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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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17188978 No.17188978 [Reply] [Original]

>mom tells me to open the dough tube
>peel back the label
>see the seam in the cardboard
>shakily grip a butter knife
>utter a prayer to God under my breath
>line the knife up with the seam
>apply the slightest bit of pressure and clench my eyes shut
>nothing
>open my eyes
>FUCKING BLAMMO KID, SHIT YOURSELF AND DIE
Honestly, is there a more terrifying food?

>> No.17188985

>>17188978
Do you also fall to the floor shitting and pissing yourself when the carbonation hisses out of a soda?

>> No.17188988

>>17188978
Just use your thumb to press the back of a spoon along the seam. They pop right away.

>> No.17189011

>>17188988
It doesn't matter how it pops, it's the popping itself which is terrifying.

>> No.17189191
File: 15 KB, 290x270, 1340088592524.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
17189191

>>17188978
I miss these tubes so much... Pillsbury stopped selling these delicious doughs so long ago in my country. When my mom would fly to Canada, she'd bring me back a few cylinders of breadsticks for me.

>> No.17189205
File: 515 KB, 500x500, 1632528278110.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
17189205

Where are my fellow counter top tube smacking Chads?

>> No.17189208

>>17189205
I'm here, anon

>> No.17189222

>compressed nitrogen literally shoots at your eyes: the food container design
nothin personnel kid

>> No.17189336
File: 60 KB, 800x450, bacon loaf.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
17189336

>>17188978
i put bacon wrapper meatloaf on mine

>> No.17189338

>>17188978
i just smack on the edge of the counter and pops right open

>> No.17189339
File: 74 KB, 800x450, Bacon wrapped meatloaf.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
17189339

>>17189336
i suck at taking good pics

>> No.17189341

>>17188978
>dough comes in tunes in America
What a marvelous country

>> No.17189343

>>17188978
I've always seen these but thought they were gay. Are they worth keeping on hand if you hate making dough?

>> No.17189374

>>17188978
I just grab both ends and twist away from eatchother.

>> No.17189401

>>17189343
>Are they worth keeping on hand if you hate making dough?

They are a good substitute for actual bread the same way Cheese Whiz is a good substitute for actual cheese.

>> No.17189405

>>17189343
they're pretty awesome. I can make bread that's better than what I can get in the store but I've yet to be able to make biscuits better than these

>> No.17189406

>>17189205
This is the only way I can open these fucking nightmares in a can.

>> No.17189418

>>17188978
>Honestly, is there a more terrifying food?
Use the front edge of a backwards-facing spoon. Push right on one edge of the seam gently It'll help. That curve will release the pressure and not much more. I have found this far less scary.

>> No.17189483

just smack it on the laminate countertop

>> No.17189491

>>17188978
Are these things yeasted or baking powder?

>> No.17189522
File: 494 KB, 600x386, 1630589369380.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
17189522

>>17189205
>>17189338
>>17189483
How my ma always did it, yeah. Just beat the fucking thing on the counter till it pops.

>> No.17189820

>>17189491
Probably some horrific industrial food chemical

>> No.17189828

>>17189205
Present.

>> No.17190039

Guys we had this same thread last week

>> No.17190055

>>17189820
Ingredients for Pilsbury Grands biscuits
>Enriched Flour Bleached (wheat flour, niacin, ferrous sulfate, thiamin mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), Water, Soybean and Palm Oil, Sugar, Hydrogenated Palm Oil, Baking Powder (sodium acid pyrophosphate, baking soda, sodium aluminum phosphate). Contains 2% or less of: Vital Wheat Gluten, Dextrose, Fractionated Palm Oil, Salt, Potassium Chloride, Xanthan Gum, Mono and Diglycerides, Preservatives (TBHQ, citric acid), Butter, Color Added, Natural and Artificial Flavor.

>> No.17190061

>>17189491
Baking powder.

>> No.17190068

>>17188978
i have lost at least 5 years of my life due to these motherfuckers.
i wish fauci would fix this like he did the pandemic

>> No.17190153

>>17190055
OH BOY, aluminum

>> No.17190444

>>17189205
The best way to do it

>> No.17190462

>>17190153
aluminum is common in chemical leavening, if you eat pancakes that's what that is

>> No.17190500
File: 152 KB, 1080x1350, 1638725415490.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
17190500

>> No.17190575

>>17190462
I don't eat pancakes

>> No.17190594

>>17190462
>buying pancake mix
>buying things without reading
Based retard

>> No.17190598

I have no idea what any of you are talking about. What happened to that tin?

>> No.17190616

>>17188978
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-b8GA3U15Xo
BOOM NIGGA

>> No.17190637

>>17188985
It is a scary phenomenon.

>> No.17190668

Pussies.
I do the counter method, but instead of the counter I whack it agains the side of my head.
If one of my kids is around I generally just squeeze the tube with my teeth to make it pop.
Why yes, I do take boiling noodles out of the pot with my hand to test if they are done. Gotta keep the children in awe.

>> No.17190681

Just squeeze and twist with your hands. There’s very little more satisfying than something you squeeze so hard it pops.

>> No.17190682

had a funny experience with Pilsbury cinnamon rolls (the kids like the orange flavor) a month ago apparently a tube fell out of the shopping bag and was rolling a round the driver’s seat for about a week; when I spotted it, it looked well-sealed without any bulges so I thought I’d play steveMRE1989 and see what surprise awaited me inside; no odd smells, nothing to give away the horror lurking inside; I opened the can in the usual “fuck-me-I hate-jack-in-the-box-jump scares” way using the back of a spoon; when I say the can exploded, I mean 4lbs of tannerite hit with a 30.06 round kind of explosion; the explosion bruised the hand holding the can, bruised my forehead from the shrapnel of the lid (or the frosting cup, no telling which hit me) and sprayed festering alcohol-e.coli smelling rotten dough all over the kitchen, ceiling, stove, dog, and stairs; oddly the frosting stayed intact and smelled fine
newfound respect for the package engineers who keep the dough inside those flimsy cardboard cans

>> No.17190757

>>17190681
I miss my guinea pigs.

>> No.17190796

>>17190757
Lol

>> No.17190803

>>17188988
why not just use your thumb? these aren't dangerous right?

>> No.17190860

I don't live in america and I never seen any of these here, what the fuck are you guys going on about? Does it like explode?

>> No.17192068

>>17190860
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4-iLguny8c

>> No.17192168

I just use a spoon or thumb

>> No.17192208

>>17190598
Thats how its supposed to open. Its a pressurized tube of cardboard that you pop. Was very nerve-wracking to open as a kid.

>> No.17192488

>>17190682
Really wish you had filmed this

>> No.17192503

What the fuck you wristlets you just twist the tube

>> No.17192513

>>17192503
That bruises the dough you caveman. Knife edge preserves the perfect triangular geometry of the croissants.

>> No.17192523

I swear these things used to be weaker, like just peeling the label off would open them and you never had to use any force

>> No.17192535

>>17188978
que?

>> No.17193066

>>17192523
The plastic lining is thicker now to control people hormonally

>> No.17193137

>>17189339
>used sashimi knife for fucking meatloaf
based retard

>> No.17194065

>>17188985
KEK

>> No.17194099

>>17189205
Thumbpress and twist masterrace here. Get fucked counter smackers.

>> No.17194489

The dignified knife and spoon wielder
VS
The barbaric counter basher
VS
The apelike and savage tube twister

>> No.17194534

>>17188978
I know right? It always feels like this to open the dough cans. very scary.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4-iLguny8c
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtfN__d6HJA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZHnNrgzsl0

>> No.17195016

>>17190500
Guy Fieri is based?

>> No.17195143
File: 70 KB, 679x665, 1569339478112.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
17195143

>>17190055
>Xanthan Gum
Fuck this bacterial slime, I had bouts of mysterious, painful diarrhea for years until I was able to trace it down to this. Literally lurking in everything, hidden near the bottom of the ingredients list, waiting. Why the fuck do biscuits even need this.

>> No.17195349
File: 73 KB, 800x450, baconmeatloaf.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
17195349

>>17193137
i cut on the glass dish also

>> No.17195375

>>17189205
Real nigga role call

>> No.17195382

>>17188978
My sis looks at me like I'm a complete sociopath when I crack these open by hand. What the fuck that's literally the normal way to do things. Why do people act like it's going to go off like a bomb?
Are you afraid to let a tape measure retract automatically, too?

>> No.17195391

>>17195382
>Are you afraid to let a tape measure retract automatically, too?
I once cut my finger so deep I had to get stiches as a kid. that shit's no joke.

>> No.17195702

>>17195382
>Are you afraid to let a tape measure retract automatically, too?
BRO can I get a fuckin trigger warning on that

>> No.17195725

>>17195382
They are afraid. This is a board full of cowards who are scared of sugar and seed oils, for fucks sake, any sudden noise would make these pansies shit their pants.

>> No.17195828

>>17188978
looks like yours came without dough

>> No.17196532

>>17195382
growing up I always got my mom to let me open these biscuits because i thought it was fun. I stopped liking it that much as a teen but still humored her because i know she thought she was being a good mother
I guess what I am saying is america is full of pussies

>> No.17196597

>>17195016
Always has been

>> No.17196610

>>17189205
This works great. What is wrong with these people? It pops a tiny bit. You can open it easily with your hands and nothing ever happens. Wait until the faggots find out about opening champagne.

>> No.17196624

>>17189339
Looks good fren

>> No.17196637

>>17189191
What a weird fucking kid you must have been

>> No.17196665

>>17189343
Yeah they have their uses and I say this as someone who is proud of their homemade biscuit making capabilities. The large canned biscuits are good for things like pigs in a blanket and monkey bread

>> No.17197456
File: 77 KB, 395x273, bitch-man-up.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
17197456

>>17188978

>> No.17197539

>>17189205
I'm a "smack it on the corner of the kitchen cabinet" guy, but we are all brothers!

>> No.17197552
File: 60 KB, 975x1031, Subway occult.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
17197552

>>17189205
my brother

>> No.17197568

>>17195016
had the same sort of thought.

but yeah, hes pretty popular on here especially when hes brought up in opposition to bourdain

>> No.17197632

>>17188978
My mom had one fucking detonate when I was helping her prepare a meal two months back. Just flat out exploded like a firecracker. Dough went fucking everywhere and some smacked her in the face. That's the first time in her 55 years of cooking experience that it ever happened. It put the fear of God in both of us. We'd just bought it but it was a week past the expiration date apparently. I don't know why it grenaded though.

>> No.17197643
File: 31 KB, 500x181, Romanbullfresco.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
17197643

>>17194489
We have a long history of twisting tubes around here.

>> No.17197657

>>17195143
It's a polysaccharide, it only begins as a bacterial soup. It's not harmful to most people, but bodies are fucking weird and will drop antibodies for anything

>> No.17198065

>>17188978
>peel back the paper
>punch until it pops open

>> No.17198963

>he doesn't just push down in the seam with a spoon
Alternatively, if your a real he man woman hater then you can just slap it hard on the edge of a counter.

>> No.17199559

>>17197632
The dough was probably fermenting in the tube. Either your mom left it out for too long or the grocery store fucked up.

>> No.17200288

>>17195391
You are the only joke here funny man

>> No.17200372
File: 57 KB, 467x347, kipferl_01.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
17200372

My mom would just hit it on the kitchen counter and it pops up.

Love me some Kipferl with apricot marmelade inside!

>> No.17202167

>>17195349
Are...Are you Mark Zuckerberg?

The 'tism, acting vaguely human, and sweetbabyrays is setting off some flags anon

>> No.17202241

Just press the seam with your thumbnail ffs

>> No.17202967

>>17189205
this is how you know yours is ripe, the gasses have pressurized enough to explode on impact

>> No.17203543

>>17202167
just a light glaze baked on, i'm not dipping in it like some turbo fatty. Plus this is a once a year meal i make for thanksgiving because i'm not the biggest fan of turkey

>> No.17203617

christ just smack it with your knuckles you pansies.

>> No.17203730

>>17189205
I smack that shit on my head