoons.

[Anonymous No.17467353]

>>17467339
>is commie
>hates the working class
Many such cases!

[Anonymous No.17467383]

>>17466025
I bake in my vintage pyrex often

[Anonymous No.17467384]

My niece during the lockdown.

[Anonymous No.17467387]

>>17462087
Was she baking a whole leek?

[Anonymous No.17467395]

>>17461795
Yeah, that only counts the first time, after drop #78, it's not at all a mistake.

[Anonymous No.17467424]

>>17463935
Wimp.

[Anonymous No.17467441]

>>17466002
>my mother is sometimes an emotional cunt
Like mother like son aye?

[Anonymous No.17467444]

>>17467395
Imagine having pictures of botched genital surgeries saved on your computer.

>>17462087
>B-But those dang tranny commies gotta be reminded that /ck/ is a neo nazi board!

[Anonymous No.17467458]

>>17461743
I had just moved to a new apartment, and it had a dishwasher. I wanted to give it a try once after a big dinner, never having owned one before, and I filled up the soap container with regular dish soap, as opposed to "dishwasher soap", which I had no idea existed.
Regular soap is designed to be quite bubbly, so I came back downstairs before bed to find half my lower floor covered in a couple inches of dense bubbles. Luckily there was no permanent damage.
>>17464304
I had a friend over for dinner once, and my girlfriend and I were cooking the meal. We had to use a few eggs for the recipe, and he eagerly jumped up and asked if he could crack them.
Apparently, he grew up not cooking at all because his mother did it for the family, and he had only recently started learning. In my head you looked exactly like he did, nervous and almost shaking about the risk of not using the proper force (and to be fair, you have to get the feel for it yourself). He did all three just fine, and he had a glowing smile the rest of the evening. I'll always remember how proud he was. Dude was 27 and a high paid engineer, not an autist at all either.

[Anonymous No.17467476]

>>17465619
>Spice is degenerate
Anon...

[Anonymous No.17467566]

>>17467444
>botched genital surgeries
>implying there is any other kind
If you believe that those who get these aren't suffering from mental illness, anon, you may want to take a week or two of deep self reflection.
>context
nvmnd, you are simply a triggered, virtue signalling moron shitting up a food mistakes bread.

[Anonymous No.17467621]

>>17466129
That's clearly Dad's chair always until he dies.

[Anonymous No.17467915]

>>17466853
He doesn't know backyard BBQ's still exist because he doesn't get invited to any of them

[Anonymous No.17467993]

>>17462918
If you put everclear under your tongue it’s going to burn and scar, retard. I know cause I did it last month trying this method

[Anonymous No.17468561]

>my dad put a pail of kerosene next to the stove
>mom was fixing breakfast, thinking the pot was filled with water
>she lifted it to make his coffee but instead a rope of fire came out
>it rose up from the stove and the pail exploded in flame
>mom went yelling for my dad
>I ended up grabbing the pail of fire and threw it out the back door
>had no idea but my mom was running inside
>it hit her square on
>I pushed her to the ground,desperate to save her and the baby she carried
>it was no good
>ma got burned bad

[Anonymous No.17468634]

>>17462000
>Manlet that smells like an ashtray and takes selfies with his drinks

The cringe, oh lord the cringe.

[Anonymous No.17468653]

>>17466178
>ice
>in wine
forget the 50's trad shit, you are a fucking degenerate

[Anonymous No.17468771]

>>17462087
Bitches mirin my toaster oven rn

[Anonymous No.17468798]

>>17468561
>my dad put a pail of kerosene next to the stove
How did your dad live long enough to pass on his genes?

[Anonymous No.17468801]

>>17462104
I masturbate to it In private and I loudly disprove of it in public

[Anonymous No.17468813]

>>17462275
The weed spoils the butter

[Anonymous No.17468860]

>>17468561
My friend almost killed my sister and her nanny
>Playing Xbox like a good edgy teen
>Friend says he is hungry
>Tell him to go grab himself something from the kitchen
>He wants to fry some mozzarella sticks
>I don't wanna
>Come on anon we can watch funny videos
>Ok
>I'm in the kitchen watching videos
>My friend is in the kitchen watching videos
>Look to the right
>Massive pot full of oil on fire
>Air extractor on fire
>Fire spreading everywhere
>I run to get the guard to call the police
>Police tells me to call the firemen and hangs up
>The fuck is the firemen number?
>Come back home and my friend managed to stop the fire by himself
>Sister and the nanny were watching TV at the back

[Anonymous No.17469088]

>>17466178
>Lots of people will call this a LARP
nah I believe it because you and millions of other braindead idiots do the same exact thing. Good for you that you're happy but don't pretend like it's something special. You're just as disposable as the next person and your super unique special one of kind children are going to end up at mundane jobs like everyone else.

[Anonymous No.17469119]

>>17465640
jesus no wonder americans are so fat every activity has to come with a fucking full course meal

[Anonymous No.17469318]

>>17465374
I assume you're black or s.american?

[Anonymous No.17469360]

>>17461795
hot tho

[Anonymous No.17469411]

>>17465640
>Honey, do you know where the baguette basket is?
>I want to make sure there's a whole baguette for each of us and the kids, and our baguette platter is too heavy to carry down to the beach.
But honestly though, look at the size of the damn shrimps on that barbie. Our own children will only have those little cocktail shrimp existing as wild-caught.
>mfw we used to be able to literally walk into the surf, pick up a monstrous lobster, and walk back onto the sand because there were so many of them

[Anonymous No.17469447]

>>17468561
I almost forgot about this book entirely, I read it in 5th grade

[Anonymous No.17469492]

>>17466055
>cast iron casserole dish does sound good
not once you've had to move it around once or twice.

[Anonymous No.17469506]

>>17461807
these stovetops are fucking retarded

[Anonymous No.17469512]

>>17465650
you don't need to cope

[Anonymous No.17469521]

>>17462894
Fucking kek

[Anonymous No.17469527]

>>17466263

[Anonymous No.17469539]

>>17461807
Stupid people shouldn't be around ovens and stoves anyways.
>>17469506
They work great actually.

[Anonymous No.17469542]

>>17469119
I'm certain these are usually bait, but I like to imagine some euro getting whipped up into an autistic rage by an advertisement from the 70s

[Anonymous No.17469597]

>>17468860
>Police tells me to call the firemen and hangs up

[Anonymous No.17469794]

>>17461743
>Boiling water
>Have to go dog-sit for cousin
>Nearly to her house
>Realize I left the burner on high with water boiling
>Turn around and rush back
>Open door
>House full of smoke
>Empty pot
>Pot is white on the bottom because it was a non-stick pot

[Anonymous No.17469800]

>>17461811
Happened to me when making meatballs.
Had to dig through a big bowl of meat, picking out peppercorns or oversized chunks.

[Anonymous No.17469863]

>>17461743
>making fried pizzas
>either dough is too soft or the filling is too wet
>turns into an absolute fucking mess
>falling apart repeatedly, sauce seeping through
>covering it in flour to try and keep things together but just making it all gummy
>one gets fried but its just a massive dough ball
>eventually throw the half finished messes in the garbage and just make normal pizza with the rest of the ingredients

Probably the angriest I've ever gotten in the kitchen. I was absolutely furious at the time trying to work with things.

[Anonymous No.17469867]

>>17466206
His subconscious was obviously telling him what he wasnt paying enough attention to in waking life, that the bitch was dangerous.
I had similar dream about a girl that played me pretty badly. She was a porcelain skinned gorgeous hooker who I dreamt about pretty early on, that she was covered in striped, kinda intimidating tattoos all over her body. After I realized she was a lying scumbag, I remembered the dream and it made sense why it was actually an unsettling dream.
The point is you have no imagination and need to listen to your dreams more, punk.

[Anonymous No.17469871]

>>17466585
>>17466592
>>17466593
>these advertisements really represent reality
Your brain is made of melted crayons

[Anonymous No.17469878]

>>17461743
>be in uni
>work freelance in publishing doing zombie-tier excel jobs to pay the bills
>want ramen
>put a pot of water to boil
>go back to work
>get lost in the zombiesphere
>smoke alarm
>mfw I burned water

[Anonymous No.17469895]

Working a small kitchen by myself, I needed a hard boiled egg for a Cobb salad some dumb bitch ordered. I threw an egg in a glass bowl with some water and popped it in the microwave for 9 minutes and went back to tending the grill/fryers. After about six minutes, a shot rang out and I hit the deck. Blew the microwave door open, bowl was smashed and there was egg everywhere. Kitchen stunk for a few hours.

[Anonymous No.17470114]

>>17466711
"stick" is a shitty measurement, half the US has a 1/2 cup stick, the other half has a 1 cup stick, and that's just here.

[Anonymous No.17470120]

>>17467350
>>17470114
incorrect.

[Anonymous No.17470132]

>>17469871
Your brain is full of hate and vitriol

[Anonymous No.17470157]

>>17461743
Almost burned my house down making a pop tart as a child when parents weren't home. Came back into the kitchen and there were like two foot flames coming from the old ass toaster, catching on a nearby apron hanging on a shelf. Didn't knwo what the fuck to do so I ran to my neighbor's house who was a fuckin' WWII fighter pilot and he ran over and took care of shit instantly. Lucky.

[Anonymous No.17470160]

>>17470132
Congratulations on being the perfect mark for advertising firms. Consumerist capitalism wouldn't work without you.

[Anonymous No.17470185]

>>17469411
Pretty sure it's chicken maryland. They're not shaped like shrimp or prawns.

[Anonymous No.17470196]

>>17461743
I was slicing carrots with a mandoline for lohikeitto (finnish salmon soup) and thought "I'm totally gonna cut myself with this if I don't use the guard" and then immediately sliced the very tip of my thumb off.

[Anonymous No.17470198]

>>17469794
>>House full of smoke
Steam bro, water turns to steam.

[Anonymous No.17470201]

>>17470196
Correct. Manolines are handy, but I'll never fucking buy one for home use. I am way more likely to fuck myself up at home.

[Anonymous No.17470206]

>>17470198
Anything smokes when you burn it

[Anonymous No.17470221]

>>17470206
Water doesn't burn bro, it boils.

[Anonymous No.17470238]

I learned that a dull knife is more dangerous than a sharp one

>at a friend's house
>must've been like 13
>his mom made pork chops
>I always decline food at people's houses (I know it's rude, I just always feel uncomfortable)
>they insist this time so much that I cave and eat dinner with them
>his mom gives me a butter knife to work with, same as her son before you assume she thought I was retarded or something
>it's a bitch to cut the pork chop
>really have to put in the elbow grease
>grip slips and I slice my thumb
Fuckers

[Anonymous No.17470245]

>>17461743
>What was your biggest kitchen mistake?
Made my whore ex-gf birthday dinner while she was out cheating on me

[Anonymous No.17470258]

>>17470238
You learned like the first thing anyone tells you about knives? Good job.

[Anonymous No.17470270]

>>17470258
Well I mean it took you a while to suck dick properly so I wouldn't be talking if I were you

[Anonymous No.17470281]

>>17470270
>Well I mean it took you a while to suck dick properly so I wouldn't be talking if I were you
How many times did he suck your dick until he got it right?

[Anonymous No.17470286]

>>17470281
About tree fiddy

[Anonymous No.17470307]

>>17462087
I fucking hate women like you wouldn't believe.

[Anonymous No.17470411]

>>17464304
That is so adorable

[Anonymous No.17470422]

>>17464071
what a hilariously large shallow bowl filled to the top to put in an overhead microwave.
I probably would have been hesitant to pick that up at counter-top level.

[Anonymous No.17470553]

>>17468860
>My friend almost killed my sister and her nanny
You were there for literally every moment that fire could have been prevented, so that's on both of you. Once the fire started, you ran off trying to find someone else to solve the problem, while he stayed behind actually solving it. Sounds like you have some serious difficulty accepting responsibility.
That's not a kitchen fuckup, that's a life fuckup.

[Anonymous No.17470657]

>>17463013
it's fake
clever how he makes sure the stove is hot first so he gets the burst of steam from it but I see no evidence the water out of the microwave was ever hot

[Anonymous No.17470679]

>>17462842
mad at women

[Anonymous No.17470701]

>>17462951
>puts it back